Do you feel your husband's care and concern for you?

[Rukia]

Just wondering after a few years of marriage, does your husband still bothers to remember your birthday/ does he still seem as caring as before?

Not sure if it is due to the pregnancy hormone. But feeling kind of sensitive/emotional lately. Feels like my hubby does not seem to care much for me. I see that most DH are so loving towards their wife when they are preggie. But i cant feel that from my hubby, e.g. he doesnt take the initiative to hold my hand, when going up the bus he will march on first, he doesnt like to even give me a peck on the cheek etc. I feels that he finds me a burden now.

It is worse when my birthday is around the corner, but it seems like a troublesome event to him. He told me why should we be bothered even celebrating it.

Every year, be it wedding anniversary or birthday. I am usually the one to make arrangements, book the restaurant (pay from joint account) and buy gifts. He just attends, sometimes reluctantly, and he doesnt seem to be bothered to even think of what to get for me, at the very most just pass me some money, ask me to go look around on my own. I am not asking for much, just a simple Happy Birthday wish and small gift (for me to keep as remembrance). I can always use my own money to buy things, but it just makes a difference if it is a gift he picks for me.

That said, he does take time off to go with me to see the gynae and occasionally does ask me if I am feeling fine.

Maybe my hubby is just not so good at expressing himself. But when I drop hints about how to be more caring etc, he will just tell me dont compare with what others do.

Since I am preggie, I try to think positive so as not to affect my baby. But sometimes I really feel so upset.

 

[Ice Queen]

Must be due to the hormones. I remembered while I was preggie, i was very weepy especially the first trimester. You should tell your hubby how you feel and give him examples like no hold hand and u wan kiss kiss in the morning afternoon and nite etc Meanwile, you try to keep yourself occupied and be a happy pregnant lady. No wonder my son like to cry so much like me...i should have laugh and smile more..regret....

 

[simon73]

take care and do not let your emotional affect your pregnancy & baby....it is the crucial period now. the rest can talk later

 

[Dilys]

Just wondering after a few years of marriage, does your husband still bothers to remember your birthday/ does he still seem as caring as before?

Not sure if it is due to the pregnancy hormone. But feeling kind of sensitive/emotional lately. Feels like my hubby does not seem to care much for me. I see that most DH are so loving towards their wife when they are preggie. But i cant feel that from my hubby, e.g. he doesnt take the initiative to hold my hand, when going up the bus he will march on first, he doesnt like to even give me a peck on the cheek etc. I feels that he finds me a burden now.

It is worse when my birthday is around the corner, but it seems like a troublesome event to him. He told me why should we be bothered even celebrating it.

Every year, be it wedding anniversary or birthday. I am usually the one to make arrangements, book the restaurant (pay from joint account) and buy gifts. He just attends, sometimes reluctantly, and he doesnt seem to be bothered to even think of what to get for me, at the very most just pass me some money, ask me to go look around on my own. I am not asking for much, just a simple Happy Birthday wish and small gift (for me to keep as remembrance). I can always use my own money to buy things, but it just makes a difference if it is a gift he picks for me.

That said, he does take time off to go with me to see the gynae and occasionally does ask me if I am feeling fine.

Maybe my hubby is just not so good at expressing himself. But when I drop hints about how to be more caring etc, he will just tell me dont compare with what others do.

Since I am preggie, I try to think positive so as not to affect my baby. But sometimes I really feel so upset.

Hi Rukia,

From what you had mentioned...this shows that your hubby's character is already like that before you got preggie. Last time u don't feel upset over these things. Now u feel sensitive to all these due to hormones.

Maybe try talking to him about how you feel? You got to be happy ... so you will have a happy baby ! Sometimes you cannot just keep quiet .... man are abit "insenstive" sometimes... you must voice out instead of getting upset alone yourself.

Sometimes man take for granted as you have been planning and making effort to plan for important events. You should start talking to your hubby & get him fully involved in whatever things you are doing.

