Edd, Feb 2011.
- Thread starter Gem2505
- Start date
hmm.. dunno. my in laws keep asking me to have another one coz they say my girl is "good quality baby". if dont give birth to another, very wasted.. -_-"
i think im not ready to have another one. financial wise, im quite comfortable now. sometimes need to struggle alil. so i think, when financially better off, den have another one. i have v high expectation on myself n my girl. everything have to be the best.
my mum aint v supportive if i have 2nd bb. she thinks its too fast.
well, its up to me n my hubby, he is ok to have 1 only. but also dont mind to have another. meanwhile, no plans. so, wait n see lo. coz i got intention to quit my current job. maybe till I stable at new job ( provided i did quit here ), then plan for another bah.
why? if u & ur hubby is ok with it, they somehow should be ok bah. they scared u cannot cope?
Jheyyy
New Member
financially wise? if u have the time, heart and effort, im sure you can make it.
if financially tight, den have to go out work and earn $ lo.
Sg, everything also ex, difficult to be a SAHM nowadays compared to older generations where most mums is SAHM.
some will think, 1 kid is never enough, 2 is just nice.
some say, 1 only, very lonely, in future she has to suffer to feed both parents, etc.
everyone has different thinking and mindset, most impt is, u think u can do it and work towards it.
no choice as a mum, we want the best of everything for our kids, even work till so xinku, also have to tahan..
reality sucks most of the time.
my hubby gonna venture to property sales which im already doing part time. take it as an extra income.
main job still goes on for basic expenditures. when the property sales stable, we both will quite main job and work tgt.
hopefully, our plans works well. when $ comes in well, then i plan for no.2.
but u see, some family, only the hubby working, SAHM with 1-3kids, income like $2k, they still can survive.
but some ( ok, me ), combine income, $7k+ per month, still not enough. dunno where $ goes to.
think its more like, our habit on standard of living and high expectations which mold us on our "spending habits".
Jheyyy
New Member
I'm already working. Just that they think we can't afford to send them to schools next time cos Sg's education v ex. But my hubby & I believe that we can do it. After I deliver 2nd child, I'll have to stay home & look after both myself. But even when i stay home, i'll still work from home. But my family just don't believe that I can do it. & they keep saying, I better don't give birth liao. But they hope my cousin, who just got married, will conceive soon. My child not human meh ??
meshellwoo
Member
Hey Jheyyy: first of all congrats!!! It has been quite a while since I last join this thread- was bz with my child, and work. Well, first of all I do envy u coz u hav an advantage of being young. At mid twenties n time is certainly on your side (I m in my early 30s). So, enjoy ur pregnancy n don't bother what other ppl say- anyway, they r not gonna help u to raise your kid financially. If there's a will there's a way. I m
planning for #2 also, bcoz v think that one is too lonely and two is just the right number and our son will hav a playmate
i believe u and ur hubby can make it. somehow, when u need $, it will appear. just need to plan well, sure no problem.
think ur parents scared u cant cope. just show them u can. some married couples nowadays, dont even want to have a single child.... then their parents will start to make so much noise. haiz. difficult to satisfy everyone. just follow ur heart and do it. i have a few friends, married for many years, cant even conceive. so, be bless that all of us here, have our little ones to be with. everything else is secondary. we all shall work hard for our lil ones. =D
Jheyyy
New Member
Hey thanks !Hey Jheyyy: first of all congrats!!! It has been quite a while since I last join this thread- was bz with my child, and work. Well, first of all I do envy u coz u hav an advantage of being young. At mid twenties n time is certainly on your side (I m in my early 30s). So, enjoy ur pregnancy n don't bother what other ppl say- anyway, they r not gonna help u to raise your kid financially. If there's a will there's a way. I m
planning for #2 also, bcoz v think that one is too lonely and two is just the right number and our son will hav a playmate
Yes, I'm 23 this year & I always feel that it's good to give birth & close factory early.
I believe Sg's economy will keep getting better, so no point waiting for our economy to be back like in the 90's. If everything is expensive now, it's just gonna keep getting more expensive.
I didn't plan for #2, but since I'm already having him/her, I believe I should have the basic responsibility to deliver it & give it the best that I can.
Jheyyy
New Member
Yes Gem, I do agree.
When I was expecting my #1, we were really tight.
