Bad relationship with hubby

[jaybaobei]

now im 6mths pregnant with no 3. sad to say tis bb is nt what we planned & oso unexpected cos we already hv a pair of twins boy & gal aged 2.5yrs old. im a stay at home looking after them so actually dun intend to hv no 3 but accidentally bingo..so unlucky...

i feel vy stressed & breatheless nowaday. i told my hubby many times how i feel but he doesnt giv a damn. when i hv my 1st pregnancy, he was so caring & massage my thighs every nite cos i tend to feel numb & cramp. now having my 2nd pregnancy, same thing happens to my thighs. i did told him many times but he dun care or show concern for me. whenever he reach home fm wk, he will approach the twins but treat me transparent. frankly speaking, i reallu hate the pregnancy stage. its making me vy uncomfortable & oso cant fully focused take care of my twins. so tired!!

what i need is just a word or action of concern fm him but he jus keep mute. now we still on cold war. i oso suspect he hv affair outside. every nite i hv nightmare about him. i dreamt he hv sex with other woman & loan sharks come to my hse & grab all the things. they said my hubby owe them a millon dollars. last wk he lost in gambling about 50k. i was so shocked & told him how our financial is. he is the sole breadwinner. hv to support the twins, maid & me. can he cope? he doesnt listen to my advice at all.

im already stressout during tis pregnancy period & nw face such problems fm him. making me tired & feel like just dump all this aside & leave this house but cant bear my twins.

can advise me how?? i really feel like dying. no one to talk to.

 

[missyqiqi]

Is he still in a denial stage on u r pregnant? Maybe still can accept the fact yet?

Is he like that before u r pregnant? If he's nice, doesn't treat u this way maybe he still trying to accept the fact that u r pregnant. Did u guys talk or fight about this 3rd child? Got any agreement that both of u r ok with this no 3?

Hugz!! If possible, talk to ur family also.. They will be there no matter what

 

[jaybaobei]

Is he still in a denial stage on u r pregnant? Maybe still can accept the fact yet?

Is he like that before u r pregnant? If he's nice, doesn't treat u this way maybe he still trying to accept the fact that u r pregnant. Did u guys talk or fight about this 3rd child? Got any agreement that both of u r ok with this no 3?

Hugz!! If possible, talk to ur family also.. They will be there no matter what

we did hv minor disagreement about tis no 3. initially i wanted to abort cos i really hate the pregnancy stage. finally hv to wait for the twins to grow up & less burden for me. next yr they are in childcare centre so i thought i might still be able to work & more freedom for me.

my hubby hv different opinion. he wanted to keep tis child cos he thought is vy cruel to abort our child away. so final agreement is keep the child no matter how. he is vy caring during early stage. i told him i craving for what kind of food & he will buy after wk. he will oso touch my tummy & talk to the baby. but sudden change during tis few weeks, he totally ignored my crying & suffering which made me even more sad & disappointed. sometimes i really hope shd hv abort no 3 & bring my twins far far away fm him. totally varnished in the air fm him.

 

[missyqiqi]

Currently u r at which stage?

Try talking to him again? Or he is he thinking about some financial issues, trying to work hard? Most of the guys don't like to talk about their job stress. N if they are stress at work, once they reach home, they don't want to have any fights, quarrels or hear some nagging in the home. Try talk to him nicely or casual talk outside rather at home, don't think about whether is he having affair a not, coz its harmful to suspect hubby if he is really working hard. Does he have siblings or anything that u can ask for help n talk to him if he's close to them

 

[crystalpink]

Hi,

Don't think too much.. why don't u ask yr hubby if he has any work prob recently? He may be stressed up by some work related issues?? Don't let yr mind think wild, its not gd for u. Btw, u mentioned that he had lost 50K in gambling huh?? Has he settle his debts alrdy? Talk to him nicely so that he will listen to u..it is useless if u scold him, guys also hv stress esp if he is the breadwinner n most of them don't like woman to be naggy, hv a gd talk with him after he has his dinner n shower rather than immediately after he comes bk without a break.

 

[Amulet]

we did have minor disagreement about tis no 3. initially i wanted to abort cos i really hate the pregnancy stage. finally have to wait for the twins to grow up & less burden for me. next yr they are in childcare centre so i thought i might still be able to work & more freedom for me.

my hubby have different opinion. he wanted to keep tis child cos he thought is vy cruel to abort our child away. so final agreement is keep the child no matter how. he is vy caring during early stage. i told him i craving for what kind of food & he will buy after wk. he will also touch my tummy & talk to the baby. but sudden change during tis few weeks, he totally ignored my crying & suffering which made me even more sad & disappointed. sometimes i really hope should have abort no 3 & bring my twins far far away fm him. totally varnished in the air fm him.

could he be tired of your constant crying, complaining and 'suffering' despite him trying to care? sometimes wen a guy feel that he cannot fix a situation, he might simply shut off and ignore..

maybe if you try to cheer up, be positive or cope better/ accept the pregnancy and it's symptoms, he might start to come out and join u being happy again..

 

[xiaodaisy]

since he's still nice to u during early stage of pregnancy , maybe he's stress over the money he lost that u mention ..

maybe ask him to share with u his problems so both of u can communicate better?

be cheerful and dont stress urself so much , try to rest more wenever u can ..

find times when he seems to be a better mood to talk to him abt how u feel ..

 

[amilliee]

hello there

i agree with a few mummies here.

perhaps a few reasons could be

1) your hormonal change resulting in you being paranoid and overly emotional about little stuff
2) his work causing him stress

i mean it is not easy being a sole breadwinner. on top of that, majority of the finances goes to the children... maid.... household etc. so what's left for him is really really little right...

try doing some relaxation exercise and calm yourself down, and think logically above all. Your husband probably doesnt share much (if any) of his work problems with you. Now dont start thinking that he doesnt trust you, it is most likely that he doesnt want to talk about work anymore once at home. He's tired mentally and physically. If anything you should probably massage him. Pregnancy is difficult but it is not impossible. and I can see that he is responsible being that he doesnt want to abort this baby and he still loves your twins.

also, you did not mention that he was a gambler. so perhaps the gambling is one-off. some guys gamble because of entertainment, others because of financial needs. Should you look into the family finances to see if your husband has a reason to gamble (i.e. perhaps he feels inadequate because of the new addition? )
of course gambling is a bad solution but dont put him down straight away. afterall it IS his money right?

money comes and go. but you have to make your marriage work. dont let money destroy your relationship with your husband. If finances are tight, work around it - do a part time job, or cut down on expenses etc

you can and should be proactive in showing love to your husband too. a simple 5 min foot rub, or cook his fav meal personally would go a long way. i'm having a tough pregnancy too, with multiple trips to the hospital already, but trust me 5 mins a day is achieveable.

with regards to your pains, you may want to check out prenatal massages.

there are alot of recommendations on this forum, as well as other mothers' forums, for prenatal massage ladies to go to your place. as cheap as $40 per hr. =) really helps me ease the pain

hope this helps =)