Dear mothers, I am a father who tries very hard to make this family work.
I am not very wealthy, but I give everything I can to let my wife and son enjoy their lives.
Recently, I am on the brink of despair, and I am at a total loss of what to do.
Please give me some advice on how you have or would handle this issue.
We have a son, he is 16 months old now.
1.We have trouble finding childcare for him at woodlands (my parents), yishun(MIL), or punggol (our home). They are either full or just costs too much every month.
2. My wife is expecting a 2nd child, and she is now I believe about 30 weeks? I know it is tiring for her being pregnant and all, but she doesn't need to work and is very young, nor is she sickened with any health problems, (in fact she is very healthy). My son is very active, but she keeps complaining about being tired looking after him staying in my parent's home.
3. Staying in my parent's home, my mother has 5 dogs that have been with us for the past 13 years. We have a dedicated maid that helps to clean up the mess they create everyday. This maid also helps to clean the house, our room, do the dishes, cook, and wash the clothes. She sometimes help bathing my son, and even play with him when I need to sleep in the morning. Recently I have decided to move back to my parent's home as I strongly felt that the maid could at least lighten her burden of at least not having to clean the house, and do my clothes.
We first moved back to my parents home because my wife got careless at home, and my son ended up scalded with some minor and 3rd degree burns.
The burns are healing, but during the entire trip to the hospital. What shocks me most is that she never once shed a tear for him, and really acted as though nothing serious happened. We later moved out after he healed, and because I had a fight with my father. - I have fights with him all the time so its quite normal for me.
The 2nd time we moved back was because my mother had a fight with my dad, and since she now had a maid, she invited us to come back to stay with her so that my son could keep her from being lonely. We later moved back home because I had a quarrel with her, and I was really angry. - You can tell that we are a very argumentative family.
This is the 3rd time now, and she now moves to my MIL's place because my MIL does EVERYTHING for her when my MIL comes home in the evening.
By everything i really mean everything. From bathing to feeding to making the baby sleep. Everytime I tell her to come home, she complains that she has to look after the kid the WHOLE DAY. (Can you please tell me which mother doesn't do that?)
My mother always complains to me that my wife spends too little time interacting with my son, and that my wife always has this look of disinterest whenever my son approaches her.
My wife then complains to me that why does she have to carry this BURDEN (I thought having a child was a JOY) alone, and that she has to look after him alone the whole day. She always has a thinking that if she were to move back to my parent's home, the maid should look after the child so that she can have her own time. -I AM TOTALLY BEWILDERED BY THIS.
Every night my son wakes up (even at 16months), and she never fails to help him wake me up too. Even though I need to go to work the next morning.
She then comments that we have 1 more kid coming, and she will not be able to cope, that we must send the elder boy to childcare, and the maid should totally look after him so that she could focus on the younger one. She frequents this forum, and often comments that ALL of you either had MOTHERS/MOTHERS IN LAW/MAIDS to look after your children. Is this true? Are there no mothers out there that love their children anymore that they just let everyone else do everything for them?
Sadly I have a maid, but my mother REFUSES to allow the maid to look after the kid other than doing mundane issues, such as making milk or washing milk bottles, and cleaning up our room. She believes that my wife should look after him because that is the duty of a mother. Tragically, I am unable to change her mind.
Finally, in return for all the help that my mother gives, she only requests that my wife help look after the house while everyone is out working. My wife feels that it is too much to tell the maid to clean up the house, or take responsibility for what happens at home. My mom asks this because my wife is the only person at home everyday that can keep an eye on everything else. - Is that too much to ask?
