chiro
Active Member
i also experienced the same thing you going thru now, more challenging each day
How do you handle their tantrums?
- Thread starter Domique
- Start date
cmeilim
Active Member
so comforting to find this thread. i tell some friends that my boy not even one year old, and i think he showing signs of terrible two liao...i think a large part is due to separation anxiety now. he's esp clingy to me, compared to with daddy. once he sees me after work, or when he wakes up in the morning, he will want me to carry him, play with him, etc. and when he wants his toy to be picked up (after he threw it down himself), or he wants to be picked up from his high chair or cot, and no one responds to him after some time, he will scream and scream until he gets his way. we try not to indulge in him, but sometimes boh pian....esp when he starts screaming in the middle of the nite (but this could be due to teething pains....)
anyway, we are still figuring out how to deal with his tantrums and how best to discipline in a firm, loving and consistent way. these three words describe how we want to achieve in the way we discipline our children. hubby and i both grow up with the cane, so we won't spoil the rod and spoil the child for sure. but i hope we use the rod only for extreme cases and in situations when it was sheer defiance. it's true that toddlers can't really control their emotions, but i feel if they can be reasoned with, they should be, to help them learn and avoid the same situation in future. before they can be reasoned with, distraction is probably the best means as a first resort. and for all ages of children, prevention is still the best cure, as in parents don't cause (directly or indirectly) a situation when we know very well will frustrate our children or make them overtired or super-cranky or over-hungry.
anyway, we are still learning day by day. =)
i read an interesting article lately on dealing with toddlers' tantrums. just wanna share it with the mummies here, i think the bit abt using time-outs for the right purpose is enlightening.
Sleepytime Secrets Newsletter
anyway, we are still figuring out how to deal with his tantrums and how best to discipline in a firm, loving and consistent way. these three words describe how we want to achieve in the way we discipline our children. hubby and i both grow up with the cane, so we won't spoil the rod and spoil the child for sure. but i hope we use the rod only for extreme cases and in situations when it was sheer defiance. it's true that toddlers can't really control their emotions, but i feel if they can be reasoned with, they should be, to help them learn and avoid the same situation in future. before they can be reasoned with, distraction is probably the best means as a first resort. and for all ages of children, prevention is still the best cure, as in parents don't cause (directly or indirectly) a situation when we know very well will frustrate our children or make them overtired or super-cranky or over-hungry.
anyway, we are still learning day by day. =)
i read an interesting article lately on dealing with toddlers' tantrums. just wanna share it with the mummies here, i think the bit abt using time-outs for the right purpose is enlightening.
Sleepytime Secrets Newsletter
cmeilim
Active Member
oh yes, ian has also learnt a 'silent' way of throwing tantrums, or showing defiance. dunno where he learnt from. but since one or two months back, when he somehow came to understand what the word 'no', 'out', 'stop' mean, he will purse his lips, stick out his tongue slightly between his pursed lips, and then blow air through it to make a 'brrrrrr' sound. i dun even know how to do this myself, but he's an expert!
this one is a tough nut to crack. it's rude, but i haven't figured how to get him to stop this because when he does this sometimes, he will spurt out a lot of saliva. when i tried to tell him to stop, it will just have the opposite effect of encouraging him to do it more. so for now, i hv ignored that and quickly move on to something else to distract him.
i've also used another method to try and calm him down when he's throwing a tantrum. i will ask him "ian, how do we SMILE? Heeeeeee......Smile, Ian...." and I will draw a big arch across my face with my index finger as I give a big smile at him. After a few times, he not only got the meaning of 'smile' but has come to be pacified and teased into smiles whenever I do that. So maybe some other mummies can also try with your tods and see if it works for you too. =)
this one is a tough nut to crack. it's rude, but i haven't figured how to get him to stop this because when he does this sometimes, he will spurt out a lot of saliva. when i tried to tell him to stop, it will just have the opposite effect of encouraging him to do it more. so for now, i hv ignored that and quickly move on to something else to distract him.
