My Son Wants to Kill Himself

[ping26]

Hi Susin

Thanks..i have the Carol Grey social stories at home..he has been reading them since he was 3...problem is, he knows the theories but always forgets..

Paid back $25 as medical fee to the mum of the boy whom my kid hit...
i dont know how to put it..so "biblical"..mum paying for the son's sins...heartache over my boy's behavior...

Hi Earth
sno linked us up to the school counsellor this week..hope they can refer us to child guidance clinic or smthing...

hi zazaziya mummy,

I'm so glad u r trying to get some help. Besides CGC, u can try contacting other parents to get advice & seek referrals for experienced therapists.

International Asperger�s Syndrome Parent Support Group
IAPS Home Page

I don't recommend multi-disability agencies like CGC as staff turnover may be high & they have a very diverse caseload. Therapists there may be unable to specialise or give specific advice.

U can also try contacting ARC. I think the kiasu parents forum has a couple of parents who can manage their AS kids very well. Some are in GEP.

The carol grey social stories are generally helpful for younger kids as social events can be depicted in simplistic terms. High-functioning kids and older children face "complex" social situations. Also, the therapist has to be able to come up with relevant social statements, as opposed to presenting a simplistic world view.

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{{HUGS}} We're here to offer moral support.
Given some help, I'm sure your boy will be able to overcome his disability eventually.

Regular kids also fight too. Don't view your boy's behv as any worse or better than is necessary.
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Asperger's Syndrome: Can't really cope.



SgForums :: Singapore's Online Community - Asperger's Syndrome: Can't really cope.
This young man is at risk of developing depression.

I sincerely hope u will be able to get some help. Take care!

 

[zazaziya@gmail.com]

my boy's suicidal ideation is manifesting in school.
he tried to jump from the 2nd floor last week.
if not for his teacher who pulled him back, he would have been dead or crippled.
n the worst thing is, his school bully actually egged him on to jump.
the slightest criticism of my boy will agitate him
we are seeing the psychiatrist, educational psychologist now..n seekin spiritual help as well
at this rate, i dunno how long my boy will last.
i told him, if he kills himself, i guarantee that mummy will die the next day as well..

 

[ping26]

my boy's suicidal ideation is manifesting in school.
he tried to jump from the 2nd floor last week.
if not for his teacher who pulled him back, he would have been dead or crippled.
n the worst thing is, his school bully actually egged him on to jump.
the slightest criticism of my boy will agitate him
we are seeing the psychiatrist, educational psychologist now..n seekin spiritual help as well
at this rate, i dont know how long my boy will last.
i told him, if he kills himself, i guarantee that mummy will die the next day as well..

hi zazaziya mummy

Sorry to hear abt yr son's behv in sch.

I don't know your child well.

Sometimes, suicidal behv can replace tantrums & become a "routine" or stereotyped behv. All threats or hurtful behv (to self or others) have to be managed carefully as a person with ASD may snap unexpectedly.

I used to see a ASD client who hit his own head when he was upset. He also said or did things that were suggested by classmates (either just teasing or bullying). It is impt to get school counsellor or principal involved so that classmates can be counselled too.

It is impt that your psychiatrist & ed psych have experience counselling clients with ASD. A child with ASD may not respond emotionally like us when "you tell him Mummy will die the next day".

If you speak to adult with AS who was prev suicidal or depressed, they will tell u a different perspective of what would work for them. They have a somewhat different logic and way of using words.

I used to make a certain boy do squats whenever he was upset. After a few minutes, he would stop crying cos he realised he was no longer upset. He had a sensory processing problem & his body was unable to switch "gear" although he has processed the issue cognitively.

I'm not sure if it'll help - get your boy to tear or twist a silicone ball as "tightly" as his body/anger. Some kids have to shout, others have to break/throw something.

We also feel like "killing or screaming at someone" sometimes but a person with ASD tends to go into it more frequently due to rigidity & other issues. The logic & lg part may be quite different. Don't explain (if both of you already know the drills) when he hits a level 6 tantrum (meaning possible self-injury). Just instruct him to do something until he calms down. Hopefully, this will replace self-injurious behv or suicidal thoughts. This is the essence of cognitive behv therapy. When he is calm, the talking begins.

