feeling depressed and doesn't feel love for my boy

[dumbocarebear]

is it normal to not have the gush of love feeling for my baby boy who is only 2.5 weeks old?
whenever i look at my boy, i only have the feeling that its an infant who needs to be care and not like what internet says, you will have that gush of motherly love for your son.

and these days when i'm alone, sometimes the feelings get so overwhelming and my tears will just drop. i'll cry badly for a while before i manage to settle down my emotions.

i think this is not getting right..
anyone know if i can get any counselling (phone or email type) anywhere?

i guess all these emotional rollercoaster have been made worse when the people at home keep doesn't want to hear what i say with regards what to do to baby. like not feeding him with plain water when he is hungry. he needs milk when hungry not water. on one side, they (parents & grandma) will say dun carry baby the moment he cries, but on the other side, they all rush to carry him the moment he make noise.

i do not have many friends to talk over all this. and i dunno where to seek the answers for all this.
i feel so bottled up and depressed.

worse off, my breastfeeding path is not smooth either. making me more stressed up.

i am most worried over the fact now that i do not have that gush of motherly love for him now.
anyone can advise if this is normal and what should i do now?

 

[littlematchgirl]

is it normal to not have the gush of love feeling for my baby boy who is only 2.5 weeks old?
whenever i look at my boy, i only have the feeling that its an infant who needs to be care and not like what internet says, you will have that gush of motherly love for your son.

and these days when i'm alone, sometimes the feelings get so overwhelming and my tears will just drop. i'll cry badly for a while before i manage to settle down my emotions.

i think this is not getting right..
anyone know if i can get any counselling (phone or email type) anywhere?

i guess all these emotional rollercoaster have been made worse when the people at home keep doesn't want to hear what i say with regards what to do to baby. like not feeding him with plain water when he is hungry. he needs milk when hungry not water. on one side, they (parents & grandma) will say dun carry baby the moment he cries, but on the other side, they all rush to carry him the moment he make noise.

i do not have many friends to talk over all this. and i dunno where to seek the answers for all this.
i feel so bottled up and depressed.

worse off, my breastfeeding path is not smooth either. making me more stressed up.

i am most worried over the fact now that i do not have that gush of motherly love for him now.
anyone can advise if this is normal and what should i do now?

Hi, it's normal not to have that gush of motherly love for your child when you are depressed or stressed, especially when your baby is very fussy and no one to help you to care for your child. That's why some pple have post natal depression. Sometimes my bb gal is so fussy and keep crying, I will feel like I don't love her too, sometimes even feel like throwing her away,lol, but on the days when she's good, I'll kiss her and play with her again.

I think you have mild post natal depession but it will get better and your love for your child will come back again, in no time you will find that he is the most important person in your life. Friends and family support is very important to help you get through this. Don't bottle up your feelings, let it out when you can.

 

[happymummyo7]

Its normal darling.
When my baby was first borned, i was amazed by the whole delivering n being a mother thingy. Till when i got hm, it turned hell.
My baby seems to hate me. Cry n cry day n night. Stitching wound below still raw, tired from delivering. But still hafta look after him myself cos ive no confinement lady.
Im the super needa sleep kind of person. So having him being awake the whole night crying non stop totally drive me crazy/ badly sleep deprieved. Day time he wakes up every two hours to b fed. Its like daily routine feed change diapers let him sleep then i chiong to eat or pee n wash the wound. Catch some breath. Rest abit. Two hours up he wake n cry feed change diapers make him sleep again.

He was a super difficult baby cos he cry like pple torture him. Worse is whe. I carry him he cry more jialat. My mum dump me all alone with this monster at hm face four walls cos its my decision to b a single mummh its my responsibility n ive to learn. (i actually thank her n m grateful for her heartless-ness cos it made me bond with this boy so much that we're inseperatable now)

There were few times i couldnt take it n carry him up with the urge of throwing him against the wall. End up ownself use my head bang wall. Post natal depression, might have gotten that. Read about it so m aware of it. When the times i bang my head against the wall increase i realise its enough, time to do something.
Catch hold of every sec i have to read up online about babies. Found babycentre website n absorb as much knowledge as i can. Uses trial n errors methods to find ways to handle that monster. Slowly, we grew to accept n love each other.
By the time he was two mths old things slowly got better. Our bond was so strong that though he spends 5.5days 7am-7pm in infant care since two mths old, he still loves me n want me the most.

Now, he's 32 mths old. I know him inside out n can handle him so well that my mum's really impressed. The hard work pays off..

Dont give up!!! As long as you really love yr child n m willing to put in the efforts, you'll c the rainbow soon!! Now is rainy season only. It will pass. =))

As for the elderies at hm.. Yr grandma brought up her child, n yr parents brought you up. Cant blame them for insisting their way cos theyve been there done it. I believe they care too thats y they bothers. N no matter how right you r, its understandable for them to not accept cos, they have experience n you dont.
My mum nags every single feeding time. Initially on breastfeeding not good, formula better. Then on how xinku breastfeeding is, formula so much easier. Till i went back for my gynae to check on the stitches i pulled her along, told my gynae my mum anti me breastfeed. Gynae n nurses all jump into my defence n bomba her with how good breastmilk is n how much she should support me blablabla. She knws my gyane for many years n trust him alot, its also her who insist i go to this gynae when i was pregnant. So she LL accepted. When my boy was due for his routine check, i had the pediatrician tell my mum how good breasfmilk is. She totally shutup n proudly hao lian to her friends ive got alot of milk n her grandson is beind breastfed.
Have somebody who is acknowledged by them, doctors or relatives to tell them the benefits of breastfeeding. Thats the only way for them to accept.
I do this to my mum all the time. Ignore her words on things i knw im right. Use my actions to prove her right. Now, she really acknowledge my efforts n c that im sincere in bringing up this child my best.

