Another thread about Mother in law!!!!!

minako85

minako85

Member
Just yesterday night, I was cleaning up for my baby boy... then suddenly he started crying ... N I realize he's actually pooping.... then my mother in law just *barge into my room and scream 'what happen'???? *Being irritated I just replied 'i dont know'...

N when I wiped his face, she came n push my hand away n scold me that I'm not letting him breath!!! WTF. It's not the first time I handle my baby n I know what I'm doing... I felt so pissed when she push my hand away like that n scold me.. It's totally uncalled for. My baby cries not because I dont't let him breath, he's merely trying to take a poop.

Why must her reactions be so exaggerating???!!?? It's not e first time she had such reaction but only ytd she pushed my hand away n scolded me for nothing. Seriously her actions have caused this barrier between us n I don't knw hw to get along w her in future....*
I know he's her grandson. BUT he's MY SON and I know how to handle him already.*
When she push me away n scold me, I did not even say anything I just kept quiet to avoid quarrels when infact I'm boiling inside.*
I dont't know how I'm gonna be 'nice' towards her after this incident...*
She had indirectly shown her dismay at me ytd.. I just feel that 她看我不顺眼. I also can't stand her seriously. What a drama mama.
It really is going to be very irritating if she overreact like tt everytime when he cries....*

I told my Hubby n he say it's a normal reaction... Wth... Like tt call normal reaction. I knw he will partially side his mum n I don't wan say much too cuz wait quarrel even worse... Her mum sure say me in front of him.. N I become the bad person....*
*
 
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Edwinie

Member
whatever happens between you and your mil, remember not to let it affect your relationship with your husband. his is the middle person and it's very hard for him. he loves you and he needs to be filial to his mum at the same time. just let your mil be for the sake of your husband. there's nothing much you can do unless you don't live with your mil. meanwhile, just preserve the peace and tolerate. =) let your husband and your son be the reason that you can tolerate whatever happens to you. =)
 
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blsc78

Member
minako85 said:
Just yesterday night, I was cleaning up for my baby boy... then suddenly he started crying ... N I realize he's actually pooping.... then my mother in law just *barge into my room and scream 'what happen'???? *Being irritated I just replied 'i dont know'...

N when I wiped his face, she came n push my hand away n scold me that I'm not letting him breath!!! WTF. It's not the first time I handle my baby n I know what I'm doing... I felt so pissed when she push my hand away like that n scold me.. It's totally uncalled for. My baby cries not because I dont't let him breath, he's merely trying to take a poop.

Why must her reactions be so exaggerating???!!?? It's not e first time she had such reaction but only ytd she pushed my hand away n scolded me for nothing. Seriously her actions have caused this barrier between us n I don't knw hw to get along w her in future....*
I know he's her grandson. BUT he's MY SON and I know how to handle him already.*
When she push me away n scold me, I did not even say anything I just kept quiet to avoid quarrels when infact I'm boiling inside.*
I dont't know how I'm gonna be 'nice' towards her after this incident...*
She had indirectly shown her dismay at me ytd.. I just feel that 她看我不顺眼. I also can't stand her seriously. What a drama mama.
It really is going to be very irritating if she overreact like tt everytime when he cries....*

I told my Hubby n he say it's a normal reaction... Wth... Like tt call normal reaction. I knw he will partially side his mum n I don't wan say much too cuz wait quarrel even worse... Her mum sure say me in front of him.. N I become the bad person....*
*
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Your mil is sooooo irritating!!!! Why dun you tell her off? She's JUST a grandma and have no rights to push your hand off YOUR baby!!!
 
E

Edwinie

Member
blsc78 said:
Your mil is sooooo irritating!!!! Why dun you tell her off? She's JUST a grandma and have no rights to push your hand off YOUR baby!!!
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to me it's better to respect her because of her seniority and let it go. telling her off will make matter worse. you mentioned that she complain about you to your husband. if you tell her off, it will probably be a big thing and she might gossip to the rest of your relatives. gossip is ok. but your relatives will put pressure on your husband together with your mum. don't let things turn ugly. no husbands will want wife to quarrel with their mothers. just think from your husband's point of view. like any mums, she went through 9 months of pregnancy and then labor and brought your husband up to where he is and he is loving you now and a father of your son. respect her for that. she is not 'JUST a grandma'. if it is not for her, your husband don't even exist and so is your son. just let it be ya.

