Would you allow your Hubby to go for Overseas business Trips?

[Gem2505]

hi mums,

just need to vent myself out and see whether im the Abnormal Demanding mum/wife.

my hubby will be away from SG for 3 weeks end of this month.
beforehand, he only say he might be going. but without much discussion, he just simply agreed to his boss to go for this trip. after agreeing then he told me about it.
really pissed off with my hubby and this issue cant be solved at all. everytime when we talk about this, sure have alot of arguements n im so sick of it!

i totally gave up giving my opinion or comment further coz i see no point in talking at all.
my girl is only 7months old. we live on our own house. my place, not near to the mrt, need to walk about 10mins to the bus stop then another 3 stops to the mrt. quite troublesome actually.
i have to push the pram daily to work coz my girl attends the infant care above my office. with my hubby around, he will drive us up and down. but now, i dunno how to handle.

with no other choices, i had to move to my mum place for 3 weeks n sleep on the mattress or the sofa every night. bb gets to slp at the yao lan. ya, more people to acc us and look aft bb. im happy.
but the part on, agreeing to go for the company business trip pissed me off seriously.

to add on, there're no extra allowance. co give about 80euros per day. n he has to pay for his meals on his own. meals not inclusive in the trip. horrible n stingy co. n worst, dont even need to think about promotion in the co coz its a small co with less than 10 staffs. we argued multiple times and i foresee this is going to be never ending argue until he leaves this co which i dont he will. its almost like a monthly trip. sometimes 3 days. 5 days. 1 week. to batam, malaysia, germany, london. i guess china will be up soon.

another reason that makes me opposing all these trips, other than the less time spent with me n baby, i simply dont trust man going overseas and being a "good" man. its not talking about how i SHOULD trust my hubby. but i believe, given chances like this would increase the possibility of having affair outside. well, i dont need his money coz i paid for my own expenses and all baby's expenses. talking about earning more money for the family, i dont think there's even a need coz we're already comfortable now. i rather not earn more and have a simple stable job.

would any dads out there leave their wife n young kid at home for such a long period?

 

[diymummy]

Re: 80 Euros per day
That is considered an allowance and the thing is, you won't spend up to 80 Euros a day even if you add 3 meals together. 80 euros x 21 days = 1680 euros which is equivalent to SGD3360, assuming that he would be paid 80 Euros as well during weekends.

Re: No promotion in a small firm
That's regardless of the case. Even if it's a small firm and your husband may intend to job hop after, having been abroad would be something really nice to put in a resume especially since he's being sent to Europe and not an Asian country. (Well, I assume he's going to Europe since he's going to spend in Euros).

Moreover, since he has been travelling, I believe the company has expansion plans and since he has been with the company, he would also be in the forefront for promotion if that happens.

Re: Not trusting him being overseas
I believe marriage and love is based on trust. If you can't trust him being overseas because you're afraid he would be unfaithful, him being in Singapore wouldn't ease that fear any bit just because you are able to see him more often. I would encourage you to learn to trust your husband.


My husband flies every month as well. His longest stint was 3 weeks as well. Although when he tells me his schedule to fly, I will be very sian about it, we do go around making necessary arrangements so that it wouldn't be too hard on myself. For me, I live on my own with my husband and son. When my husband flies, I drive everywhere and do everything on my own with my son. Do I miss my husband and wish he is around on weekends to play with my son? Hell yes.

It's always a trade-off for what you want. I believe your husband can remain in Singapore and leave the flying to someone else or even change a job. Is that the career progression that he wants? Being based in Singapore could also possibly mean earning less. Is that what you want and what he wants?

I myself used to fly twice a month for abt half a year before I got pregnant. I didn't even get a single cent from my company as daily expense. Sometimes I even pay for my own meals at my own expense and I am working for a company with staff strength of over 200 in Singapore alone.

My point is, you reap what you sow. If you want your hubby to stay in SG, don't blame him later on for complaining that he hasn't progressed in rank and file for the last x years. If you don't trust your husband, even late nights spent out would arouse your suspicions.

I'm sure he can understand things from your perspective. Try also to understand his perspective. Living together is all abt working together and making a few compromises here and there for the marriage to grow. If everything stagnates, what growth is there to speak of?

