Horrible in-laws!!!!

[eri_ik]

I am currently 5 weeks pregnant but not married yet & have already started to experience some horrible in-law rubbish.

My bf has proposed to me & he told me his family has some "suggestions" for us.:mmad: Below are some of their TERMS & CONDITIONS!!!!

1) ROM first but wedding do it after birth.
-They obviously only want my bb!!! :bsad:
- How am I gonna explain to my colleagues??!!!!!!!!!!!!!They are not sparing any thoughts for me!

2) Move in to stay with my future father-in-law (MIL passed away liao...)
-FIL is working daily no one is cooking.
-My mom wants me to stay at home as my health is very bad & she will cook & my sis will do chores for me.
-My bf told them that & they say they dun care!!!:mmad:

3) My bf's mom left some wedding money for him before she passed away & now they refuse to let him use it! :wecry: How can they take this chance to bully me!!

4) Previously his dad said its ok to bring my dog over to stay but after his 2 horrible sister's blabbering, he said my dog can't move in with me! :wemad:

I am so sad & angry that they are doing this to me, a pregnant woman! how can they do this?? I didn't like ask for anything at all! :wecry:

 

[Angelmum]

Pardon me if some words I use dont sound nice to yr ears.

In traditional thinking, when a woman great preg b4 married is loose. She will be at a losing end cos she did something that shld be done after marriage thus lost all the bargaining power cos not that valuable.

If yr bf is the only male in the hse .... yr scenario is different cos u r giving a heir/grandchild.

If yr bf is somebody who stands by u (fight for u and admit he ought to protect his future wife) then yr future FIL and SIL cant crawl on yr head cos his words got POWER!

If yr bf is financial unstable means relying on others then half battle gone cos he/u got to see ppl's face, decide yr 'fate' based on others mood.

If u hv a hse of yr own, u hv a better standing ground so not at others mercy.


Getting married at 5wks is possible, no need wait for birth. U dont mind getting married with a ball so y shld others bother/stop u. My uncle (4yrs older den me only) got married when his wife 3mth preg. My grandma so happy cos finally the 36yrs son got ppl want (never had gf b4) + got such good 'reward' buy 1 get 1 free !!

My aunt (few mths older den me only), still no news of steady. If she shot gun marriage think my passed away grandma would be v happy to get down n share the joy.

Find out what yr bf plan to do? He planned to let u fight alone or stand by u? Can u apply for HDB flat instead of living with FIL/SIL (sounds hard to get along) .... give them the pressure that u dont hv to stay with them cos u got much much better option. Tell them u just ROM and dont hv wedding dinner (if bf is only son) c how 'happy' yr FIL will be .... doubt he want to lose this kind of face.

 

[Endoh]

1) ROM first but wedding do it after birth.
-They obviously only want my bb!!!
- How am I gonna explain to my colleagues??!!!!!!!!!!!!!They are not sparing any thoughts for me!

How does wanting wedding or the dinner itself after delivery equate to wanting only your baby? If a family is not financially ready for the wedding or wedding dinner for that matter, more time allowance is always good.

Are you marrying for yourself? Or for your colleagues? Why do you have to answer to anyone for your own marriage?

2) Move in to stay with my future father-in-law (MIL passed away liao...)
-FIL is working daily no one is cooking.
-My mom wants me to stay at home as my health is very bad & she will cook & my sis will do chores for me.
-My bf told them that & they say they dun care!!!

Is cooking the only reason why you have been requested to stay with them? Have you tried to communicate with them your reasons personally? Are there any constructive discussion? For example, ask why do they need you to cook. Is your man's siblings still young and unable to care for themselves?

You probably need to find out a little more. It may be helpful.

3) My bf's mom left some wedding money for him before she passed away & now they refuse to let him use it! How can they take this chance to bully me!!

Technically, that sum of money belongs to that family. It is rightful for the family members to decide among themselves. To-be-wife still does not automatically says that sum of money belongs to you. Your man must discuss this with his family. Yet at the same time, it is not your rights to demand.

4) Previously his dad said its ok to bring my dog over to stay but after his 2 horrible sister's blabbering, he said my dog can't move in with me! I am so sad & angry that they are doing this to me, a pregnant woman! how can they do this?? I didn't like ask for anything at all!

Have you communicate this with your future in-laws too? Perhaps you can assure them that you will keep the place clean, or will be taking care of your dog. Being non-pet owners, it is only natural that they will be afraid they will end up having to take care of the dog.

I don't wish to sound too blunt, but isn't asking for wedding, your dog, the money... ain't these all your askings already?

Perhaps you should find some time, sit down and have a good talk with them.