Dear Unmarried, Single Brave Mothers (or maybe fathers too?)
Oooo… a very catchy opening… But it’s a fact that we have to bravely own up, even under the social pressure. But hey! Let’s not paint a doom picture to this highly challenged yet extremely fulfilling journey of motherhood. Be encouraged that it is still a colorful and hopeful life (you are bringing a wonderful tiny fellow into this world!) There are many surviving happy single mothers, some already happily married and we just got to know more of them! J
Some (including me) belong to the very minority group in Singapore population (about 3% of Single Parent population is BY CHOICE <http://fcd.ecitizen.gov.sg/NR/rdonlyres/C901FEFE-9433-43E8-B1D8-F76F92CD79C1/0/committeeonfamily.pdf>) Frankly, I’m not proud to be part of this 3% nor am I encouraging single unmarried motherhood… (just think of the child psychological well-being growing up in an incomplete family… To certain extent, it may have a negative impact, but we have to double up on compensating the incompleteness). As a matter of fact, this is also a very challenging path full of nasty surprises, heart wrenching, and desperate-for-help moment, BUT it is also 1 of the most fulfilling and rewarding experience to watch our kids grow up proper and happy every day. I’m very sure many single mothers will agree on this.
Precisely on the extra miles that we have to overcome, I am sharing my experience and some researching that I came across. I tried to summary this info as simple as possible to my very limited knowledge/resources/time… (hehe… Disclaimant) The research is definitely inexhaustive ( I am not an IT-Savvy person at all…)
Hopefully, it will provide a little glimpse of light in the overpowering darkness for some new single mothers… And also, I like to thank Mummysg for this wonderful forum and several few wonderful mothers who have dropped many encouragements, great advices and offer warmth in the harsh winter cold when I first started, regardless married or not… I love you gals/guys and God bless you richly! Also, thanks for my church-mates, they have made me feel at home and encouraged me in many little ways that they may not even know it themselves and though not all of them know much about my situation yet.
Appended Word Doc is a list of the Family Service Center (I’m thinking whether I should join one). Please do direct me to any official or informative sites/contacts that will aid in Single Parenting or Support as well.
Just remember: Being unmarried/single does not weaken an ounce of the motherly love and instinct you are capable of or inborn with. We are ALL Wonderful Mothers if we choose to be 1!
God Bless You! Press on!!
B.Rgds, J
(A) Some Factual/Legal Entitlements that you should know
(1) Entitlements
Sources:
http://leelilian.blogspot.com/2008/09/my-opinion-on-single-mums-single.html
http://www.mcys.gov.sg/MCDSFiles/Speeches/Articles/14-2007.pdf
I have came across several official government links and blogs and in my very limited time and knowledge, I have tried to summarize (Disclaim: Cautious! I may be wrong, though I try my best not too!)
Key Focus Points:
· 2 months of PAID maternity Leave *under MOM law
· 2 days of Childcare leave (out of the 6 days) *under MOM law
· No Baby bonus
· No Income Tax Relief
(i) Thought you are qualify for Foreign Domestic, Worker Levy Concession, Childcare Leave until you are 35 years old (not sure this info outdated already or not)?
· No HDB subsidy unless you are 35 yrs old and your baby is at least 21 yrs old. So to own a HDB, wait until you turn 35yr old so that you can
(i) buy from resale market or
(ii) rent/ buy from HDB with your parents
(iii) rent/ buy from HDB with another single who is also 35 years and above
· Mother is entitled to Infantcare (2-18mth) and Childcare (18-7yr) subsidy
· Baby is entitled to any educational subsidy or busary like any normal family child (Adapted from pdf file by Mrs Yu-Foo Yee Shoon per 2nd website)
· Their children are eligible for centre-based child care and infant care subsidies. They pay the same school fees, enjoy Edusave grants and qualify for the same scholarships and bursaries. No Singaporean child will be denied an education due to the circumstances of his birth. (Adapted from pdf file by Mrs Yu-Foo Yee Shoon per 2nd website)
(2) Child Maintainence
Sources:
http://www.lawhub.com.sg/articles/splitting-up-part-3-maintenance-of-wife-and-children.html
Key Focus Points:
· It is the duty of a parent to maintain or contribute to the maintenance of his or her children, whether they are in his or her custody or the custody of any other person. Even if the children are illegitimate, the children must be provided with such accommodation, clothing, food and education as may be reasonable.
