Newmumi
New Member
Hi forummers,
Im in a dilemma abt some issues thus need ur advice.
We have been married for abt 4 yrs plus and been together 6 years. We got married at 19 & my son was born a year later in 2011. All along during our dating before marriage, my then bf wasnt violent & was with me throughout our difficult times with both parent sides objection.
All along I had been working & going thru shit problems caused by him & my parents whom were not supportive in terms of moral support & also the welfare of my son. Towards a year into marriage, we had alws problems with money especially when he's soo stubborn to change & upgrade himself or his job. He prefers getting daily pay w/o cpf contributions as its high paying since he works in oil rig industry. Despite all the motivation I gave him, he was persistent not to change & instead became worse over the years till he started to meddle with drugs & alcohol.
Talking abt violence, my son was abt 8 mths old, he punched me & caused a scar above my cheek bone. Even then, I didnt pursue the matter & thought we could salvage this marriage. When my son was abt 1.5 yrs old, he came to my old workplace , dragged me out & kicked me & punched me till i had bruises. This time my father called the police & even then i felt pity fr him to not have any black record. But he was hauled to court & served with a fine for spousal abuse. I was then told to get a PPO. Den again reluctant , i dropped the idea. Each time when i wanted to seek marriage counselling, he didnt want to go for it but each time he would say to talk things out.
Since the birth of my son, we never stayed with each other since he couldnt get along w my parents & I was reluctant to move into my FILs place after my BIL committed suicide. Soo we stayed apart & applied for a BTO in 2011. In terms of cpf contribution, I had more & he had none. Since I was below 21, he was the 1st applicant & eventually I change my self as the 2nd applicant, however, he had gotten the $40k grant w/h govt gives fr 1st time owners. Intially I wanted to change myself to be 1st owner thinking that in future if we were to split, I could get more $% share den him but the hdb officer said this is a joint application thus it will be fair. Soo I dropped the idea.
While waiting for the bto to be completed, I moved out twice out my parents place & rented frm open market w him & my son, even then I had to alws pay fr the rent,settle my son's expenses & mine. During that time, I was in retail line thus long hrs. Since my parents couldn't cooperate despite giving them allowance of $500 to tc of my son & my hubby irregular hrs, I quited my job of 3.5 yrs & looked for office hrs so that I could tc of my son. For the 9 mths I stayed with him, I realise he became lazy & kept depending me to do everything even laundry while he sleeps, drinks, relax. I couldnt keep quiet & again he raised his hand on me by kicking & punching me which happened last yr in july.
I didnt tell my parents abt this & just told them since our flat was due to complete in july this yr, I had to save up money. Soo I moved back.. During this period, he started to drink heavily & visited transsexual prostitutes which I only managed to find out this year after my brother told me. I completely broke down when he confessed. Despite all the shit he gave me, I couldn't accept it & he begged for forgiveness. I decided to give him another chance.. slowly we were told to reapply for our 2nd hle this yr april. He wasnt that stable & still I kept pushing him to get a job. He didn't instead he just paid $700 to a company for his cpf contribution for abt 6 mths so that he could apply for a reno loan. During this time, I keep footing all the expenses depsite changing my job in May & a pay cut of $800.
We got the hse keys in August & applied for joint reno loan. Again, the a/c was opened under my name & I had to pay for him. He told me that he will need my help to pay the loans for few mths while he settled buying fixtures & fittings for the new home. His cpf contribution stopped since he couldnt pay.. den again , I serviced both the hdb & reno loan while managing son expenses. He hadnt really given anything much I would say for us & even the hse. While reno was on going, we had a big quarrel in late sept w/h I went to court to apply for PPO. When I was granted the expedited PPO, he barged into my parents hse & whacked me till I had to go for stitches. During this time, only my son was arnd & he witnessed this bloody incident. He became traumatised & alws wanted me arnd..
Eventually I was granted PPO for 6 mths. My parents urged me to file for a divorce but even then I told myself lets try for the last time to salvage this marriage since we just got our new home. This proved me wrong. I went to stay w him & my son for 1 mth plus at my FILs place . All along he was ok, no drinking & went to work regularly. But abt 3 weeks back, I caught him using tango & chatting w random girls. I had questioned him & he gave a excuse. Ok fine, I was waiting for him to be back home to iron things out.. But, he started to become hysterical & mentally tortured me claming that I was sleeping around & cheating on his back... He started to say My facebook was a big issue followed by Whatsapp & Instagram. But there wasnt anything wrong I did.. im not sure if he was on drugs to make him have strange imaginations or if he has schizophrenia. For abt 3 days, I suffered his words & action whereby he ransacked my stuff to prove that i was cheating on him..
On monday, when I was abt to go to work, he started to behave strangely & forbided me frm going work. I called my BIL fr help & thats when my hubby turned violent & punched my on my mouth causing a big hole inside my lips. This was the last time, I packed & left to my parents place back... he was arrested after 2 days for breach of PPO & Currently out on bail. I have not answered his calls nor his msgs.
Ive just consulted my father's friend whom is a lawyer to serve the divorce papers to him. Told me it will caused me $3k. My reno just ended a mth ago.
Few questions,I would like to know :
-will hdb retain back the flat & compensate us?
-can I keep the flat if ive the custody of my child but my husband refuse to transfer the ownership to me?
-can I skipped the mediation with my him?
-hw long does it take for the divorce to end?
