Hi wana seek advices..dun knw if any if u mummies experience e same ting as me..my marriage have been 7 yrs..all dis while a lot of ups n downs in our marriage..I'm sick n tired of wat is happening over n over again..it's some financial issues..never ending stories!!i have 3 kids..I've been staying strong for my kiddos..I jz feel like leaving my husband at times..all decision I have to make..any advices??wat shld I do??
marriage life
- Thread starter nana87
- Start date
Fisherman's Friend
Member
I think all marriages are with ups and downs, i don't think there are any relationships with no issues. 
U are not alone. I believe it is like that for some mummies here as well.
Its normal to feel wear out when probs kept coming and u mentioned you have got 3 kids? How old are they? Are you working full time? Maybe you and ur hubby can consider to have a heart-to-heart talk? Or maybe even attend a marital counselling??
U are not alone. I believe it is like that for some mummies here as well.Its normal to feel wear out when probs kept coming and u mentioned you have got 3 kids? How old are they? Are you working full time? Maybe you and ur hubby can consider to have a heart-to-heart talk? Or maybe even attend a marital counselling??
i think communication is very important. relationship fails due to lack of communication, miscommunication is very comman. u have kids, they needs mother and also father, without 1 of them, their life is not complete...
talk to yr husband, if talking doesnt works, write letter or email. Unless yr husband is having an affair that treaten yr marriage or else i really feel there is no other valid reason to end yr marriage.
talk to yr husband, if talking doesnt works, write letter or email. Unless yr husband is having an affair that treaten yr marriage or else i really feel there is no other valid reason to end yr marriage.
Fisherman's Friend
Member
I agree with simon73. How many of us here still have the same heart thumping, adrenaline rushes, sweaty palms compare to when u were first dating ur hubby/wife? Very few bah... and after marriage plus with kids, a wife's perspective in life is also very different from the husband. A wife will tends to put the kids, the family in first place. Then i had seen alot of times, the husband will feel neglected or feels the wife is no longer the same woman that he fell in love with. I duno, maybe the wife no longer do those little things that she did while dating? Or, the man just yearns for more? Then on the other hand, the wife may felt the husband is nonchalant towards her, don't put in enough efforts, is not as anxious as her over the kids' well-beings.
Probably like what Alisa had said, this is like a communication breakdown. With everyday non-stop stress, from work, from family, from in-laws, we may have changed to another person without us realizing...
Well, i said that cause this is what happening to my marriage, my hubby n i hadn't talk much over the past few days cause of a quarrel. He said i got no more feelings for him. I had thought hard about this sentence, and i realized its not i got no more feelings for him, rather i had too much feelings that caused me to be so frustrated of him cause i felt he is not doing enough.
Sorry for the drift away here, but i had feeling very lousy and i don't wish any mummies or even daddies here to have to go through similar things... A marriage to me is a promised of 2 persons taking of each other, being there for each other for the rest of their lives and i hope every couple can be like that.
Probably like what Alisa had said, this is like a communication breakdown. With everyday non-stop stress, from work, from family, from in-laws, we may have changed to another person without us realizing...
Well, i said that cause this is what happening to my marriage, my hubby n i hadn't talk much over the past few days cause of a quarrel. He said i got no more feelings for him. I had thought hard about this sentence, and i realized its not i got no more feelings for him, rather i had too much feelings that caused me to be so frustrated of him cause i felt he is not doing enough.
Sorry for the drift away here, but i had feeling very lousy and i don't wish any mummies or even daddies here to have to go through similar things... A marriage to me is a promised of 2 persons taking of each other, being there for each other for the rest of their lives and i hope every couple can be like that.
KiBin
Member
when you are upset, have you ever think about how happy you all had been?
we have expectations on ourselves and also our partners. this sometimes cause frictions among our partners.
also, when we have kids, did we focus too much about kids that we forgot about spending some time to do something for our partners?
we have expectations on ourselves and also our partners. this sometimes cause frictions among our partners.
also, when we have kids, did we focus too much about kids that we forgot about spending some time to do something for our partners?
AylaInz
New Member
Hi nana87.. Sorry to hear bout ur marriage.. My hubby too sometimes a day we talk only when he want to eat or when he feel like talking.. Most of de time he'll be facing his smartphone 24/7 a day.. Dunno what's happening and countless of msg,emails,letters,whatsapp(eventhou we r in 1room) he still ignore bout us.. But im staying strong n positive hoping for God to give me lots of patience and more endurance to stay strong to maintain this family for my kids future... Their future is much more important to me.. Saw my niece n nephews grow up in a broken family n hopefully dun want mine to go thru de same.. Hopefully u dear stay strong too n think about ur 3 kids.. Tkcr nana87..
decollette
New Member
There are always up and downs in most marriages..I find marriage is over rated haha.. People get married thinking all sorts of idealistic images of their future lives together..The truth is, when kids come along, the dynamics of married life changes. You have to make decisions alot of times based on the overall welfare of your family members, add to that interference with in laws, bills, loans, how much to save and what nots. If you make a decision that your partner does not agree with, he or she ends up feeling resentment, leading to communication breakdown and bigger problems.
