Mother in Law/S are killing us

[beggingplease]

Sorry I dont know where to go.
Some years ago, i met my wife-fell in love got married. i love her extremely much. i only think of her and work. 2 years ago we have our first kid.

All this while we had been staying at her mothers place as she is the only child and only her mom left. To me its ok.

But now because of the child it seems that things are bad. Her mother didnt take care of her when young (grandmother) but now wants to re-live motherhood and fatherhood.

There is no respect that i am the husband or father. I have no right to say anything. Nothing about the food or the drink or the household furniture. the fridge i cant put anything- mother in law needs the whole fridge.

She fetch and collect my kid from school and then claim she cooks and feeds and cares for him like god. Backside also dont wash. The house so dirty until she wears slippers inside but the kid crawls around. Got part time maid. One comes to play with the kid for a while once a week. Another one comes to mop the floor and iron the clothes but complains that the "man" clothes difficult. (only man is me).

Anytime anything happen- This is MY GRANDCHILD and this is MY DAUGHTER. then must call uncle, aunty, grandfather, grandmather, niece, nephew to come blame me.

Everytime, "I dont allow this in MY house" I dont allow that in my HOUSE. I will choose the maid for my house. There will be no camera in my house. Dont touch anything in my house.

Even though the house is soooooooooooooooo dirty until got mold. the child can go hospital! The bed so dirty until the child got bites all over the face, body, legs.

All she want is the child to sleep in her room with her like some toy. I HATE HER HATE HER HATE HER.

I am tired. I worked so hard that i made sure my child dont need to worry.

But all i want to do is kill myself

I understand my wife problem. She cannt leave her mother alone. She also need to work because its not easy being 24 hour mother. She also need her friend and her time.

But what am i- sperm donor?

can i go through the next 18-20 years in this shit?

I am not saying my mother is anygood. but she has her own house and doesnt really interfere. She cannot as i tell her not too. yes she nags at me and life in general but never at the wife.

My wife and i relationship i think is dying. Why i dont like going to her mother's house.

I will either kill myself or her. Myself is easy, then my wife can move on.

I will miss my family i will miss my child. my heart is so heavy. god please kill me

 

[missyqiqi]

have u talk to ur wifey about this?

 

[ihmdweh]

ask your wife to speak to her mother? if not then move out? but nearby so that your MIL can still take care of your child.

If any relatives come and niam u, then retort that u're the DAD and who are they to criticize u.. that will shut them up

 

[angelwendy]

Share ur problem with yr wife.. Dont keep to urself.. If u r really feeling so depress.. Go see a doc.. Or talk to friends or us.. But most important is talk to ur wife & solve the problem..

 

[apollo]

speak to ur wife. i'm sure she knows how difficult her own mother is. move to somewhere near ur MIL's place. at least ur wont be living too far away yet if anything happens, ur can go bk in the shortest time. and aft having ur own hse, ur MIL will not say things like: THIS S MY HSE SO YOU CANNOT...... cos she knows if she says that ur might not want to go back to visit her. your wife has to make a choice. by choosing her own mother only, she might lose you at the end of the day but if she is willing to move out, your r/s with her and ur MIL will get better, unlike now, from bad to worse..

 

[Rachelsg]

you sound really depressed!

have you talk to your wife about it? let her know as she might not know cuz she is working. are both of you financially stable to move out into your own place? her mom cam move in, but at least it is YOUR place. you have the say.

there isnt a problem in this world that cant be solved. hang on there! think of your lovely child=)

 

[Renzie]

I'm currently staying with my parents as well, being the only child too. Hubby sometimes get upset with certain things they do, and he'll tell me. It can be very difficult being sandwich between them at times, but I always need to remember that hubby is DD's father, and they are only the grandparents. I'll usually tell them off when hubby disagrees with certain things, other times if I feel that we can compromise I'll talk to both sides.

Likewise when I was staying with my in-laws, hubby would be the go-in-between.

You need to have a proper talk with your wife. As your in-law said she's her daughter, then likewise her grandson is YOUR SON. If both of you really don't plan to move out, maybe consider putting your child in a childcare center? And pick him up after work? That way it'll minimize contact with the grandmother and dirty surroundings? if she complains then just say house very dirty how to let the child spend the whole day there.

 

[beggingplease]

i learnt that I cant share with my wife. i need to keep things inside. if i share. my wife shares i am not happy.

if i ask to move out, she will say i am asking her to dump her mom

i want to see my child grow up but not under this old hag. the kid even got hospitalised.

AlwAys the old woman tells the whole world the stories she soo stupid that people look at her and are surprised that you share dirty linen outside. but too her she share until someone told her they tired of hearing her stories.

i am sad that my wife is sad or needs to make her life sad. i dont want to see her cry. i love her but like that its pushign her further and further. i love my kid. ask me to give my life up for them, i dont need to think twice.

i am sad. i want to disappear. i want to work 24 hours so no need to face this problem but that means not seeing my wife or child.

my mother not easy but simply can tell her dont get involved. not so easy with this woman.

