Is it really unfair of me?

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tinkerw

New Member
MsKoh1973 said:
hope my in laws can understand. cos to them, saving money is more important than anything cos they not that rich.
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I apologise if i sounds tactless. You really have my sympathy. They will not understand you. Because they couldnt be bothered about your well being. They just want to hoard your house and mess up your life. Do they bother to help you in your life? Or are they just some selfish parasites trying to squeeze your blood dry? They probably abhor every bit abt you because you are a singaporean.

Of course you are not being selfish. You must stand up for your rights and protect yourself. They can always rent a place, hostel for their kids. Why stick to you like leech? I assume that you already have a kid because you said you are thinking of having another child. Can you pls think of your child? Of course your child needs $ and a conducive environment to grow up. Will those relatives take care of your child? Feed and educate and your child. Take care of you and yr hubby old age? Your priority is your child and yourself.

No matter what you say, they are unlikely to accept or understand you. These ppl are simply out to take advantage of your kindness. Pls wake yr hubby up frm his dreams too. Did these ppl spare any consideration for you each time they take advantage of you?
 
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Renzie

Well-Known Member
If your in laws can understand, they would not have imposed all this on you earlier on. That's my opinion. They just can't be bothered. They may be used to tons of people cramping together, but next time, you'll need to think that your daughter is going to need her own place and study time, with so many people around, how is she going to concentrate? Is she going to stay in the same room with both of you til she's old enough to get her own place?

By the time both your husband and you finish paying for the increase in expenses (school fees, bills etc etc), will you have enough funds to let say send your daughter overseas next time for her education if she wants to?

I only have 1 child, and the living room is filled with her stuff (yaolan, bouncer, toys...). And my in laws are already complaining that so much stuff she where got enough space to run around in her walker.
 
angiebaby

angiebaby

Member
I think now already too many people in ur house, I wonder how u get ur privacy? Actually nobody should share the house except ur parents and their parents, u ask ur sis go rent a flat from gov and ask ur xiao gu move out buy or rent a flat somewhere, ur father can't stay alone as he is old man alr, and from there ban everyone "drop by" stay in ur place, at current situation yes it seems u r unfair because u have 4 members from ur side and he only have one, so best way is get everybody out and settle the issue.
 
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MsKoh1973

Member
if I throw my sis out of my house, she will be v cham, cos nobody can help to look after her girls, things will go bad. And if my sis really move out, tat empty rooms... I can tell you, my house will become a hotel, all the relatives fr msia who want to come to Sg for short while will stay in my house.

that is exactly what happen when my husband used to co-share a hdb flat w the sister. all the yi ma gu jie from msia want to come to sg, will short stay in their house. But he has to sell it cos tat time I insisted on keeping my 3 rm flat and hdb won't allow a couple to keep 2 hdb flats tho the name only appear once in each house. and my xiao gu, cos she is PR, she cannot keep the flat.
 
angiebaby

angiebaby

Member
If this is the case, u can't blame ur Hubby have the Tot that u r unfair as u r willing to help ur family member yet he can not help his, as in u both own the house and u only want ur family member to stay.

U can ask ur sister rent a gov flat and send the kids to day care or even sponsor her a maid, and use this excuse to make ur xiao gu out of the house also, and from there tell ur Hubby nobody can come over and stay, not even one day, occupy the empty room with ur kids, make it baby room or kids room, and ur dad sleepy in one room, so all 3 room are occupied and no more empty room for his relatives and told him u need a private house, not a hotel
 
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bagaholic

New Member
don't let them stay.. right now ur hubby said they stay to 'sleep' only.. but when ur nephew & niece got into trouble, you'll be blamed for it.. taking them in means u have another 2 'children' to take care of.. if i were u, i would not let them stay.. it's better for ur hubby's parents to blame u now than later when trouble(s) happened even more jialat.. :nah:
 
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MyHappyKids

Member
MsKoh1973 said:
I stayed in a 5 rm flat with my husband, 5 yo girl, father, divorced sis with her 2 girls (5n9), xiao gu and a maid.

My sis is a hawker, she helps to pay for the maid levy, my xiao gu quite highly paid, but she dun give a cent, only sometimes she travel overseas, will be like perfume or bag for me, but not always.

Recently my husband told me, his nieces and nephews in Msia are considering coming to Sg to study Poly. There is a possibility that they may want to stay in our house becos they dun have other relatives here.

I listened already sian half, but he said if I can allow my sis, her two girls and my dad to stay in our house, why can't his own nieces and nephews, am I really unfair?

