Am I too Petty?

[-jOanna]

I duno am I over-reacted or wad but I really dun like people carry girl when she not crying, if not she wants to be carried always!

1) When me and my maid was preparing for baby's shower, my MIL walked into my room and carry baby and keep talking to her, and it's the same 2 sentences, "奶奶抱抱" and "妈妈要帮你冲凉了".. I feel damn irritated! She's not crying wad, can't u talk to her while she lies on bed? I tried to tll them in the past dun keep carry if not she likes to be carried next time..

2) After shower, baby kept crying for milk. she'll always cry after being brought out of the water.. so im immuned to it.. den the milk too hot, i placed baby down to make cool the milk, she juz go insde the room, "奶奶抱抱, nehneh 要好了" what's the point? she noes her eyesight not good juz stay out of the way lah. bb cry wan milk den she carry still nid pass to me..

I duno y my hubby n his family so traditional n old fashion! when my mum bought this chair for bb, my MIL insisted the money give to my mum n treat it as she buy for bb instead. y so mafan? both also bb's grandma wad!? and it's nt abt money at all, it's the 心意..

I had so many many unhappiness as long as im at my MIL place! When baby slightly open her eyes to see abit before she falls asleep again, my SIL will juz walk into the room like my room is bb exhibition and talk to her n wake her up.. I really lack of rest!

1 last thing, THEY CLOSE DOORS LIKE THE DOOR OWE THEM MONEY! and these scares bb a lot! i told hubby to tell them ALOT of times but hubby tell me sumthing i very unhappy abt "要让她习惯" wtf? it's supposed that we adults are knowledgeable and muz compromise to baby and not BABY adapt to it! When bb slping, she will be scared de! Can't get this into their bloody stupid BRAIN! ARGH!

 

[autumn82]

You're not petty. Just that it takes a lot of patience to live together and get used to each others' way of living. *pats*

I understand how you feel coz I go over to MIL place weekly and I've already experienced that.. What more u who live there.. :wong19:

 

[apollo]

i somehow know hw u feel.. my parents also forever carrying ds ard the hse.. but not to the extend that carrying him when i place him on e bed to let him wait for bathing. they will just sit on e bed and tok to him. but when ds scream abit, they will go carry him...

the money issue: i think ur mil abit 'over-react'... it's ur mum's 'xin yi' to buy something for her grandchild. dont need everything also father's side pay one mahh...

as for the door issue, OMG I really 100% know hw u feel!!!!! my bro always open/close door SUPER LOUD! ds also 'jump' when he is slping and my bro bang the door... i 'scolded' him, say him, 'beg' him many things alrdy, he ok ok then forgot alrdy. but becos i live with him for 21 years alrdy so i know his pattern is lik tt, v chor lorr, cannot change one... maybe ur inlaws also have this kind of bad habit? ask ur hubby to tell them nicely? i'm sure they love ur baby but maybe they really dunno their bad habit will frighten ur baby?

 

[jxmummy]

I totally understand how you feels, cos it applies to me also. But I'm already immuned, though I always complained to my hubby and hubby talked to his parent, but they forever won't listen. What to do? We are only DIL, we still have to respect them. But sometimes if I really can't tahan of their doings, I will just straight to the point and tell them off and this applies to everyone of them be it FIL or MIL or even SIL! Each person has his/her own point of tolerance, my mindset is, pls don't step on my tail, if not you shall kana from me! haha!

my FIL is one of the worst case. i'm quite pantang over what they talk to dd, so whenever i heard something very unpleasant to my dd, i will just tell my FIL off, and sometimes my MIL will help me to scold FIL also, haha!!! but also, MIL can also be quite irritating at sometimes.

 

[apollo]

I totally understand how you feels, cos it applies to me also. But I'm already immuned, though I always complained to my hubby and hubby talked to his parent, but they forever won't listen. What to do? We are only daughter in law, we still have to respect them. But sometimes if I really can't tahan of their doings, I will just straight to the point and tell them off and this applies to everyone of them be it father in law or mother in law or even sister In law! Each person has his/her own point of tolerance, my mindset is, pls dont't step on my tail, if not you shall kana from me! haha!

my father in law is one of the worst case. i'm quite pantang over what they talk to dear daughter, so whenever i heard something very unpleasant to my dear daughter, i will just tell my father in law off, and sometimes my mother in law will help me to scold father in law also, haha!!! but also, mother in law can also be quite irritating at sometimes.

i tot normally elderly are quite pantang?

 

[angelwendy]

i unerstand how u feel.. ~ sayang... actually it don't happen to me.. but happen to my sis... so i was thinking in the end it still gonna happen to me... cause i will be staying with them until my house come... meaning my baby after birth will be staying together... my mum & dad always everytime hear a bit crying will go carry the baby.... & will use things to spolit them... or once baby cry.. will say bring them out to buy sweets / drink, or go out walk walk... so sis son will use cry for everything he wan... cause he know that once he cry.. he will get everything for his grandparents.... & my sister also very angry whenever they do that to spolit him....

