Dilemma

[DodoTan]

A cousin of mine also got pregnant before marriage. She married the man and had 3 kids with him altogether. But the jerk stole her money and left. She struggled for many years to provide for her 3 children. Today, most of her kids are about the same age as she was when she got pregnant. I'm pretty close to the kids and they come to confide in me when they feel they can't talk to her.

I always tell them how she struggled to give them her best, and how despite her mistakes, she stepped up and took responsibility for everything. It inspires them and helps them to make the right decisions. They also love and respect her more for it.

 

[jojoki]

For everytime I see his face, I would think of the baby we made out of love and killed out of convinence. The relationship would never be the same.

yup! dats so true. some ppl have everything BUT children of their own. U r blessed, may b difficult but when u hold him/her in ur arms u will glad u din make a decision to abort back then.

Talk 2 ur parents, u need their support.

 

[Amulet]

For everytime I see his face, I would think of the baby we made out of love and killed out of convinence. The relationship would never be the same.

agree.. this is also one of the consideration on my mind which makes me choose my baby when my ex tries to make me choose between him and our baby..

he said, if i abort, we can still continue the relationship.. but i ask myself.. after the abortion, i will look at his face and think of the child i murdered each time.. would everything still be the same? no.. i would eventually leave him too due to the abortion.. but in this way, wouldn't the death of my child be in vain?

thus i decide, it's juz not worth it to kill my baby over that relationship and walked my way out..

now 16months down, im still very grateful for that decision of mine..

 

[Amulet]

For everytime I see his face, I would think of the baby we made out of love and killed out of convinence. The relationship would never be the same.

agree.. this is also one of the consideration on my mind which makes me choose my baby when my ex tries to make me choose between him and our baby..

he said, if i abort, we can still continue the relationship.. but i ask myself.. after the abortion, i will look at his face and think of the child i murdered each time.. would everything still be the same? no.. i would eventually leave him too due to the abortion.. but in this way, wouldn't the death of my child be in vain?

thus i decide, it's just not worth it to kill my baby over that relationship and walked my way out..

now 16months down, im still very grateful for that decision of mine..

 

[HoneyLicious]

agree.. this is also one of the consideration on my mind which makes me choose my baby when my ex tries to make me choose between him and our baby..

he said, if i abort, we can still continue the relationship.. but i ask myself.. after the abortion, i will look at his face and think of the child i murdered each time.. would everything still be the same? no.. i would eventually leave him too due to the abortion.. but in this way, wouldn't the death of my child be in vain?

thus i decide, it's just not worth it to kill my baby over that relationship and walked my way out..

now 16months down, im still very grateful for that decision of mine..

your ex bf is being selfish as he just want you but not your baby, but my then bf wants me and our baby. though i choose to abort our 1st baby i have no regrets cos my bf supports whatever i choose and do, and being together with him gives me motivation towards our goals and our future.

 

[Ting]

well to each of his own.
no offence to anyone here.

TS, the people that encourage you to give birth, yes they can support you, emotionally, giving you words of encouragement, BUT, are they gg to raise your child for you???
are they gg to take care of your child for you? are they gg to give you a roof over your head if your bf/family abandon you? are they gg to pay for you and your child's expenses when you are in need of money? are they gg to struggle thru with you?
well, NO. tts the reality, they can give you hand me downs, give you support thru words, but in the end, you are gg thru this yourself.

unless, you are very SURE that you have support from your family, (friends, can only help you that much only).
a child is a lifetime commitment, are you sure you are ready for that????
for me, i can honestly say even til now already 2.5 yrs, im not fully ready myself!
if you are not ready then dont't.
end up, you suffer, your kid suffer.


i once heard from my friend that her friend commited suicide after she gv birth cos she couldnt handle the pressure.
a young girl..


for those who are not in our shoes, as in, young, teenage (unmarried) mums like us, they can never understand how it feels like, they have their full support from relatives and friends, but we dont. its DIFFERENT.

my gf once aborted her first child, and now she and her hubby have a second child, and they are still very happy together.
and to say this, abortion is NOT an just easy way out to shrink your responsibilites.
in fact to me, many chose giving birth as an easier way out, so they dont have to live with the guilt of killing their own child.


