Dilemma

[SnowBearries]

Hi all,

I am ~22 this year and have just tested positive on the clear blue kit. My bf and I are not prepared for this yet.

We have yet to complete UNI studies yet. Financially both our sides can still support, but having a baby while u school is not an easy task.

We have not spoken to our parents yet, my parents will skin us alive.

I have read thru people's stories and I am sure most of you will advise to keep it and talk to parents is a must. Abortion should only be the last thing on my mind.

I will want to book an appointment with a gynae first. (if can pls recommend one that is reasonable price, thx)

Meanwhile will think over carefully.

 

[autumn82]

Hi all,

I am ~22 this year and have just tested positive on the clear blue kit. My bf and I are not prepared for this yet.

We have yet to complete UNI studies yet. Financially both our sides can still support, but having a baby while you school is not an easy task.

We have not spoken to our parents yet, my parents will skin us alive.

I have read thru people's stories and I am sure most of you will advise to keep it and talk to parents is a must. Abortion should only be the last thing on my mind.

I will want to book an appointment with a gynae first. (if can pls recommend one that is reasonable price, thx)

Meanwhile will think over carefully.

Dr Lawrence Ang is pretty skillful in his C-sect and his charges r really reasonable. He's located at Sun Plaza and TMC.

Do take care!

 

[karoru]

if $$$ is a concern, i suggest that you go to polyclinic to get a referral first so that it will at susidy rates in kkh...

 

[Ashbaby]

Not trying to be mean here, u should have done precaution when both of u are not ready for baby.

its good to tell ur parent, they might skin u alive now, but when they see their grandchildren, they will love them to bits.

If u r confused do talk to a counsellor. There are alot of pple trying very hard to have a BB, its a matter of life concern here, do think hard. Money can earn later, degree can take later, BB once died its gone.

 

[uddermummy]

agree with ashbaby. as for your degree, perhaps you can defer when the bb is due to be delivered?

I know of friends who had bbs while in university. V tough, but doable. Surround yourself with pple who love you and who are supportive. Good to find single mum support groups.

in the meantime, it's good for you and your bf to see a counsellor cos life will be v diff when you have a bb.

 

[snowbear]

My sil married my bro and went through university with a big belly. It was an unplanned pregnancy and of coz my mum nearly wanted to skin him alive but now she's forgotten all about how my niece came about. She loves her to bits! So yup, parents will scold when you get pregnant but after time they'll forget. After all, they're your parents.

 

[SnowBearries]

perhaps its better to talk to a counsellor first rather then break it out to our parents.

I will have a medical checkup 2ml at a normal GP clinic. Shall ask for refer for advises.

To abort :

Things will be back to "normal", it gives me more time to prepare for alot of other things in life.

To keep:

Well, I am almost sure that our parents will be scolding us but like Ashbaby said, will still love their grandchildren when they see it or even before it is born. and both sides can help take care of the baby while we continue our UNI study.

BUT the concern my bf and I have is it will affect us mentally, like relatives and peers and even if our parents were to take care of the baby, definitely we still need to give our attention to him/her. Duno and uncertain if we are prepared for this.

 

[SnowBearries]

My sister In law married my bro and went through university with a big belly. It was an unplanned pregnancy and of coz my mum nearly wanted to skin him alive but now she's forgotten all about how my niece came about. She loves her to bits! So yup, parents will scold when you get pregnant but after time they'll forget. After all, they're your parents.

Ok this I am already quite certain, yup, its their grandchildren, definitely they will forget the issue and love them.

Is the initial stage that is the hardest issit it. haix....

 

[mich_liu82]

Ok this I am already quite certain, yup, its their grandchildren, definitely they will forget the issue and love them.

Is the initial stage that is the hardest issit it. haix....

Initial stage is always hard...

When I was with my ex, when my dad found out I was pregnant, he wanted to disown me, drove me out of the house...

In the end, he did not but had cold war with me until bout 1 mth b4 i deliver. On the day I was to deliver, he was the one who send me to hospital!

I wanted to abort initially bcoz i was not even 18 den... If I aborted it, I will surely regret it now...

If your bf shows responsibility then why not go ahead and get married....

