Have you been cheated or have you cheated?

[Chewysee]

Hi all, I'm really upset. I was checking his phone this morning and saw this past conversation he had with another girl online. The conversation was really casual, nth dirty or flirty at all. But it stillnhurt as he knew how upset i would be. It is really disappointing, that even after being so strict with him, he is still able and want to do all this things. He said it was just a casual conversation, had no intention to cheat or what so ever. But I know him too well, he is nt the type of guy that will talk or chat with a girl for nth, unless if he is single. So I questioned him, and his reason was because we had a fight the day before, and whenever we quarrel I'm always mean to him and said things to insult him, that's why he talked to other girls using another fb acc that I wasn't aware that he has and just randomly chat with her, who he happens to know, but she wasn't close someone he really really know, maybe just some girl that he saw before. He kept telling me he didn't cheat on me or flirt with her, but that is nt the point what, the point is, he already know how much it would upset me, but he still go chat with other girls. Im pregnant with his son now, and I really feel stucked. I really don't want to be with him anymore. This is something I really cannot accept because I've never been in a relationship where there is problems like this. I really feel so stupid, despite the fact that I've always been so faithful to him even when I had so many chances to cheat on him before, I tried to love him as much as I could because he has been such a great guy to me, I really didn't see this coming from him. I really feel very lost.
he really makes me have the urge to cheat on him next time. I really feel disgusted by him now. I told him I want nth to do with him anymore, and I really mean it. Sorry, I just need to rant. Anybody can share your experience with me?

 

[Alisya]

Hi Dear,

Not sure this can help :bunsure: as what I read was your husband just did a casual talk with the girl and it was just because he needed somebody to release the anger after the fight with you. But somehow it makes you down so hard. So I was thinking that maybe the deep sadness comes from the pregnancy, you know...unstable emotion, hormones fluctuation, etc (well I've been pregnant once before :wink

Dear...your task now is not planning to cheat back...really...the important thing is your baby and your health condition. You have to be super-fine when pregnant. Just to avoid a chance of pregnancy or labor complication in future. And your baby should be born healthily (physically and mentally) as well. So if you are angry or sad too long, he may get the impact from his mother. Perhaps being a bad temper boy or low self esteem one. Or maybe experience a hard labor too.

And maybe you can see the good side :biggrin: your husband did not mention any bad words or angry or punch or kick (ooops... I watched kung fu panda too much :weconfused you when he was busted. It means he still considers your pregnancy and his son.

So he might just an ordinary man who needs to release his emotion.......somehow the way does not match you.......just talk to each other over a cup of hot tea or chocolate on sea shore and watch the sun set will you, dear? :weyes:

 

[Chewysee]

Hi alisya. Thanks for the reply. I know it's not time for me to think abt taking revenge and all. But if he needs someone to talk to, why didn't he mention anything about our fight to the girl? And why did he choose to talk to a girl when he has so many friends to talk to! And also, at that point of time when he was chatting with that girl, he was working, and from what I know, he share almost everything with his colleagues abt how we always quarrel and what we quarrel abt. Can't he just talk to his colleagues? I don't see the need to talk to that girl. What was his intentions?

 

[Alisya]

Hi Dear....

Those are what exactly you need to ask (read : talk about) him :we2cute: don't forget....with cool heart over a cup of hot tea/chocolate on sea shore watch the sun sets and feel the blow of the breeze :bbwink: tell him what bothers you (softly)....ask him what made him did the chat with "unknown girl" using "unknown fb account" (nicely)....what should you do if it happens again (lovingly)....and what you expect him as the reply (seriously)

PS : talk nicely proven work with my hubby :001_302: even though I have to put "nice and lovely" mask on my frown face during the conversation. Well, at least I got his points and we can have a deal on the case ancing_jimlad:

 

[belwishupon]

Hi chewysee,

Understand how u feeling. Well, it's really common nowadays that guys and gals or ladies out there chatting with each other. Out of boredom or just purely friend. Now u are pregnant , I think u shld think of baby first. Cheated on you is if he sleep with someone else without u knowing. Or like someone else.. In touch with the same lady for a period of time.
I guess he purely just chatting sometimes talking to someone u didn't know very well doesn't mean anything unless they dated out etc. just say only suntimes they really don't hv time to do it.
U can rant out here or talk to yr frd. Stay positive for baby sake. it's true that maybe u preggie then emotional not very stable and think alot of things. Talk nicely to him. Ask him and tell him that u r hurt. Sometimes is that communication that every relationship needed. My ex cheated on me Before, that's worst than these a few hundred times. Just talk more often and I believe things will be better. Cheers..

 

[shiyi]

maybe ur husband just wanna understand how girls feel so he chatted with the girl. furthermore, being pregnant will make u feel more emotional

 

[heartbroken]

Just past midnight, while my hubby is bathing, i went to check on his phone. I did not suspect anything initially. Just a casual check. N to my horror, I saw his sms with another lady his colleague.
before I confronted my hubby, I have used his hp to reply to that lady, saying how bad for her to break ppl family.
He told me is just a fling and just started 1-2mths. I say usually men find other woman when wife is preggy or when their children r older. But you, your daughter is just coming to 4mths old n you r doing this to hurt me. I really cannot accept. I dont trust ppl easily n yet he easily destroy the trust he built up over the past yr!

before marriage, I told him last time when you r your ex-gf, you also have an affair with another lady. So history will repeat. He promised me that it wont because his ex-gf is also having affairs outside. He just did the same only.

And can you all imagine, his colleague is now a pregnant with her 2nd child. My hubby woke up early to send her to gynae check up. Although only dropping her off n he left!

