Do you feel differently about your in laws after marriage?

[decollette]

As above topic.

Just to share. Have been married for close to 2 yrs now and my first born is few months shy of 1 yr old. My in laws are pretty easy going folks, which i remember thanking my lucky stars for when we were about to be married.

After some time, i sometimes get annoyed with them. We live apart and i am a sahm, btw. Certain things like if they repeatedly ask me when am i going to place my boy in childcare, why isnt he in childcare.. why dont i cook at home more often.. etc. I think last time if i heard this i will not think much of it. But now that they are my in laws.. i somehow feel as is they are judging me and i get affected.

I resent the fact that they call my hubby all the time and asks alot of questions. At family gatherings, they speak in their dialect which i dun understand and so when they asked me alot of questions., i feel very bothersome. Seeing that my hubby treats my family like his own, i actually would like to have a more than cordial relationship with them, but i just cant seem to do it.

Does anyone feel the same way? How has your relationship with your in laws changed after marriage? It will be nice to hear some views..thanks

 

[Renzie]

I felt that my relationship/feelings towards them changed after delivery.

Before that our relationship was pretty good, plus I'm a more easy-going type. But when baby arrives, I want certain things to be done my way, and they'll be questioning me or just don't bother. Hence hubby got into alot of arguments with them because of that. I don't feel that they are judging me, but I don't like how they prefer their own methods and just doing them instead of asking us (I'm a stay at home mom, I'm always around her!), and how they would just push us aside and rush to her the moment she cries or just snatching her away from us. I sometimes felt as if they don't respect me as her mother. Hence now our relationship is like a rollarcoaster, one minute up, next minute down. lol

 

[keefu]

Like Renzie, I also feel differently towards them only after I delivered... When my hubby and I was back then dating and after we were married... Everything was pretty the same plus my ILs were people of a fews words.

After I delivered, my usually quiet MIL came to make remarks that I do not have enough nutrition and all that (I don't know why???) when I give birth to a healthy weight baby. It's not that my baby was premature or having health issues that deserved that remark. And btw throughout my pregnancy she also never give me any tonics to drink, and also don't really show much concern... That got me quite offended. And when I was going to discharge and trying to bf my baby, she sit at the visitors chair beside me and commented that my breastmilk not enough and keep commenting to ask me to ask nurse for bottled milk... That irritates me and at the same time I didn't expect these comes from her when usually she doesn't talk much?

After confinement, now is slightly better hope it will be better in the long run...

 

[Joanna Kee]

for what i do is listen then out immediately, dont take it into heart cos they are like that. n partly is bcos we r onli daughter in law and dont really stay with them long so mayb still dont understand them.

5 yrs ago when my elder son was born, in law also keep interrub on how we teach our son, what we give him eat and ever hw i tidy my house she also want to interrub. and when my husband scold my son, she ever on the spot carry him away. there is a few times bcos of her interrub, i ever want my husband to move to other place that wont b so near to them. i ever tell my sis if anything happen to me is all bcos of in law.
but now mayb start to understand them, know that they are like that, i dont care so much . i always listen n out it go ... sometime they ever say my son didnt behave well. my thinking is that come on when we teach him when his young you always like to interrub n what he want you'll always give it to him now then say he didnt behave well.

It really need time to understand a person. watever in law say or do dont take into heart you will feel much better . now i can ever sit down with my in law to chit chat keke

 

[clearjade]

I live with my in-laws who speak Hokkien & Mandarin while I'm from an English speaking family and my grasp of Hokkien is almost zero (outside of curse words haha) and Mandarin is very basic (can order food from hawker centre but that's my limit). When my hubby is around, he will be the translator but when he is at work I also dont't speak very much to them and they are also a family of few words (unlike my loud family which always has some drama going on).

Both before and after marriage they have been nice to me but always like chicken and duck trying to talk. Now with baby, they have started to offer advice that is sometimes good and sometimes just old wives' tales and my pattern is that I will listen to what is useful and disregard what is nonsense. I know they have good intentions but they need to know when to step back and let us as parents handle the situation. Recently my mother in law came to my room to take care of baby while I have dinner 'cos he was fussing. I told her that I've already checked diaper, burped him, put warming cream on his tummy and given him wind drops. Now he needs to unwind and sleep as that day his routine was disrupted by various things and he was crying quite a lot as he couldn't get to sleep. I also told her not to carry him as he would become interested in what's going on around him and become overtired which would make it even harder for him to sleep. Not even 5mins after I started eating dinner she came carrying him over saying he's crying because of wind and cannot let him cry so much and carried on in Hokkien to my father in law. Again I asked her to stop carrying him, he was yawning but eyes wide open 'cos of new bright environment and things to see. She said ok, then went to the living room and sat on the sofa, STILL CARRYING HIM! So in the end I just ate a few bites and told her it's time for him to breastfeed and took him away. All along, his eyes were wide open 'cos of the bright lights in the living room and he ended up fussing for even longer and didn't sleep well that night.

I told my hubby about it and he asked his parents what happened. Turns out my mother in law used Ru Yi oil on him! I feel that using that on top of the warming cream would be too hot for the baby, she didn't mention to me what she did or if she did mention, it was not in a language that I understood. Plus with all the carrying, I'm afraid he will fall back into his pattern of sleeping for only 20mins a few times a day and wake up every hour at night 'cos he becomes overstimulated and can't sleep. I told my hubby to make it clear to them, the baby is our son first and their grandson second, they should never bypass us to do things to the baby without our consent or knowledge.

I guess see how things go from now on, they did promise not to interfere anymore but I don't think his mother can tahan, especially since my son does not sleep easily and tends to cry a lot when overtired.

 

[ali50n]

actually regarding the crying part, what ur mil said is true cos when my baby have colics i bring her to see doctor she told me not to let her cry so much as wind will go in so i always carry her straight when she cry n pacify her to stop crying. It is tough in the 1st 2 mths but the 3rd mth she is easy to look after.