As for the bang door thing.. u reali gotta ask ur hubby go & tell them.. cause it will scare the baby... & baby will become very stressful when sleeping... tell ur hubby.. now is not the issue of getting use to it a not... is that u gotta let ur baby feel safe....

 

[janice chia sanchez]

Hey, you are not too petty... "hug"

Our mothers and MIL tend to like to carry our babies alot..
When my MIL stayed with us, I was also very angry with her with this issue..
As I'm a 1st time mom, I don't really know how to smooth my boy every time he cries.. I tried to carry him but bec i'm new at the job, he keens to still cry for a while.. Well, my MIL very scare of baby crying one and everytime he cries and I can't stop him crying, she will just take him from me.. I was furious, how can I ever learn to smooth him if she always takes him away from me... I ever took her to the doc and ask the doc if it's ok for baby to cry for a while and the doc said it's ok but she still don't get it... In the end, my husband told her that she really need to stop it and she reluctantly tries to do it.. We told her that if she really can't take the baby crying, then she sld go downstairs for a while... However, sometimes she stills forgets and still take my boy away from me.. sigh.. at least she tries...

But not all MIL are willing to try like my MIL....
sigh...

For me, bec I need my MIL to take care of my boy, I have no choice but to shallow alot of my words.... I keep telling myself to look at the good things that my MIL do for us and overlook some of the stuff... no choice loh...

Now that I become a full time mom, I have lots of conflicts with my dad...
He keep coming to my place and criticize me in the way I do things or take care of my boy... I was really stress up... One time we had an arguement, he even tries to hit me and another time "bang" my door and walk out... Thankfully, my husband finally intervene and ask him to stop coming to our place. We told him that we will go out for a meal instead so that he can see our son...

sigh... sometimes old folks just don't know how to keep proper boundaries..
They forgot that their grand children are someone's son/daughter...
They can keep pushing their way until it drive us crazy!

 

[pkshl]

u r not alone.

my ds is being taken care of by my MIL. once she went to bath & told me look after ds, i was carrying ds when suddendly he started crying, so i sat down & tried to calm him down den MIL came out & ask me y is he crying? can even hear him scream in the bathroom. den she juz snatch him from my arms. THAT MADE ME VERY VERY PISS!:nah:

 

[angelwendy]

I think all the mummy here feel the same thing... ~~ HUGZ ~~~ i know is hard.. but maybe we keep explain things to them... & hopefully they will keep our words in mind...

 

[joopjoop]

If you thnk you are petty, i think i am even more petty. hahaha

Through, my whole pregency, my in laws didnt showed me any concern at all. They didnt asked if i'm doing fine or hows the baby etc. They even didnt come and see me in the hospital or on the first day that i reached home. They only came five days after i'm back from the hospital.

Now after son is born, they wanted to get close to their grndson and my father in law keeps coming to our house to see his grandson and my mother in law would always ask did my mum come to see me did she ask you to bring the baby to my mum's place. I feel that she is worried that their grandson would be close to my family instead of them. But in my heart I would want my son to be close to my family. (shhh...)

I felt that since they didnt do any thing for me or showed me any concern at all why should i let my son be close to them. I am not asking them to help me do stuff or buy things for me. A little concern from them would be nice. All these while, from the time i am pregent until the end of my confinement, it all my family and my mum who have been helping me and showing me concerns.

I am happy that i have such a supporting family and hubby. And I really appreciate my mum a lot. I love you MaMa. :shyxxx:

 

[jxmummy]

i thought normally elderly are quite pantang?

yup, u're right and i thought so too! but my FIL is not! always talk nonsense and rubbish makes me so angry!

 

[Working mummySG]

yup, you're right and i thought so too! but my father in law is not! always talk nonsense and rubbish makes me so angry!

hi all,

I had a HSE of inconsiderate INLAWS. My 1st confinement was a MESS & i told her b4 that I will ORDER CONFiNEMENT MEAL for my 2nd confinement. Some IL juz love to TOK bt ACTION really FU.