My house is not that big, and with growing up kids, space will become more limited. My husband said, they just need a place to "sleep", is tat going to be so easy?

Once I let them into my house, think they won't leave, until they finish study, find a job, and got marry, if you stay in a house for free, would u want to move out?

I told him alternatively, is to ask his highly paid sister to move out, either buy or rent a house then stay with the nieces and nephews, but it may not be easy, cos now, I have a maid to take care of everything, and I take care the rest, she totally don't lift a finger staying in my house, would she want to sacrifice herself to move out?

Am I being selfish? My husband said our flat is like as if own by me only tho he oso has a share.

I noe if I insist, my husband has not choice but to obey, but likely he will be nag by all his brothers, sisters, father and mum. His family has never liked me becos I am a Singaporean, but that never bothers me, cos since they dun like me, is their loss not mine.

Am I really selfish?

In addition, we also trying to have another bb.
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I sympathise with you and your situation. However, u must take to heart that your hubby is someone who value "relationship" and not those heartless being.

I don't think you are being selfish. For me, i also don't like others to stay in my house. I would like to have total control of the house and be able to walk bare in the house.. hahaha.

you might like to suggest to your sis to get a re-sale flat nearby. to lock in their $$$ in sg property is better than keeping in bank which the value is constantly depreciated by inflation.
 
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MsKoh1973

Member
Thanks for the suggestion, she can't, cos she is a PR, and she is the only family in Sg, so she unable to buy a flat, unless she buy a condo, which is a bigger risk which I dun want to encourage her. Cos last time before me and hubby got marry, she bought a 4 rm flat with hubby (actually the flat is hers, but only includes my hubby name). After she was retrenched, my hubby has to take over the payment. So I rather not encourage her to take up bigger risk cos in case, we have to be the one absorbing it if anything happen.
 
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MyHappyKids

Member
MsKoh1973 said:
Thanks for the suggestion, she can't, cos she is a PR, and she is the only family in Sg, so she unable to buy a flat, unless she buy a condo, which is a bigger risk which I dun want to encourage her. Cos last time before me and hubby got marry, she bought a 4 rm flat with hubby (actually the flat is hers, but only includes my hubby name). After she was retrenched, my hubby has to take over the payment. So I rather not encourage her to take up bigger risk cos in case, we have to be the one absorbing it if anything happen.
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For me I will do the following:
Will ask the supposed "new additions" to rent a room nearby so can mutually take care.


Every family and household have their own "hard-to-read bible". As an outsider, having little informatio, you can only used our suggestions as a guide.

Take care.
 
M

MyHappyKids

Member
MsKoh1973 said:
I noe, thanks ....... I just hope to get "reading eyes" :), cos "got bitter cannot say very cham"
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Don't mention it. I think alot of the mummies here (btw, i am not a mummy) have compassionate eyes for you.
Just write in here your woes and issues and I believe alot of us are your "listener"...
Just tune to mummysg Station 1973 ... :)
 
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MsKoh1973

Member
newtonlaw98 said:
Your sister is a hawker and have 2 kids, and yet able to fork out $200 each month. To the xiao gu, it may be a little, but to your sister is a significant sum. And at least she tries to help out.
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Xiao Gu buay zhi tong 1 lah, my husband said, we shouldn't take her money, but if I INSIST, he can go ask for it. But last few times, every time she gv money, sure got something happen, like as if I owe her, she like become king of the house. And the amount she gv is like $200, I dun want to loss my pride and dignity becos of that little money.
 
C

coolmom

Member
MsKoh1973 said:
Xiao Gu buay zhi tong 1 , my husband said, we shouldn't take her money, but if I INSIST, he can go ask for it. But last few times, every time she gv money, sure got something happen, like as if I owe her, she like become king of the house. And the amount she gv is like $200, I dont want to loss my pride and dignity becos of that little money.
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I think I will be like you. Forget the small amount of $$, I rather scrimp and save than to see others' faces. :mad:
 
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MsKoh1973

Member
coolmom said:
I think I will be like you. Forget the small amount of $$, I rather scrimp and save than to see others' faces. :mad:
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Agreed, thats why I told my husband, how can pp expect give me $200 can "wu lu" me, unless she pay me the past 6 yrs she owed me = 12 M X 6 yrs X $200 = $14, 400, then I can consider to be "wu lu" by her.
 
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electricflux

New Member
now the pro is longer fair or not. tell him now the pro is, your are staying in a 5rm flat, not a landed property like bungalow with plenty of bedrooms. yes, his relatives can just sleep in the living room since they claim that they only need a place to sleep, then how about privacy? they dont need privacy, but you need.



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