Whatis the definition of “parent”, must they appear on the BC? Or else, as long a DNA proves it is his child, he is binded for child maintainence?
Of course, I’m not sure on the implication when it comes to Child Custody. If the father pay for the child maintainence, does he automatically given the rights to the Child custody? (I am still researching on this , and the implication of birth cert without Father’s details and surname… For speedy answers, have to engage a lawyers… fear not, I discover there is probono free service… read on!!)
(3) Child Custody
Sources:
http://app.subcourts.gov.sg/family/faq.aspx?pageid=3689
Extracted:
The Court does not award the children to either parent. Each parent has an equal responsibility for the children. Parental responsibility does not change when parents divorce.
The Court decides two things. The first thing to decide is whether one or both parents should have custody of the children. Custody is the right to make major decisions on the welfare and upbringing of the children. Custody can be shared.
The second thing to decide is which parent has care and control of the children. Care and control is the right to have the children live with you, and to make everyday decisions about them. For practical reasons, care and control normally lies with one parent.
The Court considers the welfare of the child to be the most important factor in making its decisions on custody, care and control. The welfare of the child is a very wide concept. It includes the child’s emotional and physical well-being. It also includes the child’s education, religious and moral upbringing.
When the Court considers the welfare of the child, some relevant factors would be
• the role each parent has played in the child’s life
• the stability that each parent can offer the child
• whether the child’s existing care arrangements can be left as they are
• the child’s age: care and control of a very young child will normally lie with the mother
• whether there are siblings: as far as possible, the Court tries not to separate siblings
• the child’s wishes, if he or she is old enough to express an independent opinion
• the parents’ wishes: but it is important to note that this factor comes second to the welfare of the child
That’s a good news! But it also seems that the father’s stability in giving the child maintainence is also factored??? And my next question is: How does having the father’s details in the Birth Certificate or even having the father’s surname have an impact on the Child’s custody since directly there is acknowledgement that he is the natural father of the child! But again… DNA testing can be enforced if the father insist on getting back the kid… *sigh… how?*
(B) Free Legal Consultation services
· http://www.aware.org.sg/direct-services/legal-services/
· http://www.lawsociety.org.sg/probono/community_legal_clinic.aspx
(C) Useful References on Singapore Family Law (e.g. Maintainence /Custody/Adoption etc)
· http://app.subcourts.gov.sg/family/page.aspx?pageid=36663
· http://app.subcourts.gov.sg/family/page.aspx?pageid=12433
· http://app.subcourts.gov.sg/family/page.aspx?pageid=3764
· http://www.lawgazette.com.sg/2009-7/Default.htm
(D) Associations that you can approach for counselling or financial aids
(1) AWARE (Association of Women for Action and Research)
Website: http://www.aware.org.sg/
Helpline: +65 1800 774 5935
(2) CDC (Community Development Councils)
Website: http://www.cdc.org.sg
(3) Family Life SocietyWebsite: http://familylife.sg/counselling-care/pcs/
Pregnancy Crisis Service Helpline: +65 6339 9770 ( 9:00am - 5:00pm Mon-Sat)
(4) The Singapore Planned Parenthood Association
SPPA Counselling Centre Helpline: +65 1800 775 8582 ( 8:30am - 5:15pm Mon-Fri)
(5) Help Family Service Centre
Website: http://helpfsc.org.sg/Prognserv/spsg.htm
(6) Project Cherub by Tanjong Pagar Family Service Centre
Website: Not available
Helpline: +65 6337 3102 (9:00am – 6:00pm)
(7) Teen Central (A Project by Health Promotion Board)
Website: http://www.hpb.gov.sg/hpb/default.asp?pg_id=3279
Helpline:
(i) Call 1800-TEEN MOM (833 6666)
(ii) Call 1800 –MOMS TO BE (6868 623)
(8) Beyond Social Services
Website: http://www.beyond.org.sg/intro.html
Helpline: +65 6375 2940
(9) Babes
Website: http://www.babes.org.sg
SMS service called “BABES”: 81113535
(D) Fighting for better rights of Unmarried Single Mothers
http://leelilian.blogspot.com/2008/09/my-opinion-on-single-mums-single.html
Oooo… a very catchy opening… But it’s a fact that we have to bravely own up, even under the social pressure. But hey! Let’s not paint a doom picture to this highly challenged yet extremely fulfilling journey of motherhood. Be encouraged that it is still a colorful and hopeful life (you are bringing a wonderful tiny fellow into this world!) There are many surviving happy single mothers, some already happily married and we just got to know more of them! J
Some (including me) belong to the very minority group in Singapore population (about 3% of Single Parent population is BY CHOICE <http://fcd.ecitizen.gov.sg/NR/rdonlyres/C901FEFE-9433-43E8-B1D8-F76F92CD79C1/0/committeeonfamily.pdf>) Frankly, I’m not proud to be part of this 3% nor am I encouraging single unmarried motherhood… (just think of the child psychological well-being growing up in an incomplete family… To certain extent, it may have a negative impact, but we have to double up on compensating the incompleteness). As a matter of fact, this is also a very challenging path full of nasty surprises, heart wrenching, and desperate-for-help moment, BUT it is also 1 of the most fulfilling and rewarding experience to watch our kids grow up proper and happy every day. I’m very sure many single mothers will agree on this.
