My 8yo Daughter is Still in Diapers

Discussion in 'General Parenting Discussion' started by Mum3, Oct 2, 2012.

  1. Mum3

    Mum3 New Member


    I joined the forum hoping to get some help for this embarrassing issue.

    My daughter will be 9 years old this November, but she is still not potty trained at all! We have been trying to wean her off diaper since she was 3, but our sporadic attempts failed repeatedly. Up till now she still use the Mamy Poko pullups for both pee and poo, even for daytime.

    Other than this problem she is a perfectly normal girl. She also knows that it's not right for an almost 9 yo girl to be wearing diapers, but she is just unable to control. Because of this she also become quite troubled. Although our repeated attempts to train her failed, it was not because she was lazy or not willing to try. She was also working very hard but just couldn't succeed. My husband and I are trying not to put any more pressure on her because she is already feeling very bad. Everytime I change her diaper she is also starting to be a bit paiseh.

    We have consulted urologists and psychologists; the urologist did a check up and ruled out any physical problem, whilst the psychologist told us that she's still not ready yet. We were shocked because she is already eight years old! But upon further explanation we learnt that different children become ready for potty training at different ages. Our daughter, although quite late, is just a rather extreme case.

    So, while we are lucky that it is not any dangerous/life threatening condition, our child is showing signs of having trouble coping. Hope that you people can give some good advice. Thanks! :001_302:
  2. xiaodaisy

    xiaodaisy Active Member

    maybe u can start by letting her to change her diapers herself ? she's big enuff to wear clothes n change herself , so let her do it herself so she wont feel paiseh when u change for her
  3. Mum3

    Mum3 New Member

    I do try and let her change herself at times, but I will normally do it for her, esp when she pass motion or when she's tired. She also needs help with powdering though because her skin is quite sensitive. Hopefully as she grows older she'll be able to be more independent. :001_302:
  4. Justina

    Justina Member

    does she face any issue at school since she has to bring her own diaper to change? i think it has become more like a psychological rather than a psychical issue...
    what happens if she outgrown all the diaper sizes in the market?
  5. Mum3

    Mum3 New Member

    She goes to the school nurse to change her diaper. The nurse office has a supply of her diapers that we will bring in bulk. At times I worry that her classmates will discover that she is wearing diapers, since she always 'zouguang' when wearing school skirt. Psychologically, she is doing ok, although she feels quite sad at times because of this issue. We are trying to find ways to help her cope and keep her spirits high. Generally though she is actually quite cheerful. Diaper sizing will not be an issue, as the Mamy Poko can fit up to 35kg, and my girl is able to fit into it just fine.
  6. cookie77

    cookie77 Member

    YOu mean she is in primary 2 and wears diapers to school? I think you need to take the radical step and just get her out of that diaper. She will get used to it.
  7. Mum3

    Mum3 New Member

    I also want to! But sadly she has TOTALLY no control... So very difficult to just take away her diaper...
  8. matty

    matty New Member

    Hi. I thought id share my interest as i we had a child in the family went through the same stages as you are. I completely agree with you re your previous post, It would be very difficult to suddenly just to take the diaper away. Does she just wet in the diapers or does she soil in them too? Do you know roughly how many diaper changes she will need during school? and how many she has during a day in the weekend?
  9. matty

    matty New Member

    Ok you have done the right thing in getting advise from specialists 1st. It sounds like that she could be using the diapers as a security blanket.

    When she does wet or soil in them, does she let you know by making any body movements i.e babies sometimes squat down to soil?

