I am Petty..... :(

[vion]

Many may start saying I'm petty after reading wat I'm going to write, but I may juz b all ready to agree to it. So wat if I am???:nah:

My MIL likes to look into cabinets n fridge n question if some things shld b in there or not. She likes to open the fridge n ask y tis y tat while she'll keep everything until they turn mouldy/bad. She'll look into living rm n kitchen cabinets to ask y tis y tat while she left all her medicines, biscuits etc on my sofa she'd made hers since the day she moved in. She move my kitchen utensils n put in the way tt she likes (worst of all she likes to leave knives lying ard). She'll allow SIL to go thru my things in the living rm or kitchen when I'm not ard.

Ok maybe she's really free n got nothing else to do except to watch TV prog from morn till nite. Ok maybe she really dun feel like going out or help with cooking or washing (she washes her own clothes), I dun really care but I juz dun like her poking her nose into my biz when it has totally nothing to do with her.

2day she opened my kitchen cabinet to tk out my box of half dozen Essence of Chicken. She asked whether I drink those if not she'll drink it for me. Wat the!!!! Y does she tink I paid for those in the 1st place??? :err:To put it at home n wait for it to expire???

She used to cook often but not now. Not even when both my dds were sick n I myself was not feeling well at the same time. In fact, I was (in unwritten rules) expected to cook or buy food for her everyday even when I'm sick. I was to mk sure tat she dun starve. But y me?? I always ask myself tis. Cos I'm her DIL? Cos she stays with us?

Ok I'm juz trying to vent out my frustration. The frustration became worst when dds fall sick n when I'm stressed. Haizzzzzzzz Anyway thks for reading....feeling betta now :l

 

[BunnyKiss]

You're not petty, just a little over-stressed, with hubby and MIL and SIL..and a never-ending list. Give yourself a break and do something u wanted to do for a long time.

Some ppl like ur SIL just blurt out what's in your mind, but u are the more considerate type, always trying to hold back any hurtful words towards others. In the end u are the one got hurt...sayang sayang..

 

[JenLee98]

Just arrange the things back to where u want .... as for her things on the sofa etc. just ask her why are they there, does she still need them or not ......jokingly said like that anyhow put, later sure cannot find... for the biscuits, say wa .... later alot of ants come and eat already.:tlaugh:

 

[tommyBoi]

Agreed wif BunnyKiss, u r indeed very stressful recently. Give urself a break, listen to music or watch a movie when u r free.

Cheers Vion

 

[rjj]

Poor Vion.... sayang sayang........

Who can say you are petty, you are just stressed like what the others say.....

Teach you a way on the things on sofa.... pretend u dun know who put there, and just raise your voice a little, pretend talk to you daughters.... asked why take things out and play nvr put back etc etc.... hopefully your mil get the hints.....

Take care!

 

[vion]

All of u r so kind. Haizzzzzzzzzzz

I juz had a quarrel with dh cos of the Essence of Chicken. MIL kept repeating tt the Essence of Chicken r expiring in March, thus she'll help by finishing it if I dun drink de. Thus I tried asking dh whether MIL really likes it or not if not she can juz leave it so tt she dun get sick cos of trying to finish dem. Dh den raised his voice n say I rather throw away den let MIL hv them. I can't described how pissed off I was. I demanded tt he apologised for wat he'd juz said cos I felt tt I was accused.

I told him tt they hv all taken for granted tt I shld be the one buying food for MIL when I dun cook. N I do tt everyday cos dun really cook ma. Dh always said if u dun feel like doing it, but I kn tt they tink it's my job (cos gossips reaches my ears).

It's ok if they dun appreciate wat I did but if there r things tt they tink I shld do n I din, they'll say tings like cos MIL stay with u ma, cos on the way, cos u r the DIL ma. So wat hv they done??? She's my MIL not my mum. She brought all of them up, not me. Wat more I muz do ah??? Feed her ah???

I'm sori but I'm really angry with how they tink their mum is my responsibility n they juz used their mouth to ask n ask n ask......

Haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzz as for the things on 'her' sofa (like I said it's became Ah Po's sofa ever since she moved in), those r her medicines n her biscuits sometimes even those preserved fruits. I've tried telling her tt she shld keep her medicines away even thou my dds won't touch them (I had to constantly remind dds) but kids r kids, when they carelessly topple the medicines over, wat happened?? They were scolded for being naughty. Once, I threw away her preserved plum (sweet) when I found ants crawling ard. N when she asked who took her plums, I told her wat I did n the reason n still she likes to leave those sweet stuff ard.

I tried telling her directly but nothing changes. When I tried to tok to dh, he always answers "she is like tt one la, nvm her lor"

:bmad: :bmad: :bmad: :bmad: :bmad:

 

[xiaodaisy]

haiz sayang vion ... so sad to hear tat loh, such sil such mil such dh also, why all happen together.. u must be stress loh, dont tink too much lah sometimes i wonder if i'm old le donno will i do tat also not cos old ppl tend to be a bit more strange loh... i dont mean to curse her lah but maybe she wont be also living long leh ?? tats why ur dh always say let her be let her be loh.. dont tink too much lah, since she still able to walk den wen u never cook den just bring ur DDs out to eat den let her settle herself lah haha, let dem know not to take u for granted cos u do all e tings tat dey dont have to ASK u to do cos u dont wanna invite gossips mah so make dem tink aiya since u do liao den its UR job fm now on.. dont spoil dem let dem do demself sometimes, if mil is hungry den she will go eat herself wan loh... rite ?? take care n dont tink too much lah cheer up =)

 

[BunnyKiss]

Agree with XiaoDaisy. Sorry to say, how many more years she has? Agree, indeed old ppl have strange thinking. Just close one eye open one eye. When ur MIL is alive, u treat her badly, this incident will always be remembered, even long long time from now. If you treat her good, maybe nobody will remember, but at least no ill feelings or worse gossip.

It's their mom, of course they will sided her. Just be patient and wait lor..

 

[shopaholic]

It's indeed not easy staying with inlaws. Are you working? If not, I feel it's even harder having to face mil 24/7. I think some elderly just like to poke their noses in their children's lives, ask lots of questions, pass unnecessary comments etc. But since she's your mil, guess there's nothing much you can do. Dont quarrel with your dh over her, is it worth it? Afterall, both of you are trying to make your marriage work, dont let this matter spoil it all. Hugs.

Look at it this way, she had at least brought up your dh. So for chicken of essence, tell her you bought it as tonic but if she wants, can share it too. For meals, you will be buying/cooking for yourself and kids too right? So just prepare an extra portion for her. But for knives, tell her firmly this is dangerous esp with young kids around! I'm sure your dh will not say this is "never mind" right? For things on sofa, how abt getting her a toyogo chest drawer and ask her to put her stuff there?

Last of all, I dont think you're petty lah. Living with an elderly day in day out is not easy. This is especially so when the elderly is nosy and has habits which makes staying together difficult. Vent if you need, we can listen and try to offer suggestions. Take care.

 

[Mrs Xie]

Yeah.... very much agree that most of the elderly are strange, we don't think the same with them, we don't see eye to eye.... I keep asking myself sometimes too, that why they don't bother about their own children (my SIL & BIL), instead they come and get so much involve in my life and treat themselves as the owners of the house. They are not considerate but all and all, I just don't wanna put my dh in a difficult position.... cos by quarrelling with dh over the PIL thingy, they just simply doesn't worth it.

 

[justmint]

what i notice is elder ppl wants to show their autorithy, so they'll decide this ask that, instruct this & assume that...I know abt this cos for 20yrs I stay with my family with my grandpa. Always got to give in to his habits & naggings...

I understand how you feel, it's your house so you expect it to be under your rule..but with her higher rank than you it's hard for you to tell her off. You are in my hubby's shoes, cos my mom now staying with us just to take care of my bb..hahahaha

my mom also like that..she likes to arrange my kitchen, my storeroom, my ds's wardrobe to her likings too. NOw my hubby say he doesnt know his kitchen & storeroom anymore...:tlaugh:

a little storage box/drawer is a good suggestion for her medicines..the tibits maybe u also buy a air-tight box for her to contain them into.