Medn may be required if there is a sustained depressed mood for over 3 mth. Like I mentioned, yr doc & therapist must know how to counsel persons with ASD.

Take care & my prayers r with u.

 

[luvjoanne]

hi zazaziya, i remember you from another forum. u yourself is under alot of stress as you are suffering from depression and concurrently on medication as well..
i'm so sorry to hear about ur son, and my eyes were wet when i read that you mentioned "mummy will die the next day as well.."

i am more concerned over your situation than your son's as u need to be a strong support for him, before he can overcome his problems. i am glad u are seeking help, and just remember, never to give up on urself, nor your son. if u can do it, he can do it!

 

[vivienshoshanna]

I'm sorry to hear that sis.

I know that as a mother it hurts and so disappointing to see your own child that way, but shouting at him and showing to your son that you're not that strong handle the way your son's acting is not good. try to calm down and talk to your kid, first ask him why he hates school and his life, then do what is right, try to teach him that Life is worth living. show him that no matter who or what your son is, you'll always be on his side, and that you'll show him how much you love him, in order for him to know the meaning of life and love.

Good Luck sis, and God Bless.

 

[zazaziya@gmail.com]

thks all for the advice

yes ping, my son snaps unpredictably...i was asking him if he was going to see father james, n his dad queried "so you are seeing Father James or Brother James?" . Immediately he started pounding on his head and on his chest, screaming n crying " I do not like puns, i hate puns!"..another remark over his behavior n he actually tried to stuff an entire yakult bottle into his mouth....n my mum had to refrain me from smacking him because of his behavior..he's not safe from himself...anything can be a threat to his life..

i know...psychiatrist told us to watch our tone, no punishment whatsoever...i juz cant control my anger n heartache both mixed up at the same time...

he is on risperdal...hv to go bac to doc this friday to assess again..

i try to be strong..but i am not...i cry while having breakfast..even at my office desk...hubby tells me not to try bec i am 3 months pregnant n he is worried my baby will end up autistic like my son bec of my depression...

sigh...

he is missing his common test bec he is on 8 days mc...a friend asked me how are the grades going to be calculated at yr end...frankly...i dun give a damn on my son's grades...i am just grateful i can see him alive these days

 

[ping26]

thks all for the advice

yes ping, my son snaps unpredictably...he's not safe from himself...anything can be a threat to his life..

he is on risperdal...have to go bac to doc this friday to assess again..

i try to be strong..but i am not...i cry while having breakfast..even at my office desk...hubby tells me not to try bec i am 3 months pregnant n he is worried my baby will end up autistic like my son bec of my depression...

hi zazaziya

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm very glad that your family is supportive. {{hugs}}

It is difficult to control your emotions during the 1st trimester due to hormones. Perhaps you can write instead of talk when you are upset with your boy.

Is it possible to ask his favourite uncle or auntie to come & stay for a while? It is because persons with ASD are rigid; they behave in a certain manner with different people. The purpose is to help him switch better mood. Living elsewhere with relative may be too drastic & is likely to add more stress.

It is very impt to engage your son in physical activities or hobbies if he is unable to recover emotionally. He seems to have difficulties in sensory/emotional regulation and obsessive/compulsive behv. It is likely to escalate.

It is advisable to do some form of behv replacement; else he is likely to continue to display self-injurious or inapp behv when upset. Practise it when he is calm. Instruct him to do it when he snaps suddenly. (try not to choose violent activities) Of course, if you can sense it, calm him down before he hits level 6.

Risperdal has been shown to help in controlling obsessive/compulsive behv for SOME children. I have a client who has stopped it after 4 mth as side-effects outweighed benefits. We found his behv was managed better with a GCFC diet. I suspected he would be responsive to diet as he has severe allergic rhinitis & SIDS.

Your boy needs your help. He feels just as helpless abt his current emotional state. ASD is a complex developmental disorder. As long as you stay calm & keep trying, this day will pass. He will go back to his old self. You must have faith in God.

Perhaps you can also see a church counsellor just to confide abt your feelings. You can write in forum or email me too.

I tend to give practical advice unless I sense you're seeking counselling for yourself.

Have faith in God & unload your burdens to Him by prayer.