You will hardly feel like romancing your partner in these times.. when so many issues are bugging at you. I find this thing true for women.. I was definitely more demanding as a marriage partner than a gf, and its not like I can help it. The overall expectations changes, and its almost like you are looking to your partner for your own happiness. You mentioned you have 3 kids, thats alot to handle if you are without help and trying to be a good mother. Perhaps u feel underappreciated? Take a break sometimes and pamper yourself.
To be honest, my spouse is a very dutiful husband to myself and my kid. He works hard and does alot around the house and is always there for me. So i just make it a point to always voice out my appreciation whenever he does something nice for us. it makes him happy and this happiness can be felt in our daily life. What i mean is.. yes we will feel resentment due to some issues (life never is perfect) but sometimes all it takes is to see his good points.. and tell him you appreciate him for it. Then slowly u can ask him how you guys can work on the issues that bother you. I see alot of men who have probs in their marriages, instead of resolving.. they usually try to avoid by staying out late everyday. I think its very sad. U may think u feel nothing for your husband now.. and I cant speak for you. But ask yourself is it cos of frustrations that you are thinking of leaving your husband? Life as a single mother is tough as well, and you may find yourself trying to grapple with another set of problems..
You will hardly feel like romancing your partner in these times.. when so many issues are bugging at you. I find this thing true for women.. I was definitely more demanding as a marriage partner than a gf, and its not like I can help it. The overall expectations changes, and its almost like you are looking to your partner for your own happiness. You mentioned you have 3 kids, thats alot to handle if you are without help and trying to be a good mother. Perhaps u feel underappreciated? Take a break sometimes and pamper yourself.
To be honest, my spouse is a very dutiful husband to myself and my kid. He works hard and does alot around the house and is always there for me. So i just make it a point to always voice out my appreciation whenever he does something nice for us. it makes him happy and this happiness can be felt in our daily life. What i mean is.. yes we will feel resentment due to some issues (life never is perfect) but sometimes all it takes is to see his good points.. and tell him you appreciate him for it. Then slowly u can ask him how you guys can work on the issues that bother you. I see alot of men who have probs in their marriages, instead of resolving.. they usually try to avoid by staying out late everyday. I think its very sad. U may think u feel nothing for your husband now.. and I cant speak for you. But ask yourself is it cos of frustrations that you are thinking of leaving your husband? Life as a single mother is tough as well, and you may find yourself trying to grapple with another set of problems..
xiaodaisy
Active Member
i've been married 10yrs with 3 kids too , a sahm looking after kids all day long..
main quarrel usually is over money & kids but we nvr bring it to the next day , after a sleep , everything will be ok ..
at time , talk to hubby on how u feel , i will nag at times , grumble at times so at least he knows how i feel .. fm there we both try to understand each other more ..
main quarrel usually is over money & kids but we nvr bring it to the next day , after a sleep , everything will be ok ..
at time , talk to hubby on how u feel , i will nag at times , grumble at times so at least he knows how i feel .. fm there we both try to understand each other more ..
Dreamwish
Member
I feel the same as what author had written.. Beside those, I started to grow tired for living in his lifestyle... remain unchange... Getting tired n stress to live under one roof with him.. Communication does not solve our problem, we are both too different, our thinking different, our goals different, our standand of living different , n bla bla bla...
If there are so many differences btw 2 of u, think y both of u married in the 1st place?
Marriage also need alot of compromises, if u r the one who always take one or the other will break down sooner or later.
Beg to differ. Unless it is extra marital affair OR physical/mental abuse or even affecting the kids in a fight betw spouse then contemplate divorce otherwise communicate first... Cuz sometimes even talking things out wont work if the hubby simply goes mad n hits the wife. 3 Kids if toddler alrdy or older u as mom will be quite reluctant to affect their growing up years.
3 Kids if toddler alrdy or older u as mom will be quite reluctant to affect their growing up years.
quincy1986
Active Member
what kind of financial problem? care to share?
your hb is always in debt?
your hb is always in debt?
Jewelshaper
New Member
There are always ups and downs...finance, kids, no enough time with family...no matter what, both have to work together
