Am I the bad one? Problem with cousin

[momi]

Pleaseee allow me to vent this out, it's bothering me a little and I hope to hear what u all think.

My Malaysian cousin's gf is studying in Sg at the moment and she lives not too far from me but we're not that close, only went out once dinner..other times are with all relatives. Her bday is next week. My cousin msged me today all of a sudden (he never usually msgs) and asked me if I'm free this weekend. I said sorry I have work to do. He asked what bout Monday..I said I have work. He replied 'just say ur busy la' btw, he's almost 10 years younger than me but he never speaks with respect to me anyway. I was a bit irritated with his reply already. Then he asked if I know his gf's address. I said no. He asks 'how come i don't know'. I said why should i know, not like i mail her things. Then he said 'like that, i send to ur address, u send to her'..i said if he doesn't mind the thing arriving to my place next week (after her bday) then ok i can send to her. he said 'no her bday is monday, u send on monday'. i said i don't know if i'm in time to collect my mails on monday because i usually come home late and office is closed. he said 'in that case, i order a dozen of roses and u send to her'..i said 'u think i'm a florist is it? u send straight to her apartment and ask receptionist to page her down. so weird i pass the flowers to her'..he said 'no u just send to apartment and ask receptionist to pass to her' :elvis: i said 'what's the difference then?' he said he doesn't know her room no. i said the receptionist can page her down. he replied 'so u don't want to help la...ok then' and stop msging.

I am feeling a bit bad now..am I too selfish? :embarrassed: But I really don't appreciate being treated like a postwoman. And I admit I am selfish because I feel that I am a professional business woman (workwear all that), look so horrible carrying a big bunch of flowers to send to a 10 years younger student? Sighhh feel bad now

 

[jojoki]

Pleaseee allow me to vent this out, it's bothering me a little and I hope to hear what you all think.

My Malaysian cousin's gf is studying in Sg at the moment and she lives not too far from me but we're not that close, only went out once dinner..other times are with all relatives. Her bday is next week. My cousin msged me today all of a sudden (he never usually msgs) and asked me if I'm free this weekend. I said sorry I have work to do. He asked what bout Monday..I said I have work. He replied 'just say your busy ' btw, he's almost 10 years younger than me but he never speaks with respect to me anyway. I was a bit irritated with his reply already. Then he asked if I know his gf's address. I said no. He asks 'how come i dont't know'. I said why should i know, not like i mail her things. Then he said 'like that, i send to your address, you send to her'..i said if he doesn't mind the thing arriving to my place next week (after her bday) then ok i can send to her. he said 'no her bday is monday, you send on monday'. i said i dont't know if i'm in time to collect my mails on monday because i usually come home late and office is closed. he said 'in that case, i order a dozen of roses and you send to her'..i said 'you think i'm a florist is it? you send straight to her apartment and ask receptionist to page her down. so weird i pass the flowers to her'..he said 'no you just send to apartment and ask receptionist to pass to her' :elvis: i said 'what's the difference then?' he said he doesn't know her room no. i said the receptionist can page her down. he replied 'so you dont't want to help ...ok then' and stop msging.

I am feeling a bit bad now..am I too selfish? :embarrassed: But I really dont't appreciate being treated like a postwoman. And I admit I am selfish because I feel that I am a professional business woman (workwear all that), look so horrible carrying a big bunch of flowers to send to a 10 years younger student? Sighhh feel bad now

haha i think ur cousin is just being childish lar.. just say no lor.. unless u guys v close. I wont even dare of asking my couz for favour if we are not close....

 

[rainbow1234]

Just ignore . This type of people is those good things never share with you but got sH*t and want you to clear backside type . No need to feel bad about this .
Not as if you are super close to him and feel oblige to help .

 

[momi]

Thank you for the replies!

My cousin and I are not very close but not to say not close also..ok only. As in got talk when meet, he likes to tease type but I will never talk anything serious with him.

I'm the type who don't like to trouble people if I can help it. That's why I really don't understand why he would want to trouble other people for such an insignificant thing. If it's urgent and important I'll surely help. This sort of thing (want to surprise gf), keep it within himself la. Why trouble people?? When I suggest to him 'why don't u just pretend to ask her for her address?' he says 'scared she'll know about the surprise'.. :shyxxx: i nearly answered back 'then not scared that bothering me?'

