Having a feeling like they only want their grandchild

[FrustratedDIL]

Hey mummies out there, anyone with the same feelings as me? Like your in laws really don't care wat the hell is happening to their daughter in law (you) as long as they have their grandchild? Like you are the child bearer machine of the family? My in laws and their sons are a closely knitted family, but somehow I cannot help feeling like a stranger whenever i am with them. When I was pregnant n so excited about telling them, their expressions and reactions disappointed me to the max. They were like "oh, we sort of guessed". Then throughout the entire pregnancy, no words of concern, not a dress or item from them in appreciation of me bearing their grandchild. I remembered very clearly one time, my hubby n I made it very clear to the entire family that I am very strongly "allergic" to onions, if I had onions in my food, I would throw up terribly after. Only my hubby bothered to ask the food seller if the food had onions in them and which dish comes with onions so we won't order them. When the food still came with onions in them, the rest of the family just carried on eating happily despite me not being able to eat them at all.. Ended up out of 5 dishes I had only 3 which I could eat. They didn't seem to care if the onions bothered me or if I had enough to feed me and my baby in my womb... A closely knitted family my ass, they only care about their sons! This is only the strongest memory that made me feel they don't give a shit.
Then on the day I gave birth, all of them wanted to come down to see the baby, wanted to carry her, as if they've always loved her... Hypocrites... Now they keep insisting my hubby go back every weekend to visit them, daughter in law need to work never mind, bring yourself and the baby can already. Ho
W can I help feeling like a child bearing machine? If you don't give a shit during my pregnancy, who are you all to want the baby to love you? I really wish I can disconnect myself from my hubby's family. I don't wish my hubby to be unfilial, but how can I love them when I can't feel they love me?
Any daughter in laws in the same shoe?

 

[tcmy]

Chill my dear, though my situation is not as jialak as urs.. at least u r not living with them under one roof.. as for my ILs, they do care.. abit maybe.. but only care coz they need 'face' for some reasons.. the only thing i hate the most is they always bad mouth me in front or behind my back.. worst still in front of my bb, telling her "ur mama this n that no good blah blah..". As n when my hubby is not around they will use very unpleasant words to describe things, when hubby around they tiam tiam.. sometimes really feel like screaming n cutting their tongues.. but to think back.. like no point argue, will only make hubby duno where to stand.

Jia you, no matter how discouraging.. Ur bb smile will brighten ur day

 

[heartsmich]

I can feel you. My mil also did not bother when I'm pregnant. Didn't even bother to help out a little on the housework, I'm doing the laundry and housework even when I'm heavily pregnant at 8months!and she would cook dinner for herself only. Luckily I went back mom's home to stay after my 8 months, and did my confinement there too. After my son is out she became all loving towards him, kept coming to visit. I have the same thinking as you, if she didn't bother about him during my pregnancy, why should my son greet you ah ma? Everyone else made more effort than you did! At the end of day we also can't bear so much grudges towards them because they are still the mom of our husband. So I just keep quiet.... Trying to convince myself as long as they treat my baby right, then fine alr. Although still will feel angry when thought of it.

 

[patsie]

I guess most MILs r d same My own MIL as well as my mom being my SILs' MIL

My MIL since we r not staying wif her she doesn't usually bother Neither will she cook or buy things dat BB needs She just assumed we will get everything ourselves since we r wking

My mom... She doesn't really cook 4 her DIL or daughter But she will buy stuff 4 her DILs' family 2 cookHer rationale being DIL may not like d way she cooks Even 4 her own daughter.... She doesn't.... In dat manner I guess it's fair 4 everyone

Now dat I m almost due MIL wan me 2 move 2 her place so she can take care of me But I told hub I don't wan n if he insist den he wld have 2 move wif me N since he is reluctant I told him 2 deal

I shld say I have a hub who can stand by his own decision n not b influenced by anyone So lets c how he handles this Cos I know MIL has started nagging about it 2 him....

 

[Ivy Miao]

All mil is the same. Especially those old fashion mentality. Same goes to my mil. Children of hers are children. Other people children are not children. Damn bias and like boys than girls. Just ignore ur mil. I used to respect her and wanted to love her and treat her as my mother. After staying with her for 1year, I can't bring myself to respect and love her, anymore. In fact, I hate her and didn't call her mother at all. They want people to respect them as mil, they must respect us as dil!

 

[quincy1986]

chill dear.
for some reason, traditional in-laws always have this thinking that the daughter in law is an outsider.
it can be an obvious act from them or they subconsciously will just treat you as the outsider.

we can't really go after them also because we do not grow up with them in our family.
we are someone who seems of entirely different family upbringing that entered the family.
it is almost like a stranger who suddenly comes to stay at your house.

so i always tell myself no matter what i do i am always the outsider.
and that has made my life better.

 

[crystalpink]

Hi

Although I do not hv kids, I also sense that my mother in law wants me to bear them a grandson instead of granddaughter. Super old fashioned mentality! It is really very unfair for me as why must I bear them a grandson whereby their daughter can bear them a granddaughter n yet they are super happy about it?? I really can't be bothered about them as I do not live together with them or rely on them. Luckily my hubby sides with me.. so long he doesn't give me stress, Im contented. We live for the sake of ourselves, not for others.

 

[mamatiger]

oh yes i so feel you!!... my son is the first grandchild and greatgrandchild... so u can imagine how loved he is by everyone... but sometimes i feel pressure because mother and father in law keep asking us to come back and bring the baby to see them every weekend. even when it is public holiday, my mil will call a day earlier to remind my hubby and me to come over to ahve dinner at her house... at first i just follow but after many months, i rebel! because i also have my own life. i have plans for weekend for myself and family. i also busy working over weekdays that i want to spend with my baby over the weekend when i am free. now i am no more mrs nice lady. i just said no to them if i am busy... sometimes u just need to stand up for yourself. if u go through hubby hubby dont know who to choose