How would you feel or what will you do...?

[meiteoh]

I think both your hubby and mother-in-law are too much.

For one thing, your hubby should get it through his thick skull that his priority right now is to provide and save for his own family NOT splurge it on unnecessary items for his mum. There is a time and place for everything - if you want to buy a gift, buy one that is within your means. If your wife has to use her own money to buy groceries and baby items - things which a man SHOULD PROVIDE FOR - then it's clear that you're splurging OUT of your means.

You both need to set your financial goals TOGETHER and on the same tangent, otherwise you're going to end up feeling more hurt, bitter and disappointed.

Btw, to the ladies who aren't working, try not to use too much of your own cash for things that your hubby should provide for. Your savings is meant to be for YOU not for the household. At least that's what my hubby tells me.

 

[Stan]

You must start your 'si fang qian' account immediately. Not that we are old fashion but need to safe guard yourself and your baby's future as well. Considering your hubby so 'good' to his mum!!! Better stash some money away. My mum always remind us that women must always have a bit of their own savings...
Also you are not working, you shld get the money for household expenses from hubby oterwise he thinks you have a gold mine!!

 

[apollo]

You must start your 'si fang qian' account immediately. Not that we are old fashion but need to safe guard yourself and your baby's future as well. Considering your hubby so 'good' to his mum!!! Better stash some money away. My mum always remind us that women must always have a bit of their own savings...
Also you are not working, you shld get the money for household expenses from hubby oterwise he thinks you have a gold mine!!

yes agree with u! and ladies, nv nv let ur hubby knows u're keeping si fang qian... my hubby knows but he dont know the amount... ur hubby can know u hav an acc but nv let him know the actual amount. lets say u have 1k, just tell him u got 200bucks... if u got 10k, just say u got 1k... but if he didnt ask, then just act blurr... if u're got at bluffing, even better, DENY that u have si fang qian! HAHA!

 

[Ting]

I think both your hubby and mother-in-law are too much.

For one thing, your hubby should get it through his thick skull that his priority right now is to provide and save for his own family NOT splurge it on unnecessary items for his mum. There is a time and place for everything - if you want to buy a gift, buy one that is within your means. If your wife has to use her own money to buy groceries and baby items - things which a man SHOULD PROVIDE FOR - then it's clear that you're splurging OUT of your means.

You both need to set your financial goals TOGETHER and on the same tangent, otherwise you're going to end up feeling more hurt, bitter and disappointed.

Btw, to the ladies who aren't working, try not to use too much of your own cash for things that your hubby should provide for. Your savings is meant to be for YOU not for the household. At least that's what my hubby tells me.

yeah i agree, if we use our savings, it'll only deplete n not increase. then how to be called savings??

 

[apollo]

actu i tend to use my own savings at times too... but only for buying certain stuffs for ds or bday present for hubby and not on household expenses... men are lik tt, if we keep using our own savings, they will think that we're v rich...

 

[Triquetra]

Thanks all.

I went back to my own place after a fight with my hubby.
Sometimes I feel that if the husband is really nice to you then perhaps other things won't matter.
It feels really pathetic if you have to endure so much and yet your husband also takes you for granted.

Last sunday, I bought a camera (for taking dd's pictures) which my sister sponsored and though dh volunteered to pay but I still insist on using the money from my sis.
Hubby is actually quite thrifty himself on certain things like clothes etc and he already felt guilty for spending on new clothes for work so I really don't bear to let him pay.
Furthermore, fil also has also asked for money recently. It's hurtful that dh tried to keep it from me (because of our fight i guess) but I saw him transferring money and asked him.

I really do understand what you all mean but I feel weird to ask him for money, really don't know how to start or convince myself to do it. I am really scare of increasing his financial burden and like I said, his money is hard earned.

However instead of asking him to keep half of the first 1k from the baby bonus for himself (which I did before), I didn't reply anything when he said to pass me the 1k to deposit into bb's cda account. I feel very insecure that he is spending on his family mindlessly. What if there's an emergency and money is needed?

My mom asked me to look after dd myself until after chinese new year next year then she will work part time and help me take care of dd. One thing I really don't know if I can hold that long (no income etc) and another is I shall be guilty that she still has to work part time.

 

[Ting]

Thanks all.

I went back to my own place after a fight with my hubby.
Sometimes I feel that if the husband is really nice to you then perhaps other things won't matter.
It feels really pathetic if you have to endure so much and yet your husband also takes you for granted.

Last sunday, I bought a camera (for taking dear daughter's pictures) which my sister sponsored and though dear husband volunteered to pay but I still insist on using the money from my sis.
Hubby is actually quite thrifty himself on certain things like clothes etc and he already felt guilty for spending on new clothes for work so I really dont't bear to let him pay.
Furthermore, father in law also has also asked for money recently. It's hurtful that dear husband tried to keep it from me (because of our fight i guess) but I saw him transferring money and asked him.