I know it's very hurtful for her to do that. meet with your friends, pour out your sorrows. in this forum, just discuss with others. have an outlet. to me, family harmony is the most important, which also means avoiding quarrels. anything wrong, talk nicely and not be sarcastic. otherwise, just 'suck it up'. who knows, it might be misunderstanding. females do have pms days. older females have menopause. give people the benefit of doubt. make your life easier.

hope you don't feel so pissed off now. =)

cheers!
 
minako85

minako85

Member
I understand what u guys trying to say. N I do agree that harmony is impt n do not wanna let this affect my r/s w my husband...
Just tt I feel it's too much to push me off like tt... Scold me nv mind, I can treat her ad sing song... But she shldnt hv physically shown her anger cuz it will worsen our r/s ... If one day I push her off like tt , she sure flare up n kpkb to my Hubby lor, but I just hv to keep quiet ... wth man...
Hate staying w in laws... So many problems...
 
minako85

minako85

Member
Oh .. N just nw when my Hubby tell her we r gg out n bringing baby along.. Knw wat she tell him... She Ask my Hubby go himself me n baby stay home.. Cuz she gg out play mahjong wait no one take care of baby. LMAO. Wat is wrong w her. I wan go out w my own husband n baby also cannot sia....ridiculous to the max.
 
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blsc78

Member
Edwinie said:
to me it's better to respect her because of her seniority and let it go. telling her off will make matter worse. you mentioned that she complain about you to your husband. if you tell her off, it will probably be a big thing and she might gossip to the rest of your relatives. gossip is ok. but your relatives will put pressure on your husband together with your mum. don't let things turn ugly. no husbands will want wife to quarrel with their mothers. just think from your husband's point of view. like any mums, she went through 9 months of pregnancy and then labor and brought your husband up to where he is and he is loving you now and a father of your son. respect her for that. she is not 'JUST a grandma'. if it is not for her, your husband don't even exist and so is your son. just let it be ya.

I know it's very hurtful for her to do that. meet with your friends, pour out your sorrows. in this forum, just discuss with others. have an outlet. to me, family harmony is the most important, which also means avoiding quarrels. anything wrong, talk nicely and not be sarcastic. otherwise, just 'suck it up'. who knows, it might be misunderstanding. females do have pms days. older females have menopause. give people the benefit of doubt. make your life easier.

hope you don't feel so pissed off now. =)

cheers!
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Edwinie, if you dun see eye to eye, you can start a new quote. Remember, like what you kept saying, maintain harmony right. Beside maintaining harmony at home, harmony should also be maintaining in a friendly forum such as mummysg right??? Also, tell her off not quarrel with her, Pls DO NOT Assume and come out with your whole long list of grandmother reasoning.

Minako, to me, a grandma should knows where she stands and should know the limit on how far she can go. When it went overboard, there is always a time to speak up. Being young does not deprive the rights you entitled and does mean you can't take care of your baby well. Pushing a mother's hand off her baby, to me, is not tolerable. Some old folks can be talk nicely while some just do not know their limit. At times, letting them know the things you think is unacceptable is necessary.
 
