Help!!! Am I normal?

[hapimint]

Hi, I am a first time mummy to a boy of 12 weeks... I stay on our own with my parents when they are in Singapore ... Sometimes they will stay over my sis place and they spend almost half a year overseas... ( hubby invited them to stay when we moved)

Point is, from the day I gave birth, my in laws have been wanting to see my son on a daily basis.... Unless they go Malaysia or busy... Sometimes even 2 times a day.... I feel very stressed and overwhelmed by their extreme love for my boy.... In fact, I felt emotional n mental stress and worse, I feel suffocated....

They have our keys so they just walk over, uninformed, open the door n knock on my bedroom door... Sometimes bb still sleeping, they will insist On waking him just to play.... I am very unhappy as we could have a difficult night before and we need the rest but they simply wake him for their fun.... Even when he just had vaccine, I put him to bed to rest early to prevent fever... They came over n insist on carrying him out of bed to play.....

Moreover they recently developed a habit of bringing bb out without informing me... I would give them bb as I go do my things so that they won't feel restricted... But I could come out from toilet n noticed them gone... With bb.... They would bring out without even telling me as though it's their child.... I felt that I nOt being respected as the mummy... More like a maid

Furthermore, they have been talking about their plans almost everyday ... Things like, wAit bb 3 months, they will bring home to stay... 6 months then bring back where....

I am a first time mum but I felt I am taking a test daily as my mil comment about my boy development... I tried explaining to my husband On the pressure I face but his conclusion is that this is normal and it's just my feeling problem.... And they coming everyday n so on is okay.... I am at my wits end... I am only so close to running away with bb...

Just to add on, my parents do not play or carry bb unless I ask for help n would not come into the room to disturb me or bb when we resting....they left most decision to me but with in laws , it's I leave bb with them and I cannot go close so they can play..... Am I normal to feel upset? Or this is normal? Daily visits and all?

 

[xiaodaisy]

your normal to upset

but for your pil , they feel its normal for them , cos they love ur boy so much

sometimes we cant change old folks thinking so what we can do is to tell them in a nice way

if not try talking to ur hubby again that u really dont feel good on them having your house keys and the other problems

let your hubby understand what ur upset about ..

 

[hapimint]

I told hubby already but he cannot understand the emotional n mental stress I am under.... He keep thinking it's normal that they love the boy to bits and want to see him daily....

I told hubby that if they would back off abit n not be so intrusive into our lives, I be more willing to let my boy spend time with them... But coz they became so intrusive, I totally got pissed off about letting them bring my boy out or even let them babysit for a hour or two....

 

[Fisherman's Friend]

Hi, You are perfectly normal. Being a first time mummy, of course you will want the best for your child and would want to spend quality time with bb.

Ur pils may also be first time grandparents, so that explains their actions. If you think in a positive way, at least they care and love your bb, some grandparents simply do not care.

Maybe they may have cross the line in popping up at your place without informing you and taking bb out without your knowledge. Find a time to tok to them nicely. Tell them you are appreciative that they shower so much love and concern for your son, but let them know your feelings and your concerns as in y you want to let your bb rest, maybe coz due to vaccinne or bb didnt slp well the night before.

I'm sure they can understand de. As for your hubby, tell him nicely too. Dun speak in an angry or accusing tone, ask him to try to understand your stand.

Dun worry so much, everything will works out de

 

[hapimint]

I finally broke down 1 night and he saw me then he promised that he will think of a way to talk to his parents... However, I saw how sandwiched and how much he is at a loss... After crying for 2 days and seeing how miserable he is, I gave in... I told him I will try harder... Maybe their excitement will die down eventually ....

He is really happy but he promised to tell his parents to come after 10.30am again... But they come at 9am again and true as he says, when my mil knock the bedroom door n wanted to walk in, he walked out n told them firmly, no waking baby to play... He still sleeping.... Then when bb woke at 10am, I carried him out...

 

[Amulet]

At least now your hubby is making an effort already..

That's good..

Maybe it would help for you to speak directly to your in-laws the next time they do things like bringing baby out without informing you?

 

[hapimint]

Haiz... Hubby spoke to them on tues then turn out, they offended wor.. Angry with my hubby... I find it so unreasonable that I burst my temper too... But not to them... Just privately only.... Haiz... I can n appreciate their love for my boy but I feel overwhelmed by their intense actions... I made my stand to my hubby, I still dun agree them waking my boy up just for fun... I dun see y a 2 months plus baby must accommodate to their timing....

My poor hubby is sandwiched but I had enough le.... Cannot take it anymore the way they insist on waking my boy....

And they even said not once but twice that my boy cranky is not coz they wake him from his sleep, he cranky coz I bring him out.... I super unhappy... Y they can ask us to bring him to their place at night to play then okay? I bring bb out then wrong? That is my son lor....

 

[Renzie]

With parents, it's easier to talk to them about it, but with in-laws tend to get worried about offending them. But sometimes I get so fed up, I'll bar them from coming in, or block their way. Although a few times I had closed one eye. But waking up baby while she's asleep, is a BIG NO-NO for me. Hubby and I would hush them out if they shout or talk too loudly when she's asleep.

They sometimes bring her out without telling me as well, I'll get pretty upset, and be waiting for them to be back, the moment they do so, I'll take her away from them and start interrogating them, then tell them if they want to bring her out should inform me, like if I want to give her water/medicine/watever to drink/do then she disappear how am I going to do that?

They sometimes like to bring her out during the evening without telling me, hence I'll bring her to my room, lock the door and go toilet. Even when they knock or shout outside my door, I'll ignore them. Unless she's asleep, then I'll open the door a little bit,block it with my body, inform them that she's asleep, and that I'll bring her out when she's awake and close/lock the door.

Maybe you can try fixing a routine/timetable for them and baby. Tell them for example to come after 10.30am, if before you will not entertain them. You might wish to consider changing the locks? So that they can't go in and out of the flat as they wish? I sometimes make my point by not bringing baby out even when she's awake til a certain time, I'll be playing with her in the room til then.

 

[hapimint]

Guess I cannot do that coz I dun want hubby to be sandwiched again... Baby been sleeping late during the 2 days that they did not come (angry with hubby coz they said his tone is bad) . Problem is hubby has told them again and again but just cannot change them....

Anyway, when they didn't come, baby slept till 12 pm... He enjoyed his sleep... Finally they came after hubby apologized to them but when they come, baby still in dreamland.... They waited for about half an hour then when baby turn his head, my mil quickly carry him up and say he is awake.... He cried a while and refused to open his eyes so I know he is not awake... I didn't say much coz at least they tried to wait already...

Told hubby that we got to break their habit slowly so that they dun become so sensitive....

 

[Asphere]

hihi sorry to hear tat.
for me i am firm with my decision on when the grandparents can see the baby. and i told everyone straight and firm that i am the mom and i decide. whoever has an opinion they just just let me know and i will decide.

 

[hapimint]

I understand their excitement n love for my baby so much as I wish to tell them to let baby sleep, I am trying to learn not to fault them but rather to slowly break their habit.