 

[PinkDiamonds]

You need to calm down and have a good look at the situation.

My husband does not go overseas, but his working hours can be very irregular and unpredictable. This means that today he might tell me that he has no appointments, but later in the afternoon he may tell me that he has a last minute appointment in the evening and will be home late. Do I trust him? I cannot expect him to call and ask me whether he can go for appointments. Sometimes he is so busy he forgot that I told him a week ago that I am meeting my friends tonight. But because he had made that appointment already, I readily sacrifice my meet-up with my friends.

I believe that if your husband had the opportunity to discuss it with you, he will. Perhaps at that point of time his boss wanted him to make a quick decision, or else the opportunity would have gone to someone else. Or he simply jumped at the chance knowing what learning opportunities he is going to get. I believe that as a husband and as a father of your child, he just wants the best for the family. If going overseas to help with the company's growth, it will also mean that he will be credited for the hard work.

I would think about him working in a small company as this - small company means he is more valued as a staff than a company of 200 people. His boss values him, which is why they trust him to go overseas and complete the tasks. His chance of career advancement is also higher. I also would not see the company as "stingy." If you have worked in a small company which has just started off like I did, with a manpower strength of less than 10, you will know that money needs to be well-handled. My ex-boss valued me a lot, and I believe that if the company could afford it, I would have been better paid and enjoyed more benefits. I trusted my boss because over time I built a good working relationship with her, and through her actions I can tell that she trusts me a lot, values my contribution to the company however small, and is a very good boss.

A small company needs time to progress. If your husband had quit and moved on to a bigger company, do you think he will be as valued in the company? I have worked in small and big companies before, and I can tell you that it is the smaller ones who gave me the most benefits when they do well, and they are the ones who really value your worth and give you a lot of chances if you made mistakes. A big company will just tell you too bad.

I don't think you are abnormal, nor will I say that you are demanding. You are a first time mom, and I know it can be very hard to manage things alone on your own. I was once like this. We live in our own house too and I know things can be really overwhelming.

Shortly after I had my 1st baby, I was pregnant with twins. Things were tough because I couldn't go out alone, and imagine I had to push a pram with a very big tummy! Now I am also managing things along. I push a twin stroller to walk my #1 to child care and back home. Sometimes if hubby can he will send her to child care instead, but I tell myself not to count on that because his schedule is unpredictable.

And another story. My friend married a Taiwanese who used to work in UK. Since they were married, they had a long-distance marriage. My friend work in Singapore. Then she got pregnant. So she went through most of her pregnancy on her own, without her hubby by her side. Her hubby also almost couldn't make it when she delivered her baby.

My point is that if you put your mind to it and believe that it's doable, I am quite sure you will be able to manage well on your own. Moms have a great ability to adapt to overcome challenges! Just need to believe that you can do it on your own, and trust that your hubby just wants you and baby to have a good life.

 

[Gem2505]

Thanks mums for your sharing. Just pissed that we didnt had discussion beforehand.
given my girl is only 7mths old. alot of attention needed. n ya, first time mum, very paranoid on everything.
she had a KK appt on the first week of Oct, which means, her dad is not going to be around.
i dont get to drive coz my work place dont have parking lot for staff, unless we pay as normal rates which is $30 per day. not worth parking.
i guess, everyone have different opinions and comments. well, consulted many of my friends ( dads and mums ),
surprisingly, all said that he should not have gone for this trip.
so fan. but well, i have to live with it.

talking about trust, i've seen too many cases of affairs and divorce cases, started off with OVER TRUST. so, i just have to protect myself and my girl. im prepared to bring up my girl on my own any time. just dont rely on my hubby too much.

 

[PinkDiamonds]

There are a lot of cases of affairs and divorces. I do not believe it's over-trusting or not. Do we blame the wife/husband for over-trusting his/her spouse when there is adultery? I don't think so. There is most likely an underlying cause which the couple did not work on, prior to the affair or divorce. It could be difference in expectations, communication breakdown, etc. But because of all these, do you want to put your marriage at risk too? Don't forget that marriages also breakdown because the wife or husband is too paranoid, always suspect there is cheating when there really isn't. I don't think you want to go down that road too, nobody wants to.

