Slowmad
Member
Hello. I was in a haram relationship for about a year with a Christian, and we were very in love and agreed to get married once he converted. Back then I wasn’t praying and my faith was weak. I was deluded and blinded by young love and made plans to spend my life with him. In the meantime, I did some haram things I never thought I’d do, and the guilt of it began destroying me from the inside out. He on the other hand risked losing his family as well by converting, and I felt like I’d constantly owe him no matter what. This started making my depression and anxiety much worse and I developed sinful habits to cope, but tried my best to strengthen my faith in Allah and stop everything. Although he was always encouraging and supportive of my religion I realized I could never be happy and thus he wouldn’t be happy either. I also realized that I could not strengthen my faith and be forgiven if I didn’t completely stop everything. I spent several days and nights crying and praying to Allah to help me as I didn’t know what to do. I repented sincerely for my mistakes and am continuing to work on my relationship with God. Breaking up with him was tricky because I was afraid he would harm himself as we both had mental issues. Somehow I managed to go through with it but he lashed out aggressively and said he was going to kill himself. I have no way of contacting him and he’s not answering on anything. I’m terrified that he’s actually gone through with it. The other scenario would be he’s ignoring me intentionally to hurt me. What terrifies me about that is that he has information and pictures that could get me in huge trouble with my family. I’m scared if he’s alive he’ll use them to harm me. So one scenario leaves me responsible for him taking his life and the other ruins mine and could possibly cost me my life. I am panicking and in great need of help. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to handle all of this on top of the heartbreak. Any help or advice would be appreciated.
