am i making a right decision?

[dumbocarebear]

dear all mummies

i'm new here. this is my first time to this forum.

Just last Thursday, I tested positive with the pregnancy kit. I calculated based on my last period date, I should be around 5 weeks + pregnant now.

My bf doesn’t want the baby, but I insist on keeping. I’m 27 this years, not too young already.
I told him that even if he doesn’t want the baby, I’m going to keep the baby and bring her/him up on my own.

He keep thinking that I will not be able to do this. thinking that I do not know what’s the consequences of being a single mother. He thinks that I does not know that this is going to be a very tough road for myself. I know. I know bringing a child with a partner is already not easy, in terms of mental or financial, bringing a kid up all by myself it will be even more tough.

Can anyone advise me on your experience?

I’m in a dilemma. I have no one else to talk to. I dunno who to consult on this.
I really want to keep the baby, it’s a life afterall.

 

[Amulet]

ur bf sounds like my ex..

he was earning $3-4k, i was earning $1.3k.. he say we doesn't have the ability to feed a baby.. he say i cannot make it by myself, calling me naive, stupid, watever.. saying things like how will people look at me, how miserable will my child feel, how no other men will wan to marry me..

4 yrs down the road, i am proving him all wrong..

no doubt it's going to be a tough journey, taking discipline, strength, and determination to place your baby as the top priority in your life, but you will not be lonely.. as your child will be right there with you.. and the love you receive from him/her, are times deeper, purer, stable and true than any men can give you..

 

[dumbocarebear]

hi amulet

that's the same stuff that my bf told me. telling me that i'm just too naive, thinking that bringing up a child alone is that easy. i told him that i know this is definitely not going to be easy.

i really hope i can be like you too. being so strong.
how did you do that? & do you have any slight regret up till now?

 

[Amulet]

hi amulet

that's the same stuff that my bf told me. telling me that i'm just too naive, thinking that bringing up a child alone is that easy. i told him that i know this is definitely not going to be easy.

i really hope i can be like you too. being so strong.
how did you do that? & do you have any slight regret up till now?

i dunno how did i do that? if there is one person i can credit, that would be God.. back then when i just found out my pregnancy and my ex was persuading me to abortion, i prayed to Him even though i was not a Christian back then.. it's only becoz my ex is a Catholic, so i thought i would pray to his God.. i said, please let my ex change his mind and heart.. but if i have to walk this path alone, then bless me with the strength i need.. and indeed, i was bless with strength in my heart and mind and body.. and somehow, the strength was pass on to my baby through the 10months of pregnancy.. i was so strong that no words can put me down or get to my heart, i can still run and chase after the bus at 8months pregnancy.. she is so strong that she hardly cries, even wen she falls down, she will just get up on her own, unless it really hurts and bleed..

i guess when you are determined to keep the child, place him/her in top priority, everything will just fall into place.. my mind was all about keeping her and raising her, i was even mentally prepared that if no men can love my daughter and accept her like their own flesh and blood, i would stay unmarried to protect her until she is grown up and have her own family..

of coz, if you have your family's support and acceptance, things will be times easier.. my family accepted my pregnancy, accepted my daughter.. in fact, they love her to bits..

my ex's mean words are also one thing that propels me.. i was more than determined to prove him wrong..

there is never a moment of regret from the moment i decide to keep her, and even more so after she arrived in my arm.. even though sometimes it's tiring (those nightfeeds, colic, breastfeeding problems), and sometime she makes me wans to tear out my hair or the blood vessel in my brain would burst, i am always thankful that God sent her to me.. she makes my life more meaningful and purposeful..

 

[dumbocarebear]

that's what i am hoping i can do it too. that i have strength to carry on, and carry my kid.

i have the same thought as you. if no other man is willing to love me because of my child, then i'll rather stay alone with my child. because i don't expect to find a man that can be so generous to accommodate me & and my child.

so i think all i can do is to protect my child myself.

my family does not know of my pregnancy yet bcoz as much as i want to keep my baby, i'm still afraid. i want to check also to ensure that my baby is growing up safe..

i thinnk the two of us have similar situations... just that my baby is only 5 weeks old and is still in my stomach...