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Edwinie

Member
to bisc78:

i think you have mistaken. the 'you' in that post is meant for minako.

i just disagree to the 'telling her off' part. to me, it has a negative connotation. it's like letting anger to lead what is going to be said. i'm not saying to keep quiet but instead, calm down and talk nicely after the anger simmers. people usually say the wrong thing when he/she is angry.

and it's not 'grandmother reasoning'. i'm just giving a different perspective so that we can understand by seeing things from an alternative way.

it's not i don't see eye to eye with you. i just disagree with what you said. this is a forum for discussion. so i'm typing my view on what you suggested. whatever i type in the forum, i'm open for discussion whether the members agree or disagree with me. i don't take disagreements personally. but you do. i apologise for any misunderstanding caused. i thought we can openly discuss about different topics since this is what forums are for. if you are not open to disagreements, just give her a private message instead.

just to repeat, i'm not against you. i'm just talking about what you said and giving my point of view. i didn't know by doing so will 'disrupt harmony in the forum'. so once again, i apologise for any misunderstanding.

chill and relax ok. it's a rainy night, hope you had a good sleep! :001_302:
 
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momi

Member
I am with Edwinie.

I don't agree to keeping quiet and letting the issue pass like a passive daughter-in-law. But I think the best time to let it out is to sit down and talk calmly with MIL after the incident, instead of confronting her at that moment in time. Almost nobody will be calm enough to admit their fault in those instances, everyone would have their defenses up. That isn't going to solve the problem because what we want is for MIL to understand that we're hurt by those actions of hers, not pick an argument.
 
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blsc78

Member
please dun try to live in your own 'self assume perfect world'. At NO point did i mentioned abt being an ungrateful brat to parents, I'm jus mentioning that sometimes, parents do things in a strange old thinking way, we just need to sort out their thinkings or doings. What used to apply, might not work now.

Different era ppl have different way of doing things, It doesnt apply throughout. At this pt of time/era, if an elderly did wrong, we just have to tell them. Not SUCK it up, it's not the "old palace time" where all woman do is suck it up and still be pleased and smiling abt it. Even if it mean being disrespect to you in front of your children... So, please be realistic.. Be humane. We are living on planet earth.. not carebear land..

for all info, I had a beautiful night rest....
 
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Edwinie

Member
blsc78 said:
please dun try to live in your own 'self assume perfect world'. At NO point did i mentioned abt being an ungrateful brat to parents, I'm jus mentioning that sometimes, parents do things in a strange old thinking way, we just need to sort out their thinkings or doings. What used to apply, might not work now.

Different era ppl have different way of doing things, It doesnt apply throughout. At this pt of time/era, if an elderly did wrong, we just have to tell them. Not SUCK it up, it's not the "old palace time" where all woman do is suck it up and still be pleased and smiling abt it. Even if it mean being disrespect to you in front of your children... So, please be realistic.. Be humane. We are living on planet earth.. not carebear land..

for all info, I had a beautiful night rest....
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1. I did not mention anything about 'being an ungrateful brat to parents'. i just say there's another way of doing things. (see point 2) However, 'telling her off' can be seen as being ungrateful from mil's perspective even if it is not intended that way. So, see point 2.

2. I said that we can sort things out by telling it calmly after anger has simmered instead of 'telling people off'. My definition of 'telling people off' has negative connotation to it, it sounds confrontational.

3. When I said 'suck it up', i meant for once in a blue moon events where such thing happen. If it happens too often, that's when we calm down and sort things out after anger has simmer. It's not good to let anger lead a conversation. In no way did i say 'still be pleased and smiling about it'.

4. I'm being realistic. Since they are all living under one roof, why make relationship worse by 'telling people off' instead of speaking nicely? It's difficult to live with people if there is so much friction. When there's friction, lots of misunderstanding can occur and simple problems can become bigger. This is especially so if there is no possibility of shifting out in the near future. So my point is either 'suck it up' if it's infrequent occurrence or talk nicely if it's too much or too often. It's better to tolerate and maintain relationship for the long run rather than 'telling her off' for once and worsen relationship by a few notches which is hard to repair. I just don't like the negative connoctation of 'telling people off' as it would lead to quarrels and worsen relationships.

I agree with amulet in saying 'Mother, 你这样甩开我的手很没有礼貌！' But make sure the tone is not overbearing and in a calm manner. if it is used in a 'telling her off' way, the tone will be loud and filled with anger and this will be received very differently from saying it in a calm way.