Remember the oath you took when you got married? No matter what happens, you will stick to your husband. Through better or worse. In my humble opinion, I sometimes feel that couples prefer to take the easier way out. They are convinced that nothing they do can help the marriage to be happy again. That's why they go through the divorce road.

Anyway that was out of topic! Back to the discussion.

I understand the stress that you are going through. Back then when my baby was around your child's age I had my own worries too. ABout how I was going to cope without hubby around. But I did! So I truly believe you can too! I don't think you want your husband to worry about you all the time when he is at work, and cannot focus right?

Rather than being pissed off at him for not discussing with you in advance, at which you will most likely say no anyway, why not ask him to tell you why he chose to go? Show him that you just don't understand why he made the decision so soon without asking you, but in a nicer way. Ask him for what benefits he think this posting can do to his career and experience. Perhaps you can also ask him what would he not get if he hadn't gone. NICELY. Nobody wants to pick a fight over such matters. Your marriage is worth more than that!

 

[diymummy]

When you do not fully give, you will not be able to fully receive.

 

[missyqiqi]

Actually I'm ok with my hubby going for overseas trip. There's one time he rejected one overseas trip even though is only 1 week, he rejected because I'm preggy now. But I did say him next time don't reject, since is only one week not one year! And recently the company ask him to go again but this time round is only 3 days, I ask him go ahead. Because no matter a company he's working right now is small or big, in case he need to advance his career at least a overseas working experience is good for resume. To me guys job is their ego. If they don't do well or excel well they will feel inferior or depress so that's why I encourage him. And since I have other family members to take care of me I'm still in good hands. Of coz when I'm going to give birth he better be around..

As for not trusting him in going overseas, I believe if a guy want to stray no matter how near or how far he go, he will find ways and means to stray. Some guys not need to go overseas, they can stray in Singapore. My hubby did tell me when we are dating, he said relationship most important thing is trust, if either one of us break the trust or don't trust each other, we will be having a difficult life. So try to trust ur hubby and let him understand that if he want to gain ur trust is best to discuss the issues together. But try to understand the reason for him going and the reason behind it. Don't straight away reject, that will make him feel that no point discussing with u since u will reject

 

[Gem2505]

thanks for all sharing. guess i was over sensitive, paranoid and over heated.
after reading and some deep thots, i've cooled down and opened my mind about it.
apologized to hubby on my harsh words..
well, at least i get to see my bb everyday and spend more time with her alone.
not forgetting, its a good time for me to catch up with my friends since my mum will look after bb for me. =)

 

[missyqiqi]

good that u r happier right now. there's one period of time when we come back from honeymoon, my hubby went for reservist and company trip almost about 1 month even though there's a break in between, I also told him I can meet up my friends, haha.. make him feel so unimportant.. >.<.. don't worry gal, right now ur baby is more important because ur girl needs ur love and attention more.

Maybe ask ur hubby to msg or call u every night to make sure things are alright. Tell him u r not checking of him but since he got wife and a child is his responsibility to make sure he is safe and sound in a foreign country.

 

[Gem2505]

good that u r happier right now. there's one period of time when we come back from honeymoon, my hubby went for reservist and company trip almost about 1 month even though there's a break in between, I also told him I can meet up my friends, haha.. make him feel so unimportant.. >.<.. don't worry gal, right now ur baby is more important because ur girl needs ur love and attention more.

Maybe ask ur hubby to msg or call u every night to make sure things are alright. Tell him u r not checking of him but since he got wife and a child is his responsibility to make sure he is safe and sound in a foreign country.

think we will have alil difficulty in talking over the phone coz of the difference in time zone. will try to accomodate and work things out. told him to email me everyday. n i will reply with bb's latest "tricks" and pics.
recently my mood like roller coaster. so alot of nonsense from me these 2 weeks. think my work also stressed up and
looking aft bb every night on my own coz hubby just slp soundly n hack care. -_-" didnt have enough slp & didnt slp well each night. took half day off tml for myself to take a break with my mum n cousin with my bb. maybe some shopping spree would be a good idea.

