Feeling worn out.....

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rachelleling

Member
I did exclusive pumping for my first child and despite the fact that there were so many washings and sterilising to do, I could be more mobile and also let others feed him. My son was rather easy to take care. Mayb cos he was on EBM, it was easier to make him follow a schedule and before 3 mths, he was following a routine beautifully and able to zzz 5-6 hours in the night. he was relatively easy to care for.

But for my second child, it was not as easy. First, i decided to do direct latching. this puts a strain on me cos i have to be there to feed. practically a milk machine. i cant go out for more than 1 hour 45 min cos scared later she wants milk and no one to feed her. Then, mayb cos my letdown is very forceful and I have a lot of milk, she gulps down milk and in the process gulp down air. she's very colicky and will pass out lots of wind. since she's colicky, she always like to be carried for comfort (cos she doesn;t like to suck my nipples for comfort as everytime she sucks, she gets a lot of milk and this frustrates her cos her main idea is comfort not milk). I have to carry her and walk around the house. she'll cry and wail if i put her down. (i dun dare to let her cry for long cos scare she swallow more air = colicky). Then, everyday she'll be cranky from 5am-8am cos of the colic and is very difficult to coax. I am soooo tired that once, when i carried her to bed to get ready to feed her, my hands just gave way and she fell face down on the mattress! i was horrified. i realise my hands are so weak from always carrying her.

I am getting very very tired coaxing her, feeding her. somemore I have an elder son whom i have neglected so much. he was crying for me and insisted that i zz with him everynight. There was one night he had a nightmare and only wanted me to hug him. he hugged me so tightly and refused to let me go. then, just yesteday, when I was showering him, i got impatient with him cos mei mei was crying. i slapped him cos he was doing something which i told him not to. he started crying and kept saying sorry. what's hurting me most was he started slapping himself as if he knew he was really wrong. I just cried and cried yest night.

I am staying with my inlaws. i m lucky i need not go housework. my main job is to take care of the baby. even my FIL helps to play with my son and they are very close (which makes me jealous at times). But I still feel worn out.

I dunno what to do. everyday, i dread hearing her cries cos it means i have to carry for for very long (and she's getting heavier by the day). SIgh............'

sorry fo the long post. I really need to vent it out!
 
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msck

Member
Hey rachelleling,

I feel for u... U probably feel trapped. =(

Have u considered giving ur girl ebm, so the rest can feed her? I know u want to direct latch her as much as possible, but u may want to slowly consider introducing bottles n start storing already. One or two feed replace by bottles n ask ur pils to feed. Otherwise when u go back to work, ur bb girl will become too attached to u, it will be difficult for ur pils to take care also. Must try!!! Dun think already!! If u keep worrying about oversupply, things wont change!

N pls pls try to pump out some n clear 1 side before feeding. Cos i feel tt it's true - bb will swallow more wind when they cry cos they choke on milk.

Did ur pd give ur bb girl ridwind baby drop or biogaia drop during ur visit? The biogaia drop is like the culture in yakult- good for bb's digestive system. Also, how often u rub the ru yi you? Hmmm... U got try that ba bao jing feng san also?

My bb was very colicky too. So i tried all of the above. Lol... I found her much easier to handle now.

I think u may seriously consider spending some times with ur son. He may feel replaced n dun like the younger sister if u focus so much on the girl.

Hope things get better for u soon!!!
 
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Celz

New Member
So sorry that I dun have any advice for that... Appreciated ur comments and advices on my post n other pple's post. Can only give u a virtual *hugz* n hope ur bb grow out of the colicky situation soon so that u no need carry her whole day. Be strong! It'll get better...
 
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Surviving mum

New Member
Sometimes we have to see the big picture. Instead of fixing on doing the direct latch on well, focus more on the well being of your baby, yourself and your family. When you are worn out or depressed, it affects the baby and your elder kid too. If it is really too much to handle, learn to let go on some of your expectations of yourself. You have went through alot as a mummy already, give yourself a pat, relax and your baby will feel your mood and be happy as well.
 