Anyway, nw i am in my 2nd pregancy and nw is in the 29th week. All they r concern is to find out whether is it a BOY or a GIRL. Though we knew the gender bt we keep quiet(suggested by my hubby). after a few tries of testing, nw IL didnt bother to call us anymore. i feel nt so stress as well.

we are juz daughter in law, watever we do r always WRONG. I dun knw y bt nw i dun bother abt them, wat she say juz nod head. If i dun like i wll show face, esp 1) when we alredy told them NO SMOLONG when bb ard, they simply HACK CARE lor, HUBBY say out liao, still can say, last time u all also grow up with SMOKE wat, wats the big deal. OK,i will juz carry my ger away frm FIL when he smokes, bt if MIL carry my ger, MIL wont keep her away frm FIL, SHE like scared FIL will run away. must carry my ger to STICK to FIL. .... ...WTF
2) when i told her dun feed my ger msg food or dessert when she is oni 9mths old, they juz forcefully push the food into her mouth as that time my hubby is so supportive to her action, i was SUPER ANGRY & no choice bt to clean my ger mouth the moment IL finger is out. i scolded my hubby as well. then they gt SHOCKED & wake up the idea bt a week later same old thing happen.

Anyway,Nw hubby sort of undertsand my stand so as long as our hubby stand by us, i guess thats the most 'wen xin' part.

 

[angelwendy]

hi all,

I had a house of inconsiderate INLAWS. My 1st confinement was a MESS & i told her before that I will ORDER CONFiNEMENT MEAL for my 2nd confinement. Some IL just love to TOK bt ACTION really FU.

Anyway, now i am in my 2nd pregancy and now is in the 29th week. All they are concern is to find out whether is it a BOY or a GIRL. Though we knew the gender bt we keep quiet(suggested by my hubby). after a few tries of testing, now IL didnt bother to call us anymore. i feel not so stress as well.

we are just daughter in law, watever we do are always WRONG. I dont knw why bt now i dont bother about them, what she say just nod head. If i dont like i wll show face, esp 1) when we alredy told them NO SMOLONG when baby around, they simply HACK CARE , HUBBY say out , still can say, last time you all also grow up with SMOKE what, wats the big deal. OK,i will just carry my ger away frm father in law when he smokes, bt if mother in law carry my ger, mother in law wont keep her away frm father in law, SHE like scared father in law will run away. must carry my ger to STICK to father in law. .... ...WTF
2) when i told her dont feed my ger msg food or dessert when she is oni 9mths old, they just forcefully push the food into her mouth as that time my hubby is so supportive to her action, i was SUPER ANGRY & no choice bt to clean my ger mouth the moment IL finger is out. i scolded my hubby as well. then they gt SHOCKED & wake up the idea bt a week later same old thing happen.

Anyway,now hubby sort of undertsand my stand so as long as our hubby stand by us, i guess thats the most 'wen xin' part.

OMG smoke infront of ur daughter??? hmm... my mum & sis smoke as well...... but they surely wont smoke infront of kids Or baby.... cause is not good for ur kids body.. they will get sick very ex.... haiz... y some ppl just behave like that =.=".....

 

[Ashbaby]

I dont think you are petty but maybe emotional.

A grandparent will alway be grandparent. My mom for eg is a very strict parent, but now as a grandparent she is totally different. She got 1 whole set of Bb item to keep at her place, so that when my BB drop by to visit, she has everything there. Really cant blame them as a doting grandparent. Arent our grandparent doting to us as well? Maybe her love language is to the BB is to carry her/ talk to her and buy things for her.

As for the slamming of door, I dont think tt can be tolerated.....

 

[jiabies]

hi all,

I had a house of inconsiderate INLAWS. My 1st confinement was a MESS & i told her before that I will ORDER CONFiNEMENT MEAL for my 2nd confinement. Some IL just love to TOK bt ACTION really FU.

Anyway, now i am in my 2nd pregancy and now is in the 29th week. All they are concern is to find out whether is it a BOY or a GIRL. Though we knew the gender bt we keep quiet(suggested by my hubby). after a few tries of testing, now IL didnt bother to call us anymore. i feel not so stress as well.

we are just daughter in law, watever we do are always WRONG. I dont knw why bt now i dont bother about them, what she say just nod head. If i dont like i wll show face, esp 1) when we alredy told them NO SMOLONG when baby around, they simply HACK CARE , HUBBY say out , still can say, last time you all also grow up with SMOKE what, wats the big deal. OK,i will just carry my ger away frm father in law when he smokes, bt if mother in law carry my ger, mother in law wont keep her away frm father in law, SHE like scared father in law will run away. must carry my ger to STICK to father in law. .... ...WTF
2) when i told her dont feed my ger msg food or dessert when she is oni 9mths old, they just forcefully push the food into her mouth as that time my hubby is so supportive to her action, i was SUPER ANGRY & no choice bt to clean my ger mouth the moment IL finger is out. i scolded my hubby as well. then they gt SHOCKED & wake up the idea bt a week later same old thing happen.