 

[zazaziya@gmail.com]

thks ping for your advice.
what is behavioral replacement?
i usually tell him to breathe in n out, or just sit down n pray to God, or just pull his fingers if he is frustrated...v tough for him to apply tho..
maybe i shd get him a small stress ball?smthing that he can squish on while in school..
not exactly sure where to buy it tho
btw...do u think autism is genetic? smtimes i think if my 3rd child has autism, i wont be able to tk it..

 

[ping26]

thks ping for your advice.
what is behavioral replacement?
i usually tell him to breathe in n out, or just sit down n pray to God, or just pull his fingers if he is frustrated...very tough for him to apply tho..
maybe i should get him a small stress ball?smthing that he can squish on while in school..
not exactly sure where to buy it tho
btw...do you think autism is genetic? smtimes i think if my 3rd child has autism, i wont be able to tk it..

In ABA, every behv serves a function. To extinguish the behv, we either reduce its frequency gradually (fading) or replace it with appropriate behv.

It is difficult for a child with ASD to stop himself at onset of tantrum.

For a level 6 or higher tantrum, the child has to be conditioned to respond immed by rehearsing target behv regularly. Deep breathing & prayer may work when he is mildly upset or calming down from level 6 tantrum.

Eg Pretend i am very angry now. I squeeze 50-80x ball with all my strength. 1,2,3...80 Next I breathe deeply for 50x. 1,2,3...50 (pre-worded prayer of thanksgiving. Thank you Jesus for xxxx........Yeah, I did it. Amen!)

Fix the routine & give very specific instruction. This replacement activity shld last abt 5 min.

Squish balls can be bought at some sports shops, or rehab section of pharmacies. I like large silicone wriggly balls as they are more stretchy and have tactile bits hanging out. If the ball is smaller than palms, I think it may not help.

Genetics of autism
- don't even allow yourself to think bad things abt your unborn baby!! throw the thought away.
- smile broadly & say a prayer of thanksgiving every morning & night to your baby.
- soon, both your son & baby will sense the peace & serenity coming from mummy. There will be a change in your son's mood.
- surround yourself with happy people!!!

There goes my war cry every morning. hahaha.

Sometimes it's crazy. I laugh, stuff my tummy with good food & sleep. Review processes & go to work again.

It's good to indulge in yourself. relax:tlaugh:

 

[zazaziya@gmail.com]

thanks ping. you radiate loads of positive energy, can feel it from your words : )
Will be at CGC tomm, will chk out their pharmacy for the squish ball.
u r a real treasure..the kids who hv worked with u b4 r so lucky

 

[zazaziya@gmail.com]

psychiatrist said i shd reintroduce my boy back to school on half day basis for the time being...wonder what the effects r...

came clean with my boss...i am turning down his promotion plans for me..told him abt my son's attempted suicide..couldn't contain my tears as i said those words tho...i guess i commited suicide today as well...career suicide...sigh...

 

[christine77sg]

Very sad to hear wat happened. I hv no experience in being a mum, much less to a special need child. But as an outsider and once a kid, I feel that as a parent whn u tok to ur child, it is always gd to giv him ur full attention. Don't drive while tokin. U wldn't b able to c his facial expressions n body languages! Moreover, I think u will hv better control on ur emotions if u focus on the purpose of the conversation.

Sure, as a mum, u r no saint, moreover u r currently pregnant. But it will b gd if u try nt to break down in frnt of ur child. I think most of the time he is feeling lost, insecure and unsure. If as his mum, someone whom he looks up to can't b strong for him, wat n who shld he turn to?

I feel for u but sometimes in life we don't hv a choice. We nd to b strong even whn we really r nt. I m sure u n ur family cn mak it. God bless!

 

[ping26]

psychiatrist said i should reintroduce my boy back to school on half day basis for the time being...wonder what the effects r...

came clean with my boss...i am turning down his promotion plans for me..told him about my son's attempted suicide..couldn't contain my tears as i said those words tho...i guess i commited suicide today as well...career suicide...sigh...

hi zazaziya,

sorry, I haven't logged in for a while.

Has your boy returned to school? How did it go?

I'm glad you made a decision rgd your career. You have put your son's interests ahead of career advancement. I think it's a wonderful decision. Don't feel bad abt crying; it may be just pregnancy hormones.

Focus on your son and unborn baby. Remember to pamper yourself once in a while

 

[zazaziya@gmail.com]

hi zazaziya,

sorry, I have not't logged in for a while.