Personally... I have married for 8 years..Hubby is still the same from Day 1 we met till now I am preggie. We both believe in holding hands & kissing till we are old. Birthday is very important for both of us... so every year he will celebrate with me. My birthday just past this year was a special celebration with just simple homecooked meal as I don't feel like going out to avoid the crowd.

Oh ya ... one question... is your hubby loving to your baby (*Kissing your tummy, talking to bb etc)?

 

[Rukia]

Hi Rukia,

From what you had mentioned...this shows that your hubby's character is already like that before you got preggie. Last time you dont't feel upset over these things. Now you feel sensitive to all these due to hormones.

Maybe try talking to him about how you feel? You got to be happy ... so you will have a happy baby ! Sometimes you cannot just keep quiet .... man are abit "insenstive" sometimes... you must voice out instead of getting upset alone yourself.

Sometimes man take for granted as you have been planning and making effort to plan for important events. You should start talking to your hubby & get him fully involved in whatever things you are doing.

Personally... I have married for 8 years..Hubby is still the same from Day 1 we met till now I am preggie. We both believe in holding hands & kissing till we are old. Birthday is very important for both of us... so every year he will celebrate with me. My birthday just past this year was a special celebration with just simple homecooked meal as I dont't feel like going out to avoid the crowd.

Oh ya ... one question... is your hubby loving to your baby (*Kissing your tummy, talking to baby etc)?

Spoken to him before and he just says why I am so upset over such small details, or why should I compare him to my friend's hubby who does such things. What else can i say?

He does pat my tummy and talk to baby once in awhile (e.g. hello hello, are you asleep). Other than that...he does his own stuff when he comes home.

 

[Rukia]

Must be due to the hormones. I remembered while I was preggie, i was very weepy especially the first trimester. You should tell your hubby how you feel and give him examples like no hold hand and u wan kiss kiss in the morning afternoon and nite etc Meanwile, you try to keep yourself occupied and be a happy pregnant lady. No wonder my son like to cry so much like me...i should have laugh and smile more..regret....

Will baby really be more weepy in future if I am feeling so miserable now? Oh no...

 

[Dilys]

Spoken to him before and he just says why I am so upset over such small details, or why should I compare him to my friend's hubby who does such things. What else can i say?

He does pat my tummy and talk to baby once in awhile (e.g. hello hello, are you asleep). Other than that...he does his own stuff when he comes home.

Omg .. How can a man say these??? He is too insensitive.. No choice if that's the case... You got to be strong for your baby..
Do u mind if I ask.. Is this pregnancy planned or unplanned??

 

[Dilys]

Will baby really be more weepy in future if I am feeling so miserable now? Oh no...

Of cos.. U will have trouble taking care of a rowdy baby! Got to be positive for your baby. I am sure u can do it without relying on a man!! If your man can't do anything for you.

A man who helps u along of cos it's a bonus !! But I m sure you can be strOng !!

 

[pixie]

Rukia, my husband isn't a romantic sort of man. I knew about his personality when we first met. Hence, during my pregnancy, I was mentality prepared that he will not say sweet-nothing to me nor will he rub my tummy and talk to the baby. I do have my mood swings occasionally but due to a job that highly demanding, I dont't really have much time to think if he is insensitive or un-caring/loving.

One thing I do appreciate him is that he will cook me meals as and when he is in the mood to play 'I am the chef today'......LOL although he is not good in his culinary skill, at least he takes the time in preparing and cooking a meal for us and I will try my utmost to finish whatever he cooked. He does this not just during my pregnancy but also when we were in our courtship.

My baby girl is 6 months now and I am so pleased to see that my husband spoils her to rotten. He will pick her up the moment she starts to cry and will even try to amuse her (play with her and buy her toys and DVD and play it on the TV and sing-along with her) Even though he is not good in it; I know he is trying his utmost.