My mother is 53, and I am proud she is driving a cab to support herself despite her arrogant nature. She works for 6pm to 6am every morning, and changed her shifts from 4pm - 4am, just so she would not wake us up in the morning. (Her dogs bark really loudly at 4am in the morning). Not only that, she saw that coming home at 6 allows her to do the marketing for us. She always buys food back, and cooks it for my wife. - Seriously, what more can you ask for from an old woman who just worked 12hours????? She even buys us clothes, and dinners (we never eat at anything less than a restaurant) when I was really down and out, and looking for a new career. (I've been doing business all my life, and supporting only myself, and working for people is really whole new concept for me. I've only lived life the other way around)
Confinement - We have been having arguments about how screwed up our confinement was for her. My father has been a chef for the past 50years coming. He ran food chains in Malaysia, and Singapore previously but has retired. He had offered to cook all her foods for her during her first confinement some 15 months ago. ( My dad has been on TV 4 times mind you) He buys pork, pig liver, pig kidney, black chicken, cod fish, salmon, threadfin, and some other really expensive fishes which I don't really know the names. He makes wonderful food, but I was only slapped by my mother in law for not caring for my wife because MY WIFE DIDN'T want to eat what my MIL cooked. Really lost myself here. My MIL kept sending these funny rice wines, that were very sweet, and only cooked nothing but chicken for my wife to eat everyday. It made us look like a fool for even trying to attempt. My father got so frustrated he gave up after 2 weeks. I seriously cannot understand what is going on. I normally have to BEG my dad to cook. She got it free, and still complained.
LASTLY - This is very important question I must ask all of you. Is it normal to like light slap children because they touch things they aren't supposed to touch? Or do? or Climb? Is it really necessary to shout or scream at them in order for them to listen to you? My wife snaps at my son many times a day.
She follows my MIL to light slap my son, and I REALLY REALLY REALLY HATE AND DESPISE BOTH ACTIONS. AND THEY JUST WON'T STOP.
I've never had to do that with him. All i needed to do was talk to him, and he listens to me. He was only 10months old then. I believed that using my heart to talk to him, he would be able to feel my love for him, and actually understand what i mean. Am i really stupid to think that way? I was brought up that way. He is now 15months old, and no longer responds that way to me. I believe their actions have caused him to feel secluded, and inferior. He gets fussy all the time now,as though he had been rejected by people for too long.
Please help advice what I should do.
I am not very wealthy, but I give everything I can to let my wife and son enjoy their lives.
Recently, I am on the brink of despair, and I am at a total loss of what to do.
Please give me some advice on how you have or would handle this issue.
We have a son, he is 16 months old now.
1.We have trouble finding childcare for him at woodlands (my parents), yishun(MIL), or punggol (our home). They are either full or just costs too much every month.
2. My wife is expecting a 2nd child, and she is now I believe about 30 weeks? I know it is tiring for her being pregnant and all, but she doesn't need to work and is very young, nor is she sickened with any health problems, (in fact she is very healthy). My son is very active, but she keeps complaining about being tired looking after him staying in my parent's home.
3. Staying in my parent's home, my mother has 5 dogs that have been with us for the past 13 years. We have a dedicated maid that helps to clean up the mess they create everyday. This maid also helps to clean the house, our room, do the dishes, cook, and wash the clothes. She sometimes help bathing my son, and even play with him when I need to sleep in the morning. Recently I have decided to move back to my parent's home as I strongly felt that the maid could at least lighten her burden of at least not having to clean the house, and do my clothes.
We first moved back to my parents home because my wife got careless at home, and my son ended up scalded with some minor and 3rd degree burns.
The burns are healing, but during the entire trip to the hospital. What shocks me most is that she never once shed a tear for him, and really acted as though nothing serious happened. We later moved out after he healed, and because I had a fight with my father. - I have fights with him all the time so its quite normal for me.
The 2nd time we moved back was because my mother had a fight with my dad, and since she now had a maid, she invited us to come back to stay with her so that my son could keep her from being lonely. We later moved back home because I had a quarrel with her, and I was really angry. - You can tell that we are a very argumentative family.
This is the 3rd time now, and she now moves to my MIL's place because my MIL does EVERYTHING for her when my MIL comes home in the evening.