Even had to scrimp & save for 3 meals.
Now, we're so much better. 3 meals a day, got money for bills & so on.
I may not be able to give my child everything. But I make sure Aly has everything that's necessary.
Same for #2. Most things can be passed down. I don't have to worry much cos i'll definitely bf. If it's not for my aunt's constant nagging about Aly being unsuitable for bm, I believe i'll still be bf-ing now.
Anyway I've not told them about my pregnancy yet. I still don't know how to go about doing so. It supposed to be a happy news & yet I'm getting so depressed about it. Sigh.
RabbyMummy
Member
i agree with the rest of the mummies. Most important is you and your hubby must be aligned in your goals, both must be supportive of each other. Other than that, don't bother about what others say, cos ultimately both of you are the parents of the little ones and are responsible for the outcome.
I m actually very happy to learn that though you are young, you are mature in your thinking and I am sure you are a great mummy!
I m actually very happy to learn that though you are young, you are mature in your thinking and I am sure you are a great mummy!
im only 1 year older than you. =D n see, we are strong "young" mummies. ok, i think we are young. haha!
believe in urself, im sure, we all can do it. its eventually, u and your hubby raising the kids up, so dont bother about others.
like how my in laws keep rushing me to have #2, which i apparently dont want it so soon. so hubby went to tell them, we no $, so dont want to have #2, which in fact, i think, we still financially able to raise a #2, but just try to put them off on repeating this topic AGAIN n AGAIN. then still can say, $ not a problem, they will contribute! -_-" but the thing is, why we give birth, still need their $?! its my own problem + its not about $ only! the time, effort, love, care, etc which is the difficult part which they cant contribute much. so, $ is not everything. the right attitude is the most important factor to have a kid. no right attitude, better not to have.. like those whom got preg and abort coz they felt, "not the time" then is irresponsible.
jia you! aly will be a good sister for sure! =D
Jheyyy
New Member
Thanks mummies.
I feel like bursting into tears.
Actually I know what they are worried about. they are worried that my aunt got no time for mahjong. sigh. Cos whenever I'm working now, my aunt is taking care of my girl. But not really though, although that was our agreed plan before I delivered. At the beginning, she stayed home to take care of Aly on days that im working. bit now, she usually tells me to leave Aly at my granny's place & she went for her mahjong session. My granny is v old. Can't really take care of Aly. She can only put Aly to sit with her on the sofa.
& cos of this, I was ticked off by my cousin (my aunt's daughter). She said she doesn't even tie her mum at home like that when she delivered her son. How to compare ? Her hubby so rich, still can live in bungalow. she can don't work, I can't.
I'm not on good talking terms with my mum, so I stayed at my relative's place since young. My dad & my mum are not talking to each other either. So who can I rely on ?
I did say that if I have 2 kids, I'll stay home & look after myself. Of cos I can't dump both kids to my aunt anymore right ? I'm willing to take a bit more hardship. Take care of my kids & find some home-based jobs to do. Like you all said, when there's a will, there's a way.
I have a husband still, he's working so I don't think things will be THAT difficult.
So many single mind out there, single-handedly brought up their kids themselves. Why can't we do it ?
They keep saying, "我们怕你们不会好好的栽培你的孩子。现在的孩子不像以前的孩子这样容易养的咯。"
Please... We're the parents. Even if we have to skip a meal or two just to let her have a better education, we'll still do it. Which parents wouldn't want the best for their children ? I really don't understand. When they talk, they expect me to listen. When I talk, they just keep shaking their head & disagree with me. SIGH.
I feel like bursting into tears.
Actually I know what they are worried about. they are worried that my aunt got no time for mahjong. sigh. Cos whenever I'm working now, my aunt is taking care of my girl. But not really though, although that was our agreed plan before I delivered. At the beginning, she stayed home to take care of Aly on days that im working. bit now, she usually tells me to leave Aly at my granny's place & she went for her mahjong session. My granny is v old. Can't really take care of Aly. She can only put Aly to sit with her on the sofa.
& cos of this, I was ticked off by my cousin (my aunt's daughter). She said she doesn't even tie her mum at home like that when she delivered her son. How to compare ? Her hubby so rich, still can live in bungalow. she can don't work, I can't.