Jiayou!!!

 

[dumbocarebear]

thanks happymummyo7 for your encouragement

i guess by evening time when i had enough of my confinement lady, my parents pattern and my tiredness start to kick in, i'll start to lose myself le...

i know the elderly at home have more experience in taking care of baby, but times have moved on and sometimes some stuff doesn't work anymore but they still insist.

i know the path in front of me is going to be very tough and i have to learn to overcome all this by myself...
but will definitely appreciate more tips from other mummies, so that i can survive thru this crying/ drink milk/ change diaper/ lack of slp period ....

 

[happymummyo7]

Hahaha! B aware of post natal depressions. Its all the hormones fault..

Well, elderies r sometimes very ti ki. Cos theyve done it they feel they r right. Keep reminding yrself its cos they donno there r other better ways of doing the particular thing n their methods have worked so thy cant accept. Afterall, theyve lived more than half century of their lives alrdy. Its difficult too for them to accept new things.
For my mum, it takes many many lessons for her to accept that i may b right at times too. N im really working hard to make having this child work. Like the breastfeeding part. N slowly as my boy grows, disciplining. During the earlier stage between 15-24mths i was very firm with the NOs n my mum always comment im very evil, always shouting at my boy so fierce (i didnt shout, just raise abit with very firm tone), always beat my son (the furthest ive go is to flick his hand n its not even hard), i don love my son blablabla. Got so sick of it that i stop my disciplining n let my boy have all his ways. One week later he got so loose that he start throwing tantrums n all. My mum tell me, u gotta do something yr boy is out of hand. After then she dont dare to interfere alrdy.
Now she proudly tells all her friends when they praise my boy very obedient that ohh he daughter train one, her grandson very mischievious n cheeky, is her daughter then can handle him blablabla.
My tactic to handle my old woman is to insist my way for a period of time, let her have her way, she will c the difference, n when she cannot tahan i go back to my ways, she will 'wakeup'. Abit more xinku for my son nia lo...

For handling yr baby, u must first understand him. I read up on the babycentre website n then put myself into his shoes. Understand y he behaves like that, his feelings. Try to learn n knw whats in his mind. Then i realise its nt difficult to knw what he wants n needs.
For crying babies, most common issue is colick (donno hw to spell). The wind in the tummy. Hang on till yr confinement is ovr. U need to bring baby back for routine chk soon? Get the pd to chk. My boy also is bring to pd for routine chk n i mention the crying drama he chk tummy then realise got wind. I didnt thought of colick cos i direct breastfeed n its not suppose to cause colick. End up its cos his nose blocked so he use mouth breath when he latches thats y wind go in..

 

[cn211279]

It is common not to feel gushing love for ur baby at the beginning especially if he is your first. I remembered that I suffered from mild post natal depression for my first one and feel like I'm better off without him. It will pass. I find that it helps to just go out alone for a while. When you r feeling stressed out with the baby, just leave him with ur parents or parents in law (since they want to help) and just go for a walk on ur own. Read a nice book, eat some chocolate or food u like. Just relax n not think about anything related to ur baby. As for the elders having a different handling method compared to you, advice is dun sweat the small stuff. Other than insisting on breastfeeding which I think is important, the rest, just let them do as they please. Babies are smart, if they r fed water, they will get hungry soon n cry for milk, soon the elders know tt he is hungry for milk n stop feeding him water. My other techniques is to use the doctor.... Doctor say this, doctor say that.... U mean u know better than the doctor? Or do u want to talk to the doctor urself etc....

 

[dumbocarebear]

happymummyo7 & cn211279
I'm now trying to learn to ignore the actions they (the elderly) do, as kong as they dun harm my baby boy...
I guess being too defensive made me very tired and upset and triggered my depression feelings, bcoz the feeling not not being heard feel so lousy. it irritate me very badly when I keep saying don't do this don't do that, they acknowledge at times but still do.

eg: don't carry baby the moment he made noise. they agree but yet still continue to do so... haiz...

even when I tried to hide myself in the room to pump milk, I'll play some games on my iPad, but I still don't feel relax... this used to be my fav activity and one that can relax myself.... but it doesn't really work now...

sometimes though I feel very tired, but I ju can't fall asleep... like now. even lying on bed, but I can't nap....

and the food that nanny cook for me is so lousy. my unluckiness to hire this nanny. keep cooking the same dish over and over. now still confinement, cannot really eat those I like... sad....

I tried the "doc say" method, it doesn't really work on them! like ask them to cook papaya fish soup, i say doc say drink this can help promote breast milk. they will cook but still keep nag that papaya is cold. eat fish will made baby poo smelly. etc... I say doc say baby no need drink water. they pretend they didn't hear me and still keep ask baby, do you want to drink water? you hungry huh? I feed you water k? *faintz*

I don't want to sink into depression bcoz that will make matters worse. esp when I'm going to take care of my boy alone when my confinement ends in 1.5 weeks... but that thoughts is making me more worried. worried that i can't do it alone... I need to take care of him alone for a month before i can send him to infant care so that i can return to work...

anyway to make me love my boy more and want to be with him more?

 

[Amulet]

Girl, do also consider bringing this up to ur gynae the nxt time u go for ur post-natal checkup.. it's very much a hormonal thing..

I don't feel that gush of love for my girl wen she was just born.. To me, she was just a stranger who happens to be my daughter and I am to fulfill my motherly duties to her.. But soon as time pass, the bond just build up naturally.. Now, we love each others the most in our worlds..

As for elderly, sometimes it's inevitable that quarrels n frustrations happens wen dealing with them.. I quarreled so much with my mother over our caring methods.. Even now, we still quarrel over how to discipline my girl..