By everything i really mean everything. From bathing to feeding to making the baby sleep. Everytime I tell her to come home, she complains that she has to look after the kid the WHOLE DAY. (Can you please tell me which mother doesn't do that?)
My mother always complains to me that my wife spends too little time interacting with my son, and that my wife always has this look of disinterest whenever my son approaches her.
My wife then complains to me that why does she have to carry this BURDEN (I thought having a child was a JOY) alone, and that she has to look after him alone the whole day. She always has a thinking that if she were to move back to my parent's home, the maid should look after the child so that she can have her own time. -I AM TOTALLY BEWILDERED BY THIS.
Every night my son wakes up (even at 16months), and she never fails to help him wake me up too. Even though I need to go to work the next morning.
She then comments that we have 1 more kid coming, and she will not be able to cope, that we must send the elder boy to childcare, and the maid should totally look after him so that she could focus on the younger one. She frequents this forum, and often comments that ALL of you either had MOTHERS/MOTHERS IN LAW/MAIDS to look after your children. Is this true? Are there no mothers out there that love their children anymore that they just let everyone else do everything for them?
Sadly I have a maid, but my mother REFUSES to allow the maid to look after the kid other than doing mundane issues, such as making milk or washing milk bottles, and cleaning up our room. She believes that my wife should look after him because that is the duty of a mother. Tragically, I am unable to change her mind.
Finally, in return for all the help that my mother gives, she only requests that my wife help look after the house while everyone is out working. My wife feels that it is too much to tell the maid to clean up the house, or take responsibility for what happens at home. My mom asks this because my wife is the only person at home everyday that can keep an eye on everything else. - Is that too much to ask?
My mother is 53, and I am proud she is driving a cab to support herself despite her arrogant nature. She works for 6pm to 6am every morning, and changed her shifts from 4pm - 4am, just so she would not wake us up in the morning. (Her dogs bark really loudly at 4am in the morning). Not only that, she saw that coming home at 6 allows her to do the marketing for us. She always buys food back, and cooks it for my wife. - Seriously, what more can you ask for from an old woman who just worked 12hours????? She even buys us clothes, and dinners (we never eat at anything less than a restaurant) when I was really down and out, and looking for a new career. (I've been doing business all my life, and supporting only myself, and working for people is really whole new concept for me. I've only lived life the other way around)
Confinement - We have been having arguments about how screwed up our confinement was for her. My father has been a chef for the past 50years coming. He ran food chains in Malaysia, and Singapore previously but has retired. He had offered to cook all her foods for her during her first confinement some 15 months ago. ( My dad has been on TV 4 times mind you) He buys pork, pig liver, pig kidney, black chicken, cod fish, salmon, threadfin, and some other really expensive fishes which I don't really know the names. He makes wonderful food, but I was only slapped by my mother in law for not caring for my wife because MY WIFE DIDN'T want to eat what my MIL cooked. Really lost myself here. My MIL kept sending these funny rice wines, that were very sweet, and only cooked nothing but chicken for my wife to eat everyday. It made us look like a fool for even trying to attempt. My father got so frustrated he gave up after 2 weeks. I seriously cannot understand what is going on. I normally have to BEG my dad to cook. She got it free, and still complained.
LASTLY - This is very important question I must ask all of you. Is it normal to like light slap children because they touch things they aren't supposed to touch? Or do? or Climb? Is it really necessary to shout or scream at them in order for them to listen to you? My wife snaps at my son many times a day.
She follows my MIL to light slap my son, and I REALLY REALLY REALLY HATE AND DESPISE BOTH ACTIONS. AND THEY JUST WON'T STOP.
I've never had to do that with him. All i needed to do was talk to him, and he listens to me. He was only 10months old then. I believed that using my heart to talk to him, he would be able to feel my love for him, and actually understand what i mean. Am i really stupid to think that way? I was brought up that way. He is now 15months old, and no longer responds that way to me. I believe their actions have caused him to feel secluded, and inferior. He gets fussy all the time now,as though he had been rejected by people for too long.
Please help advice what I should do.
