SpadeofKings
New Member
i just realise that such a forum for single parent. kind of relieve. my ex-wife had left me and my son for quite sometime. Althought i kind of move on, but i still feel lost at certain point ><. any advice?
unexperience single parent dad.
- Thread starter SpadeofKings
- Start date
nicepeople
Member
Anyone who is experiencing divorce feels lost and alone. They turn to others for guidance on what they are feeling and how deeply they should be feeling it. They have to come to terms with the end of era in their lives. Rebuilding and beginning again and having faith in the future take a great deal of courage.i just realise that such a forum for single parent. kind of relieve. my ex-wife had left me and my son for quite sometime. Althought i kind of move on, but i still feel lost at certain point ><. any advice?
Breakdown is never easy and when it happens, those who are going through it often reduced us to the basic functions of emotional survival. The pain, vulnerability and confusion engendered by relationship breakdown can often be psychologically crippling, if only in the short term.
When the breakdown first occurs, you can feel as if you are drowning in a wave of emotion. Overwhelmed by grief and fear for the future, it seems impossible to believe that you can pass through the darkness to the other side. There is no one to tell you how, and it is difficult to believe that you will have the strength to try. Comfort can be taken from a simple thing - knowledge. Once you understand that what you are feeling is normal and part of the experience of breaking up, you begin to realise that there is a way out.
As a Single Parent
Parenting is a life-long commitment. Now, you have to wear two hats, a role of a father and as a mother but that doesn’t mean you can’t be an effective and successful parent. Your son needs a father. Your role and responsibility as a father is vitally important to your son’s growth and development.
Being a single parent is not small matter. How your son view himself and his society or community directly relate how to what he sees in you. How few of us truly understand the important role our lives and values play in the future of our children.
Three roles of manhood:
1. A Man of Integrity. Finding the consistency between the ‘talk’ and the ‘walk’. If we are not honest we are not… (too many words to post)
2. A Man of Commitment. A father commitment is demonstrated by his readiness and willingness to carry out his fathering responsibilities. Commitment involves more than claiming our child as our son. It requires us to work for our child’s benefits. Children need to feel secure in exploring the world because they always know where home is. They know where they belong. Have a sense of affirmation received from their father. If you claim as a father, it creates in you a responsibility for him. It creates in you a sense of duty. As a good solider can tell you, a sense of duty can help you beat incredible odds.
3. A Man of Action. As father, we need to understand that if we choose not to activity father our children, someone else will. The world is filled with father substitutes – surrogates all too ready to step into the role: the TV, internet, Ipad, Smartphone, etc as a father, says, “We’ll watch over your children for you. We’ll keep them preoccupied while you do your work and live your own life.”
Hope my words provide some comfort and ideas. If you need more suggestion, do let contact me, (HOW???). Can we leave our email?
SpadeofKings
New Member
ahh. this should take awhile. yes you can leave emails.
nicepeople
Member
Hi SpadeofKings,ahh. this should take awhile. yes you can leave emails.
When you said this will take a while, this means that you’re moving.
The most important thing to do now is to set up ‘markers’ - things that will help you comprehend and deal with your experiences. Identify your feelings. If you are confused, accept that you will be confused. It you are despairing accepts that you will be despairing. Know that this is a necessary part of a process - and be aware that it is a process, which means that it will not last for ever and that there naturally follows another stage. Above all, remember that it will pass.
Look for support. Try to discuss what you are feeling with those with whom you feel comfortable and spend time with them.
Slowly, life begins to change. Every effort you make, no matter how small it is, will add substance to your lives and be another brick in the new structure that will define your future lives and how you will live it.
You begin to recognise that there are moments when you feel all right. Then there are those moments when you can smile or even laugh. You find yourself doing things you had never even dreamed that you were capable of doing. You start to regain a little confidence in yourself. Of course, there will be setbacks and bad days. But such times will become fewer and fewer as you continue to build the structure of your new lives higher and higher.
If you need someone to listen email me at nicepeople02@gmail.com
Ya, Me too feel lost......