 

[Amulet]

that's what i am hoping i can do it too. that i have strength to carry on, and carry my kid.

i have the same thought as you. if no other man is willing to love me because of my child, then i'll rather stay alone with my child. because i don't expect to find a man that can be so generous to accommodate me & and my child.

so i think all i can do is to protect my child myself.

my family does not know of my pregnancy yet bcoz as much as i want to keep my baby, i'm still afraid. i want to check also to ensure that my baby is growing up safe..

i thinnk the two of us have similar situations... just that my baby is only 5 weeks old and is still in my stomach...

dont worry.. i was 19 when i was in your situation, we coped and survived.. you are 27, times older and mature than i was, i'm sure you would be fine too..

have you visit a gynae yet? i found out my pregnancy when i was ard 5 weeks pregnant, seen her heartbeat on screen by 5.6week, ask polyclinic for letter of referral to KKH, and go to KKH by myself..

tell your family on your decision so that they could have time to be prepared..

and you have to settle things with your bf, understand your/his/your child's legal rights.. my ex tried to use law to scare me from taking child maintenance from him.. but it's all actually bullshitting and nvr going to happen legally..

 

[dumbocarebear]

no, i have not seen a gyna yet. too much things weighing on my heart until i have not went to find one...

pardon me, but what are the stuff that i shld be stating clearly with bf now?

does your child know of her biological father?
how did you explain to her that she only has mummy?
did you state the father's name in her birth cert?
she follow your surname or the father?

i dun forsee that the father will snatch the baby from me since now that he doesn't even want the baby. but i think i need to know what will happen first in case this happen one day. you never know when they will turn back on their words (again!).

 

[Amulet]

no, i have not seen a gyna yet. too much things weighing on my heart until i have not went to find one...

pardon me, but what are the stuff that i shld be stating clearly with bf now?

does your child know of her biological father?
how did you explain to her that she only has mummy?
did you state the father's name in her birth cert?
she follow your surname or the father?

i dun forsee that the father will snatch the baby from me since now that he doesn't even want the baby. but i think i need to know what will happen first in case this happen one day. you never know when they will turn back on their words (again!).

if you are financially tight, u can ask for a referral letter to KKH, it's cheaper that way..

i dunno if this would works coz i didn't have the chance to try, u can try typing an agreement that he himself wans to give up the baby and gives up his paternal rights over your child to get him to sign.. not sure if it would be regarded as an evidence legally, but no harm to that, u can keep it by ur side at least for those just in case..

my child is only 3 yrs old, she doesn't knows of her biological father and i hasn't need to do any explanation to her yet.. to her, her Dad is my current bf who enters our lives since she is 18months old.. but i will explain to her when she is older as there is no ways of hiding..

i didn't state his name in her birth cert as i try to cut contacts with him since 8weeks pregnant.. it also make it difficult for him if he wans to claim her in future (he needs to go through DNA test), easier for me to do those documentation, schooling preparation for her.. only needs my signature and consent.. if the father's details are in the birth cert, you would have some problems having to sign her up for primary schools, ect..

as such, she follows my surname and will change to my future husband's surname when i get married eventually..

as for snatching the baby in future, you really nvr knows.. these assholes can change their mind like flipping roti prata.. who knows one day he lay eye on his baby and wans him back? like another mommy here, her ex also say don't wan the baby and ask her to abort.. now see his son already, fell in love and keep pestering her to let him and his mother meet his son..

but in case you need to know, if u wans him to be financially responsible, you can sue him for child maintenance after baby is born.. the court will order a DNA test.. but in this case if he gives the child monthly maintenance, he will be entitled for visitation rights and probably joint custody too..

 

[dumbocarebear]

i thought of doing that too. writing a letter and let him sign off to state that he is giving up his rights of the baby since now that he doesn't want the baby.

i'm really hurt by this person.

if he doesn't want me to keep the baby now, den he jolly well remain this way. and not try to be funny with me when the child is older and den say he wants.

glad that you found another man that love you and your daughter now...

i think i shall not put the father's name down since there will be so much complications when registering for the child stuff..

i read from the forum that i have to go to ICA to make an oath for this to happen right?

