woofy55
Member
Re: I feel so lonely & depress everyday. Suicide thoughts keep flashing in my minds..
ya pple.. pls dont't try to commit suicide. it really leaves an impact to your family members thru their living years. my aunty jump down from our block when i was only about 5-6 yrs old. i rmber before she go out of my house, she tell me that she's going to throw away an old chair.. and not to tell my mom. Gong gong i was cos was still young, i told her okay. she kept coming back to the door and tell me to be good and say good bye to me.. and i also gong gong say good bye to her.. shortly - i dont't know how long later, we heard a very very loud thump. my bro who was 4 yrs my snr go and check out what's the sound.. and realise our aunty jumped and told my mom. my mom rushed down and i also gong gong follow her down. when i saw my aunty lying down there, i am stunned cos i saw my mom screaming and she was motionless, her skin was teared.. i dont't rmber seeing blood thou. At that young age, i actually rmber blaming myself for letting my aunty go and throw the chair and why didnt i tell my mom and I also blame her - why am i the last person she talk to.
I only start talking about my aunty suicide with my brother/father about 10yrs ago. And prior to that.. i always have nightmares that people are jumping off buildings in front of me - one after another. Apparently, she took our chair and went up to the highest floor to jump down and she's having some problem with her husband - living behind my cousin who was merely 3 yrs old then. It's still a ban topic with my mom and her maternal side relatives. This incident causes my mom and granny and aunties to go into depression and my mom start drinking excessively. My bros and i become the victims of being hit. I was always afraid when I reach home and see something wrong with her eyes and all the while, we are living in fear.. in fear also that my mom will jump. i also rmber going in and out of the IMH cos visit my another aunty and i saw another aunty banging her head onto mirror and shattered it... etc.. I would always look up the sky and always ask my aunty why she wanna die - causing so much misery to the rest of us!!?? I actually hate her a lot... then.
my point is.. i am now 32 yrs old - i can still rmber clearly what i see and experience after so many years. I dont't hate my aunty now but i still feel one must be responsible, dont't make such an impact to your love ones.
ya pple.. pls dont't try to commit suicide. it really leaves an impact to your family members thru their living years. my aunty jump down from our block when i was only about 5-6 yrs old. i rmber before she go out of my house, she tell me that she's going to throw away an old chair.. and not to tell my mom. Gong gong i was cos was still young, i told her okay. she kept coming back to the door and tell me to be good and say good bye to me.. and i also gong gong say good bye to her.. shortly - i dont't know how long later, we heard a very very loud thump. my bro who was 4 yrs my snr go and check out what's the sound.. and realise our aunty jumped and told my mom. my mom rushed down and i also gong gong follow her down. when i saw my aunty lying down there, i am stunned cos i saw my mom screaming and she was motionless, her skin was teared.. i dont't rmber seeing blood thou. At that young age, i actually rmber blaming myself for letting my aunty go and throw the chair and why didnt i tell my mom and I also blame her - why am i the last person she talk to.
I only start talking about my aunty suicide with my brother/father about 10yrs ago. And prior to that.. i always have nightmares that people are jumping off buildings in front of me - one after another. Apparently, she took our chair and went up to the highest floor to jump down and she's having some problem with her husband - living behind my cousin who was merely 3 yrs old then. It's still a ban topic with my mom and her maternal side relatives. This incident causes my mom and granny and aunties to go into depression and my mom start drinking excessively. My bros and i become the victims of being hit. I was always afraid when I reach home and see something wrong with her eyes and all the while, we are living in fear.. in fear also that my mom will jump. i also rmber going in and out of the IMH cos visit my another aunty and i saw another aunty banging her head onto mirror and shattered it... etc.. I would always look up the sky and always ask my aunty why she wanna die - causing so much misery to the rest of us!!?? I actually hate her a lot... then.
my point is.. i am now 32 yrs old - i can still rmber clearly what i see and experience after so many years. I dont't hate my aunty now but i still feel one must be responsible, dont't make such an impact to your love ones.
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