i've also used another method to try and calm him down when he's throwing a tantrum. i will ask him "ian, how do we SMILE? Heeeeeee......Smile, Ian...." and I will draw a big arch across my face with my index finger as I give a big smile at him. After a few times, he not only got the meaning of 'smile' but has come to be pacified and teased into smiles whenever I do that. So maybe some other mummies can also try with your tods and see if it works for you too. =)
cmeilim
Active Member
re: throwing things or toys on the floor, i read that during a baby's development, throwing things down for others to help them pick up is a development need. so it is normal and in fact healthy for babies to throw things down on the floor and for adults to pick up for them.
but i think at some point, some babies start to exploit this and turn the toy-throwing into a means of venting when they cannot express their emotions otherwise. i just started trying a new thing last nite. ian was playing with his tangram blocks. then he must have got bored, he started mouthing them, one by one. i systematically removed it each time he tried to mouth one. in frustration, he flung a piece off the bed where we were sitting on. i think he only meant to throw it beside him on the bed but becos kids can't control their own strength, the piece fell off the bed, and his face showed a rather shocked expression.
I grunted 'hmmm!' a few times to show my disapproval. he lowered his head, and dared not lift up his eyes, just looking at and twiddling one of the tangram's pieces between his fingers, cos he has learnt that tone means mummy is not happy and he has done something naughty. i asked him 'where is it?", followed by 'ian threw it away, right?" a couple of times, then he threw a sideway glance off the bed and pointed at the floor. then i told him, 'ian throws, ian picks it up', carried him off the bed and lowered him towards the floor. he readily stretched out his hand and picked up the piece, and then i carried him back on the bed. finally i asked him "if u don't want the toy anymore, can you please give to mummy?" and stretched out my hand. after a few seconds, he handed the piece to me willingly, and i said "thank you."
i thot the result was quite good. peace. not sure if he really understood everything i said to him and i am not counting that he will remember the next time he gets bored with a toy again. but coupled with my actions (hand gestures) and key words like 'please', 'give', 'thank you', i hope he learns by associative learning with repetitions over time that when he doesn't want to play anymore, he has to give the toy to an adult, not throw or else he has to pick it up himself. at the moment, as he still cant walk, i will have to carry him around. more shiong for me physically, but if it teaches him effectively, then all the trouble is worth it.
but i think at some point, some babies start to exploit this and turn the toy-throwing into a means of venting when they cannot express their emotions otherwise. i just started trying a new thing last nite. ian was playing with his tangram blocks. then he must have got bored, he started mouthing them, one by one. i systematically removed it each time he tried to mouth one. in frustration, he flung a piece off the bed where we were sitting on. i think he only meant to throw it beside him on the bed but becos kids can't control their own strength, the piece fell off the bed, and his face showed a rather shocked expression.
I grunted 'hmmm!' a few times to show my disapproval. he lowered his head, and dared not lift up his eyes, just looking at and twiddling one of the tangram's pieces between his fingers, cos he has learnt that tone means mummy is not happy and he has done something naughty. i asked him 'where is it?", followed by 'ian threw it away, right?" a couple of times, then he threw a sideway glance off the bed and pointed at the floor. then i told him, 'ian throws, ian picks it up', carried him off the bed and lowered him towards the floor. he readily stretched out his hand and picked up the piece, and then i carried him back on the bed. finally i asked him "if u don't want the toy anymore, can you please give to mummy?" and stretched out my hand. after a few seconds, he handed the piece to me willingly, and i said "thank you."
i thot the result was quite good. peace. not sure if he really understood everything i said to him and i am not counting that he will remember the next time he gets bored with a toy again. but coupled with my actions (hand gestures) and key words like 'please', 'give', 'thank you', i hope he learns by associative learning with repetitions over time that when he doesn't want to play anymore, he has to give the toy to an adult, not throw or else he has to pick it up himself. at the moment, as he still cant walk, i will have to carry him around. more shiong for me physically, but if it teaches him effectively, then all the trouble is worth it.