 

[Amulet]

i thought of doing that too. writing a letter and let him sign off to state that he is giving up his rights of the baby since now that he doesn't want the baby.

i'm really hurt by this person.

if he doesn't want me to keep the baby now, den he jolly well remain this way. and not try to be funny with me when the child is older and den say he wants.

glad that you found another man that love you and your daughter now...

i think i shall not put the father's name down since there will be so much complications when registering for the child stuff..

i read from the forum that i have to go to ICA to make an oath for this to happen right?

i understand what you are going through.. i was so hurt by my ex that eventually, all the love i felt for him turn to anger.. kinda good in that sense, at least i'm no longer sad over losing him..

yes.. iirc, you have to register his birth at ICA within 2 weeks? i do it on the 3rd day straight after leaving the hospital, before going home..

they would ask you for father detail, you can just tell them 'you don't know'.. although this is kinda embarrassing, but you just get through with it.. thn they will guide you on taking an oath that you are a single mother, blah blah blah.. get the birth certificate on the spot.. quite fast actually..

you would not be entitled for baby bonus, but you will be entitled for 12weeks maternity leave, 2 days childcare leave, when you put your child in childcare in future you will be entitled to CFAC subsidies(if your income is less thn $1.8k) and working mother subsidies..

meeting my current BF is just like what i said, 'when you place your child in first priority, everything else will just fall into place'.. to me, any guys that cannot love my child simply doesn't loves me enough nor good enough for me too..

one of the reason my BF says makes him love me more, is seeing and hearing how much i love my girl, wen through for her, how i protect and take care of her..

one day, you will also meet a guy who will love you so much that he loves your child like he loves you too..

 

[AugBoyz]

perhaps you can seek a lawyer's help in drafting such letter? Or seek their opinion if you want to keep the man out of your life and any chance of claiming the child from you in future.

Family support is the best support mentally n physically. Wish you & ur baby all the best =)

 

[dumbocarebear]

i certainly hope that my love will not turn into anger, after all he is the one i loved.

okay, hope the ICA wun give me problems when i do the registration...

thanks amulet, you given me alot of advise! you given me the confidence to hang on with my 5 weeks old baby..

can i continue to look for you for advice when i need in the future?

 

[dumbocarebear]

perhaps you can seek a lawyer's help in drafting such letter? Or seek their opinion if you want to keep the man out of your life and any chance of claiming the child from you in future.

Family support is the best support mentally n physically. Wish you & ur baby all the best =)

i think it will costs alot to get the lawyer to draft this letter??

but starting the topic to family is really a tough one.. i dunno how to break the news to them...

 

[Amulet]

Maybe u would like to first break the news to whom u think most probably will not oppose Ur decision to keep the baby?

I first told my brother through msn.. Thn I look for a quiet afternoon with just me and my mum at home to tell her the news..

We are all here to seek advise and support from each others, of coZ you can talk to me in future too!

 

[angiebaby]

hi,

first of all congras for being pregnant, even if you might not think that is something to congra at this moment. happy to see that you are actually decide to keep the baby, being pregnant is not easy, you can read those post who is trying so hard to get pregnant.

about your bf, sorry to say but he not worth your sadness and anymore love, did he ask for break off yet? or is he trying to avoid your call or sms, or he still trying to ask you to abort the baby? if yes, you can totally give up on this man and get a draft letter to ask him sign and give up the right of the baby.

as for single mom to be, how is your financial status? can you earn enough money to pay everything by yourself? pregnancy pkg will be few hundred dollars, and the pkg start from 12 week, before that you have to pay per visit which will cost you maybe 130 to 180 depends on gynae you seeing, and birth pkg ( after deduction of 2.3k from cpf ) will cost you about another 2 to 3k, you should start prepare the money now, and if you cant, then you must seek for family support, mentally and financially.

just in case if you need, here is a sample letter of give up his right of the baby, make him prepare this letter ( of course you need to change some details accordingly, signed and get two more witness to sign before he run away from your life), here in the forum many people willing to help, including me.


To Judge Anso of 4th District,

This is to officially and publicly declare that I, Marianna Robertso will not seek further custody of my children - Andrew Robertso and Ian Robertso, ages 9 and 10 years old. I will not impose myself in their lives until I seek proper care and rehabilitation. I love my children and I am giving up my parental rights for their well-being and safety. They need to be with family who know and love them.

I would like that the court grant custody to their paternal grandmother who has cared for them for most of their lives.

