Why can't you accept that she and i are JUST FRIENDS?

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dresscloset

New Member
i also have the same problem.. there is a gal keeps smsing my bf..keeps asking him to acc her.. and my bf will actually go and acc her. They even went out alone for meals and movies. But i feeling very uncomfortable about it..though he will inform me that they are going out together. During a small gathering, the gal and her friend acted very friendly to me in front of my bf, but at his back, they gave me a smirking look. I feel so hurt about it.. i dont know what my bf told them.

And because of all these.. i actually quarrelled with him... feeling so insecure.. he told me that they are just friends.. and i dont trust him..I dont know what to do le.. just keep to myself..:tconfused:
 
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sugarcookie

Active Member
I don't think guys and girls can really be "just friends". They can be acquaintances but if they are close, eventually sparks will fly. If it is not the guy who gets attracted to the girl, then it is the girl who will get attracted to the guy.
 
Spiralng

Spiralng

Well-Known Member
dresscloset said:
i also have the same problem.. there is a gal keeps smsing my bf..keeps asking him to acc her.. and my bf will actually go and acc her. They even went out alone for meals and movies. But i feeling very uncomfortable about it..though he will inform me that they are going out together. During a small gathering, the gal and her friend acted very friendly to me in front of my bf, but at his back, they gave me a smirking look. I feel so hurt about it.. i dont know what my bf told them.

And because of all these.. i actually quarrelled with him... feeling so insecure.. he told me that they are just friends.. and i dont trust him..I dont know what to do le.. just keep to myself..:tconfused:
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Keep coooool. This is one of the other girl evil plan to piss u off. If u quarrel with your BF, then u r falling into her trap. Most of the time, it's easy to feel fustrated and uneasy cos your bf belongs to u and not her so if BF stick with you, she got nothing to lose cos not hers in the first place but if BF fall for her, it's bouns cos her plan works.

Control your temper. Be even nicer to your BF that way, your BF hv no excuse to go to the other girl.
 
*cynn.89llaluby

*cynn.89llaluby

Member
sometimes the sparkles is just for excitement...

euu have to gauge and know what ur bf/hubby would do till his maximum extend... sorry my english........
bad english

but what i mean is... if ur bf/hubby noes his limit... then harmless sparkles/ harmless flirt is nothing ba

to the extend of... meet gerr-fren........... heartbeat bommbommbomm excitement can le... no further stuff...........
 
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Xalacy

New Member
Endoh said:
This can be a very extensive scenario to be discussed.

What I observed is that, some of these girls do not break up others for the joy of it. Somehow, there is this inferiority about themselves to begin with. Subsequently, this inferiority becomes a driving force to win over men - or we can say, deriving their self-worth by such conducts. No doubt it's wrong, it can be quite pitiful to end up resorting to this to get their self-worth. They are of value, they are still desirable etc.

Of course, what cause the sense of inferiority is another touchy topic itself. Some of us would jump the gun and say they think too much. I do come across individuals who are inferior because of tormenting past experiences with the opposite gender.
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I seem to agree with this point; this girl feel inferior in herself. But if i agreed with this, I am finding any excuse for what she had done.

CanCanMum, I was looking for solution and came across to this old posting from you. I hope thing are fine now for you and your husband.

I dont know how to start off my story.

In Jan 2016, I took the courage and confronted my husband. Of course, he dont admit in the 1st place and said that I am thinking too much.
And ask what evidences do I had. He told me dont ruin our relationship with this silly thinking. Actually, I did had the evidences- I saw the "i LOVE u" massage he sent to her!! But i didnt mention that out. I told him dont lie and treat me like a fool. I kept quite becos i know I need more evidences.

I called the girl out. I saw her a few times. My husband intro her to us with no hiding. He even invite her to our baby shower and twice to our hse for dinner! He wanted to make things look normal; that both of them are just friend that can click well. Hello!!! she was like 9yrs younger than him!! click well???