JMHO, and once again, no offence to anyone. n no, im not encouraging abortion, its just an alternative.

 

[Ting]

I agree that you should discuss it with your bf. Especially if you foresee that he's the one you intend to marry. For me, if he's the one I intend to marry, I won't be able to abort. For everytime I see his face, I would think of the baby we made out of love and killed out of convinence. The relationship would never be the same.

so does it mean if she dont forsee him as the one she intend to marry then she should abort???

 

[J&C]

i'm also 22 this year caught between whether to keep my baby not.. i'm 5 weeks so far... my bf n i have the plan to get married but we are afraid we can't finiancially support the baby n wont be able to give it the best... i cant bear to remove it even thou it's just a sac right now... seeing it throught the scan makes me feel so cruel if i were to remove it. haven had the guts to tell my parents but his parents knew it and leave the decision to us... quite stessed up everything requires money... getting married n giving birth...

 

[Ting]

i'm also 22 this year caught between whether to keep my baby not.. i'm 5 weeks so far... my bf and i have the plan to get married but we are afraid we can't finiancially support the baby and wont be able to give it the best... i cant bear to remove it even thou it's just a sac right now... seeing it throught the scan makes me feel so cruel if i were to remove it. have not had the guts to tell my parents but his parents knew it and leave the decision to us... quite stessed up everything requires money... getting married and giving birth...

is his parents supportive of u guys getting married?
u shld tell your parents asap. dont drag any longer, either decision, is a big one.

 

[J&C]

his parents leave the thoughts to us... they want us to think if we are matured enough to take care of the unborn... as for my parents they are very strict... i wouldn't know wat their expression would be if i were to tell them i'm preggy... i'm also afraid my bf might wan me to abort as we are finiancally unstable... in short- we can't even feed ourself how to feed the baby....

 

[Ting]

but, if u decide to keep the baby n get married, is his parents supportive?
money is a big issue, maybe u can just ROM n wedding dinner can do it next time..
true to it, if u cant feed yourself, how to feed baby, need to make sacrifices.
another option- put up for adoption.

 

[J&C]

his parents are supportive. i've thought og going ROM 1st n leave the wedding dinner till later but my side n his side won't comprise to it... you know la all those old ppl thinking... never go through chinese dinner not considered married in their eye... if i cant even bear to abort how would i bear to give it up for adoption after carrying it 10 mths n went through all the labour pain... seriously speaking raising it is really not easy... don't even know if there's enough money to go through the scans and consultations not... he's not of a well off family and there's very limited to what his parents could help as his dad could not work due to eye prob. really don't know what to do... pondering whether i should tell my parents and ask them for an opinion...

 

[Triquetra]

Hi all,

I am ~22 this year and have just tested positive on the clear blue kit. My bf and I are not prepared for this yet.

We have yet to complete UNI studies yet. Financially both our sides can still support, but having a baby while you school is not an easy task.

We have not spoken to our parents yet, my parents will skin us alive.

I have read thru people's stories and I am sure most of you will advise to keep it and talk to parents is a must. Abortion should only be the last thing on my mind.

I will want to book an appointment with a gynae first. (if can pls recommend one that is reasonable price, thx)

Meanwhile will think over carefully.

Go to the polyclinic and get tested, see if they can refer you to KKH to see a gynae - that way you get subsidy.

You said financially both of you can support so now it's just the schooling issue that you have to take into consideration.

It depends on your mentality towards abortion and as well as the relationship. No one will be able to give you the perfect advice, baby belongs to both of you. What does your bf think?

On my part:
I was 22 when I found out that I am pregnant. I wasn't married, wasn't even in a stable relationship as I always feel that I am just a substitute/replacement. I made a mistake by not given more thoughts before this pregnany even though it's not unexpected or totally unplanned.

I guess I wasn't emotionally prepared as couple. I know I will never forgive myself if I go for an abortion, moreover it's a irreversible decision. At that time I am sure that I am going to keep the baby, either I raise her by myself or with my Hubby.