 

[crystalpink]

Yes, n i got no choice anyway. Frm the very 1st day that i kw him, his job requires him to travel. Basically i can understd yr concern n worries abt him that he may go astray etc n that u hv difficulty in taking care of yr baby, but don't u feel its always better to widen his exposure so that it helps in his career if he wish to job hop in future?

For me, I don't hv a baby at the moment but fm the day I married my hubby, I hv to learn to "settle" everythg by myself n i did not even move to my mum's place even my hubby goes for reservist or biz trips.. Im timid by nature, n the place that i stay is quite quiet, I tell myself that i hv to learn to be independent though i feel that im not.
Im afraid of lizards, cockroaches n when he is not ard, I will live in fear.. As time goes by, im use to it. My hubby needs to fly the most 2 to 3 times per mth, one trip ard 5 days, the most is up to 3 wks. To Europe, China, HK, Malaysia, India..etc
There was a period where he nd to travel to Shanghai for a couple of mths n lasted for a few yrs, n could only come bk once in 6 mths! I really hated the idea..n almost wanted to cry ...later the boss suggested to let the wife go 2gether, but i couldn't bare to sacrifice my career here so eventually my hubby turned dw the offer. But still got to travel to China. I prefer to let him travels n comes bk rather than to station there for yrs on a contractual basis... at least i can still see him. Im also concern of those China woman there,but somehw still nd to trust him, as i hv frds who face same situation as me, but they don't seem to hv any prob with their relationship n kids.

On the other hand, I feel that couples will tend to treasure their spouse more when one nds to travel frequently, n perhaps less quarrels also. If tend to see daily, probably will get tired with each other easily..sometimes more conflicts if family is expanding. So, i feel it is also a gd way to spice up marriage life. For me, i will always miss my hubby badly esp if he is away for 2 to 3 wks..but when i receive his oversea call , it really lightens up my day! Though sometimes he calls at a very weird hr fm Switzerland or Germany but i will still appreciate that.:001_302: If not, we will communicate thru email.

As regards to the biz trip allowance, I think try not to overspend i guess shd be enough rgt? nowadays co. don't give extra frm my knowledge. I guess yr hubby's co is already not bad cos still give in advance b4 he fly rgt?? My hubby has to pay for his own but will reimburse him in full when bk..as most of the meals are provided by the subsidiary co there. Accomodation co already settled for him, so he hardly forks out any cash, even there is, he can still claim when he is bk.

 

[Gem2505]

crystalpink,
having a baby around will make it more difficult for me to be alone at home. if without a kid around, im ok to be alone at home. same as u, im very timid too. if a cockroach appear, think i will go crazy. haha! im also afraid of darkness. worst than u. coz bb started infant care, so everyday have to do laundry, sweep floor. its very tiring if im going to handle that alone. plus i cant bring bb to the centre by my own. thats why im so irritated about this whole incident. i had to trouble my family member to look after bb for me, send me to mrt or work place n picks me home after i knock off n pick bb up. this was the main issue on why from the start im very negative about all this.

i was so resistant abt this is also trying to tell him, he should discuss with me everything before making decision. if now, im the one going overseas, im very very very sure, he will not be able to handle the situation if im not ard and will definitely not agree about me leaving him n bb at home. even during weekends whereby i go out for a few hours, he will pick bb to his mum place until im back. i shall see if this day will come. he just dont understand what im trying to imply and just think everything he does is right. -_-"

abt his allowance, not sure he take first then go or come back then claim. only breakfast is provided in the hotel. other than that, all on his own le.

we have to communicate thru email most of the time le. good also la. talk more, later quarrel. ha. agree on the point that, lesser time spend also will make us treasure each other more and the "lesser" quarrel part. sometimes really so pissed off that i just shut my mouth and dont bother to talk.

was trying to explain to him that, i agree work is important, but baby is equally important. i suppose everyone will have different in their priority. im willing to quit or switch my job anytime if there's a need just for my baby. its a very important growing up process for my girl which i wont want to miss it. if there's a need to be a stay at home mum, im all ready to do it and go back to work afew years later etc.

last night, he say need to go KL for dunno 1 week or so. i just keep quiet and see how he will react. i dont think i will tolerate if he goes away every month. if once or twice a year i still can tahan. if more, i think i will make a big fuss again.