Hope I have cleared things up here. Peace ok! I didn't mean to pick up any quarrels in this forum. I apologise if any hints of me that seem quarrelsome. At no point did I mean to attack you personally. I just have some disagreements with the term 'telling her off' and giving my point of view.

Hope you don't take too much an offense. Peace out okie!

Cheers!
 
aahdorr

aahdorr

New Member
my one oso!! i so hate to stay with them .. they like to check here n there i totally no feedoom at this house..

last month , my baby having eye style ( yan zhen ).. doc ask mi to tape warm water for the eyes .. she tel mi in a rude way say my baby will pain!! i let my bb sleep den apply n she not crying at all .. if not it wont heal she jus keep nag n nag

after heal , my bb dunwan to drink milk for 10hr jus onli take 30ml .. she ask mi in a stupid way say y dun u add milo in !!! wth she jus 3month lei u tink wad she told mi my hubby oso like that when dunwan his milk .. hey when u take care he was already 1 yr old .. still ask mi to bring her to ask the god .. #@##

father in law more terrible , alway she sleep in the afternoon .. he come bk will spot check here n there n keep watching her sleeping n even kiss her .. den she will jump n sleep bk alreaddy but he keep patting her until she wake up .. whenever she cry he will ask mi wad happen ask mi faster carry n let her stop crying is not will zhang fang ( colic ) zzzz .. got one night when they are bk ar 9plus .. my bb slp already but my door haven close.. they faster go in n see until she wake up .. nvm they keep shouting n play with her until she fully awake den go bath when she cry .. they ask mi to pat her slp bk .. so angry !! keep saying baby cant cry will zhang fang..!!
 
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yumitan

Member
aahdorr said:
father in law more terrible , alway she sleep in the afternoon .. he come bk will spot check here n there n keep watching her sleeping n even kiss her .. den she will jump n sleep bk alreaddy but he keep patting her until she wake up .. whenever she cry he will ask mi wad happen ask mi faster carry n let her stop crying is not will zhang fang ( colic ) zzzz .. got one night when they are bk ar 9plus .. my bb slp already but my door haven close.. they faster go in n see until she wake up .. nvm they keep shouting n play with her until she fully awake den go bath when she cry .. they ask mi to pat her slp bk .. so angry !! keep saying baby cant cry will zhang fang..!!
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my FIL too T_T you are not alone ~~~
 
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noelsmum

Member
For the reasons above, I'm so glad that I live about 3.5 hrs of flight away from my in laws! However, they are flying in in three weeks' time to see their first grandson. Just praying that all hell won't break loose. But my son is adopted so hopefully, they won't go crazy over him.
 
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2011mummy

New Member
i tink there are all types of MIL in e world..
My MIL got always got 3 quote..
" i dun know"
" i forget"
"u nv tell me"

things are still ok (bearable) before e arrival of my son.. getting worse now.
hubby gt stuck in between also sian.

MIL always like to say "i dun know", yes "mayb" she really dun know (or gek siao), n like to ask alot of ppl things to do for bb/custom traditions etc (some even nv heard b4) & insist to do those things and end up nv do properly cos she forget 1 or 2 steps in between.
then she will say something in between happen (e.g someone call her) cause her "forget" that particular steps.

whenever she do sumthing wrong, tell her she will say we nv tell her or teach her.
even common sense thing we need to tell her & teach her too?? she like to push e blame to others when things happen..

worse thing she like to lie too.. now say sumthing after that can change to another thing.. like roti prata like that..
 
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hackers13jo

New Member
Looks like I am not the only one with MIL problem. My MIL fight with my new born on everything including bathroom. She have to use the bathroom first before my gal bath. Also she dont allow me to use her bamboo stick to dry my gal clothes. Have you gals heard of such MIL? Since the house belong to me, I am preparing for the worse. If I cannot tolerate her any further, I will chase her out of my house.
 
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noelsmum

Member
Was just reminded by the husband to be nice and polite to his parents who will be staying with us in Hong Kong for 5 days in about 3 weeks' time.
 
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