My hubby n I were married for a year now. We got married after we get to know I'm pregnant. We were delighted on my pregnancy at first but his family side has opposition when we planned our marriage. I suffered a lot emotionally during that period as my hubby was the only son and he was brought up in a traditional family. His sister has humiliated and said lots of nasty words that u can imagine on me. My hubby is unable to help me out as his family hierarchy is to keep quiet n let them said whether they r right or wrong. I didn't want to go through our ROM but my hubby had promised me that everything will be better after our child is born. After our marriage, my hubby was staying at my Plc which is own by my mother n me. He was ok with this idea but his family members n friend starts saying he is "ru zhui" (married to girl's family) n in the end, during my pregnancy, I was alone taking care of myself most of the time when he returned to his Hse. I was very upset and his family members was always there finding fault on me every few weeks. I dare not tell my family members as I dun want them to get involve with them... Which will make things worst. After our son was born, my hubby came back n stay with me. (We go over my mil hse to stay on weekend) . Although he has disappointed me in his role as a husband, I was expecting him to be a good father which he promised he will be. He was very enthusiast to learn everything. We had a good peaceful 2 mths until I told him I'm getting a job because I'm financially dry up(my hubby only pay for my hospital bill at that point). Then came the problem, who is going to look after our child? We had alot of quarrel to put at the infant care(no vacancy), his mother(making lot of fuss)... in the end i quit my job to take care of our son. my hubby willing to give me $800 per month as salary for me where he will buy pampers n milk powder. i agreed to him though i know my expense per mth was $1200 as i own a car. I was thinking I could get a job after my son had a vacancy in the infant care. Lately, I notice my hubby does not play nor take care of our son, he will come home saying he is very tired and will sit down n play his phone till he sleeps. I'm tired of this kind of married life and I wanna out. Yesterday our son was down with fever, after seeing our son taken the medicine, he ask me to take care of him while he goes back to his mother's Plc to stay. Even today he is still not back yet except for 2 phone calls to check on our son. At this point of marriage, I have given up hope on my hubby, he indeed is a good man(no drinking, gambling or prostitute) but he did not give me the support I needed whether it's financially or mentally). I'm trying to find a job lately but nobody ask me to go for interview yet. I hope I could annual our marriage cos we are married for less than 3 yrs and am afraid he will contest for my son. And I do fear his family members will threaten me. I dare not talk much in my fb as they track on my whereabouts previously. My heart really cannot take it and I'm trying very hard to stay alive. I hope someone can advise, if I can annual my marriage n keep the custody of my child without him contest for it as I'm married to him after knowing my pregnancy.
My marriage story and I need help
- Thread starter Mikigoh
- Start date
nicepeople
Member
Be strong girl!
You are responsible for your present circumstances. But it's not your fault. Someone cheated you. Unsupportive husband. You didn't ask for this. You didn't do anything to deserve this. Life is so unfair. That is all very true. Still, you are responsible for your present circumstances. Why should I be? Because it's your life, and no one else can live it for you. But it's not your fault things turned out this way. No, it's not your fault. It's your responsibility. There's a big difference. Your circumstances are your responsibility not because of how they came to be, but because of what can be done about them. The past is over. Time only moves forward, so no matter where your present circumstances came from, they're your responsibility now. Which is great, because it means you can do whatever you wish with them.
Here are some attracts of Child Custody Law. You want more details pls email nicepeople02@gmail.com and I'll forward you the Singapore Child Custody Law.
Custody orders
6 In any matrimonial proceedings relating to divorce, nullity of marriage or judicial separation, which come within the purview of our Family Courts, the court may make such orders as it thinks fit with respect to the welfare of any child.3 Among the matters considered for the welfare of the child is the issue of custody.
7 The court may by order place the child in the sole custody of the father or the mother, and this is often the case in practice. Where the parents are able and willing to cooperate on the future upbringing of the child, the court may also place the child in the joint custody of both parents. In exceptional circumstances where it is undesirable to entrust the child to either parent, the child may be placed in the custody of any other relative of the child, any child welfare organisation or association, or any other suitable person.
8 In deciding in whose custody a child should be placed, the court will give paramount consideration to the welfare of the child. The court will give regard to the wishes of the parents, and also the wishes of the child if the child is of an age to express an independent opinion.