Precisely on the extra miles that we have to overcome, I am sharing my experience and some researching that I came across. I tried to summary this info as simple as possible to my very limited knowledge/resources/time… (hehe… Disclaimant) The research is definitely inexhaustive ( I am not an IT-Savvy person at all…)
Hopefully, it will provide a little glimpse of light in the overpowering darkness for some new single mothers… And also, I like to thank Mummysg for this wonderful forum and several few wonderful mothers who have dropped many encouragements, great advices and offer warmth in the harsh winter cold when I first started, regardless married or not… I love you gals/guys and God bless you richly! Also, thanks for my church-mates, they have made me feel at home and encouraged me in many little ways that they may not even know it themselves and though not all of them know much about my situation yet.
Appended Word Doc is a list of the Family Service Center (I’m thinking whether I should join one). Please do direct me to any official or informative sites/contacts that will aid in Single Parenting or Support as well.
Just remember: Being unmarried/single does not weaken an ounce of the motherly love and instinct you are capable of or inborn with. We are ALL Wonderful Mothers if we choose to be 1!
God Bless You! Press on!!
B.Rgds, J
(A) Some Factual/Legal Entitlements that you should know
(1) Entitlements
Sources:
http://leelilian.blogspot.com/2008/09/my-opinion-on-single-mums-single.html
http://www.mcys.gov.sg/MCDSFiles/Speeches/Articles/14-2007.pdf
I have came across several official government links and blogs and in my very limited time and knowledge, I have tried to summarize (Disclaim: Cautious! I may be wrong, though I try my best not too!)
Key Focus Points:
· 2 months of PAID maternity Leave *under MOM law
· 2 days of Childcare leave (out of the 6 days) *under MOM law
· No Baby bonus
· No Income Tax Relief
(i) Thought you are qualify for Foreign Domestic, Worker Levy Concession, Childcare Leave until you are 35 years old (not sure this info outdated already or not)?
· No HDB subsidy unless you are 35 yrs old and your baby is at least 21 yrs old. So to own a HDB, wait until you turn 35yr old so that you can
(i) buy from resale market or
(ii) rent/ buy from HDB with your parents
(iii) rent/ buy from HDB with another single who is also 35 years and above
· Mother is entitled to Infantcare (2-18mth) and Childcare (18-7yr) subsidy
· Baby is entitled to any educational subsidy or busary like any normal family child (Adapted from pdf file by Mrs Yu-Foo Yee Shoon per 2nd website)
· Their children are eligible for centre-based child care and infant care subsidies. They pay the same school fees, enjoy Edusave grants and qualify for the same scholarships and bursaries. No Singaporean child will be denied an education due to the circumstances of his birth. (Adapted from pdf file by Mrs Yu-Foo Yee Shoon per 2nd website)
(2) Child Maintainence
Sources:
http://www.lawhub.com.sg/articles/splitting-up-part-3-maintenance-of-wife-and-children.html
Key Focus Points:
· It is the duty of a parent to maintain or contribute to the maintenance of his or her children, whether they are in his or her custody or the custody of any other person. Even if the children are illegitimate, the children must be provided with such accommodation, clothing, food and education as may be reasonable.