Has your boy returned to school? How did it go?

I'm glad you made a decision rgd your career. You have put your son's interests ahead of career advancement. I think it's a wonderful decision. dont't feel bad about crying; it may be just pregnancy hormones.

Focus on your son and unborn baby. Remember to pamper yourself once in a while

Hi ping!
Boy is back to school now. Went back for half days on monday and tuesday, and wednesday onwards returned to full days.
No incident for past week, but he still verbalises " I want to kill myself" alot.
Saw educational psychologist again yesterday. She says to ask him if he is nervous when he says that, on a scale of 1 to 10 , how nervous..and to tell him to breathe in n out, and to recite everything will be ok..to change his way of thinking. Trying it out for the first time today..my 6 yr old girl saw me teaching my boy the method, n jus now when my boy talked abt suicide again, she told him "ok, gor gor, breathe in n out, breathe in n out"....glad i have a little assistant now : ) hope the therapy will benefit him

n his pastor tells him to talk "life" and that God loves him : )

 

[ping26]

I'm so happy for you that the darkest clouds seem to have passed. Praise God!

A loving & supportive home environment works wonders for all

Actually, if one uses swear words or says inapp stuff as an "exclamation", the easiest & fastest way is to replace it with a safe & appropriate phrase. It works even better if the person is committed to change.

"Everything will be ok" may not work well. Regular exercise will also help him to regulate breathing & ease tension within his body.

Remember behaviour change takes time. He is showing effort. Be encouraging and supportive even if he falters at times. Have faith.

 

[zazaziya@gmail.com]

I'm so happy for you that the darkest clouds seem to have passed. Praise God!

A loving & supportive home environment works wonders for all

Actually, if one uses swear words or says inapp stuff as an "exclamation", the easiest & fastest way is to replace it with a safe & appropriate phrase. It works even better if the person is committed to change.

"Everything will be ok" may not work well. Regular exercise will also help him to regulate breathing & ease tension within his body.

Remember behaviour change takes time. He is showing effort. Be encouraging and supportive even if he falters at times. Have faith.

thanks...i was wrong abt "no incidents" last week. His SNO just emailed me last nite. He ran to the railings again at least 3 times each time he got irritated...i asked him why..he said he wants to kill himself bec the kids or teachers are annoying him...sigh...

 

[ping26]

thanks...i was wrong about "no incidents" last week. His SNO just emailed me last nite. He ran to the railings again at least 3 times each time he got irritated...i asked him why..he said he wants to kill himself bec the kids or teachers are annoying him...sigh...

As long as he is no longer agitated, that is an improvement!
It is unlikely for the behv to go away immediately as it may have become a routine or habit. ASD behv can be a bit like addictions which are compulsive. If he actually manage to run out of class, as opposed to just saying, it is still worrying. Teachers should seat him away from door & beside very quiet children.

"breathe in & out" is to prevent hyperventilation which worsens anxiety/panic. He has to do it slowly. Maybe you tell him "breathe in 12345, breathe out 12345". Most people at acute phase of anxiety/arousal can't think rationally.

I'd rather he say "I'm like so angry with him" - something that you may hear in movies which sounds more familiar and natural for his classmates.

Maybe you can ask your therapist to get him to be specific abt what's annoying him. Then work on how to change beliefs/perception. Saying "just ignore xxx" don't work.
Like I mentioned before, she has to work on problem-solving skills.

e.g. Xavier is whispering to Jack again. I think they are talking about me. I feel upset. (This is because Xavier used to tease me.)

Possible solution outcome
I look at them. I get more and more upset.
I do my fav acty I forget about Xavier and Jack. I dont
feel upset anymore
I go and ask them I find out they are talking about Ben10.
I feel relieved.

If your therapist can't help your son, maybe you should consider changing.

I'd prefer the SNO as she can interview classmates more easily.

 

[curl]

Don't make him feeling angry and stop shouting at him..

 

[AlenaScott]

At certain age group kids become really rude and care a lot about their self respect. They cannot hear anybody saying anything to them.....I think you should try to understand him.....

 

[Angelmum]

zazaziya@gmail.com
requested thread to be deleted as this is an old thread. I'm closing it instead of deleting cos some pointers offered could be useful