Am I Insane???

[Simple Mum21]

Dear all,

PLease bare with me and my story. I dont know from where to start but lets begin...

I am a stay at home mum for past 2 years+. I got married at the age on 19 and have my 1st baby boy at the stage of 20. i knew my hubby so called bf before the marriage so later we decided to get married and start a new life. In other way i wanted to run away from my problems related to my parents. I did not wanted to stay with them.

My parents are divorced and have a really bad experience for my 19 years of life. In short My Ex father is a womanizer and my mom just wants more and more bfs. And i have 2 other younger brother who is now 18 and 11 and i am22. So after the divorced we all stay together with my mum in a one room flat which is a HDB subs flat.

My hubby and i wanted to save money by staying with my mom. we thought this would reduce the amount of spending and save more. but its the opposite. My hubby has to pay for all the utility bill, phn bill, house rent,foods, baby items etc ect. Now our son is 20 month old and i am becoming crazzy... coz we need the saving for our babys future.

I want to work to help my hubby but no one to take care of my son. cause my mother wants to work. She dnt wnt to stay at home so i am left with no choice but to take care of my baby.

Sometime i feel so frustrated that i beat my son if he does something which irritates me. I seems to become a crazy woman. I dont know how to control my anger. I have tolerated so much in my life that now i cant tolerate anything anymore. In dont have a helping hand. From morning to night only i am the one who is doing all the house cores and taking care of baby but when my mother comes home at night, she can do little bit of the work to help me out. but no she is like a queen. and i am the maid to do all the work by my self.

so saterday and sunday i wish to get some help from my hubby to take care of the baby and i do rest of the work. but sometime hubby also complain that i dont give him time to rest. what i expect from him is that either saterday or Sunday for sometime he can bring the baby out so tht i can review myself of what i am doing and what should i do. but i cnt coz he dnt wnt to help me.

before our marriage he had made so many promises to me but now it seems like he has forgotten all.

Even nowadays he says that i am mad. he hates me. the whole day i wait for his sms but he wont. he says he is busy with work. he dnt even buy me gifts on valentines day or anniversary day or birthday! i love gifts but i dnt receive anything! when i am angry with him, i expect him to console me but he dont. in other way he would say i behave like my mom. i am like my mom. as if he got a chance to blame me linking my parents...

what should i do ? you tell me? sometime i become so depressed that i cry out myself when i am in shower or later at night when all are sleeping. i cant find any solution.

I dont have a house. Dont have a proper family, nobody to help or listen to my problems, mentally sick , i have no source of income, no fun in life...what am i supposed to do? sometime when i am alone at home, i feel like commit suicide coz nobody loves me noone cares about me. i just want to die...

 

[apollo]

Have you tot of leaving ur son at CC while you go for a FT job? Or maybe get a trustable nanny or maid?? I always feel that it is better to tc of children on our own but if staying at hm is driving you mad soon, then i think it is time for you to get out of the hse to wk, not only can get extra income and also you wont feel so depressed.

I'm a SAHM too, and we gonna be more thrifty than the others in order to save more money every mth. and we both dont expect any gifts from each other for bday, vday or any anniversaries, just a cake (for bday) and a meal for any occassions will do.

Everything can be sort out if you calm down and speak to your hub. Discuss with him which is the best option for your son if you are going out for a FT job. =)

 

[MsKoh1973]

yes, my dear, think u just confuse tats all. Maybe u want to put ur child in a playgroup or something for couple of hours per day? If you need some one to talk to, what about your old frens? or u can try to get some part time job that you can do at home, or bring your bb to community center to walk walk everyday, at least dun stay at home whole day.

 

[zazaziya@gmail.com]

You are not insane, but you are depressed.
If staying home and taking care of your kid n household chores is driving u nuts, its time to get a full time job, and put your kid in child care.
Having a job brings in extra cash, and also gives u some social life outside your small circle of hubby and mother, and will give you a more balanced view of things.
Also, you will miss your child alot and when u come back from work, u will be busy sayanging him and not hitting him. As they say, absence makes the heart grows fonder.
The next time you get frustrated with your child, take it out on a pillow instead.
Also, get a referral from polyclinic to see a psychiatrist for your depression. Medication n some psychotherapy will help you. Take good care of yourself, you child needs you.

 

[lyra]

I hear a lot of stories like yours where I work. I suggest you go to a counselling centre instead of seeing psychiatrist straight away. Family Service Centre counselling cost about $15 per session but if you have financial difficulties, the counsellor/social worker there will help you. They not only counsel u but will help u with some difficulties like getting subsidised child care and job. Maybe u can start with a part time job first? Don't give urself too much stress.

Dear gal, remember that you the one who love yourself most and you are most responsible for your own happiness and no one else Think positive and look for solutions. You'll be surprised that you start to see possibilities around you instead of walls and obstacles that you used to believe were there.

From ur story, ur mom isn't too interested in helping u and ur baby. Then its not worth anymore staying together with her. Perhaps one solution is to find a place to rent or buy? Try balloting for BTO that is cheaper. If your hubby is earning enough to support the family, and u found a part time job, you'll be able to afford a 3 room flat easily! U need to wait 2 years for BTO but its worth the wait yah? Otherwise, a 3 room flat in Jurong area isn't expensive as centre area. Can also consider that.

