Bully/fight incidents, what would you do?

[megtan]

I witnessed an incident at a playground today and was wondering what should I do if such incidents happen to my son next time?

A 4-5 year old girl (A) was hit by another similar age girl (B). Girl A cried loudly, while Girl B appeared nonchalent. The father of Girl A was there and shouted angrily, "You should hit her back! Why you never hit her back?", and even when the girl calmed down, the father still repeatedly said, "Next time people hit you must hit back!". Meanwhile, another father (believed to be a friend) shouted angrily at Girl B and demanded to see her parents. I think Girl B was taken care of by a maid who was not at the scene and some distance away. Not sure what transpired thereafter.

I didn't really notice what happened between Girl A and B before the hitting incident, did Girl A provoke Girl B or not?

Anyway, my husband's opinion is parents should not interfere in such incidents as children need to fend for themselves so that they will learn how to do so as they grow up, cannot always protect them. So if they fight/hit back each other, so be it.

If you are the parent of Girl A, what would you do or what would you teach the kid to do? Personally, I don't think it's right to teach the kid to hit back, coz the kid might be at fault in the first place.

 

[newmum80]

i dun agree your hubby opinion of letting the kids fight/hit back each other, so be it.. Personally, i believed adult has the right to teach the younger one what is right and wrong. No matter what it is, they should not fight nor hit each other. I've seen such incident of kids fighting in the playground. I tried to refrain my younger one from seeing it. As u knw, monkey see, ,monkey do. Just my 2 cents thought

 

[apollo]

I dont think hitting back is the right way. If parents teach them this way, they will think that this is the right way and continue doing the same thing until they grow up. If we are girl A's parents, I think my hub will go forward and tell her she shdnt hit my child and inform the adult who was there (parents or maid) as we feel that the adults shd be informed.

Your hub has a point by saying we parents cant be there to protect them forever however I still dont agree with them fighting back with each other. Can always teach the child to walk away from the bullies and find an adult. In sch, find teacher, outside find parents or whoever brought them out.

 

[mamapenguin]

If someone hits my daughter, I will definitely interfere. I will want to speak to the caretaker of this bully. Assuming I witnessed the whole affair and my daughter did nothing to provoke physical abuse, I will demand an apology from that child to my daughter. I'll give that child a good scolding if the maid is not able to do it. I will not tell my daughter to hit back. It is bad behavior and the last thing I want to do is condone it.

That's why children behave badly. The role model that they look up to is sorely lacking. You have an incompetent maid looking after a child or a parent demanding bad behavior like fighting back.

 

[ping26]

If it's a small push/pinch, I will take my girl away from the scene or stand very closely to supervise.

If the other girl persists in such behaviour and is malicious, I probably will request the care-giver to intervene.

My 2-yr-old girl is unlikely to cry cos she's been "bullied" by friends; she can defend herself and complain very well. She doesn't sweat over small stuff cos I teach her that most young kids (preschoolers) are not bullies. To me, they may be self-centred, aggressive or even spoiled. I may talk nicely or cast disapproving eye on a young child. Most kids get my "hint".

It is traumatic for a young child to be bullied by a much older child. Kids of the same age fight over small stuff. I'd focus on helping my child to stay calm and handle things within her ability.

I did scold a nine or ten year old China boy for picking on my then one-year-old this year. His mother was not around. Later the mother returned to pick a fight with me. Like mother, like son. Hope she is back in China.

 

[megtan]

Whenever my son meets a more aggressive kid at the playground, I will distract him to go elsewhere, as far as possible I try to avoid a confrontational situation from arising. I think now (18mths), he's a little young to understand, will try to teach him about the correct way of handling situations when he's older.

By the way, the Girl A is from China and Girl B (not sure) Malay/Indian. Don't mean to be rude or racist, I notice the parents from China tend to be more aggressive.

 

[Mommyforallseason]

If im in that situation I would definitely tell my daughter to hit her back when im not around.
She was not born to be treated like that and then ill be throwing one hell of a party and that girl is not invited ancing_tongue:

 

[happymummyo7]

Muahahaha. Very much i wld like to do the same as mummyforallseason but hmms, not right la.

Megtan, these china pple believes in the barbaric way to handle problems. Totally cant stand them.
I wld handle situations differently when i meet different pple. If china kids or mummies, i wont ke qi with them, at all.
There was an incident at yishun northpoint, the water playground. This indian lady asked her 4-5yr old boy who was holding the water gun to 'go shoot that baby, faster go, go shoot that baby'. N of cos, that baby was referring to my two yr old. I heard n immediatly ran towards to my boy who was 5-6steps away. N the boy really shoot my son eh. Imagine my blood how boil. Immediatly ooi the boy super loud with a fierce stare. N he back off. Turn n gave the mother a hard stare. The indian man whom i assume is the father saw n told the boy dont b scare i m here. Like wtf. Gave him a hard stare n was totally waiting for them to start confront me or anything. The father kept encouraging the boy to come near my son. Gd thing the boy was smart enough to sense n didnt listen to the father. I kept staring at them with the 'fierce' look la. Damn pissed..

Ive trained my boy since young to 'give way' to other kids. If somebody is playing a particular thing (eg. Swing or slide), he has to wait for his turn. If he is playing n other kid wants to play, let others have their turn first. We can always play later after them or come back another day. N i always bring him back to same places like yishun or peekaboo so that he knows we can always 'come back again'. Though he may not b the best kid or guai-est kid. But i think he is pretty well-behaved in public play places. Doesnt disturb other kids n dont throw tantrums dont create a scene n gives way. I believe this is the right behaviour n i dont think its fair if he shd b bullied just bcos he is not a bully! So i will definitely stand up for him n demand an apology if the bullying situation is serious like if he's pushed to the ground or someone hits him for no reason. If its just lil issue like that indian boy case at yishun i will just make him avoid that bully. Of cos i wld stare n ooi abit la. Also depends on the age of the other party. 2-3yr old i will b more lenient. 3-5 yrs old onwards, they shd b old enough. N if the parents dont teach their kids then they have to bear the consequences n responsiblities n cant blame others.
My 2yr old now knows how to avoid 'naughty' kids who r noisy n dangerous dashing abt climbing high up at playgrounds. When he a grp of older kids at the playground he wont want to go, wld rather go hm.

 

[Ting]

yah i dont agree to hitting back. this is not the right way to teach the kids. hit here hit there. end up both fighting. for me, i always teach my daughter to tell the adult she is with. which most probably is me, my family or her teachers. by telling the kid to hit back, it is the same as telling them, it is okay to hit other children. then next time, the child would hit other kids even if he/she is not bullied. i find tt only ppl who r not educated n civilised will ask their kids to fight back.
no doubt, i will teach pin to avoid the bullies or stand up for herself, but not to the extent of hitting back. now she is so young she alr hit back, then next time when she grows older, what is gg to happen? gang fights?

if im there, i would tell the kid that he/she shldnt do that, n remove my child from the area where the bully is. also, i will speak to their parents and tell them. if the parents r also uncivilised, then honestly, nth u can do but to avoid them.