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rachelleling

Member
Thanks ladies, I actually felt better after posting the above. Yup, i've decided to pump out and feed tmr since is hol and hubby is at home. at night she usually feed on one breast. will pump out the other breast and feed her tmr. Or, i can pump before the feed and then feed,

MSCK, PD gave me ridwind but then my gal spit it out cos of the taste. it was funny looking at her expression! we put ru yi oil about 3 times a day. it doesn;t really help i find. she will be calm for that 1-2 min after applyinh and then the wailing comes again. and worse is she has reflux also. more than often 1 hour after her feed, she will spit out the milk and can smell is the vomit mixed with the stomach juice kind. everyday, i smell of vomit and milk sigh.......


Celz, thanks for the support! I really need the hug! haha

surviving mum, i am trying very hard to juggle everything. hopefully things will improve. i think first 2-3 mths quite diff but then shd get easier as time goes.

Sigh, just now, i spent 1 hour in the room coaxing my gal as she had reflux and was cranky. so, i let her suckle which was bad cos she gets frustrated as she wanted comfort more than milk. then, i carried her round the room. finally she zzz. my MIL had to go into the room to check on her and dunno wha she did, baby woke up. sigh. i m so upset! i haven had a decent rest and badly need one now! b
 
andieluv2

andieluv2

Member
i know usually ppl dun avocate for pacifier, but have u consider using 1? bcoz it seems.like all the crying and fuss is making thibgs worst. i agree like wat other mummies say, look at bigger picture. if its causing u so much distress then.i think we gotta let go. and also i feel that babies are emtionally attached to mummy and they can actually feel our emtions at the very moment. so if u urself is very frustrated while trying to comfort a crying baby, chances are they will cry louder. try to calm urself down and talk to baby in a low calm and steady voice. its may help.
 
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Mummy2TwoSoon

Member
Rachelling, I wana cry reading your post...poor you poor baby gal poor boy...I wish I can give you a big big hug. Pls don't let yourself be beat up by guilt ok? You are a great mum who wants to do your best.

i hope you are feeling better now.

i haven't finished reading your post but wana say do whatever is least stressful for your family, be it exclusive pumping. I can see the direct latching is causing a lot of stress to everybody. I know you are scared of oversupply, can you pls nt empty your breasts?
 
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Mummy2TwoSoon

Member
For wind, try to unwrap her diaper, lie her down, hold both legs and do cycling motions.

A really warm bath scooping water over her tummy soothes the tummy. Then rub ruyi oil really hard with palms and go round and round her belly button area clockwise.

Gripe water in her milk can help.
 
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Rodorsany

Member
Rachelleling.. I feel for u... My #1 till now still long for my attn... Just do whatever is easier for u... U will still b able to bond with ur girl..

Most imptly is striking a balance jiayou
 
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felicity

Active Member
rachelleling i hear you! i dont know why my mother in law does the chores but i still feel so worn out. i could latch till i suddenly totally knock out. now i try to sit in the middle of the bed leaning against the headboard to latch so in case i fall asleep i won't drop baby on the floor! :(

and i also wrists so weak and dropped bb in cot b4... luckily already lowered my arms to touching mattress so the impact not a lot... now i'm v worried everytime i pick her out of the cot, i must quickly throw her into my arms and cuddle her tight!

so for you... and rodorsany and mummy2twosoon... i really salute you ladies!! i used to want to have 2 so much... but now i'm very scared... i dont know if i can cope with 2 if now as a first time mum i'm already feeling super worn out, and without hubby's support i feel... why should i satisfy him (he wants 2 kids too) when he's not fulfilling his role as the daddy?! :/

but i must say i'm really counting my blessings. at least i dont't have to do the chores... my mother in law does them all. i really appreciate her!!
 