Anyway,now hubby sort of undertsand my stand so as long as our hubby stand by us, i guess thats the most 'wen xin' part.

i totally understand how you feel. i stay with my husband's grandparents and they smoke when baby is around also. and now then baby is coughing abit, and his grandfather comes and blame me and say that i caused the coughing because i switched on the fan when it's so cold. it doesn't occur to him that maybe the coughing is caused by the smoke in the house. so freaking pissed off. and the best thing is he doesn't say it to my face, he complains it to the grandmother loudly when he knows i can hear it. freaking asshole.

 

[hakisumi]

i agree with janice.. grandparents are grandparents..

but ultimately they luv our babies and as long dun do "things" that harm/affect baby lor..
eg smoking is NO-NO & putting their finger into their mouth also NO-NO... (hygiene & health issue)
plus their times & our era abit different.. but we still grow up till today we bcome parent...
they like 100years nvr carry baby..

my mum so modern also cant help carrying graham.. gently swing him somemore..den i say.. ma.. dun yao.. i nvr yao him...if next time he want yao yao.. i look for you..LOL

joanna, i think ur MIL jus wanna tok to baby.. my mil also always tok to my bb too...
but maybe ur concern is dun carry and tok to bb...hehehe

talk about tradition & old fashion.. maybe can fight with my PIL..LOLz

for my case, in the mrng, i 2 hands send my son to her room n sleep/play. at night den come back to me de...

cheer up.. dun think into it too much..
but the slammed door part is NO-NO...

 

[-jOanna]

My Hubby LOVES his family more.. So whatever advantages always think of his family 1st. He asked me to love his family but I told him "U dun even love my family how u expect me to love ur family?" Den now he treats my mum better.. He doesnt even shout at his mum why he come shout at my mum? My mum nv owe him money..

When I discussed with him abt my mum taking care of baby when I start work, den he said, "den baby only comes back home on sunday?" cuz my hubby off on Sunday.. and I working shift work job.. Den i asked him, "then i dun work u 'yang' wo lor" den he cant wad so..

Hais.. He said he very family-oriented, den his side of family love, den his OWN family leh? I duno lor.. His family only wan to play with her and my mum really helps de.. he juz dun understand..

MIL already told FIL not to smoke at home but he just smoke lor! den i juz close door. den after he smoke he juz carry baby.. HAND dirty.. me n hubby smoke too but we will wash hands b4 touching her! hais..

 

[hakisumi]

the wash hand part... i totally understand..

when in hospital..my FIL say buy big bottle of sanitizer..still say buy from hospital..buy aldy in the end also nvr use.. cant possible ask us say :"pa...dettol ur hand 1st..?" LOL

my BIL also.. he got skin allergy..sometime come in see baby.. touch baby glove.. den u know baby ll naturally close his palm.. i am like dunno u got wash hand or not.. i always change graham mittens after BIL left the room.. cos he is "chew" his mittens when hungry...

this 1 more classic..today mrng i bring graham injection..jus now when my MIL change his diapers, i heard her talk to graham..like " oooh.. buttock pain pain..sayang sayang.. naughty mummy hor..bring you injection...."

i walk in.. " i naughty.......................?'

den i told my hubby.. he say nvm la.. graham dun understand...
i say today say these words.. next time dunno say wat.. LOLzz

 

[-jOanna]

the wash hand part... i totally understand..

when in hospital..my father in law say buy big bottle of sanitizer..still say buy from hospital..buy already in the end also never use.. cant possible ask us say :"pa...dettol your hand 1st..?" LOL

my brother in law also.. he got skin allergy..sometime come in see baby.. touch baby glove.. then you know baby ll naturally close his palm.. i am like dont know you got wash hand or not.. i always change graham mittens after brother in law left the room.. cos he is "chew" his mittens when hungry...

this 1 more classic..today mrng i bring graham injection..just now when my mother in law change his diapers, i heard her talk to graham..like " oooh.. buttock pain pain..sayang sayang.. naughty mummy ..bring you injection...."

i walk in.. " i naughty.......................?'

then i told my hubby.. he say nvm .. graham dont understand...
i say today say these words.. next time dont know say what.. LOLzz

About the sanitizer part, TMC gives us a free sanitizer.. also nv use, they use at hospital only.. they feel baby 2mth+ le old enuff.. but FIL still ask us wrap her tighter on cold days..

My bb also will bite her mittens when she hungry.. haha..

The injection part, my mum went with me.. she told baby, "naughty doctor hor, make our miya pain pain, grandma sayang.." lol..

Actually baby understands de.. dats y when i say 'neh neh' she will quiet and wait to be fed.. haha

 

[hakisumi]

hehehe...

i told my mum.. she ll say these are all baby talk..like coax the baby..dun kay-gao w my mil... anyway she dote him also...last time work their life..now enjoy w baby...

i am ok.. i know this ll somehow happen..cos my fren she also kenna...

oh yea.. the neh neh + napkin ard his neck.... keeps him down..LOLz