Thanks for reading.
Im in a dilemma abt some issues thus need ur advice.
We have been married for abt 4 yrs plus and been together 6 years. We got married at 19 & my son was born a year later in 2011. All along during our dating before marriage, my then bf wasnt violent & was with me throughout our difficult times with both parent sides objection.
All along I had been working & going thru shit problems caused by him & my parents whom were not supportive in terms of moral support & also the welfare of my son. Towards a year into marriage, we had alws problems with money especially when he's soo stubborn to change & upgrade himself or his job. He prefers getting daily pay w/o cpf contributions as its high paying since he works in oil rig industry. Despite all the motivation I gave him, he was persistent not to change & instead became worse over the years till he started to meddle with drugs & alcohol.
Talking abt violence, my son was abt 8 mths old, he punched me & caused a scar above my cheek bone. Even then, I didnt pursue the matter & thought we could salvage this marriage. When my son was abt 1.5 yrs old, he came to my old workplace , dragged me out & kicked me & punched me till i had bruises. This time my father called the police & even then i felt pity fr him to not have any black record. But he was hauled to court & served with a fine for spousal abuse. I was then told to get a PPO. Den again reluctant , i dropped the idea. Each time when i wanted to seek marriage counselling, he didnt want to go for it but each time he would say to talk things out.
Since the birth of my son, we never stayed with each other since he couldnt get along w my parents & I was reluctant to move into my FILs place after my BIL committed suicide. Soo we stayed apart & applied for a BTO in 2011. In terms of cpf contribution, I had more & he had none. Since I was below 21, he was the 1st applicant & eventually I change my self as the 2nd applicant, however, he had gotten the $40k grant w/h govt gives fr 1st time owners. Intially I wanted to change myself to be 1st owner thinking that in future if we were to split, I could get more $% share den him but the hdb officer said this is a joint application thus it will be fair. Soo I dropped the idea.
While waiting for the bto to be completed, I moved out twice out my parents place & rented frm open market w him & my son, even then I had to alws pay fr the rent,settle my son's expenses & mine. During that time, I was in retail line thus long hrs. Since my parents couldn't cooperate despite giving them allowance of $500 to tc of my son & my hubby irregular hrs, I quited my job of 3.5 yrs & looked for office hrs so that I could tc of my son. For the 9 mths I stayed with him, I realise he became lazy & kept depending me to do everything even laundry while he sleeps, drinks, relax. I couldnt keep quiet & again he raised his hand on me by kicking & punching me which happened last yr in july.
I didnt tell my parents abt this & just told them since our flat was due to complete in july this yr, I had to save up money. Soo I moved back.. During this period, he started to drink heavily & visited transsexual prostitutes which I only managed to find out this year after my brother told me. I completely broke down when he confessed. Despite all the shit he gave me, I couldn't accept it & he begged for forgiveness. I decided to give him another chance.. slowly we were told to reapply for our 2nd hle this yr april. He wasnt that stable & still I kept pushing him to get a job. He didn't instead he just paid $700 to a company for his cpf contribution for abt 6 mths so that he could apply for a reno loan. During this time, I keep footing all the expenses depsite changing my job in May & a pay cut of $800.
We got the hse keys in August & applied for joint reno loan. Again, the a/c was opened under my name & I had to pay for him. He told me that he will need my help to pay the loans for few mths while he settled buying fixtures & fittings for the new home. His cpf contribution stopped since he couldnt pay.. den again , I serviced both the hdb & reno loan while managing son expenses. He hadnt really given anything much I would say for us & even the hse. While reno was on going, we had a big quarrel in late sept w/h I went to court to apply for PPO. When I was granted the expedited PPO, he barged into my parents hse & whacked me till I had to go for stitches. During this time, only my son was arnd & he witnessed this bloody incident. He became traumatised & alws wanted me arnd..
Eventually I was granted PPO for 6 mths. My parents urged me to file for a divorce but even then I told myself lets try for the last time to salvage this marriage since we just got our new home. This proved me wrong. I went to stay w him & my son for 1 mth plus at my FILs place . All along he was ok, no drinking & went to work regularly. But abt 3 weeks back, I caught him using tango & chatting w random girls. I had questioned him & he gave a excuse. Ok fine, I was waiting for him to be back home to iron things out.. But, he started to become hysterical & mentally tortured me claming that I was sleeping around & cheating on his back... He started to say My facebook was a big issue followed by Whatsapp & Instagram. But there wasnt anything wrong I did.. im not sure if he was on drugs to make him have strange imaginations or if he has schizophrenia. For abt 3 days, I suffered his words & action whereby he ransacked my stuff to prove that i was cheating on him..
On monday, when I was abt to go to work, he started to behave strangely & forbided me frm going work. I called my BIL fr help & thats when my hubby turned violent & punched my on my mouth causing a big hole inside my lips. This was the last time, I packed & left to my parents place back... he was arrested after 2 days for breach of PPO & Currently out on bail. I have not answered his calls nor his msgs.
Ive just consulted my father's friend whom is a lawyer to serve the divorce papers to him. Told me it will caused me $3k. My reno just ended a mth ago.
Few questions,I would like to know :
-will hdb retain back the flat & compensate us?
-can I keep the flat if ive the custody of my child but my husband refuse to transfer the ownership to me?
-can I skipped the mediation with my him?
-hw long does it take for the divorce to end?
Thanks for reading.