 

[apollo]

i strongly disagree on abortion... u and ur bf shd and MUST bear the responsibilty cause it's the both of u who made this lil life so IF u choose to abort just because u wanna finish ur UNI, u're very selfish... (hope u dun mind me saying this)

anw, i'm glad that u're seeking foe opinion of which gynae is better, reasonable price etc.. at least u still wanna keep the lil life..

i'm seeing Dr Sim at TMC, she's a very good gynae and very experience.. her package is $700...

all parents will sure 'skin their child alive' when they know they're preg b4 married esp when u're still schling... but just like what the other mummies said, once they see their kawaii grandchild, not only they won't be angry anymore, they treat the lil one like prince or princess lo... my dad i one of them.. though i'm not shotgun married to my hubby but i got married at 19 which my dad strongly disagree, he thought that i shd wait for a few more yrs.. and he didn't really wanna talk to me since i got married..

my dad is those traditional father, very strict and won't 'sayang' us at all but he actually sayang my ds ALOT lo... even my mum also shocked...

and my mum 'warned' me when i got preg, she said she will never help me take care ds, not even part time and i gonna bring ds out if i wanna go out... but now, she dun bear to leave ds a seconds... when hubby and me wanna go out, she dun allow us to bring ds out.. say she will take care of him etc.. haha:tlaugh:

 

[HoneyLicious]

SnowBearries, i have been in your shoes before so i totally understand your dilemma. to be honest i was 19 and timid, even though my bf(current hubby) wanted to keep the baby i told him no, cos i dont't want to bring the baby to this world to suffer as i'm still schooling that time and bf just started working and his part time UNI. we have a planned future ahead of us.

my parents would definately be disappointed if i never complete my studies and i know they will hate my bf too, well my parents are very sucessful people and they have a important social life so i can't ruin their reputation. i can also imagine what they would do to me if i decide to keep the baby, they will send me overseas far far away, not marry my bf, then give baby up for adoption. mind you, my parents aren't cruel people but like i said their reputation is important for their business and i understand that completely.

ya it's true i will feel guilty on one side when i think back and that child would be 4 years old now etc,etc.. but i'm also glad cos now i'm financially stable and can give my current unborn child the best comfortable life i can. my relationship with hubby has been great too, we grew very close after the incident, we finished our studies, we have a beautiful wedding and honeymoon, have a career, and having a baby soon, so i think what i did in the past also motivate me to reach towards all my goals. also my parents relationship with hubby is great, imagine that time if my parents found out they will hate my hubby so much they will separate us..

so do think carefully, there's no right or wrong answer to this problem. either way you choose(to keep the baby or not) something would have to be sacrificed.

 

[pigletif]

SnowBearries> which area are u staying? its better to find 1 gynae near ur place so its easy access. better to check how many weeks old liao is ur bb asap.

No matter how old a girl is, as long as u got preggy b4 marriage, to break out the news to family is the most difficult part. Esp when finanically unstable and u r still schooling. U will feel that u broke ur mum heart, but as times goes by when ur tummy gets bigger, things will somehow or rather get better.

To get married or not, in my own point of view, it doesn't matter. Don't rush into it.
Cos u have this 9 mths to see whether is he the right guy for u or not.
To get married at this point is to only give ur family a face to face other relatives.

 

[snowbear]

Ok this I am already quite certain, yup, its their grandchildren, definitely they will forget the issue and love them.

Is the initial stage that is the hardest issit it. haix....

Yes, the initial stage is the hardest but i think my mum took it better than i thought she would. What my brother did was to show her the ultrasound scan picture and told her that that's her grandchild...

 

[HoneyLicious]

I think you totally made the right decision back then! ancing_wub:

thanks, it's indeed the right decision for me.
i'm not pro or against abortion, but my advise is to think together with your partner are you willing to sacrifice having good education and career, also if you're ready to have a baby can you provide him/her a good life. it all may sound simple, but in real it's not so easy to have an unplanned pregnancy specially for unmarried woman.

i also believe that every young people would want to enjoy freedom, vacations, education achievements, dream weddings, buying dream house, etc. for me i have got all these that i wanted for the past 4 years and the arrival of my little boy would make it all perfect. i have no regrets, though i know i've committed a sin 4 years ago, i do pray for forgiveness and do many good deeds, i'm sure the innocent live i took is also in God's hands.

 

[DodoTan]

I agree that you should discuss it with your bf. Especially if you foresee that he's the one you intend to marry. For me, if he's the one I intend to marry, I won't be able to abort. For everytime I see his face, I would think of the baby we made out of love and killed out of convinence. The relationship would never be the same.