Do you have a full-time job? Can you try to focus more on it and try to think about the good things that your spouse have done in the past or still doing it now? It's better to be a positive thinker as this will not attracts negative thoughts and you will deliver a more happier baby.

Apply Law of Attraction in your life - it is a metaphysical belief that "like attracts like", that positive and negative thinking bring about positive and negative physical results respectively. It's easier said than done but you will never know until you try - think of the good points of your husband but not his short-comings; stay away from friends/colleagues who gave you negative advises and try to relax and stay calm.

God bless and take care!

 

[Rukia]

Omg .. How can a man say these??? He is too insensitive.. No choice if that's the case... You got to be strong for your baby..
Do you mind if I ask.. Is this pregnancy planned or unplanned??

This pregnancy is planned. I know he is a very direct. Maybe the pregnancy hormones is also making me more emotional and upset.

Shall try to think more positive!

 

[Rukia]

Rukia, my husband isn't a romantic sort of man. I knew about his personality when we first met. Hence, during my pregnancy, I was mentality prepared that he will not say sweet-nothing to me nor will he rub my tummy and talk to the baby. I do have my mood swings occasionally but due to a job that highly demanding, I dont't really have much time to think if he is insensitive or un-caring/loving.

One thing I do appreciate him is that he will cook me meals as and when he is in the mood to play 'I am the chef today'......LOL although he is not good in his culinary skill, at least he takes the time in preparing and cooking a meal for us and I will try my utmost to finish whatever he cooked. He does this not just during my pregnancy but also when we were in our courtship.

My baby girl is 6 months now and I am so pleased to see that my husband spoils her to rotten. He will pick her up the moment she starts to cry and will even try to amuse her (play with her and buy her toys and DVD and play it on the TV and sing-along with her) Even though he is not good in it; I know he is trying his utmost.

Do you have a full-time job? Can you try to focus more on it and try to think about the good things that your spouse have done in the past or still doing it now? It's better to be a positive thinker as this will not attracts negative thoughts and you will deliver a more happier baby.

Apply Law of Attraction in your life - it is a metaphysical belief that "like attracts like", that positive and negative thinking bring about positive and negative physical results respectively. It's easier said than done but you will never know until you try - think of the good points of your husband but not his short-comings; stay away from friends/colleagues who gave you negative advises and try to relax and stay calm.

God bless and take care!

I am working part-time at the moment, that is why i feel that I am like a burden to my hubby, cos I seem to have lost my "earning power".
Hopefully after giving birth and settling my baby stuff, I can get back to full-time again.

During courtship, he isn't that romantic either, a typical Asian man (non-romantic, very practical and down-to-earth kind of character). Yesterday, I was carrying something heavy and he quickly took it from me. I guess maybe my hubby's way of showing he cares is also very subtle and different. Just that sometimes his remarks can be so direct it hurts.

Thanks all for your concern and advise. I feel better already
Had a bar of chocolate to keep my serotonin high as well!

 

[posh]

I am working part-time at the moment, that is why i feel that I am like a burden to my hubby, cos I seem to have lost my "earning power".
Hopefully after giving birth and settling my baby stuff, I can get back to full-time again.

During courtship, he isn't that romantic either, a typical Asian man (non-romantic, very practical and down-to-earth kind of character). Yesterday, I was carrying something heavy and he quickly took it from me. I guess maybe my hubby's way of showing he cares is also very subtle and different. Just that sometimes his remarks can be so direct it hurts.

Thanks all for your concern and advise. I feel better already
Had a bar of chocolate to keep my serotonin high as well!

Stay postive and all things will turn out well for you.

 

[cn211279]

Hi Rukia,

Some men are not very good at expressing themselves and can be pretty “dense” (ie will not notice subtle hints from wife to be more romantic etc…). These men tend to express their love through practical actions more than verbal words/romantic gestures. So do take that into account and feel happy when he helps you with stuff. And looking at the bright side, these kind of men are typically more family-oriented and won’t go around flirting with other women. (cos they dun know how to…..)