 

[jasobias]

ya tell ur cousin ah pls dont be lazy..go get the flowers delivered!!i have never heard of such nonsense.Wht a stupid request.it wld have been ok if u were damn close to his gf or him.

 

[momi]

That's what I told him, get the flowers delivered. He said he doesn't know her room number. I told him to tell the florist to send to reception and they will surely page her down if u give them her name. He said better for me to send the flowers to the reception. I was boiling that time, treat me as what??

Actually since that gf came to SG always I will have some problem. Last time she even told everybody back home that she saw me on the street with this guy la, that guy la and everybody started thinking like I am very 'easy'. Then she tells everyone she has no friends, very lonely and when relatives tell her to look for me, she told them I'm always unavailable. The thing is she never even asked me. Plus I see her photos, every weekend out with big group of friends. I don't like to bother about people's business so never go and tell what I see to those back home. But more and more stepping on my toes now..now want me to do this for her :nah:

 

[diymummy]

I feel you did nothing wrong.

You have your priorities. He doesn't understand that. And him expecting you to be there at his beck and call, yet not wanting to show respect? I think he is the selfish one and not you.

If they expect to be treated with respect, they too should be showing respect to others.

 

[momi]

Thank you diymummy..that is exactly what I feel! The lack of respect from him..each time he talks with me, there is disrespect! Kids nowadays..

He visited his gf few months ago and so I brought them out for a meal. During our meeting, he can indirectly say things like I'm a 'reject' because I did not study in HIS university which HE claims is the best in Australia. I brushed it off as a joke but he repeated it again in our next meeting, saying that I'm good for nothing because I tend to spend more time working than doing anything else. Excuse me, I am older than him and more successful, what right has he got to speak to me that way?? I was expecting his mum to tell him off for saying that (she was there in our meeting) but she laughed along :elvis: She's the type that looks up like anything to her son, seeing him as the best in the world. The mum didn't tell him off that time, so how could I do that in front of his mum?

Already I have not much liking for people like that who shows no respect, somemore can ask me to send things here and there for him just to 'surprise his gf'??

 

[diymummy]

I think probably his mum is making him like that. No offence to you or your aunty, but she not chiding her son for saying that, is making him think that behaving that way is alright.

Has your cousin started working? With his attitude, just wait and see how long he can last out there in the coporate world since he graduated from the "best" university.

 

[momi]

diymummy,

Good question about him working. This is happening right now.

He's been looking for a job since last year but is still jobless because.....u won't believe this! He only wants to work in a big and reputable company. So when he attends interviews, his mum proudly tells us that HE is the one deciding whether he wants to work there or not :err: Ya ur right, his mum is the type that looks up to her son no end, that's why he always thinks he's the best. But too bad, I'm not his mother, why should I put up with such disrespect?? For me, if I don't like someone, I just distant myself from them.

U know that time during our meeting, I just came from work so of course I'm in my work attire. He can even say that time 'we are doing her (me) a favour by coming out dinner together because look at her (me) all dressed up. as if she has opportunities to dress up like that on normal days'....although (i hope) he meant it as a joke/ice-breaker statement, I was shocked to hear such a comment. Never had I imagine being talked to like that! And guess what..the mum and his gf laughed along :embarrassed:

 

[Ting]

haha if my cousin actually said that to me, i will just tell him: go n die lar, u think i so free isit.

hahahahahaha.
yes i will.
i think he just has no common sense to give u such unnecessary trouble.
who knows, one day he ask u go over n slp with his gf cos she is scared of GHOST!
SIAO~ if im u, i will just tell him, yeah i dont want to help, cos im not so stupid do dbl job, ask him come back n send her flowers lahs, DUH!
my bf came back from aussie just to celebrate our anni tgt, n when he just started schling in aussie, he also get florist to send me flowers, ipod, etc from aussie lorr.

n your aunt horr, wah laos, she also another one kind. duhz. i sure shoot back dee lorr, i wont respect ppl who dont know how to respect others (ME, that is )
tell your cousin, IF HE IS SO DAMN BLARDY SMART, HE CAN STUDY IN SG ALR LAHS, GO SIMI AUSSIE UNI !and Aussie unis r one of the cheapest overseas uni lor, DUH!!!!!!!!!