Whatis the definition of “parent”, must they appear on the BC? Or else, as long a DNA proves it is his child, he is binded for child maintainence?
Of course, I’m not sure on the implication when it comes to Child Custody. If the father pay for the child maintainence, does he automatically given the rights to the Child custody? (I am still researching on this , and the implication of birth cert without Father’s details and surname… For speedy answers, have to engage a lawyers… fear not, I discover there is probono free service… read on!!)
(3) Child Custody
Sources:
http://app.subcourts.gov.sg/family/faq.aspx?pageid=3689
Extracted:
The Court does not award the children to either parent. Each parent has an equal responsibility for the children. Parental responsibility does not change when parents divorce.
The Court decides two things. The first thing to decide is whether one or both parents should have custody of the children. Custody is the right to make major decisions on the welfare and upbringing of the children. Custody can be shared.
The second thing to decide is which parent has care and control of the children. Care and control is the right to have the children live with you, and to make everyday decisions about them. For practical reasons, care and control normally lies with one parent.
The Court considers the welfare of the child to be the most important factor in making its decisions on custody, care and control. The welfare of the child is a very wide concept. It includes the child’s emotional and physical well-being. It also includes the child’s education, religious and moral upbringing.
When the Court considers the welfare of the child, some relevant factors would be
• the role each parent has played in the child’s life
• the stability that each parent can offer the child
• whether the child’s existing care arrangements can be left as they are
• the child’s age: care and control of a very young child will normally lie with the mother
• whether there are siblings: as far as possible, the Court tries not to separate siblings
• the child’s wishes, if he or she is old enough to express an independent opinion
• the parents’ wishes: but it is important to note that this factor comes second to the welfare of the child
That’s a good news! But it also seems that the father’s stability in giving the child maintainence is also factored??? And my next question is: How does having the father’s details in the Birth Certificate or even having the father’s surname have an impact on the Child’s custody since directly there is acknowledgement that he is the natural father of the child! But again… DNA testing can be enforced if the father insist on getting back the kid… *sigh… how?*
(B) Free Legal Consultation services
· http://www.aware.org.sg/direct-services/legal-services/
· http://www.lawsociety.org.sg/probono/community_legal_clinic.aspx
(C) Useful References on Singapore Family Law (e.g. Maintainence /Custody/Adoption etc)
· http://app.subcourts.gov.sg/family/page.aspx?pageid=36663
· http://app.subcourts.gov.sg/family/page.aspx?pageid=12433
· http://app.subcourts.gov.sg/family/page.aspx?pageid=3764
· http://www.lawgazette.com.sg/2009-7/Default.htm
(D) Associations that you can approach for counselling or financial aids
(1) AWARE (Association of Women for Action and Research)
Website: http://www.aware.org.sg/
Helpline: +65 1800 774 5935
(2) CDC (Community Development Councils)
Website: http://www.cdc.org.sg
(3) Family Life SocietyWebsite: http://familylife.sg/counselling-care/pcs/
Pregnancy Crisis Service Helpline: +65 6339 9770 ( 9:00am - 5:00pm Mon-Sat)
(4) The Singapore Planned Parenthood Association
SPPA Counselling Centre Helpline: +65 1800 775 8582 ( 8:30am - 5:15pm Mon-Fri)
(5) Help Family Service Centre
Website: http://helpfsc.org.sg/Prognserv/spsg.htm
(6) Project Cherub by Tanjong Pagar Family Service Centre
Website: Not available
Helpline: +65 6337 3102 (9:00am – 6:00pm)
(7) Teen Central (A Project by Health Promotion Board)
Website: http://www.hpb.gov.sg/hpb/default.asp?pg_id=3279
Helpline:
(i) Call 1800-TEEN MOM (833 6666)
(ii) Call 1800 –MOMS TO BE (6868 623)
(8) Beyond Social Services
Website: http://www.beyond.org.sg/intro.html
Helpline: +65 6375 2940
(9) Babes
Website: http://www.babes.org.sg
SMS service called “BABES”: 81113535
(D) Fighting for better rights of Unmarried Single Mothers
http://leelilian.blogspot.com/2008/09/my-opinion-on-single-mums-single.html
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