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paulinepoh80

Member
So sad for u. How old is your baby now? Try to intro bot within 4-6 weeks, so that when u start work easier also. I didn't bfeed much for my eldest and when try to do so for the second incl using the SNS was so stressful, I hope I can latch bb too but I cant help to think it is so stressful and tired which nobody can help. In the end bb still can't suck well so I excl pump.

I scold my elder a lot also when he was misbehave and bb was crying. Eg: push his small head. I tell myself I can't do that but sometimes is just frustrated and can't control myself. In the end very regretted too. He say he love his bro at home but when in school he tell his teacher everybody at home is carrying bb. I think that's his true feelings. My second baby also much more diff to take care, thanks to my mil who always carry him until now he hv to be carried to sleep, and being a light sleeper we need to carry him and walk ard the room also, as my mil did that in the daytime while engrossly watching her tv. But is ok, now she suffered too. Daytime bb taking care by her alone and bb is quite chubby and heavy.

But don't worry, always remember baby gets easier to take are when they grow bigger. This week could be diff from last week, always look at the bright side and be optimistic. Think my pd mentioned before colicky baby is most not comfortable during 3-4 mths and gets better before 6 mths. My baby had reflux since born also, but he is easier to feed when he was ard 3 mths.

Hug your son more, sit together and play his toy, watch tv or read story books while u are carrying your baby to sleep since that process need to take quite long time. Like that he may feel less neglected and hope he can behave better by explaining to him mei mei still small that's why need a lot of u. Try to involve him with bb when u are attending to bb eg taking diaper for u.

As for he seems get closer to it fil, can't help, my son likes my mil a lot too ( they spoil him rotten) which I hate it, but our son just love it. Pro and cons for staying together.

Hope all the mummies' advice above helps u manage everything better.
 
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Rodorsany

Member
I also tend to get frusyrated easily... N initially my dd1 can b managed but as d2 borned things changed... Its like hearing 1 wailing is not enuff my d1 needs to cry or seek attn...

I also thankful to my ils if not i think i prob gone bonkers esp being emo n diff in bfg

Felicity u dun need to fear but need to b mentally prepared la
 
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paulinepoh80

Member
Recently I started to feel that I have been so busy with pumping milk, almost all the feeding done by others and I don hv much time to accompany or play with my baby. Is it worth it? Initially plan to bfeed one yr, as this is my last child and first time successful in bfeeding. And because is my last child, I don wan to missed part of his growing process. In a dilemma...... Very tired also.......
 
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Mummy2TwoSoon

Member
paulinepoh80, thanks for your timely reminder about your older boy. It makes me sad when you mentioned he went to school and told his teacher that everybody at home was carrying his baby brother. I am also neglecting my boy a lot. I homeschool him and now I have leave him doing his work by himself every day. And he does lots of things which to me are naughty things but to him are fun things like playing with tap water, pulling out things in the cupboard and explore etc etc...He also runs like an elephant in the house, I hate it when my baby is in his light sleep phase and he will wake up. He wants to speak to me about so many things but I just dont have time to listen.

But when I can have a few moments to spare, I would call him for a good cuddle and watch the tele with him. I would try my best to say good night to him and tuck him into bed. And one very important that I do is to brush his teeth at night! Cos he doesnt do it properly, they are all yellowish at times.

(Just to side-track, why did you need to use the SNS? And was it successful for you?)

I am glad I dont stay with in-laws, they will spoil my boys rotten too. My FIL will take my older boy and buy lots of things home for him and tell him they are all free, just take! Crazy!

Felicity, yes it is tough having another one but when the time comes, you will be fine. No pain or heartache will take away the joy of having more children. :) Dont be scared away!

I know the tiredness that you ladies are talking about. Latching on is super super xiong...one night of trying was enough to kill me, esp when I dont have much milk and baby kept falling asleep, and me using the SNS...and still got to express. Whenever i think back about doing it again, I cringe.