 

[Renzie]

i learnt that I cant share with my wife. i need to keep things inside. if i share. my wife shares i am not happy.

if i ask to move out, she will say i am asking her to dump her mom

i want to see my child grow up but not under this old hag. the kid even got hospitalised.

AlwAys the old woman tells the whole world the stories she soo stupid that people look at her and are surprised that you share dirty linen outside. but too her she share until someone told her they tired of hearing her stories.

i am sad that my wife is sad or needs to make her life sad. i dont want to see her cry. i love her but like that its pushign her further and further. i love my kid. ask me to give my life up for them, i dont need to think twice.

i am sad. i want to disappear. i want to work 24 hours so no need to face this problem but that means not seeing my wife or child.

my mother not easy but simply can tell her dont get involved. not so easy with this woman.

Why not try suggesting moving out but nearby instead? That way you are not "dumping" her mom and have a family life/quality couple time as well? Sometimes a couple need their own space. A relationship cannot be one sided the whole time, it's about giving and taking, compromises. So maybe try persuading your wife (don't bring her mom into the topic) that it would be nice to have both of your own space and stay nearby her mom so that she or your wife can visit each other anytime easily.

 

[JazN]

i believe you should both set aside some time to sit down to talk about the matter. you should not be feeling this will be a burden or make your wife upset. Communication is needed between both of you. Get outside or after work to have a good talk.

If it's not possible to move out tell her your intention is for the well-being of your kid, that you love her & wants to share together on how these matters can be dealt with. Ask her to participate in offering suggestion. I dont't think she can't see the dirty environment or how her mum is treating you, right?

dont't give up! Think of your lovely child too. Cheers!

 

[angelababi]

hihi sorry to hear this well my situation is quite silmilar to yours in the beginning my hubby also stay with me at my parents house after we just rom since my room has more space to put all my girly stuff include my hubby ones ( main reason is his parent and i can hardly get along ) and afterall im the only daughter so he also dont mind move over my side and stay with me... of course staying together is different then just visit your mother in law weekly , he also encounter alot of unhappiness staying at my parents house .. example like my mother will also nag something that he heard he will piss off.. sometime he qurral with me over this .. and i also tell him i am struck in between like a cheeseburger of course i had sweet talk them both to minisize their conflict and i tell him we are a family afterall sometimes the old folk are straight forward but they all means well for us not necessary aiming you like detest you he understand that.
Of course to be fair i also suggest to move to his parents house and stay with them for a period ( although i and his parents had diffculity in communicate) and really mine stay over at his side the conflict is bigger his parents give me hard time( his parent is more traditional type) he know and because he feel that im doing this for his sake he dont bear to see me cry sometime he cry with me
He also truly know how the feeling like struck in between like a cheeseburger had to sweet talk both not an easy task so he suggest us move back to my parents house and stay .. somehow now everythings is better my mother cook for him, he also cook for her and buy back my mother fav food for her to eat.. (me too visit his parents weekly sometime stay at their place when his father want to talk to him)
Bro NO NO Dont give up your marriage And Life for This Problem .. Think of YOUR SON NO Matter what you are still a family Im sure your mother in law also like you as her son in law since she agree her daughter to married you AND Just that old people sometimes like to NAG and Complain this and that to others , this i understand. As most of the grandmother dotes alot on their grandson/daughter but doesnt mean snatch your kids away from you .when we reach their age we will eventually became the same i believe anxious our grandson/daughter
For the hygiene issue is quite serious should talk about it with your wife ...
Since me and hubby can solve it You also Can ! Talk with your wife And communicate well with your in law ! Im sure there will be some changes and You will Feel Blissfull Again ! NOt Easy to have Three woman ( Wife, Mother in law and your own mother) in your life !

 

[QiangZai]

do not be depressed... u have to stand firm...for your son future...not yours, not your wife and not her mom...
is your son you have to stand up for... his life, his safety and his destiny...
tell your wife.. ur concern is her son who is young..not her mum,...
no matter... i think a big storm cannot be avoided... you have to walk through with your wife..for your son..not you.... that i think is what a father have to do...

 

[babymoo]

Hmmmm... Seems u r at the verge of breaking down....Tok to someone share with someone ur probs... Though I now guys hav their ego always don wanna Tok to ppl he noe.... In fact I have mother in law probs oso though we don stay tgt.. I can't imagine staying tgt with her oso... Everyone calls her mother in law from hell ...
She anyhw complain to my hubby abt things I did my do ... My hubby nv go back to c his mum and his mum told the whole world I don allow him to go Hm.... She noe tt the prob is with my hubby t able to convience So easier yet called my mum saying " you daughter marry in 5+ yrs nv even giv birth" all sorts of shit mother in laws oso have... Which drives us crazy... Wat u really need to do us to get the attention of yr wife... Tell her hw impt this issue is.... Tell her all te consequences if u really can't take it anymore... =) I took 7 yrs to chance everything... It's nt easy but try... ^^