 

[Stan]

No one can predict the future or change the past. Make the decision based on what is best for you and boyfren now.
No one can say if you are selfish if you decide to abort or say if you are 'wei da' if you continue with the pregnancy. Pple simply make their "life changing" decisions the best they could that particular point in time.

 

[HoneyLicious]

Dodotan, i beg to differ. i knew i was going to marry my then bf(current hubby) which is why i abort the fetus because i know we will have another baby in the future and that we love each other. he actually kept me company when i need him most and he motivate me to reach my every goal.

i also agree with Stan, you can't be certain 100% if current bf will be your lifelong partner, and i believe not everyone might be like me and my hubby.

 

[Ting]

im 22, my girl alr 2.5 years old.
to be honest, u ask me if i regret, i can tell u yes.
i love my girl, no doubt abt it, but i felt it would hv been better if she came around later.
i would hv been able to cont'd my studies, get a better job, enjoy my teenage life n provided her better n not worry if i hv enough for next month.

enjoy my teenage life- what i mean by that?
means now, even if i go out with my frens, i wont hv to feel bad abt leaving my girl at home. sometimes, i feel very stressed cos i wan to go out with my frens n enjoy, but i hv a commitment at home which i m responsible of.
but i admit, its my mistake from the start. i wasnt a rebellious kid, but it was my soft heartedness n love for kids thus deciding to keep her.

for most tt hv planned pregnancy n r married, it is easier for them to say dun abort, keep the baby, everything will turn out well.
yes, my parents objected my pregnancy, but now they love my girl til bits. but im still gg struggling myself.
might sound selfish to some, but if u cant even provide for yourself, how to provide for your child?
if u r not ready to hv a child, is it considered being responsible to?u r just doing it so u wont feel sinful, no?
for those who r married n they r preg, it is a joyous matter, family members will be happy n all.
but for many young unmarried girls like us, imagine when we find out we r preg, we r so stressed! n our parents dun agree n ppl talk behind our backs.
is this the kind of pregnancy u wan to go thru?
so easy to say, just ignore n as long as u r happy with your child can alr.
but will we be truly happy?
for me, no.
i love pin, i want the best for her, but now, i still cant fully support her n provide more for her, n im angry at myself for that.
i see other parents buy this n that, bring them here n there n all, but for me is limited, bcos i dont earn more than enough to give her all those.
im lucky cos my parents help me, if not, i dun dare to imagine what pin will bcome.

im not advicing u to abort, but think abt the consequences, if u r not ready, dont.
u r still so young, how would u know your current bf is the one?
after u come out to work, your social circle expands, u meet new ppl, your thinking change, u might meet someone more suitable, n same for him.

JMHO.

 

[Ting]

SnowBearries, i have been in your shoes before so i totally understand your dilemma. to be honest i was 19 and timid, even though my bf(current hubby) wanted to keep the baby i told him no, cos i dont't want to bring the baby to this world to suffer as i'm still schooling that time and bf just started working and his part time UNI. we have a planned future ahead of us.

my parents would definately be disappointed if i never complete my studies and i know they will hate my bf too, well my parents are very sucessful people and they have a important social life so i can't ruin their reputation. i can also imagine what they would do to me if i decide to keep the baby, they will send me overseas far far away, not marry my bf, then give baby up for adoption. mind you, my parents aren't cruel people but like i said their reputation is important for their business and i understand that completely.

ya it's true i will feel guilty on one side when i think back and that child would be 4 years old now etc,etc.. but i'm also glad cos now i'm financially stable and can give my current unborn child the best comfortable life i can. my relationship with hubby has been great too, we grew very close after the incident, we finished our studies, we have a beautiful wedding and honeymoon, have a career, and having a baby soon, so i think what i did in the past also motivate me to reach towards all my goals. also my parents relationship with hubby is great, imagine that time if my parents found out they will hate my hubby so much they will separate us..

so do think carefully, there's no right or wrong answer to this problem. either way you choose(to keep the baby or not) something would have to be sacrificed.

i agree strongly with u, i think u made the right decision.

 

[DodoTan]

I still disagree. Yes, obviously you're not ready to have a baby now. Otherwise we wouldn't be discussing about what to do. But my point is to live up to your decisions. In other words, face the consequences. For every action, there is a re-action. Most of the time, we don't have a choice as to what re-action we get from our actions. Just because technology allows us a choice in this case does not make it right.

We teach our children to be responsible and to face the music when they make mistakes. How do you picture yourself teaching that to your child next time if you don't live up to it yourself? Sorry, I'm the 'practise what you preach' type.