I had separate from my husband due to some reasons and not contacting each other.
Recently, my boy told me that he so long never see his Papa. I was quite sad to hear this. As he had not seen him for 2 years plus since my gal was born.
I told him he is working oversea, but the fact is that we care just not contacting each other or lost contact. I don't know how to answer him. And what concern me is that, I am worried about his growing up stage without a father figure.
Any single mom or divorce had the some or similiar concern? How you all handle. I feel very scare when i thought of it. We have not file for divorce, so all registration for the childcare centre application I put under 'married' status.
At times, the teacher wanted my husband to attend certain ceremony, and they never see him, I guess they suspect and even ask my son, where his dad is. I really feel very sad for them....
Hope to get advise from single Mum/Dad here...
I had separate from my husband due to some reasons and not contacting each other.
Recently, my boy told me that he so long never see his Papa. I was quite sad to hear this. As he had not seen him for 2 years plus since my gal was born.
I told him he is working oversea, but the fact is that we care just not contacting each other or lost contact. I don't know how to answer him. And what concern me is that, I am worried about his growing up stage without a father figure.
Any single mom or divorce had the some or similiar concern? How you all handle. I feel very scare when i thought of it. We have not file for divorce, so all registration for the childcare centre application I put under 'married' status.
At times, the teacher wanted my husband to attend certain ceremony, and they never see him, I guess they suspect and even ask my son, where his dad is. I really feel very sad for them....
Hope to get advise from single Mum/Dad here...
Hi All Dad & Mum
First of all, is never easy to take care of our kids by ourselves, but if you have parents support, that is the best out of nothing.
however, our parents will also leave us 1 day, some how we need to learn to be independent.
I am a single mum for 6 years, with my 8 years old daughter. Life had not been easy but still goes on.
Just focused on your daily life and your kid.
just be honest with the kids that the dad had left, dont ever try to lie to say he is in overseas or what so ever, cos if the kids find out, they will hate us instead of the other parent.
dont feel pitiful or sad for the kids growing up without the dad or the mum.
in life, we have more to fight for instead of being self pity etc
out there, there are even more pitiful people without a roof over their head, sick and no proper medication, compared to them, we are very fortunate.
always let the kids know that even though their dad or mum had left, but you will never leave them, always there for them.
tell them that they have a dad or mum, just that we cannot stay together any more due to difference in thinking.
school mate or friends will laugh them without the other parent, but teach your kids to reply, if i dont have a dad or mum, how to have me?
that's how i teach my daughter.
dont be angry or blame the other party who left, is their choice & decision.
learn to forgive, but im not saying to forget.
to forgive is be kind to ourselves, for us to move on, forgiving them doesnt affect them at all, so just learn to forgive.
just remember, we are not alone.
all the best!
First of all, is never easy to take care of our kids by ourselves, but if you have parents support, that is the best out of nothing.
however, our parents will also leave us 1 day, some how we need to learn to be independent.
I am a single mum for 6 years, with my 8 years old daughter. Life had not been easy but still goes on.
Just focused on your daily life and your kid.
just be honest with the kids that the dad had left, dont ever try to lie to say he is in overseas or what so ever, cos if the kids find out, they will hate us instead of the other parent.
dont feel pitiful or sad for the kids growing up without the dad or the mum.
in life, we have more to fight for instead of being self pity etc
out there, there are even more pitiful people without a roof over their head, sick and no proper medication, compared to them, we are very fortunate.
always let the kids know that even though their dad or mum had left, but you will never leave them, always there for them.
tell them that they have a dad or mum, just that we cannot stay together any more due to difference in thinking.
school mate or friends will laugh them without the other parent, but teach your kids to reply, if i dont have a dad or mum, how to have me?
that's how i teach my daughter.
dont be angry or blame the other party who left, is their choice & decision.
learn to forgive, but im not saying to forget.
to forgive is be kind to ourselves, for us to move on, forgiving them doesnt affect them at all, so just learn to forgive.
just remember, we are not alone.
all the best!