 

[angelababi]

Hmmmm... Seems u r at the verge of breaking down....Tok to someone share with someone ur probs... Though I now guys hav their ego always don wanna Tok to ppl he noe.... In fact I have mother in law probs oso though we don stay tgt.. I can't imagine staying tgt with her oso... Everyone calls her mother in law from hell ...
She anyhw complain to my hubby abt things I did my do ... My hubby nv go back to c his mum and his mum told the whole world I don allow him to go Hm.... She noe tt the prob is with my hubby t able to convience So easier yet called my mum saying " you daughter marry in 5+ yrs nv even giv birth" all sorts of shit mother in laws oso have... Which drives us crazy... Wat u really need to do us to get the attention of yr wife... Tell her hw impt this issue is.... Tell her all te consequences if u really can't take it anymore... =) I took 7 yrs to chance everything... It's nt easy but try... ^^

hi babymoo , me too wherby mine the difference is not mother in law is father in law .. he will tel the whole world i dont allow him to go home .. also say me must be want pretty scare fat so soo long nv have babies .. so sad its not i dont want , its im hard to concieve .. what can i do i also want a baby dont want to drag , but baby just wont come .. i just dont know y they ( hus side usually will act this way )

 

[babymoo]

Tts why in the end I'm forced to pay so much for medical bills... I tried tcm, IUI... Nw ivf in process... Can u imagine hw much we woman need to suffer just cos of all nonsense oso? Haiz... I oso wih to have baby... Is not I don wan... Is jus so hard to get one !!!

hi babymoo , me too wherby mine the difference is not mother in law is father in law .. he will tel the whole world i dont allow him to go home .. also say me must be want pretty scare fat so soo long nv have babies .. so sad its not i dont want , its im hard to concieve .. what can i do i also want a baby dont want to drag , but baby just wont come .. i just dont know y they ( hus side usually will act this way )

 

[feathers]

hi babymoo , me too wherby mine the difference is not mother in law is father in law .. he will tel the whole world i dont allow him to go home .. also say me must be want pretty scare fat so soo long nv have babies .. so sad its not i dont want , its im hard to concieve .. what can i do i also want a baby dont want to drag , but baby just wont come .. i just dont know y they ( hus side usually will act this way )

When I was on bed rest for one whole week due to threatened miscarriage, my ex mother in law never came to visit at all. My ex husband only fed me Mac, KFC, pizza hut and everything you can find on delivery because he was too lazy to go downstairs to even buy mixed vegetable rice for me. I can't go myself because gynae ordered bedrest. It is not even food anyone should be eating twice a day, much less a pregnant woman who might be losing her baby. And when I eventually lost that pregnancy, my ex mother in law still keep saying "must be I wanna be slim and keep dieting that's why I lost my baby"!! It was totally insensitive!! I am so glad that family is out of my life!!

I feel for you, as much as you can, don't let them affect your mood and your life. =)

 

[angelababi]

yes babymoo and feathers , i feel the same too .. and its will even more stress too and the baby will even more wont come if we get too stress ... and until i really cant take it anymore everyday cry and my hubby suggest us move in to my parents hus stay and try for our baby first .. Thats was such a relive for me now.. at least wont hear anything from their (father in law ) mouth and anyhow think .
babymoo , i understand too trying all ways to get pregg , me too been eating alot of food , taking supplement that can make woman pregg , i been trying and disappointed many times , but my first baby just haven come find me yet Lets Jia You !! *Hugs *Hugs

 

[babymoo]

Feather u deserved better treatment!! If he dunno hw to cherish u even when u r pregnant... Then no choice giving birth to a kid for him oso... =)

Really facing lots of stress with mother in law probs... N the thought of cny is coming is really sux.... Facing the stupid sister in law who luv my hubby before n trying ways to break us up... In the end she married my hubby bro n gave birth n nw using the baby to get verything... Really feels like shit....

 

[angelababi]

Feather u deserved better treatment!! If he dunno hw to cherish u even when u r pregnant... Then no choice giving birth to a kid for him oso... =)

Really facing lots of stress with mother in law probs... N the thought of cny is coming is really sux.... Facing the stupid sister in law who luv my hubby before n trying ways to break us up... In the end she married my hubby bro n gave birth n nw using the baby to get verything... Really feels like shit....

babymoo no need to bother too much abt her ( sis in law ) not worth it , as for me father in law nag nag now i learn one thing one ear in one ear out , and just continue do my thing when i visit their place , i find that most important is your hubby is walking through with you your own family thats the more important isnt it . Like feather said Dont let them affect us and our life

 

[babymoo]

Ya nw ignoring his family completely.., haa.... Living my own life just my mum will nag me though
My mother in law treat me badly cos to my mum respect is very impt but to me if she dunno hw tO
Respect ppl why should I respect her? Haiz