I'm not on good talking terms with my mum, so I stayed at my relative's place since young. My dad & my mum are not talking to each other either. So who can I rely on ?
I did say that if I have 2 kids, I'll stay home & look after myself. Of cos I can't dump both kids to my aunt anymore right ? I'm willing to take a bit more hardship. Take care of my kids & find some home-based jobs to do. Like you all said, when there's a will, there's a way.
I have a husband still, he's working so I don't think things will be THAT difficult.
So many single mind out there, single-handedly brought up their kids themselves. Why can't we do it ?
They keep saying, "我们怕你们不会好好的栽培你的孩子。现在的孩子不像以前的孩子这样容易养的咯。"
Please... We're the parents. Even if we have to skip a meal or two just to let her have a better education, we'll still do it. Which parents wouldn't want the best for their children ? I really don't understand. When they talk, they expect me to listen. When I talk, they just keep shaking their head & disagree with me. SIGH.
totally understand your situation. my mum always go out for mahjong sessions too! but she will still stay home to look after bb when needed. when i say i put bb to infant care, she so happy. i think her friends were the one happier instead. so they can go mahjong, casino, cruise, holiday more often. so, i think, rely on my own better than rely on anyone else. thats why im insist on putting my girl into infant care. althou my mum n mil are SAHM, i still feel, difficult to tie them at home. my mil dont go out often but her arms have some problem so carry heavy things quite difficult and she goes to the market everyday. i cant expect her to go market with my girl..
thats why im so.. indecisive to have #2 coz expenses, responsibility will be much higher. ask my mum or mil look aft 1 bb still ok.. not so tedious, but when have 2, then either i split both kids to different house, or both kids will mess the house upside down.
thats why i told my hubby, if he want me to have #2, wait till he earn that much $ that i can be SAHM with no worries on $ then say. else, can forget about this topic. i agree, its not about $ all the time, but $ is indeed the main thing we should consider? with $, we can do alot of thing. get a nanny, maid, infant care.
Thats SINGAPORE living standard. everything is EX. milk powder, diaper, education. nothing we can do. just have to pull thru.
Jheyyy
New Member
Aly is still on waiting list for infant care. That's why I got no choice but to rely on them for now. Sigh.
My hospital appt is on the 26th Nov. & I still don't know how to tell them to look after Aly for me. My hubby will be working. I don't think I'll be able to handle if I were to bring her along cos I foresee got to wait v long. Seriously don't know what to do...
RabbyMummy
Member
Actually I agree with your thoughts too, for me and my hubby, we have no one to turn to for support, we are totally on our own, so by hook or by crook we have to put Ashley in the infant care. Planning beforehand is really really very important for our case, I cannot stress further. We are also restricted in our social activities too, e.g. recently I feel like going for a SSO concert but the first thing that comes into my mind ‘who is going to look after my gal?’ Also, when I need to travel for biz trip, my hubby will be alone taking care of our gal, imagine him cleaning up her poo, sigh, you know what I mean? We still have to do housework, we are totally exhausted, everyday we are in operational mode, do things quickly then sleep early cos our gal will wake up at 1plus, 4 plus every nite without fail. So, we feel that one child is really what we can handle at this moment, probably no more.
I also thought of the fact that Ashley will be lonely without any sibling but in our current society, if we want to give her the best, ensuring she got good foundation and sufficient fund to go university, plus the quality time we can spend with her, I think we really have to make some sacrifices one way or another.
RabbyMummy
Member
Why don’t you tell your aunt that you need to go for medical appointment, not convenient to bring Aly along, they won’t know what kind of appt right?
I think you should even start to register Aly for childcare (when she turn 18 months), once you know your EDD for your second one, you should also register for infant care, if this is your plan so that you can work. No harm just to register and put your name even if ultimately you decide not to work.
RabbyMummy
Member
Oh by the way, anyone going for the baby fair this weekend at Expo? It has started today?
Not sure if I should go since I want to bring my gal for haircut, do update.
Not sure if I should go since I want to bring my gal for haircut, do update.
Jheyyy
New Member
Should Aly turns 18mo, she'll still be in the priority queue for childcare.
As for #2, most probably I'll be taking care myself.
My EDD is 5th July.
Anyway I already told one of my aunts that im expecting #2 already.
If tonight I got bombarded with questions & naggings means she helped me broadcast already. Lol.