9 An order for custody may be made on such conditions as the court may think fit to impose. or example, it may— a) contain conditions as to the place where the child is to reside, the manner of the child’s education and the religion in which the child is to be brought up; b) provide for the child to be temporarily in the care and control of some person other than the person given custody; c) provide for a child to visit a parent deprived of custody or give a parent deprived of custody the right of access to the child, at such times and for such period as the court may consider reasonable; and d) prohibit the person given custody from taking the child out of Singapore.
10 There are a number of important concepts related to custody, such as residence, “care and control” and “access”. When making a custody order, the court will generally give care and control of the child to one parent. The child will reside with that parent, and that parent will be entitled to decide all questions relating to the upbringing and education of the child, subject to any conditions that the court may impose. The other parent, who is not given care and control, will have only rights of access to the child at specified times. In a sole custody order, care and control is generally given to the custodial parent, while the non-custodial parent is given access. In a joint custody order, care and control, similarly, is usually given to one of the parents, while the other gets access.
You are responsible for your present circumstances. But it's not your fault. Someone cheated you. Unsupportive husband. You didn't ask for this. You didn't do anything to deserve this. Life is so unfair. That is all very true. Still, you are responsible for your present circumstances. Why should I be? Because it's your life, and no one else can live it for you. But it's not your fault things turned out this way. No, it's not your fault. It's your responsibility. There's a big difference. Your circumstances are your responsibility not because of how they came to be, but because of what can be done about them. The past is over. Time only moves forward, so no matter where your present circumstances came from, they're your responsibility now. Which is great, because it means you can do whatever you wish with them.
Here are some attracts of Child Custody Law. You want more details pls email nicepeople02@gmail.com and I'll forward you the Singapore Child Custody Law.
Custody orders
6 In any matrimonial proceedings relating to divorce, nullity of marriage or judicial separation, which come within the purview of our Family Courts, the court may make such orders as it thinks fit with respect to the welfare of any child.3 Among the matters considered for the welfare of the child is the issue of custody.
7 The court may by order place the child in the sole custody of the father or the mother, and this is often the case in practice. Where the parents are able and willing to cooperate on the future upbringing of the child, the court may also place the child in the joint custody of both parents. In exceptional circumstances where it is undesirable to entrust the child to either parent, the child may be placed in the custody of any other relative of the child, any child welfare organisation or association, or any other suitable person.
8 In deciding in whose custody a child should be placed, the court will give paramount consideration to the welfare of the child. The court will give regard to the wishes of the parents, and also the wishes of the child if the child is of an age to express an independent opinion.
9 An order for custody may be made on such conditions as the court may think fit to impose. or example, it may— a) contain conditions as to the place where the child is to reside, the manner of the child’s education and the religion in which the child is to be brought up; b) provide for the child to be temporarily in the care and control of some person other than the person given custody; c) provide for a child to visit a parent deprived of custody or give a parent deprived of custody the right of access to the child, at such times and for such period as the court may consider reasonable; and d) prohibit the person given custody from taking the child out of Singapore.
10 There are a number of important concepts related to custody, such as residence, “care and control” and “access”. When making a custody order, the court will generally give care and control of the child to one parent. The child will reside with that parent, and that parent will be entitled to decide all questions relating to the upbringing and education of the child, subject to any conditions that the court may impose. The other parent, who is not given care and control, will have only rights of access to the child at specified times. In a sole custody order, care and control is generally given to the custodial parent, while the non-custodial parent is given access. In a joint custody order, care and control, similarly, is usually given to one of the parents, while the other gets access.
Tks for the information on child custody. I'm willing to take up the responsibility to look after my child, didn't even thought of asking him for maintenance fee as I believe should I get a job, I am able to support my child.... Anyway, im like living a single life rather than married life. 
tks for ur advise.
tks for ur advise.Hi Miki, I understand how you feel, I have about the same problem and worst.
My husband and I got married when I found out I was pregnant. My initial thought after I found out I was pregnant is to book an appointment to abort my child (I'm actually struggling cause I don't want to abort, but I know that I won't give him a happy family and in long term we will have financial difficulties in bringing up the child). I told him that I want to abort and he strongly disagree, his family members called me 1 by 1 telling me to keep the baby and they will help me through it and he promised to take responsiblity and to provide the baby with a good family to grow up in.