I cut the story short. I called the gal out after my husband denial everything. The gal actually look very innocent and quite. When I confront her, I still want to believe that maybe is true. They are just good friends. Again, she denial like what my husband did. She even have the guts to told me they always go out in a group and in pubic places, what can they do! I still feel a relief as they did not have body contact! how stupid I am... I did not slap or scolded her. turned out I was comforting her! What a failure I am! I actually comforting the 3rd party gal!! And she dare to say she just want to treat us like family....

But some how i knew I cant buy in to both sides stories. I continued to press my husband. He did not admit directly but wanted to start all over again with me. However, he ask even if he continue as normal friend with her is not ok? She was alone her (She was a malaysian) with no much friends. I was like.... U mean u cannot get over her?? I told him dont contact her for time being can? he nodded.
But he did not kept his promises. He still texting her. That was when I had more evidences. They actually went to hotel, her rental house, even in the public!!! HE even use texting and video call her to clear his urge!!! That's explain why he always on the phone and hide in the toilet!!! I could believe when I was reading their disgusting texting! And the gal, have the gut to told me they did nothing. I purposely called the gal again and asked her she went hotel with him? She denial and even told me how I know he book hotel and comfort me that maybe he help others do the booking. I confronted my husband and he also replied the same thing. Well, looks like she told him i looked for her.

In feb, my husband suddenly told me he cleared everything with her. But she only have one condition is hoping to have a chance, after the incident is over, to visit my baby. When he told me the news, he was crying. Crying very badly. I was thinking, his cried was becos I forced them to breakup or he feel sorry to me? I told him I did prepare for the worst. I am oki to leave becos I saw his text to her. He wished she was his wife and cannot live without her. He have no much feeling of me...
He told me dont doubt his love for me. He will slowly get back to me.

Now, yes, things seem better. He will text me where he is and what he is doing. But in the past he also did that. And the gal was just beside him! He not always on the phone. We communicate more and he showing more concerns to me and baby.

I dont want to doubts his love and changes, but I cant help it. I feel that he is only containing the whole thing. Bcos he ever text her if she ever left him or he has to lost him, he rather die. I ever told him, if he really have no love, please let me go. Dont make me stay becos of his "face". He didnt want ppl to call him the "bad guy". I feel his coming back is bcos of he dont want friends or relatives to say behind his back.

I have doubt now becos he now locked his phone!....
Should I dig further? or remind dumb? Since he is committed to me and the house now. But somehow, I feel the love is not there.

I have thoughts of creating a story to him that a I am having an affairs, and wanted to see if he care!
 
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SophieLovesKitttens

New Member
Xalacy said:
I have thoughts of creating a story to him that a I am having an affairs, and wanted to see if he care!
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You shouldn't try to fight fire with fire! Don't start this idea of creating an 'affair', it'll only hurt you and your relationship. Everything begins with you, if you want your relationship to improve, you have to take charge. Put more effort into your relationship, to try and help it grow. If his heart continues to be elsewhere, be decisive and divorce him, because you'll forever be living half a life!
 
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Xalacy

New Member
SophieLovesKitttens said:
You shouldn't try to fight fire with fire! Don't start this idea of creating an 'affair', it'll only hurt you and your relationship. Everything begins with you, if you want your relationship to improve, you have to take charge. Put more effort into your relationship, to try and help it grow. If his heart continues to be elsewhere, be decisive and divorce him, because you'll forever be living half a life!
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I hear u. I knew i shldnt use fire to stop a fire. But i am confused.
I really not sure how truthful is he now. I cant help to doubt him bcos now he locked his hp. I knew he wanted to hide something from me. Yes maybe he really put her down. And is only showing concerns to her as a friend. But they were once so intimate and enjoy each other on bed. I cant help but to think if i still let them continue be friend, will they re start the relationship again?
Actually i really put down alot and wanted to forgive the gal.
But really afraid my forgiveness is a chance for them to reconcile again...
 
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