Talk rationally to ur hubby and tells him the benefit of u getting a job and moving out of the house. Don't cry or be emotional. Will get through to him easier that way.

Hugs! Hope all goes well for u!

 

[MsKoh1973]

today news, government increase grant for first time HDB buyer. Why not get a new flat?

 

[Simple Mum21]

Hi mummies,
Thank you all for your concerns. My hubby and i have decided to buy a house on loan in the next 3 month . Please pray for us that we can settle all the problems positivity and we should soon have a new start in life...

 

[momi]

I think being a stay-home mum comes with many many responsibilities, sacrifices, and lots of understanding from those around you. After all, you won't have income (can't spend freely, have to depend on hubby to supply - if hubby not understanding or talk a lot when giving you monthly income, it's too stressful and hurtful). Some hubbies are good and understanding, some aren't.

I feel if you are feeling depressed over all this, work and send your bb to CC or babysitter or nanny. A lot of parents do this because they have to work so it's not something extraordinary.

 

[MsKoh1973]

if you got financial concern, you can start by 2 or 3 room, when ur finances improve then u buy a bigger house. As now you are not working, I would say tat is the best time to apply for grants and subsidy, esp the housing. Since you are now at home and also have access to computer, u should do more research on housing lah, renovation lah, HDB grant lah, loan lah, so as to prepare yourself for the new house.

As your household only your husband working, if his income is below a certain level, think there is also further subsidy, you can check with your childcare.

 

[Fisherman's Friend]

Hi mummies,
Thank you all for your concerns. My hubby and i have decided to buy a house on loan in the next 3 month . Please pray for us that we can settle all the problems positivity and we should soon have a new start in life...

As long as noth of you stay positive, everything will have a solution!

 

[MsKoh1973]

You can also consider taking up some courses, government do provide alot of subsidies, u can also check with NTUC.

 

[Amulet]

start by dropping your boy in childcare and look for a job.. *hug* u are not insane.. u are just depressed and confused..

 

[Simple Mum21]

if you got financial concern, you can start by 2 or 3 room, when your finances improve then you buy a bigger house. As now you are not working, I would say that is the best time to apply for grants and subsidy, esp the housing. Since you are now at home and also have access to computer, you should do more research on housing , renovation , HDB grant , loan , so as to prepare yourself for the new house.

As your household only your husband working, if his income is below a certain level, think there is also further subsidy, you can check with your childcare.

Hi there,
We are trying to get the loan 1st. we tried in hdb but it was unsuccessful as my hubby is not singaporean. So my income at that time was not enough. So i tried to get from ocbc bank still cant as he is a foreigner. So need to try other banks. in the other hand hubby can give 20k cash valuation. not more than tht. So Loan is the problem now...
:(

 

[Simple Mum21]

You can also consider taking up some courses, government do provide alot of subsidies, u can also check with NTUC.

Hi there,
subsidies in what ???

 

[Simple Mum21]

start by dropping your boy in childcare and look for a job.. *hug* u are not insane.. u are just depressed and confused..

Hi there,
I cant put him to child care. coz he is still taking blended food and they dnt provide it. I am waiting for my son to learn to eat by chewing...pheewww...life is terrible... more and more tension ....::((

 

[Amulet]

Hi there,
I cant put him to child care. coz he is still taking blended food and they dnt provide it. I am waiting for my son to learn to eat by chewing...pheewww...life is terrible... more and more tension ....::((

thn you should wean him off blended food asap.. especially since he is already 20months old with full set of teeth, there's no reason that he is still eating blended food.. it's better to let his jaws work and learn to chew..

 

[Fisherman's Friend]

thn you should wean him off blended food asap.. especially since he is already 20months old with full set of teeth, there's no reason that he is still eating blended food.. it's better to let his jaws work and learn to chew..

I agree..20mths old should be able to eat normal food already. Let him try bit by bit, it will make ur life easier too

 

[apollo]

yes, 20 mth old is too old for blended food alrdy. slowly increase the texture and at the same time, source for a suitable CC as most CC might not have vacancy immediately, have to be on the waiting list. =)

 

[Ting]

yes, wean him off blended food now, if not he would be too lazy to chew in the future, and u will hv a bigger problem.
as for CC, full time working mothers have $300 subsidy, and u can also apply for the CFAC financial aid (for CC) and they will help u pay a certain amount monthly, according to your pay.

 

[MsKoh1973]

Last time when I first placed my girl in infant care, I used to bring my own home-made porridge inside the kept warmth container. I cooked using the small rice cooker, just throw everything inside, it will be ready in half an hour. My girl loves it.

So if you are concern abt the food, u can check w the childcare whether they can make special arrangement for u. I know kids are very adaptive to their environment, like my niece, she was so used to being fed by people and eating blended food (till 3.5 yo), tat time, she couldn't even speak properly, only mummble, what she said, only my girl of same age can understand. Doc said it was becos she dun chew her food, her jaw was not developed.

When she first went to CC, she lost weight. But when she see the other kids are eating, she slowly mix with them, within two months, she started to feed herself. Now at 6 yo, she talks better than my girl. So don't worry, they will adapt.