As for SIL, ai yah..dun need to listen to their bullsh*ting lah..bcos their mom not staying with them of cos they talk like it's very easy..wait till she stay with them then they'll know.

the Essence of chicken, tell ur hubby to tell his mum what he told you...then ask him to buy for her since she seems like hinting she want.

remind your hubby that what your kids see is what they'll learn. So if he wants his kids to lay their things/sweets around or don't blame them..blame his mom.
Or maybe u can ask him if he thinks his mum's habits are good. Does he want his kids to learn like their granny...if he doesn't then he should try talk to his mum.
If he doesn't mind the house having ants around, then don't blame you for not keeping the house clean.

 

[whoami]

Hi Vion,

Read your story and I can't help but feel that we are in the exact suitation!:err:
i just got my house, but the only part i can take control is the MBR and its toilet. The rest of the house, my hubby will ask for his mother opinion. This reli piss me off lor! Come on lah ... this is our house leh ... y everything oso want to ask her opinion. There was once he almost wanted to change the color of the kitchen becos his mum dun like!!:we2Randy-git:

The now shift in liao .. oso alot of problem. My hubby gave her the full authority to arrange the things in the kitchen ... including kitchen cabinet. I am really very upset with it. To me, kitchen belongs to the owner of the house. I am very particular abt it cos i like the kitchen most. But she will arrange the things in her way! Even the fridge, she will arrange in her way too. Can anyone please advise me how to tell my mil to stay away from my territory??

Even wat detergent to use and what toilet paper to use she also want to make the decision. Then I can't quarrel with hubby becos of this cos i know he will say that she is his mother ... she can do whatever she wants and likes.

Told her so many times not to put the food inside her mouth and then feed my daughter but did she listen? NO!!! Saw her once biting to my daughter's bottle! Nearly fainted! Once she even bite on the pacifier .. when i saw i immediately told her off! But she told me not that she want, my daughter gave her the pacifier to bite! Arrggghhh!!!!!

I reli dun know how long i can stand it. But it is comforting to know tat i can actually pour my unhappiness in here. SOmetimes i just wish to tell my hubby - "do u still need ur mother to feed and bath u? U have not wean from breastfeeding is it??!!"

 

[justmint]

hahahaa...like I said..old ppl has old thinking...those that are not educated even worse..they believe thru neighbours gossips & hearsay:wong7:

you gotta educate them by telling them using saliva will pass germs to baby..if baby weak will get sick..e.g the food & mouth disease..etc..let her know the cause & effect that the things she do..maybe this will help her understand your pt of view. Also explain to your hubby abt it bah. I am sure he doesnt want his kid to get sick.

As for the taking over the house... is she doing the cooking? maybe she is so she prefers to do it her way, cos shes used to it that way bah.
Maybe you can explain to her why you prefer it your way & why is yours better?

I'll always try to have a talk with my mom & tell her why I do it this way..also listen to her pt of view. Sometime old folks knows how to keep things in better condition than us. Then compromise bah...

I understand it is hard, cos at times I realise I am talking to a wall when I want to let her know sometimes generation are different now...don't always use the sentence "last time we do like that also no problem" to explain to me. It not the same. It takes time to drill this into their mind.

 

[whoami]

hahahaa...like I said..old ppl has old thinking...those that are not educated even worse..they believe thru neighbours gossips & hearsay:wong7:

you gotta educate them by telling them using saliva will pass germs to baby..if baby weak will get sick..e.g the food & mouth disease..etc..let her know the cause & effect that the things she do..maybe this will help her understand your pt of view. Also explain to your hubby abt it bah. I am sure he doesnt want his kid to get sick.

As for the taking over the house... is she doing the cooking? maybe she is so she prefers to do it her way, cos shes used to it that way bah.
Maybe you can explain to her why you prefer it your way & why is yours better?

I'll always try to have a talk with my mom & tell her why I do it this way..also listen to her pt of view. Sometime old folks knows how to keep things in better condition than us. Then compromise bah...