After we ROM and was planning for our wedding, he started to steal. As we didn't have much saving, my mom is kind enough to pass me her ATM for me to make payment for my bridal shoot. End up, he took my mom atm card without telling me and remember the password secretly (he's very clever to figure out the password by the way your hand moved when you key in the pin). When I approach him asking for my mom ATM card, he said he will pass it to me the next day (when he will give excuses like, forget to bring). It was until when my mom went to deposit the money into her bank when she realised that all her life-saving in the bank is GONE! 40k of her hardwork is gone just like this.
She was so shocked that she intend to make a police report. It was when we approach my husband that we know that he is the one who withdraw it! He spend 40k within 3 weeks.
If you think that's the end, is not. End up, all the wedding even my SI DIAN JIN are paid by my family. After the chinese wedding, we moved in to his parent's rented place where we are suppose to help with the rental by paying them $600! He took all my wedding red packets from my friends to paid the balance of the wedding banquet. I though that he changed but NO. One day, when I went home, I found out all my SI DIAN JIN missing as he went to pawn it. The worst thing is, he told me that he misplace his ring at his workplace and wants to have mine to show to his friends how it looks like so they could help him to look for it and I "stupidly" passed him my ring. End up, he went to pawn it.
He did alot of things too and to skip forward, I couldn't tolerate the monthly knocking on the room door and demanding "rental" payment by his parents and we moved out to my uncle's place as he has an extra room to spare. The worst thing starts from here. As we trusted each other so much, my uncle didn't lock his bedroom door when he left for work in the morning. My husband (when I'm still pregnant, going to delivery in 1 month) starts to steal my uncle's money in his room, stole and sell all his wines. I'm still working at that time and I always left with $0 in my bank a week after my pay was credited in. He always ask me to lend him money and promise to return the next day (when he never will). He even took my ATM card (I'm not sure how he know my pin number) and withdraw all my money when I'm on my maternity leave and after I went back to work. It all happened till Dec 2012 when I decided to put all my ATM cards at my workplace. But it doesn't stop there, he will just steal the money inside my wallet (e.g. if I have $22 in my wallet, he will take $20 from my wallet when I'm asleep and not informing me). I am the one who is paying the babysitter fees when baby is 4months till now, 14 months. He never once contributed.
My uncle was so forgiving that he still allows us to stay at his place after the money and wine incident but my husband still won't learn his lesson. He went off to gamble and borrow money from licensed money lender to gamble. His reason for gamble "if win, can buy house and have good life". Ended up, people starts coming up to my uncle place and paste notice demanding him for payment. My uncle hit his max when he chased him ONLY out of his house.
We are seperated now and I still hope he change. But he still never give me monthly allowance. Well, maybe 2 months once amount about $600 where I need to pay off his HP bills (amounting to 4k as he asked me sign the 3lines and he sold the phone) and also the money he owe my friends (he uses my handphone at night when I'm asleep and message my friend asking for money telling them the baby is sick and needs money to see doctor).
Should I give him another chance or just divorce?
I at first wants to abort but he said that his family doesn't want and he will take responsiblity.
(he gamble where he ends up borrowing money from licensed credit money lenders and ending up having these people coming up to , he smokes)
My husband and I got married when I found out I was pregnant. My initial thought after I found out I was pregnant is to book an appointment to abort my child (I'm actually struggling cause I don't want to abort, but I know that I won't give him a happy family and in long term we will have financial difficulties in bringing up the child). I told him that I want to abort and he strongly disagree, his family members called me 1 by 1 telling me to keep the baby and they will help me through it and he promised to take responsiblity and to provide the baby with a good family to grow up in.
After we ROM and was planning for our wedding, he started to steal. As we didn't have much saving, my mom is kind enough to pass me her ATM for me to make payment for my bridal shoot. End up, he took my mom atm card without telling me and remember the password secretly (he's very clever to figure out the password by the way your hand moved when you key in the pin). When I approach him asking for my mom ATM card, he said he will pass it to me the next day (when he will give excuses like, forget to bring). It was until when my mom went to deposit the money into her bank when she realised that all her life-saving in the bank is GONE! 40k of her hardwork is gone just like this.