Signed & Noted: August 4, 2006

 

[Dumbdumb]

if you are financially tight, u can ask for a referral letter to KKH, it's cheaper that way..

i dunno if this would works coz i didn't have the chance to try, u can try typing an agreement that he himself wans to give up the baby and gives up his paternal rights over your child to get him to sign.. not sure if it would be regarded as an evidence legally, but no harm to that, u can keep it by ur side at least for those just in case..

my child is only 3 yrs old, she doesn't knows of her biological father and i hasn't need to do any explanation to her yet.. to her, her Dad is my current bf who enters our lives since she is 18months old.. but i will explain to her when she is older as there is no ways of hiding..

i didn't state his name in her birth cert as i try to cut contacts with him since 8weeks pregnant.. it also make it difficult for him if he wans to claim her in future (he needs to go through DNA test), easier for me to do those documentation, schooling preparation for her.. only needs my signature and consent.. if the father's details are in the birth cert, you would have some problems having to sign her up for primary schools, ect..

as such, she follows my surname and will change to my future husband's surname when i get married eventually..

as for snatching the baby in future, you really nvr knows.. these assholes can change their mind like flipping roti prata.. who knows one day he lay eye on his baby and wans him back? like another mommy here, her ex also say don't wan the baby and ask her to abort.. now see his son already, fell in love and keep pestering her to let him and his mother meet his son..

but in case you need to know, if u wans him to be financially responsible, you can sue him for child maintenance after baby is born.. the court will order a DNA test.. but in this case if he gives the child monthly maintenance, he will be entitled for visitation rights and probably joint custody too..

i understand from ICA that we cannot change the baby's surname unless DNA shows that ur husband is the biological father... my son follows my surname too.. just to let you know.. i asked previously when i registered for his birth..

 

[Amulet]

i understand from ICA that we cannot change the baby's surname unless DNA shows that ur husband is the biological father... my son follows my surname too.. just to let you know.. i asked previously when i registered for his birth..

we would be adopting her under his name after we got married, she will be issued a new birth cert and thus given a new surname..

 

[Dumbdumb]

we would be adopting her under his name after we got married, she will be issued a new birth cert and thus given a new surname..

ooh... tt's something new.. thanks for the info~!!!

 

[Amulet]

ooh... tt's something new.. thanks for the info~!!!

that would also means that if *Choy* u guys divorce in future, he would be given joint custody of the child, need to give the child maintenance.. And in the event that *choy again* if you pass away, he will be the sole parent to your child, Ur child need not be put up for custody/ guardianship fight in the family court or end up in orphanage..

 

[dumbocarebear]

hi,

first of all congras for being pregnant, even if you might not think that is something to congra at this moment. happy to see that you are actually decide to keep the baby, being pregnant is not easy, you can read those post who is trying so hard to get pregnant.

about your bf, sorry to say but he not worth your sadness and anymore love, did he ask for break off yet? or is he trying to avoid your call or sms, or he still trying to ask you to abort the baby? if yes, you can totally give up on this man and get a draft letter to ask him sign and give up the right of the baby.

as for single mom to be, how is your financial status? can you earn enough money to pay everything by yourself? pregnancy pkg will be few hundred dollars, and the pkg start from 12 week, before that you have to pay per visit which will cost you maybe 130 to 180 depends on gynae you seeing, and birth pkg ( after deduction of 2.3k from cpf ) will cost you about another 2 to 3k, you should start prepare the money now, and if you cant, then you must seek for family support, mentally and financially.

just in case if you need, here is a sample letter of give up his right of the baby, make him prepare this letter ( of course you need to change some details accordingly, signed and get two more witness to sign before he run away from your life), here in the forum many people willing to help, including me.


To Judge Anso of 4th District,

This is to officially and publicly declare that I, Marianna Robertso will not seek further custody of my children - Andrew Robertso and Ian Robertso, ages 9 and 10 years old. I will not impose myself in their lives until I seek proper care and rehabilitation. I love my children and I am giving up my parental rights for their well-being and safety. They need to be with family who know and love them.

I would like that the court grant custody to their paternal grandmother who has cared for them for most of their lives.

Signed & Noted: August 4, 2006

Hi angiebaby,
thank you for your congratulations. yes I really do agree it is not easy to get pregnant for some so I decide to treasure this little gift from god (though I’m not a Christian). I believe if the baby comes to me now, it is my fate and I should accept this.

he did not ask for breakup or trying to avoid me. but he is simply just not keen for me to keep because of a lot of other reasons, which I wish to keep it as it is now. he did still provide some little concern but ……………

I’m working full time now, a office based job. income wise, considered stable and quite alright. Not earning BIG bucks, but I believe shld be sufficient to go through this. just maybe need to save abit here and there since now expenses is gg to increase a lot.

for single moms, are there any other reliefs that we can get for the birth package?

can I ask roughly how much you are spending on baby stuff now? from the early stage when baby is a new-born till months later… I know I got to keep spare cash JUST IN CASE baby fell sick… medical bills in Singapore can really kills…

thank you for the sample letter. with 2 witnesses, will it be sufficient to be a court document or legal doc?