I understand it is hard, cos at times I realise I am talking to a wall when I want to let her know sometimes generation are different now...don't always use the sentence "last time we do like that also no problem" to explain to me. It not the same. It takes time to drill this into their mind.

yah boy! especially the part abt passing the saliva to my ger. Complain to my hubby and he told me its ok! His mother has been doing that since they were young! Then my mil actually told me that last time she took care of her daughter children also like tat. No problem! Wah lau! Feel like vomit blood!:we2Randy-git:

 

[vion]

yah boy! especially the part abt passing the saliva to my ger. Complain to my hubby and he told me its ok! His mother has been doing that since they were young! Then my mil actually told me that last time she took care of her daughter children also like tat. No problem! Wah lau! Feel like vomit blood!:we2Randy-git:

Many a times I wld tell dds (infront of MIL) wat to do n wat not to do n tell dds tt they r my dds so they follow the rules tt I set. Cos I tk care of my dds since they were born so I will feed my dds myself. Now tt dds r older, when eating at the same table with dds, I go thru the trouble of giving dds a bowl of soup each (instead of all taking from the same bowl). I'm not those very hygenic type tt we use a specific spoon for the dishes but I've cultivated the habit when we ate at the same table when FIL was very sick. I purposely let dh n sils kn tt MIL is old le so if dds's eating habits no gd or when they sick MIL will get sick oso cos sharing food. (ermm....actually shld b the other way round rite but juz to b tactful ma :bleh

Yes old ppl got very weird thinking. Things get tougher when they r not ur parents n dh nv understand. Haizzzzzzzzzzz

 

[justmint]

wow! u are clever! do it the other way round instead..hahahaha
you meant well for your MIL..others can't say anything..hahahaa :red:

I purposely let dh n sils kn tt MIL is old le so if dds's eating habits no gd or when they sick MIL will get sick oso cos sharing food. (ermm....actually shld b the other way round rite but juz to b tactful ma :bleh

Yes old ppl got very weird thinking. Things get tougher when they r not ur parents n dh nv understand. Haizzzzzzzzzzz

 

[justmint]

tell him what if his mom is sick & still do that, it'll pass the virus to bb. bb is weak leh...will get sick easily...then see pd is expensive also..waste time too..worth it or not...now there are so many virus & germs going on that no one knows when it'll kill...so b save then sorry...

when my uncle told me hes going to use that method to feed my son, I told him I'll not let him feed my son no matter what. I don't care if hes kidding, I said it loud & clear so that my relatives know I am not one that will give in de.

yah boy! especially the part abt passing the saliva to my ger. Complain to my hubby and he told me its ok! His mother has been doing that since they were young! Then my mil actually told me that last time she took care of her daughter children also like tat. No problem! Wah lau! Feel like vomit blood!:we2Randy-git:

 

[vion]

wow! u are clever! do it the other way round instead..hahahaha
you meant well for your MIL..others can't say anything..hahahaa :red:

:shyxxx:ya bo bian ma. When FIL started his 1st chemotheraphy for his lung cancer, sil told me tt doc says tt FIL muz b very careful of virus, thus asking me to keep my dds from him lest they pass virus or bacteria to him. My tots den was instead of telling the adult to keep a distance u actually wanted the kids to keep a distance, which is easier ah? Haizzz bo bian lor. All my sils very double standard de, if things happened to their kids they'll do otherwise.

Once, FIL actually asked dd to get ice from the freezer compartment when dd can oni reach for the ice but not able to c wat she's reaching for cos she's not tall enuff. When I shared tis with sil, she told me it's ok de ma. But when I told her den next time ask her dd to tk lor, she keep quiet. To protect my dd I juz hv to use the same tactic again. N pretend to like tell dd tt she can't even c how to tk?? It upsets FIL cos he tot tt I forbid dd to help but I'm not gonna wait till something from the freezer drop n hit dd den do something. I tried to explain tt dds can help with anything within their limits lor. Haizzzzzz very difficult lor sometimes hv to play devil lor.

 

[justmint]

your FIL also very funni leh..can't he get it himself? kids so young..it's so dangerous for them to reach for things that are higher than him.

As long as you did your explaination, i believe even if they not happy, they also can't say anything. Cos it's not your fault for not allowing your dd to do it.