Sometimes it might help if you give your husband direct instructions on how you would like him to behave, and be specific. Example, “Dear hubby, I would like you to hold my hand whenever possible when we are out”?

 

[Ekari]

Will baby really be more weepy in future if I am feeling so miserable now? Oh no...

Just a myth I think, but why take the chance.

 

[Dilys]

Just a myth I think, but why take the chance.

Hi

It's not a myth ！it's true ... Happy mummy happy baby ! Rowdy mummy rowdy baby!

 

[Jess828]

Your child & you deserve all the love & care in the world...Men are just annoying.

 

[feathers]

Don't depend on others to give you happiness, we must be able to find it within ourselves. Everything else will be a bonus if we can achieve that. My hub expect me to be very independent. I'm not working and he is, I understand its very tiring for him.

If I have cravings, I wouldn't bother him with it and I'll go find it myself when he's at work. I buy all the baby things alone but he accompany me for gynae visits without me requesting him to do so. Sometimes my leg pain from pregnancy weight but I wouldn't ask him for massage, I'll massage his feet instead when he come back from work cuz that's my way of showing appreciation that he's working hard for us.

Although its sweet to see what other people's hubbies are doing for them but it is easier to not demand things from men, appreciate what they can give us instead. I take pride in being independent, to be able to handle my own needs and every once a while my hub will tell me how he much he appreciate the fact that he doesn't have to worry about me at work, that I try to do everything I can so that he has a easier time.

You can do it, just tell yourself that you have to be stronger so when baby comes, you can handle it even better. =)

 

[ast0212]

Hi Rukia. Men, like women, are all different. Some are really good at expressing love while others find it difficult or don't find it important. Sometimes it's the little things that mean a lot, like you mentioned your hubby helping you carry heavy stuff. Not all partners do that!! And that goes a long way

My hubby is the romantic sort of fellow, he likes to kiss, hold hands and all that whereas I am not and don't really like to be touched..especially on days I've had a clingy toddler and I feel all touched-out! He values presents, birthday and anniversary celebrations and I don't really make much of a fuss with it all. It just shows that we're different and it's most likely that difference that attracted us to each other (though we do get on each other's nerves because of it too!!). Me not being touchy and sentimental does not mean I love him less! And I guess this would be the same for a guy too.

It is normal to feel emotional during pregnancy and it does affect baby to a certain extent - usually trauma and stress where it causes a chemical change in the body. Otherwise a couple of sad days here and there are normal. There's days I feel that hubby doesn't really care about me, but I know that he does and that I'm just being oversensitive about stuff. Knowing and feeling are two different things and with hormones raging it is a mental and emotional battle.

Try to look at the blessings of what you do have rather than what isn't happening and maybe that will cheer you up

 

[Tannie]

I would like to share with u what my friend told us. Everyone has different love language, they showed love differently. Some uses sweet langague, some are physical like touching, hugging or kissing. U will have to discover their love langague. My hubby do not sweet talk, he is not physical type, he dun even help me carry heavy shopping bag unless I asked. But he will always cover blanket for me at nite, he will help me catch lizard even I wake him up in the middle of his sleep... I conclude these r his love langague ...

 

[lyra]

I agree with Tannie! It's the difference in your love languages! You may think your hubby don't love you but he did and he's just showing it in a different way from how you show love. Your hubby's love language may be acts of service, giving practical help to show love. Your love language may be gifts. If you give your hubby gift, it may not delight him as much as receiving a gift will for you. If you do something to give practical help to your hubby, he may feel much love from you! So, tell your hubby what your love language is and ask him to shower you with gifts and that receiving gifts will make you feel as loved as when you did something to help him.

My hubby and i did the love language quiz. You can find that on website. His love language is touch and mine is quality time so we give each other the love that each other wants so that we talk in each other's love languages and keep our love tank full!