As my supply isnt great, my baby can comfort suck a lot but I feel really good at times cos I can touch his little head, rub his little cheek and just gaze at him. The opposite of most of you. Every night he definitely looks for me to comfort suck and drink a little (even if his tummy if full of formula) so he can zonk off to sleep. So latching on is wonderful, but I wish I had more milk, so no need to wash and sterilise bottles, no need to give bottle then breasts, so many things. BFG really takes up so much of my time, my Hubby says i just hide in my room and BF can liao!
 
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rachelleling

Member
I finally pumped out milk this morn from my "unused" breast after a feed (she only feed on one breast in the night) and managed to get about 80ml. So, fed that to baby via bott. So long nvr feed ebm, a bit messy. cos I pumped out at 7.30am, left it on the table. she wanted to drink at 8.45am. So, got to warm it up. Warming takes some time and she was so angry and started wailing. after milk warmed up, fed her and she sucked hungrily. then after drinking 50ml, she suddenly realise my hubby;s feeding her with bott and started to reject sucking. so, i latched her and she suck so happily. after the latch, she gave such a big smile! haha it was funny.

well, at least i took the first step to pump out and feed! i was still thinking if she will accept the bott (mayb she doesnt like cos flow too slow as compared to my fast flow). looks like she will accept anything when she's hungry.Ok at least i know she can drink fr bottle. Mayb i shd try everyday let her use bott once.

Felicity, you are blessed like me who has a nice MIL who helps me alot. if not for the good support , i wont want a second child. so if you really want a second child, have earlier else when MIL older, they may not hv energy to take care. My MIL already told me she can only stop at 2. if i want to have more children, she cant help me anymore cos she's getting older.

Pauline, my baby is coming 2 mth next week. so i think it's time to intro bott liao!

Mummyto2, how old is your first son? mine is 3 yr liao. you homesch him? why not send him to a playgroup or sth. so that at least you can be free for those few hours he is away? that was wat i did. i sent my son to 2 hour daily playgroup in Jul, 2 mths before i was to give birth. now, those 2 hours very precious. my in laws can take a breather and house is so quiet! my baby can sleep so well when he's at sch or when he's napping. my son is so used to talking loudly. (i think he inherited my loud voice - probably occupational hazard cos i need to shout a lot in my job. I could hear him talking at the void deck when I was in my house at 9th level!) I think my baby is startled many times by him cos he would suddenly shout or talk or sing loudly. sigh.... i try not to scold or hit him becos of mei mei cos i scared later he doesn;t like mei mei.

actually i do enjoy latching. just that i dun really like to carry and coaxing her for long hours. can be so tiring!
 
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msck

Member
A baby's smile can chase away one's tiredness!!

So excited to hear tt bb did not reject bottles. =) day by day, things will just get better! =)
 
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felicity

Active Member
racelleling haha yes, it's our occupational hazard!! XD

yes i am indeed blessed to hv a helpful mil.. actually age already catching up or she sian already after taking care of sil's 2 sons b4... she hinted say can let my mum take care. n she actually goes out pretty often these days enjoying life to fullest.. im at home w bb alone a lot of times, but still v grateful that she does chores like laundry n cooking n washing etc. n yes scary thing is they spoil they grandkids like crazy! the 2 boys they took care of last time r so disgustingly spoilt n demanding i'm utterly phobic of them!!

actually if i can be full time sahm n hv supportive hubby i wld love to hv a second bb soon but my hubby is pissing me off super big time now that sometimes i even wonder if i still wanna stick around w him. urgh!! i'm not kidding when i say i'm beginning to love my mil more than him!!!!

this morning till now i've latched bb 4 times n carrying her all the while (im typing w one hand while she slps in my other arm now) n hubby still slping like a dead log!!
 
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Mummy2TwoSoon

Member
Rachelling, my boy is 7yo been homeschooling him since last year. We enjoy it he's a good helper at home but also a little trouble maker haha...we may send him to school next year so will see how we go for now.

why don't you mummies buy a good breastfeeding pillow. I am using one it really is useful...have you heard of my brestfriend bfg pillow?
 
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