 

[miccghar]

crystalpink,
having a baby around will make it more difficult for me to be alone at home. if without a kid around, im ok to be alone at home. same as u, im very timid too. if a cockroach appear, think i will go crazy. haha! im also afraid of darkness. worst than u. coz bb started infant care, so everyday have to do laundry, sweep floor. its very tiring if im going to handle that alone. plus i cant bring bb to the centre by my own. thats why im so irritated about this whole incident. i had to trouble my family member to look after bb for me, send me to mrt or work place n picks me home after i knock off n pick bb up. this was the main issue on why from the start im very negative about all this.

i was so resistant abt this is also trying to tell him, he should discuss with me everything before making decision. if now, im the one going overseas, im very very very sure, he will not be able to handle the situation if im not ard and will definitely not agree about me leaving him n bb at home. even during weekends whereby i go out for a few hours, he will pick bb to his mum place until im back. i shall see if this day will come. he just dont understand what im trying to imply and just think everything he does is right. -_-"

abt his allowance, not sure he take first then go or come back then claim. only breakfast is provided in the hotel. other than that, all on his own le.

we have to communicate thru email most of the time le. good also la. talk more, later quarrel. ha. agree on the point that, lesser time spend also will make us treasure each other more and the "lesser" quarrel part. sometimes really so pissed off that i just shut my mouth and dont bother to talk.

was trying to explain to him that, i agree work is important, but baby is equally important. i suppose everyone will have different in their priority. im willing to quit or switch my job anytime if there's a need just for my baby. its a very important growing up process for my girl which i wont want to miss it. if there's a need to be a stay at home mum, im all ready to do it and go back to work afew years later etc.

last night, he say need to go KL for dunno 1 week or so. i just keep quiet and see how he will react. i dont think i will tolerate if he goes away every month. if once or twice a year i still can tahan. if more, i think i will make a big fuss again.

was his job like that last time? why the sudden change in job scope. He is a family man now, he should think twice about taking up this kind of job scope, as this will seriousily affect the relationship. When a man go overseas, he will be bored, and might seek companionship

 

[crystalpink]

Hi Gem2505,

What a coincidence! My hubby is in KL biz trip for 2wks now.. But will come bk this wkends n then will go KL for another wk again. By rgt can't come bk, but he is aware i will be alone most of the time, so he can do "special arrangemt" for me.. haha.. But will hv to let co."waste" some $$ cos he always travel by SQ flight just for only an hr of KL trip!

Don't worry so much, u hv to get use to this type of life in future.. to be frank, nowadays, if u go to any co.in S'pore, most of the jobs will require to travel, if not, they normally don't employ. Even junior staff sometimes also nd to attend oversea training etc, its very common. My job also like that.. esp if u work in big MNC co, u can't avoid travelling regardless of sales line, or even other clerical job like secretary etc. Unless u work in governmt sector perhaps CPF board, HDB, then i don't think they nd to travel. For my pt of view, i don't really mind my hubby to travel so long his job provides gd prospect..but im also aware if we were to hv a baby, thgs will be very diff, I don't think i can handle alone, perhaps may nd to quit my job or get a full time maid at home, but must be experience. That is y we dare not think of hving a kid as both of us are not prepared for that stage. Im contented so long he doesn't bring up to be stationed to work in China again! I really phobia to accept that !

 

[mamapenguin]

was his job like that last time? why the sudden change in job scope. He is a family man now, he should think twice about taking up this kind of job scope, as this will seriousily affect the relationship. When a man go overseas, he will be bored, and might seek companionship

Don't you trust your partner? If you have doubts about his integrity when he travels, why be with him in the first place?
Just because he is a family man, he is not suppose to expand his job scope? He is not allowed to progress?

My husband has to go for business trips regularly. He travels to many parts of the world so he can be away for a few days to a few weeks. He does not look forward to leaving his two babies and me, but he has to do it in order to put food on the table. He travels often enough that I sometimes don't remember his itinerary until the day he has to leave. I know his job is stressful enough and the last thing he needs is for me to bicker bitterly about having to be all alone with the babies. We all have our battles n life.