 

[Ting]

diymummy,

Good question about him working. This is happening right now.

He's been looking for a job since last year but is still jobless because.....you won't believe this! He only wants to work in a big and reputable company. So when he attends interviews, his mum proudly tells us that HE is the one deciding whether he wants to work there or not :err: Ya your right, his mum is the type that looks up to her son no end, that's why he always thinks he's the best. But too bad, I'm not his mother, why should I put up with such disrespect?? For me, if I dont't like someone, I just distant myself from them.

you know that time during our meeting, I just came from work so of course I'm in my work attire. He can even say that time 'we are doing her (me) a favour by coming out dinner together because look at her (me) all dressed up. as if she has opportunities to dress up like that on normal days'....although (i hope) he meant it as a joke/ice-breaker statement, I was shocked to hear such a comment. Never had I imagine being talked to like that! And guess what..the mum and his gf laughed along :embarrassed:

wah lao, this type of ppl damn annoying...
think too highly of himself.
if he meets me, hahaha, he sure shut up immediately man.


next time he says that tell him this: yah, thanks! so nice of u n your mum lehs, yeah lorr, i only hv opportunities to dress up like this from mon to fri only, weekends then can wear casually like u, cos i will be "jobless" on weekends. so good horr u!! everyday stay home shake leg with your mum at home like ur maid~ how i wish i can be JUST LIKE U, just waste my life away with my gf. SIGH~ too bad i hv a JOB.
then give a sarcastic laughter n roll your eyes.
ppl like these, no need to give face, well, i wont.
n i dont care if she is my aunt or grandmother.
respect (from me) doesnt come with Age.

 

[diymummy]

LOL! Ya, momi, just distant yourself from him. He's not worth your energy getting angry over. *pats*

And you should tell him this principle abt respect, "Rank is given. Respect is earned." So if he wants to be respected, he jolly well earn it.

 

[momi]

haha if my cousin actually said that to me, i will just tell him: go n die , you think i so free isit.

hahahahahaha.
yes i will.
i think he just has no common sense to give you such unnecessary trouble.
who knows, one day he ask you go over n sleep with his gf cos she is scared of GHOST!
crazy~ if im you, i will just tell him, yeah i dont want to help, cos im not so stupid do dbl job, ask him come back n send her flowers lahs, DUH!
my bf came back from aussie just to celebrate our anni together, n when he just started schling in aussie, he also get florist to send me flowers, ipod, etc from aussie lorr.

n your aunt horr, wah laos, she also another one kind. duhz. i sure shoot back dee lorr, i wont respect ppl who dont know how to respect others (ME, that is )
tell your cousin, IF HE IS SO DAMN BLARDY SMART, HE CAN STUDY IN SG already LAHS, GO SIMI AUSSIE UNI !and Aussie unis r one of the cheapest overseas uni , DUH!!!!!!!!!

You almost got it right there, except that it's not his gf but his mum! That time they visited SG, he just asked his mum to stay at my place so that he and his gf can have the whole place to themselves. He told everyone including his mum that his gf's place no space but actually her place is a 1-bedroom apartment. They can sleep at the living room and give their mum the room if they want to but no, they make her stay with me. That also I never mind already because pity the mum. Now this..feels so taken advantage of and worse, unappreciated. And the mum can, at that time, say to me want to give them privacy so she stays with me. As if I don't need my privacy, somemore she and me not that close..

 

[diymummy]

You almost got it right there, except that it's not his gf but his mum! That time they visited SG, he just asked his mum to stay at my place so that he and his gf can have the whole place to themselves. He told everyone including his mum that his gf's place no space but actually her place is a 1-bedroom apartment. They can sleep at the living room and give their mum the room if they want to but no, they make her stay with me. That also I never mind already because pity the mum. Now this..feels so taken advantage of and worse, unappreciated.

Make them pay rent.