I know it's definitely not going to be easy to do it alone but given a choice, I would rather go through that kind of hardship than to live with remorse and guilt. Perhaps I am just the sort of person who cannot stand having my conscience stricken.

Though BB is still not born and I don't know how much more difficulties am I going to face after her birth, I have not regretted keeping her. Am going through the toughest phrase but still I only wondered if I should have married my Hubby. I hope to feel wanted and not just a responsibility.

So talk to your bf and see what he says. If both of you truly love each other and share the same values, face the consequences of whatever decision both of you decide together - 能一起吃苦也是一种幸福.

Goodluck!

 

[tika]

So talk to your bf and see what he says. If both of you truly love each other and share the same values, face the consequences of whatever decision both of you decide together -

I agree. Instead of relying on what everyone here has to say/impose, talking to your bf in detail about what you both should do is the best.

 

[Ting]

his parents are supportive. i've thought og going ROM 1st and leave the wedding dinner till later but my side and his side won't comprise to it... you know all those old ppl thinking... never go through chinese dinner not considered married in their eye... if i cant even bear to abort how would i bear to give it up for adoption after carrying it 10 mths and went through all the labour pain... seriously speaking raising it is really not easy... dont't even know if there's enough money to go through the scans and consultations not... he's not of a well off family and there's very limited to what his parents could help as his dad could not work due to eye prob. really dont't know what to do... pondering whether i should tell my parents and ask them for an opinion...

u may want to seek help from a counsellor n let them guide u.
they r experienced n see things in a more objective way.
ultimately, it is still your decision.

 

[polopolo]

Hi Snowbearries,

I am very sure all mothers want to give their child the best in everything. If u feel dat u r unable to provide him/her the BEST at this moment, den i dun see y u shud let ur child come into this world n suffer. Cos u wil feel inadequate in times to come...................Just treat it as a lesson learnt.

 

[SnowBearries]

Thanks all...

I am actually reading all replies everyday.

Do keep them coming...I am still in the going thru discussion with my bf and keep asking ourselves the same questions that some of you posted.

 

[SnowBearries]

well to each of his own.
no offence to anyone here.

TS, the people that encourage you to give birth, yes they can support you, emotionally, giving you words of encouragement, BUT, are they gg to raise your child for you???
are they gg to take care of your child for you? are they gg to give you a roof over your head if your bf/family abandon you? are they gg to pay for you and your child's expenses when you are in need of money? are they gg to struggle thru with you?
well, NO. tts the reality, they can give you hand me downs, give you support thru words, but in the end, you are gg thru this yourself.

unless, you are very SURE that you have support from your family, (friends, can only help you that much only).
a child is a lifetime commitment, are you sure you are ready for that????
for me, i can honestly say even til now already 2.5 yrs, im not fully ready myself!
if you are not ready then dont't.
end up, you suffer, your kid suffer.


i once heard from my friend that her friend commited suicide after she gv birth cos she couldnt handle the pressure.
a young girl..


for those who are not in our shoes, as in, young, teenage (unmarried) mums like us, they can never understand how it feels like, they have their full support from relatives and friends, but we dont. its DIFFERENT.

my gf once aborted her first child, and now she and her hubby have a second child, and they are still very happy together.
and to say this, abortion is NOT an just easy way out to shrink your responsibilites.
in fact to me, many chose giving birth as an easier way out, so they dont have to live with the guilt of killing their own child.


JMHO, and once again, no offence to anyone. and no, im not encouraging abortion, its just an alternative.

hi ting,

what you said is very true. right now, some people (our super close friends) knows of this issue. ALL of them will certainly advise us to keep it. BUT yes like what you said, they are not the ones that is going to provide for the baby. They can only support us with care and concern.

 

[Ting]

TS, i hope u make the best decision, not just for yourself, your bf but also for the ppl around u.
though having a kid is both u n your bf's responsibility, but, it will somehow affect the ppl around u.

either decision, is a big step.

 

[Ting]

we love our kids, but we cant deny our mistakes or regrets at certain points of our lifes, cos we're not fully prepared.