She was so shocked that she intend to make a police report. It was when we approach my husband that we know that he is the one who withdraw it! He spend 40k within 3 weeks.
If you think that's the end, is not. End up, all the wedding even my SI DIAN JIN are paid by my family. After the chinese wedding, we moved in to his parent's rented place where we are suppose to help with the rental by paying them $600! He took all my wedding red packets from my friends to paid the balance of the wedding banquet. I though that he changed but NO. One day, when I went home, I found out all my SI DIAN JIN missing as he went to pawn it. The worst thing is, he told me that he misplace his ring at his workplace and wants to have mine to show to his friends how it looks like so they could help him to look for it and I "stupidly" passed him my ring. End up, he went to pawn it.
He did alot of things too and to skip forward, I couldn't tolerate the monthly knocking on the room door and demanding "rental" payment by his parents and we moved out to my uncle's place as he has an extra room to spare. The worst thing starts from here. As we trusted each other so much, my uncle didn't lock his bedroom door when he left for work in the morning. My husband (when I'm still pregnant, going to delivery in 1 month) starts to steal my uncle's money in his room, stole and sell all his wines. I'm still working at that time and I always left with $0 in my bank a week after my pay was credited in. He always ask me to lend him money and promise to return the next day (when he never will). He even took my ATM card (I'm not sure how he know my pin number) and withdraw all my money when I'm on my maternity leave and after I went back to work. It all happened till Dec 2012 when I decided to put all my ATM cards at my workplace. But it doesn't stop there, he will just steal the money inside my wallet (e.g. if I have $22 in my wallet, he will take $20 from my wallet when I'm asleep and not informing me). I am the one who is paying the babysitter fees when baby is 4months till now, 14 months. He never once contributed.
My uncle was so forgiving that he still allows us to stay at his place after the money and wine incident but my husband still won't learn his lesson. He went off to gamble and borrow money from licensed money lender to gamble. His reason for gamble "if win, can buy house and have good life". Ended up, people starts coming up to my uncle place and paste notice demanding him for payment. My uncle hit his max when he chased him ONLY out of his house.
We are seperated now and I still hope he change. But he still never give me monthly allowance. Well, maybe 2 months once amount about $600 where I need to pay off his HP bills (amounting to 4k as he asked me sign the 3lines and he sold the phone) and also the money he owe my friends (he uses my handphone at night when I'm asleep and message my friend asking for money telling them the baby is sick and needs money to see doctor).
Should I give him another chance or just divorce?
I at first wants to abort but he said that his family doesn't want and he will take responsiblity.
(he gamble where he ends up borrowing money from licensed credit money lenders and ending up having these people coming up to , he smokes)
Woah ur hubby really indeed an addict in gambling n stealing. How come u r able to forgive him after he stolen $40k of ur mom hard earned money? I might not be able to forgive this act. For my case, I hope for a divorce but my hubby doesn't want it. We r trying to slowly repair our wound.
It's easy to bring up the child alone, but I believe still is manageable if there is determination. Let us be positive
It's easy to bring up the child alone, but I believe still is manageable if there is determination. Let us be positive
velvetglory
Member
I have similar problem. My husband is staying in my place but due to some issues. He kept falling out with my parents. My parents is nice to kept forgiving him despite things he has done is sometimes so unforgiving. When hes good he can be very good. When hes angry he can be very very very nasty. I love him so much that makes me kept forgiving him. But he doesnt change. Recently i something happened again. This time my parents found out he actually beat me when im 8 months pregnant and got very very angry. They wanted me to divorce with him (im 21yo) I cant put myself to do that. Cause i love him and i know he still love us. He just have some anger management problem. After this lastest issue. My parents didnt want him to stay in my house anymore. And they didnt know i have been secretly meeting him as i told them i want to divorce with him so that they wont keep worrying about me. Im pregnant with my second boy and baby will be due on the 24th nov 13. Which is in less than 2 weeks time. I cant imagining being in the labour ward without him. I cant imagine if he come and welcome his second son to this world and met my family members and if they scold him. And if he scold them back. I cannot take anymore stress. Im so scared. Everyday I just hope time just stop. Im not looking forward for the day my baby come out. But I am looking forward to see my son. Im so confuse. Idk whether he will change. Is choosing him gonna be a right choice? Now im stuck in between. My family that will never abandon me and both my son. Or a husband they have anger management problem, a very extreme person that can treat us very nice when he want to and abandon us and beat me when hes angry. Idk. I dont want to make decision.