I really do understand what you all mean but I feel weird to ask him for money, really dont't know how to start or convince myself to do it. I am really scare of increasing his financial burden and like I said, his money is hard earned.

However instead of asking him to keep half of the first 1k from the baby bonus for himself (which I did before), I didn't reply anything when he said to pass me the 1k to deposit into baby's cda account. I feel very insecure that he is spending on his family mindlessly. What if there's an emergency and money is needed?

My mom asked me to look after dear daughter myself until after chinese new year next year then she will work part time and help me take care of dear daughter. One thing I really dont't know if I can hold that long (no income etc) and another is I shall be guilty that she still has to work part time.

when u start work, u can give your mum some allowance, im sure she will be happy enough.

 

[chocobazz]

Seriously, theres not much to do. if its your mum, you can say her. mother in law how to say? i also like you, i dont dare to take hubby money. smtimes when hubby say i will pay you back, i say nvm slowly. but then he forget i also dont want to open mouth to ask.

onli one time when i really short of cash i hint him say " my account lesser and lesser money, haizz.. " then he say ok he transfer money back to me.

when buy groceries or order food, i also use own money. i dont dare to ask hubby for money. onli if he say take money from my wallet then i will take.


hubby send a lot of money back home. mother in law will call him to send money back. before we married its like 80% of his salary. i not happy about it. but i never say. in the end, baby expenses not enough and i have to use my own. paid $1000 from my cash, $1000 from him when deliver. minus all of my medisave.

onli when before i deliver, i told him very seriously. dear we must save money. put some money aside for baby and future. not all you must give to your family. not i dont allow but for our future.
if hubby know you are a thrifty person and not spend on branded stuff or use money like water, he will understand.

do you all have joint savings account? i dont know if i shud open mouth to ask my hubby for joint account.

same situation goes for me but at least u tell yr hubby yr $ getting lesser & he will transfer back to u..hais mine is only open his gold mouth & say "now i no money" everyday also same sentence...everytime manage to save up tt lil bit also have to use finish if not my kids all starve to death..and like reginakoh say, they think we open gold mine de & tts wad my hubby thinks..

do u tink joint savings acc is better or like wad u all say keep "si fang qian" is better? i tinking of opening an acc and dump all money inside without an atm card so cant even spend it...

And Triquetra, i tink you shod have a good talk with you hubby abt the probs and worries in your mind..and ya after you start working, u can pamper yr mum abit like even just bring her for a great meal & she will be happy...like me, i cant give my mum allowance so sometimes i just bring her out for a meal or buy some snacks for her...

 

[cn211279]

Hi,

I hope you feel better after venting it out. I feel so lucky that my MIL is not like that. If your husband can afford to buy LV bag for your MIL then at least financially he is still quite ok.
As for you and your baby, I suggest that you start asking your DH to start paying for family expenses... In fact, you should "round up" the figures for the expenses so that you have some extra to save for the family. The more money you get from him the less he will be able to spend on his mum.
You can put the extra money into your baby's bank account for future education so you need not feel bad about getting the money from him. After the money is not for you but for the baby.

 

[shopaholic]

Can understand your feeling. I dont think you're upset solely because he bought LV for his mum, more like you're trying so hard to save, yet he went to splurge on a luxury item for his mum. There seems to be a lack of common understanding on how to manage finances here. I guess if I'm in your situation, I probably wouldnt be too please also.

Hope you feel better after venting out. I think you're a good wife, trying to save for your family, spend within limits and you also "heartpain" for your hubby when he stinge on himself so as to give money to his parents when they requested. What's spent cannot be undone already. However, moving forward, I think it's important to let him know what you've been doing so that both of you can reach a common understanding. Try to talk things over amicably and adopt a soft approach, do not reproach him for what his parents did as he might get defensive.

Hope things work out well for you.

 

[Mandy Wong]

If you try very hard to help your husband to save money but he ends up buying an authentic LV bag for his mom?

My MIL is a very "face-saving" person who insisted on getting more expensive catering during dd's baby shower and more quantity despite that hubby and I tried many times to explain that it's not just money but the food will also be wasted.

Kinda feel that marriage isn't just about 2 people but 2 families, I really don't know how long can I endure. I really hate being forced to do things against my will, especially stupid things.

I would feel very angry if i were you.

 

[Carlisle]

Yah I really feel a lot better letting it out because I have been enduring all these and crying to myself.

There is no point in talking to dh about his mom as he will only get offended and defensive.

I feel for you. But what if you'll try to tell him this when he's in the mood of talking and you are too? I mean, if he loves you then he'll understand you. But talk it out in a nice way though, try not to offend him or something. I wish you good luck.

 

[Triquetra]

It has been some time and I am sort of 'numbed' to it although sometimes I can't help but feel unfair and guilty to put my mom etc at a disadvantage.