    If she is in diapers 24/7 and both soiling and wetting in them then this is what I would try:

    In one evening next week after school when her diaper needs changing. Change her diaper then for an hour or so, let her run around in the house without a diaper. Put the diaper somewhere in view so that she knows where the diaper is. After the hour or so, give her lots of love and attention to say well done. If you have a sticker chart give her a sticker. Continue to do this every evening at an hour and 30 mins at a time. continue this step for approx 7 days. Also you could gradually increase the time she is without the diaper. Please let me know how you get on?
  10. Chewysee

    Chewysee Member

    Why dont you start training her by not allowing her to wear diapers when she is home, and tell her whenever she wants to pee or poo, speak up. Tell somebody to bring her to the toilet?
  11. Mum3

    Mum3 New Member

    Hi, thank you for the advice. Hopefully we will be able to try this out. Her problem is that she has totally no 'feel' that she need to go, so she end up peeing/soiling without notice. Without diaper then all her clothes/furniture will dirty. Maybe we can slowly train her. :)
  12. Kaykay2009

    Kaykay2009 Member


    I think it will take a lot of determination on your part to get her off the diapers. I agree with what chewysee said about not letting her wear diapers at home. But i will make it a point to bring her to the toilet every 30 minutes or so. It may be true that she doesn't have the 'feel that she needs to pass motion or pee but it sould also be that she is too used to having her diapers on and that it is convenient.

    Hang in there and try it out.
  13. matty

    matty New Member

    at 1st try for 30 mins without the diaper on. before trying my suggested technique explain to her what your doing to try with her. lots of positiveness when she does go without the diaper for 30 mins. if she does wet or soil with the nappy off try not to make a big fuss or even say anything. if she is sitting down during this process, get some large nappy changing mats (the absorbable ones) and just let her sit on that whilst shes watching tv.
  14. Mum3

    Mum3 New Member

    Got another problem, my daughter don't know how to sit properly when wearing skirt/dress. When we go out she normally wear skirt and dress because pants cannot hide the bulk of the diaper. Also easier to change her diaper that way, just lift her skirt. I'm worried for school, because she is in mixed school and I scared classmates laugh at her if they see her diaper. Got any tips?
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2012
  15. matty

    matty New Member

    hi, i wouldnt put a skirt on her, your daughter would feel insecure especially if she feels tht people are watching her. with normal bottoms her clas mates wont be able to see anythng. also at school does she use plastic pants over the top of her diapers? might be a good idea just incase they leak at school
  16. HazelN

    HazelN New Member

    Hi, I developed urinary incontinence in secondary school and had to wear diapers all day and night since then. I didn't have any help then and had a hard time. So, I would be glad to help someone else with any questions regarding hiding diapers in school and incontinence in general :)

    Mum3, you said that your daughter is having trouble don't know how to sit properly in skirts/dresses? I think you need to teach her how to. Just point it out to her and help her practice a bit? Also, maybe you could point our how embarrassing it would be if she didn't see properly and some boy finds out. I'm sure the embarrassment would spur her to sit properly very quickly.

    I don't think wearing shorts under her skirts is very comfortable. Skirts + shorts + diapers would be very warm. Plastic pants would be even worse. It will be too warm!

    Also, out of curiosity, how does your daughter hide pooping her diapers in school? I think the smell would give her away instantly?
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2012
  17. Mum3

    Mum3 New Member

    Hi, thanks for your comment :)

    I've been trying to slowly teach her how to sit properly when wearing skirts. She doesn't seem to understand the 'embarrassment' though, maybe she is too young? Yes, wearing shorts under her skirt would make it very warm, furthermore it becomes very bulky, so not very possible to wear pants underneath. I have been trying to find those diaper covers though.

    As for school, I think she is able to go get changed immediately when she poops, so her classmates can't smell anything. I guess she is lucky :)
  18. HazelN

    HazelN New Member

    You might want to consider letting her wear the mammy poko xxl diapers instead of the pull ups. They are cheaper and after all, she doesn't even use the toilet at all. They are also more absorbent, so less chances of embarrassing leaks. Just let her change into pull ups for PE lessons.
  19. Mum3

    Mum3 New Member

    Hello, thanks for the tip. Do you know if they make a xxxl size for the diapers? I couldn't find them online. I'll get some xxl to see if they fit her. :)
  20. cookie77

    cookie77 Member

    You definitely can... you just have to go through the initial inconvenience ... but it will force her to exercise more control on her bladder. Definitely can...

    I don't want to sound insulting... but if a dog can be "potty trained", how much more can an 8-year old?

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