This JC kid Is Nearing Rock Bottom

It’s almost 1am and yours sincerely is reaching his breaking point.

Anyways, just to give some context, I am a student currently enrolled in a “top-tier” junior college who's this close to giving up entirely.

I am very tired, though I can't quite accurately articulate how exactly. It’s like living everyday with your mind running at half throttle, like there’s a mental fog that disallows you to think straight. I can’t read books because the ability to focus eludes me big time; I too lost passion for subjects previously embraced such as the sciences, literature etc. The perpetual mental exhaustion took a toll on my physical being too - these days I possess nary an appetite and eat for mere sustenance. I was once extremely active, however my present sedentary lifestyle caused me to gain quite a bit of weight (needless to say my self-esteem went right out the window). Essentially, I am a shell of what I used to be and it’s unnerving because no one ever sees me as someone in “dire need of help”, consequently I kept questioning if it’s all in my head or perhaps I am plain pathetic.

I have suffered anxiety attacks aplenty; in fact I get stressed so often by literally the smallest of things I end up experiencing dizziness, shortness of breath, the works - which therefore meant I needed to sit myself down somewhere until I could cool off properly. Folks sometimes joke about how their problems made mine pale in comparison, while my parents lamented my supposed laziness and lack of discipline. They opined I was stronger a few years back and could never fathom the disappointment I have become now. My favourite teacher alongside a close confidante recently echoed the same sentiments; I seriously wonder whether I am really beyond salvation.

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