I trust my husband. With all my heart. I got to know him through and through before settling down. If I had any doubts about his character I would never commit. I can never, for the life of me, understand why other people get married to people they have doubts about. If you don't trust someone, why are you even together? Please don't say Man can't be trusted. It's wrong to classify Man in general. It's the individual man.

 

[Gem2505]

was his job like that last time? why the sudden change in job scope. He is a family man now, he should think twice about taking up this kind of job scope, as this will seriousily affect the relationship. When a man go overseas, he will be bored, and might seek companionship

he actually joined this co 3months ago only. and this is the first time he is leaving me n my bb in sg. actually he has a choice to go or not to go. he rejected a few trips already. on the seeking of companionship, thats one of my reason why i made a big fuss. its not about how must TRUST we put into our hubby. coz i SIMPLY do not believe in over trusting. one have to earn the TRUST, not just anyone can give or so. its not i do not trust him. but MAN is always MAN! u dont know when they are away, what they will think and do coz we simply cant see. In SG, at least i can monitor on my own. when overseas, its totally out of control. hmm.. well, walk 1 step see 1 step. cant be bothered to think so much.

 

[Gem2505]

Hi Gem2505,

What a coincidence! My hubby is in KL biz trip for 2wks now.. But will come bk this wkends n then will go KL for another wk again. By rgt can't come bk, but he is aware i will be alone most of the time, so he can do "special arrangemt" for me.. haha.. But will hv to let co."waste" some $$ cos he always travel by SQ flight just for only an hr of KL trip!

Don't worry so much, u hv to get use to this type of life in future.. to be frank, nowadays, if u go to any co.in S'pore, most of the jobs will require to travel, if not, they normally don't employ. Even junior staff sometimes also nd to attend oversea training etc, its very common. My job also like that.. esp if u work in big MNC co, u can't avoid travelling regardless of sales line, or even other clerical job like secretary etc. Unless u work in governmt sector perhaps CPF board, HDB, then i don't think they nd to travel. For my pt of view, i don't really mind my hubby to travel so long his job provides gd prospect..but im also aware if we were to hv a baby, thgs will be very diff, I don't think i can handle alone, perhaps may nd to quit my job or get a full time maid at home, but must be experience. That is y we dare not think of hving a kid as both of us are not prepared for that stage. Im contented so long he doesn't bring up to be stationed to work in China again! I really phobia to accept that !

hehe! i worked in the healthcare industry. can consider as govn sector. so i need not travel. thats why i wont have the going overseas problem. but that may occur if i change co as im in the real estate industry. if i join a co that is international real estate developing or sales etc, then i may have to rethink about it.
talking about going china, i will go crazy. lol. i will go all way out to make a big fuss. i believe that if we give them once, they will take advantage of it and keep going. i have ex colleagues that went all the way there for woman, leaving their wife in sg. talking about trust? how to? a group of man go there, sure out to do evil thing. haha. we shall see how eh. good luck to us.

ya, really have to plan well if intend to have kid. coz such overseas trip is really not easy for the one staying in sg. this is why im so paranoid. if im alone, things wont be that bad. but my girl is ONLY 7 MONTHS. urgh!

 

[Gem2505]

Don't you trust your partner? If you have doubts about his integrity when he travels, why be with him in the first place?
Just because he is a family man, he is not suppose to expand his job scope? He is not allowed to progress?

My husband has to go for business trips regularly. He travels to many parts of the world so he can be away for a few days to a few weeks. He does not look forward to leaving his two babies and me, but he has to do it in order to put food on the table. He travels often enough that I sometimes don't remember his itinerary until the day he has to leave. I know his job is stressful enough and the last thing he needs is for me to bicker bitterly about having to be all alone with the babies. We all have our battles n life.

I trust my husband. With all my heart. I got to know him through and through before settling down. If I had any doubts about his character I would never commit. I can never, for the life of me, understand why other people get married to people they have doubts about. If you don't trust someone, why are you even together? Please don't say Man can't be trusted. It's wrong to classify Man in general. It's the individual man.