 

[momi]

LOL! Ya, momi, just distant yourself from him. He's not worth your energy getting angry over. *pats*

And you should tell him this principle about respect, "Rank is given. Respect is earned." So if he wants to be respected, he jolly well earn it.

wah lao, this type of ppl damn annoying...
think too highly of himself.
if he meets me, hahaha, he sure shut up immediately man.


next time he says that tell him this: yah, thanks! so nice of you n your mum lehs, yeah lorr, i only have opportunities to dress up like this from mon to fri only, weekends then can wear casually like you, cos i will be "jobless" on weekends. so good horr you!! everyday stay home shake leg with your mum at home like your maid~ how i wish i can be JUST LIKE you, just waste my life away with my gf. SIGH~ too bad i have a JOB.
then give a sarcastic laughter n roll your eyes.
ppl like these, no need to give face, well, i wont.
n i dont care if she is my aunt or grandmother.
respect (from me) doesnt come with Age.

Yeah I wish I can be more assertive like u all said..just that I really don't like to have to speak back to people like that, just not in my nature to do that. But I really must learn!

 

[momi]

Make them pay rent.

:tlaugh:

And somemore you know what? They asked me to go to the airport with them to pick up the mum. So ok in the end I agreed since I was free that day. Few hours before, they called up to say they won't go since I'm going. So in the end I had to go myself to pick up HIS mum.

The mum also the same. When she touched down and got out, I was asking her if her flight was ok and whether she's comfortable and feeling ok. She said to me in a 'smirking' way: You dont't even know to say Welcome to SG to me.
I was shocked again. Even teaching me as if I have no manners and don't know how to talk???

 

[diymummy]

:tlaugh:

And somemore you know what? They asked me to go to the airport with them to pick up the mum. So ok in the end I agreed since I was free that day. Few hours before, they called up to say they won't go since I'm going. So in the end I had to go myself to pick up HIS mum.

I think your cousin is really taking his mum for granted and you as well. Spoilt brat. 眼中无人. All I can say.

There's nothing else you can do to teach him but to just let him fall and hope that he learns his lesson to be humble.

 

[Ting]

You almost got it right there, except that it's not his gf but his mum! That time they visited SG, he just asked his mum to stay at my place so that he and his gf can have the whole place to themselves. He told everyone including his mum that his gf's place no space but actually her place is a 1-bedroom apartment. They can sleep at the living room and give their mum the room if they want to but no, they make her stay with me. That also I never mind already because pity the mum. Now this..feels so taken advantage of and worse, unappreciated. And the mum can, at that time, say to me want to give them privacy so she stays with me. As if I dont't need my privacy, somemore she and me not that close..

:tlaugh:

And somemore you know what? They asked me to go to the airport with them to pick up the mum. So ok in the end I agreed since I was free that day. Few hours before, they called up to say they won't go since I'm going. So in the end I had to go myself to pick up HIS mum.

The mum also the same. When she touched down and got out, I was asking her if her flight was ok and whether she's comfortable and feeling ok. She said to me in a 'smirking' way: You dont't even know to say Welcome to SG to me.
I was shocked again. Even teaching me as if I have no manners and dont't know how to talk???

omg, why so thick skin one.
seriously, such ppl, dont hv to bother abt them!
i hv a cousin who also like to dua kang (talk big), now, no one really bothers much abt him, he is almost same age as my dad, n my dad also bth him, cos he always talk rubbish to my dad, talk until sky so big n ocean so deep.. lol.. hahahaha.
me n my cousins, we see him we will siam.... see him from distance, we will tell each other; Dont look over! Later he come by to talk to us. LOL!!


actually, such ppl, really, dont bother abt them, they think too highly of themselves.
next time he ask u for favour, just say NOT FREE.
u r not obliged to help him or her.
n th airport thingy, if im u, i will tell him off immediately, that i wont be gg, cos she is not my mother! n i will also NOT let her stay with me.
ask her stay in hotel cos my hubby wont like it..
sorry lorr, i not so kind hearted to such thick skin ppl.

maybe u belong to the softer type of person, thus will get bullied by them!
stand up for yourself! n your rights!!
:wong19::wong19::wong19:

 

[Ting]

I think your cousin is really taking his mum for granted and you as well. Spoilt brat. 眼中无人. All I can say.

There's nothing else you can do to teach him but to just let him fall and hope that he learns his lesson to be humble.

i think best is to ignore them.
u entertain them, they think u r good to bully.
if u dun entertain them, u dun hv to worry abt talking back at them.
:shyxxx: