How much $ do you expect from your children?

[Edwinie]

In this forum, there are lots of rumblings and discussion with regards to how much to give in-laws, giving too much to in-laws, how much to give own parents, rate to give parents who look after their grandchildren, etc.

Let's reverse the role.

Just wondering, once your child start working, how much do you expect him/her to give to you? After he is married? If you look after your own grandchildren on a regular basis, how much do you expect?

if you have more than a child, what will you do if some give more, and some give less? how will your children split paying the medical fees among them if you have long term illness? plus if your son's wife start nagging your son that he is paying so much for you (as compared to other siblings), how will you feel? what can you do?

i'm just thinking there are so many complains of unfairness.. just wanting to know what are the perspective if we imagine a change of roles.

let's talk in terms of current prices (ignore inflation). don't have to share every question i posted here. just want know about your general view.

 

[noelsmum]

In all honesty, I would not expect my son to give me anything. I did not adopt him as an investment to expect him to feed me in the future. If he wants to give me money, that's great. It's a bonus. And I would make it very clear that I would not be looking after his children because I do not believe that grandparents are to be grandchildren's primary caregiver. I would and have health insurance in place so that if and when we fall sick, my son will not be burdened by our medical bills.

 

[apollo]

i fully agree with noelsmum. both me and my hub also dont feel that having kids = long term 'investment' or want them to 'repay' us next time. =)

 

[Edwinie]

me too. i don't expect anything. in fact, i'm saving for my retirement so that i can be sure i will be self-sufficient and not depend on anyone. he can give me if he wants. if not, i'm fine.

my mil is taking care of my son full time as i go to school and work in the future. so if i retire, i really want to care for my grandchildren full time as i didn't have the opportunity to be a stay at home mum! no money also can. i just want the experience of being a stay at home mum when i reach a grandma stage and can retire (with good retirement savings. of course, if my son give for my extra effort, i'll take too.

as for health insurance, my dad is an insurance agent. he told me i'm over-insured. he bought a lot for me.. -_-'' he told me to take over the premiums once i start work. haha!!! it's not little! just in case i have cancer or need long term medical treatment, i don't know if insurance can cover 100%. if my children quarrel over paying for my medical bills, i have failed as a mother and i think i'd want to pass away faster if that's the case. so right now, need to bring my children up properly.

if i see my children struggling, i will ask him not to give so much. to be able to do so, right now, i must work hard and save for myself in the first place.

 

[Triquetra]

Same here. I dont expect my children to give me any money as I dont treat them as long term investment. My mom is taking care of my daughter and despite that she is not taking a single cent from me... Infact she tries to give me money -.-"

My father also doesn't take any money from me and instead always show concern about my finances so he will keep asking if i need money as well =.="

It's really a huge turn off when I hear words like "You dont give me money you expect me to go wash bowl etc meh? I used to spend thousands on your tuition fee blah blah blah". Disgusting!

 

[Mandy Wong]

Hi Edwinnie

Currently im only a student with one insurance plan. How many saving insurance plans do you have? How many do u think is enough to save for old age?

 

[Ting]

same here, i dont see my kid(s) as an investment. if they give, its a bonus, out of their filial piety, if they dont, then i wont take from them either, unless i really need it.
thats why me n my husb will hv to plan for our retirement soon after we settle our hse and stuff.
we also hv our insurance plans started alr, so if we really fall ill with any disease or illness, it will be a lessened burden to our children.

 

[Edwinie]

Hi Edwinnie

Currently im only a student with one insurance plan. How many saving insurance plans do you have? How many do u think is enough to save for old age?

currently i've got 3 savings plan for myself. the premiums are very high. my dad 'sell' to me and he can get commission. and then he pay for a few year and i'll take over.. -_-''' nothing bad, just that i'll be tight with cash immediately after i start work.

i've got another savings plan for my son. $500 per month. also expensive. but i can lower the amount or increase the amount as and when i want to. but stick to $500 first.

there's always cpf to help tide through old age (although after buying a home, nothing much is left). i plan to save a lot on my own. once i reach 10k and above, i'll put in investment, depending on how old i am. the younger i am, the more risk taking i will be. plus, if we buy a 5-room hdb, once all my kids marry and have their own home, i'll sell the 5-room hdb and stay in a small cosy studio apartment with my husband until we get called to heaven! =)

i do not know how much it is to save for old age. i need to settle my current needs first (child and buying a home) before i think of anything else. i'm very tight with cash now.

of all insurance, i think health insurance is the most impt. then after having a stable income and have spare money, start putting in a regular savings. i haven't start work and my dad sort of forced me to save lots of money already! i think i won't have much spare cash. but force savings also good.. make me not anyhow spend money also!

 

[Edwinie]

my mum's idea of accepting money, no matter big or small, from my dad or me, is to save for us.

let's say i give her $200 every month. she will put it aside. then when she see me having a tough time with cash, she will take what i have given to her to pass to me.

that's the concept that she has. but i won't expect her to pass it back to me because once i give her, it's an incurred expense and i expect her to spend!

 

[diymummy]

I expect $0 from my son when he starts working but I do expect him to be sensible in how he spends and invests. And this expectation will be dependent on how my hubby and I will teach him and we strive to be role models for our son so that he can take after our financial prudence.

 

[Edwinie]

Seems like most in our generation don’t see having children as an investment and expects $0, including me. No wonder we can never understand why some older generation parents or in-laws expects a certain amount of money and what they think. Plus some even compete with each other the amount their children give them! If they receive lesser than the other, then they will hint to their children to give more. Ridiculous! (My grandma is one example.)

I’ve got a friend (around my age) and her parents expect a standard $500 and they said it explicitly to their children. I don’t know the reasons though. I know my parents don’t. I think so far, out of my friends, that’s the only case I know that parents expects some monetary payments.

It is more important to have children who care for their parents (in sickness and in health) than children who give billions of dollars and not care. This is the most important part of filial piety that I want to instill in my son. more money does not equate to more filial. similarly, less money does not equate to less filial. wonder how to teach this lesson to those who have problematic in-laws..

 

[apollo]

Seems like all those in our generation don’t see having children as an investment and expects $0, including me. No wonder we can never understand the older generation parents or in-laws who expects a certain amount of money. Plus some even compete with each other the amount their children give them! If they receive lesser than the other, then they will hint to their children to give more. Ridiculous! (My grandma is one example.)

I’ve got a friend (around my age) and her parents expect a standard $500 and they said it explicitly to their children. I don’t know the reasons though. I know my parents don’t. I think so far, out of my friends, that’s the only case I know that parents expects some monetary payments.

It is more important to have children who care for their parents (in sickness and in health) than children who give billions of dollars and not care. This is the most important part of filial piety that I want to instill in my son. more money does not equate to more filial. similarly, less money does not equate to less filial. wonder how to teach this lesson to those who have problematic in-laws..

my fren's mum too. she expects my fren to give her a certain amount mthly. Though she claimed that she will help her to save the money but the way she ask her for the money is like 'loanshark'. Perhaps most of them feel that having money means having a sense of security.

 

[Edwinie]

my fren's mum too. she expects my fren to give her a certain amount mthly. Though she claimed that she will help her to save the money but the way she ask her for the money is like 'loanshark'. Perhaps most of them feel that having money means having a sense of security.

if i know my son anyhow spend on luxurious things and don't think before he spend, i might do this though. i won't spend a single cent. i'll act like his personal cpf. force savings. help him put in fixed deposit. but if he is sensible, obviously i won't do such things. hence i like what diymummy says!

 

[apollo]

my fren is very thrifty and sensible, tt's why we dont understand why her mum is behaving this way. there are many diffe types of ppl in this world, some dont treat having kids as long term investment while some do. =)

 

[Ting]

not all in the older gen will expect $$$ from their kids lah. my parents dont. they have nvr asked me n my sisters for any $$$ even though we are working. they know we hv our bills and (hse)loans to pay off so they dont ask any money from us. so what we do is we buy them dinner and stuffs on a regular basis. they feel happy abt it. on n off me n my sis will just pass abit of money to them when we hv spare cash or bonuses.
well for some parents, maybe they spent all their savings on the kids education, and they do not hv much $$$ left, so that is why they get mthly allowances from the children to put aside for emergencies and retirement. i think not much ppl from the older gen "believe" in buying insurances and saving plans those stuff, perhaps they prefer the $$$ where they can see n use anytime they want.

 

[Edwinie]

not all in the older gen will expect $$$ from their kids lah. my parents dont. they have nvr asked me n my sisters for any $$$ even though we are working. they know we hv our bills and (hse)loans to pay off so they dont ask any money from us. so what we do is we buy them dinner and stuffs on a regular basis. they feel happy abt it. on n off me n my sis will just pass abit of money to them when we hv spare cash or bonuses.
well for some parents, maybe they spent all their savings on the kids education, and they do not hv much $$$ left, so that is why they get mthly allowances from the children to put aside for emergencies and retirement. i think not much ppl from the older gen "believe" in buying insurances and saving plans those stuff, perhaps they prefer the $$$ where they can see n use anytime they want.

possible explanation. maybe the older generations are not that financial savvy yet. last time, people keep cash at home. then slowly, they trust banks and put their money in. now, my parents generation and our generation, we put in investments and insurance. hence we are more well-planned for retirement than they are.

 

[Ting]

possible explanation. maybe the older generations are not that financial savvy yet. last time, people keep cash at home. then slowly, they trust banks and put their money in. now, my parents generation and our generation, we put in investments and insurance. hence we are more well-planned for retirement than they are.

well, every individual is diff, some older gen still save a whole chunk of $$$ while some younger gen still duno the concept of saving $$$ yet.
anyway, i think its ok for the parents to ask for some $$$ from the kids, as long they r not extorting them.

 

[noelsmum]

My parents dont ask for money from me. However, when we head back to Spore, we bring them out for meals and pay for them. When they come over for visits, we take care of everything except for shopping. My mum is a shopaholic. And at CNY, we give them red packs and that's about it.

 

[Mandy Wong]

My parents do ask money from me. But they let me decide how much to give them depending on my salary. I think no matter whether im single, married or with kids, it is a responsibility to give our parents some money monthly. Can give a few hundreds what.. No need to be a big sum. I feel guilty if i never give my parents allowance. Its like they spend so much money to bring me up and groom me into a uni graduate. I think i shld repay their kindness. I will spend within my means and set aside some money for them monthly. =))

 

[PinkDiamonds]

We are planning so that we have enough to spend in old age, so we don't really expect that they will give us money to spend when we grow old. As long as they come back to visit us, then we will be happy.

As for grandchildren, I do not mind helping them to look after if the situation calls for it, eg: both parents need the double income & mom needs to go back to work after maternity leave, although I will encourage them to send the children to child-care/school when they are old enough (perhaps around 18 months). I can be on "standby" mode when the child falls ill and parents are unable to take the day off. But not as a full-time caregiver if possible.

I believe children are our own responsibility, so we have to try our best to fulfill them and not throw them to grandparents/maid. Unless the double income is really needed, or other reasons.

If they need me to help look after the grandchildren, then of course they need to come up with the expenses like diapers, milk powder, etc, and not expect me to pay for it. Not that I am being stingy, but they need to know that certain $$$ cannot be saved. I will not mind paying sometimes, but not all the time.

Ultimately, if my children were to pay for certain things, like my medical expenses, it's really up to them how much they want to pay and how they want to share among themselves. This, they will have to discuss among themselves. If we really need the money we will ask, otherwise up to them whether to give or not. By then, they should be old enough to think for themselves and make such decisions.