Hi mamapenguin, i guess miccghar is trying to express the feeling of how she would felt if such thing happens to her. i can understand coz many ( i shall not say most ) mums will feel this way.
im glad u trusted ur hubby that much and yes, trust is important. i believe, every woman wouldnt want their hubby to go out of the line, but there're so many of them are or had went out of the line. we are just trying to make sure, things goes on the way we want it to be. we all just want peace and harmony in the family. nobody wants another woman come knocking on the door 1 day with a kid, wanting to find your hubby. Insecurity is the word. because we are insecure, we are paranoid. too many real life examples in the world that keep us reminded on such cases.
if talking about fairness in our career, if such case is the other way round, mummy goes overseas and leaving daddy alone with the kid(s), would he accept it? many cases, in the society, mums are still the one handling the kids more than the guy and guys are said to be the main "income bringer" to the family. Mums can earn as much or more. i think we just have to balance things out, things would be fine.

 

[PinkDiamonds]

Gem, I think perhaps you can start changing your mindset a bit. From reading your posts all I saw was, "I can't do this, I can't do that." You are a mom now and your daughter relies on you, so you need to start telling yourself, "I can do this, I can do that." I am seeing a lot of negativity and doubt.

If you are going to doubt your husband, thinking what if he stray, go out with his guy colleagues and do "evil things," then honestly I don't know why you chose to get married with him. Like a PP said, if he really wants to stray, even if he stays in Singapore he will do it. And I want to emphasize that you shouldn't let your fear and "what ifs" control you and make it lose trust in your husband. So what if other people end up in divorce because the wife trust her husband too much? Does this mean the husband have an affair because it's the wife fault? There are also couples who end up in divorce because the husband feel that his wife control him too much, even though he never do anything unfaithful. You are only digging a hole for your own marriage for something that hasn't happened.

He has not even done anything unfaithful to you yet. If he has done before then I would understand your doubts and worries. Marriage is all about trust, loyalty and communication.

I know it's not an overnight thing, but do make an attempt. I think as time goes by and you slowly gain more confidence in being a mommy, you will believe you can. You can constantly remind him that now his role is not only as a husband, he is also now a father and things will change.

Don't forget that all mommies here have a superpower, we're all very strong people! With the right mindset, I'm sure you can do a lot of things too!

 

[Gem2505]

Gem, I think perhaps you can start changing your mindset a bit. From reading your posts all I saw was, "I can't do this, I can't do that." You are a mom now and your daughter relies on you, so you need to start telling yourself, "I can do this, I can do that." I am seeing a lot of negativity and doubt.

If you are going to doubt your husband, thinking what if he stray, go out with his guy colleagues and do "evil things," then honestly I don't know why you chose to get married with him. Like a PP said, if he really wants to stray, even if he stays in Singapore he will do it. And I want to emphasize that you shouldn't let your fear and "what ifs" control you and make it lose trust in your husband. So what if other people end up in divorce because the wife trust her husband too much? Does this mean the husband have an affair because it's the wife fault? There are also couples who end up in divorce because the husband feel that his wife control him too much, even though he never do anything unfaithful. You are only digging a hole for your own marriage for something that hasn't happened.

He has not even done anything unfaithful to you yet. If he has done before then I would understand your doubts and worries. Marriage is all about trust, loyalty and communication.

I know it's not an overnight thing, but do make an attempt. I think as time goes by and you slowly gain more confidence in being a mommy, you will believe you can. You can constantly remind him that now his role is not only as a husband, he is also now a father and things will change.

Don't forget that all mommies here have a superpower, we're all very strong people! With the right mindset, I'm sure you can do a lot of things too!

hmm.. true. actually i does EVERYTHING in regards to my girl. bathing, feeding, changing, making her slp, etc.
guess im one that dont give trust that easily. maybe i need a LONG time then can. totally agree on we are superpowered mums.
its more like preventing guys going stray than to only solve it when things happened. of coz, not all guys are like that. but mums have to make effort to stop it from happening. well, different people has diff mindset or perpective. i believe if we dont give them a chance to stray, they will not. if i wasnt hesistant about him going overseas etc, and simply just agree to everything, one day he might just say i dont care about him and say i agree to everything he does n he's bored.. then the list goes on for giving him a good reason to find another woman. guess, every mums have their so called "best way" to handle dad at home. well, at the end of the day, its all for the family and hope everything goes fine!