Woman always find excuses to forgive the man they love. However, for a man to lay their hand on a woman especially when you are already 8 mths pregnant really cannot be tolerate..... It's best to be separated now since you do know when he will hit you again...it's best for you and your children. For my case, I do not feel physical abuse, only mentally from their humiliation. Ask him to seek for help and get well from his anger management before reunite with your family. Children seeing such violent from young will be affected when they grow up. Hope you can find a solution and make a decision.
daddy of 2
Member
Hope this helps
daddy of 2
Member
http://www.ncss.org.sg/documents/List%20of%20FSCs.doc
I think there is hope Btwn you and your hubby if you can pull your hub away from them. How? Use the Kid to brainwash him. Dear, as the kid grow older they will be able to verbalize, about 3years old. If your hub feel nothing for the kid, he wouldnt bother to do anything at all in the first place. The big in laws shit and hub attitude probs, I can understand. From experience, I think the in laws part is irreconcilable. The tug of war will always be there for the man who grow up in such a family are pretty spoil in their comfort zone. (i suppose that he is like a king at home). To be honest, he will always want to be king at home. Either u accept his style and try to make him reduce it or Divorce if u really cannot take it. I know it is extremely taxing to take his nonsence. If u decide to give this man a chance, be as tolerant towards bis king style (temp) except for $ til u consolidate your position.if not it will be mission impossible.
He must maintain the kid!!!
If you start the legal proceedings, there is no turning back. Set a time frame, keep talking to the man about how wonderful your kid is and how much the kid needs $. you must decide how much time you can give this man!
Please ignore your in laws rubbish and nonsences. If possible, record down. So you can use it against them to file for div or unreasonable behavior. But before you start any legal proceedings, please have evidence in hand. Have evidence then file for PPO before div proceedings. Be prepared to show the court evidence of his family abuse towards you. Well, it sounds like they are abusing you.
Why shouldn't you ask for maintainence? Unless you are earning a lot? If not why shouldn't you? Your child deserve to be maintain and have a decent good education etc...
you should ask for every single cent in the event of a divorce. if he doesn't pay, complaim to magistrate. Send him to jail. He deserve it for abusing, wasting your time and been irresponsible. He will always be the biological father of your kid. If he is an arse to your kid and you? Why should you let him off just like that?
Raising a kid is extremely expensive. Unless you have a lot of $ or is able to earn a middle income or above, if not it is going to be very hard. Why should you and your kid suffer and that fellow and his family sleep soundly and enjoy life daily? If u start div, already means declare war. Why bother to be nice and continue to suffer? Will they let u off even if u don't ask for anything? Are u sure? If u declare war( div) please plan first before you proceed.u do not want to lose everything in hand! His family will prolly instigate him to do funny things by then.
He must maintain the kid!!!
If you start the legal proceedings, there is no turning back. Set a time frame, keep talking to the man about how wonderful your kid is and how much the kid needs $. you must decide how much time you can give this man!
Please ignore your in laws rubbish and nonsences. If possible, record down. So you can use it against them to file for div or unreasonable behavior. But before you start any legal proceedings, please have evidence in hand. Have evidence then file for PPO before div proceedings. Be prepared to show the court evidence of his family abuse towards you. Well, it sounds like they are abusing you.
Why shouldn't you ask for maintainence? Unless you are earning a lot? If not why shouldn't you? Your child deserve to be maintain and have a decent good education etc...
you should ask for every single cent in the event of a divorce. if he doesn't pay, complaim to magistrate. Send him to jail. He deserve it for abusing, wasting your time and been irresponsible. He will always be the biological father of your kid. If he is an arse to your kid and you? Why should you let him off just like that?
Raising a kid is extremely expensive. Unless you have a lot of $ or is able to earn a middle income or above, if not it is going to be very hard. Why should you and your kid suffer and that fellow and his family sleep soundly and enjoy life daily? If u start div, already means declare war. Why bother to be nice and continue to suffer? Will they let u off even if u don't ask for anything? Are u sure? If u declare war( div) please plan first before you proceed.u do not want to lose everything in hand! His family will prolly instigate him to do funny things by then.
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