I say when I am at my last stage wk40, I took Mrt for my gynae visit n also at wk41 (mine is overdue baby). That is because he is bz. N i say now you so tired, you still can wake up early because of her n her unborn child which is not yours! Then is my baby not worth doting??!!

And just a few days ago, they went for a drink with other colleagues which i am not aware. He actually sent her all the way hm which is very far, and the drinking place is very close to our place!! I told him here I am struggling to save up cos our business is not earning money last money so cannot draw salary n after ML (shop closed for 2mths), our corporate acc is running low. And on the other hand, you r spending money on other woman. How fair is it?!

Last time, he will send me sms or call me when he is at work. Now not a single sms unless I text him 1st. No telling me his whereabouts. But he is exchanging lots of sms with that woman.

My heart is in pain n suffocating. I cannot tell my family. Nobody to confide to.

 

[Chewysee]

Omg heartbroken, i am really angry just by reading everything that u have typed! How can that bloody asshole do that to you?! And that stupid bitch! Ownself have family alr still spoil other people's family!!! Your husband is really too much. And how is he now? After he found out that u know about them? He just say he's not gonna do that again?! If i were you i think i whack him liao. Men are really horrible, when your wife is pregnant or have children alr then do all this shit. Before that when we can run away anytime we wan, never do all this. Like plan for it de. So angry! I think you should tell his parents?

 

[heartbroken]

His parents knew n came over at 2+am. They asked me to forgive him n if he ever do it again, they will not stop me from making any decision. He asked his dad to give him a tight slap.
Yup, i guess all men r the same. Once is exposed, they will say they will never do it again.
He asked me to give him 1 and only chance. I did vent my anger on him n also on myself. Now my right hand having bruises.

I am really depress... Hope really time will heal me...

 

[Chewysee]

Hi heartbroken. I will never understand why are all men like this. It's not like they don't know what they were doing at that moment was wrong, they are aware but still did it. I myself have already forgive my partner, although this is not the first time he ask for last chance, but I have to forgive him because of our unborn baby. U too, have to forgive because of your daughter. Sign, I know how sucky the feeling is to be stucked. Anything can just complain here. and did that women reply after u used his phone to reply her?

 

[heartbroken]

she did not reply me. but have ask hubby to give me her nos. so using my hp, i text her again.
All she can say is SORRY

Ya, y do we have to suffer? N we have to think for the young 1. Poor woman we r.

 

[heartbroken]

he is applying leave tmr, so we can bring our gal back to stay longer. his friend told him with our gal with me, i can shift my concentration. (my gal staying with my parents, only bringing her back every sat night)

 

[crystalpink]

Hi Heartbroken,

Im so sorry to hear abt yr story. Since they are still colleagues, my advise is better keep a close watch on them, whether yr hubby still leaves home early, comes bk late, sms etc.. If possible try to get close to his colleagues, see if the woman still dares to get close to yr hubby. You should sms her to let her know that it is her hubby's responsibilities to send her to gynae visits and not other people's husband instead!! This is ridiculous!!

 

[heartbroken]

my hubby's friend also his colleague, is standing on my side. he will watch out for me. today he keep scolding my hubby. because all these while, he always tell my hubby how fortunate he is to have me.

 

[crystalpink]

Oh glad to hear that. Some guys are like that, like to have some changes in life, never get satisfied with their blissful marriage life. That woman is also horrible! Already married with kids still behave this way... Pity her husband!! Flirts!!

 

[Chewysee]

Hey heartbroken. Luckily you have your guy friend. wish you luck. anything can just rant out here

 

[Fisherman's Friend]

These kind of men just ought to be shot dead! If this happened to me, i will not think much, just end it. Coz i know for me, it will always be a thorn in my heart, no matter how long the event had happened. And i will definitely went up to find the woman. If she dare to do such a thing, then there is no problem letting her own family know of her doings!

But i think your love for your hubby is there la, coz you can forgive him. If you had decided to forgive and forgo, then mean it, dun ever bring this matter up again, esp when you guys quarrel. Coz the wound may just re-open and things may just get worse.

 

[heartbroken]

now everything is gd on my side. after this incident, he is also taking the initiative to make milk for our baby she we brought her back (esp midnight feed). hope he will continue to stay in this way n not doing it just because he owe me too much!yes, agree that to forgive we should not bring this incident up. of cos it will be difficult as when couples quarrell, everything can come out!!to forgive is easy but to forget is difficult. it will always be inside ur heart.

 

[Desireelin]

Sorry to post here while u guys have discussion. I need a little help. Do get to me for adoption of baby. As I'm trying to adopt one with reasonable amount which dont exceed 9,000.

Due to not able to give birth anymore(knew the news last month due to 2 times miscarriage in a year), i decided to go for adoption. The news really hurts me lOts coz I'm just 24 and have not even a kid yet. And the news do hurt my mum a lot too . She went a little bit far more than depressed and always thinking that baby is still in me whenever she thinks of it. Consult doctor but was saying medication can't cure only control as she needs to work out herself. So despite I'm very sad and depressed I got to think of not only me but her too.and at this point of time, Husband left me too. So my dad and I came out with a solution, since I can't give birth, why not adopt those who are keen to put for adoption so that my mum can be better and I can have a better motivation of living my life better. If by expected, my last baby is now about 3-4months in stomach so edd is about jan or feb(not done any of the check up before I miscarriage) . kindly do help out for this. it will be good for newborn as they still can't recognise if not its like so cruel for those who alrd know their parents. Kindly give a helping hand. 83006803 thank

 

[Super-mum]

once a man married to a women, the only female soulmate he should have is the wife