Need help/advice on hubby moving out from us (wife, 2 babies)

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ivory

New Member
Hi guys,
Currently hubby has moved out to his family home few days ago.. he doesnt want to stay with us in my home (my family home) as we were waiting for our BTO flat to be ready next yr.. we have 2 babies.. 1 coming 2 yrs, the other just turned 3 months.. have been married since 2011.. need advice as to my next step.. since his not willing to come back after asking many times.. and his not doing his father duties or responsibilities.. his acting like his single man.. doesnt care to see the kids or bring them out.. should i go to family court to file separation? will i and the babies get any monetary support by law? i and my parents have been the caretakers since my firstborn.. as his job was a very long hr nightlife job.. so he usually returned home after midnight.. now he has just switched to a more regular office timing.. but right after he joined he left us.. and he doesnt wanna return to take care of the kids even though his free at nights now.. any advice will be appreciated.. cos im not sure if there's anything i as the abandoned wife and kids can have.. thanks so much
 
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Unforgiven

Member
ivory said:
Hi guys,
Currently hubby has moved out to his family home few days ago.. he doesnt want to stay with us in my home (my family home) as we were waiting for our BTO flat to be ready next yr.. we have 2 babies.. 1 coming 2 yrs, the other just turned 3 months.. have been married since 2011.. need advice as to my next step.. since his not willing to come back after asking many times.. and his not doing his father duties or responsibilities.. his acting like his single man.. doesnt care to see the kids or bring them out.. should i go to family court to file separation? will i and the babies get any monetary support by law? i and my parents have been the caretakers since my firstborn.. as his job was a very long hr nightlife job.. so he usually returned home after midnight.. now he has just switched to a more regular office timing.. but right after he joined he left us.. and he doesnt wanna return to take care of the kids even though his free at nights now.. any advice will be appreciated.. cos im not sure if there's anything i as the abandoned wife and kids can have.. thanks so much
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there should be other reason, why suddenly u dont wan the family
 
J

Jouline

Member
Ya, there should be some reason why he's avoiding you and the children. Try to have some heart-to-heart-talk with him. Don't think of separation yet. You have to know the root of everything before you make any decision for you, and for your children too.
 
I

ivory

New Member
No.. just asking whoever who has gone for separation before if there is any law for the woman and kids to receive any child/spouse support if the guy moves out doesnt come back..? i did call the family court hotline but they dont offer any advice on the phone.. Its too early for divorce we havent been married 3 yrs
 
U

Unforgiven

Member
ivory said:
No.. just asking whoever who has gone for separation before if there is any law for the woman and kids to receive any child/spouse support if the guy moves out doesnt come back..? i did call the family court hotline but they dont offer any advice on the phone.. Its too early for divorce we havent been married 3 yrs
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u can go to family court, maintenance mediation at the 3rd floor to apply for maintenance.
 
D

desiree94

New Member
Can maintenance be filled even the divorce has not come to a settlement?
For example. In the midst of filling for separation, may I also file for maintenance order against my ex-husband?
 
quincy1986

quincy1986

Active Member
ivory: i understand from friend's experience that it is not easy to file for separation on your own if you are not working at the moment.
the court generally do not allow. your children will be under your custody if you manage to get divorce from your husband because they are still young.
 
U

Unforgiven

Member
from my understanding; if u are in the mid of court proceeding u can't go maintenance court.

also from my lawyer info , anyone can file a separation; if its mutual consent just need 3 years to file for divorce, but if one party disagree, it take four years. The court have no right to stop anyone who wan to go for separation, as this is their rights.
 
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JanetTan72

New Member
If mutual consent, the process takes 6 mths. Mutual consent meaning tt before u file.for separation/divorce u need to agree on alimony, child support, custody and visitation rights. Cos each amendment cost $$$. U need to consider ur upcoming flat if any as well.
 
U

Unforgiven

Member
divorce and separation are not the same. yes for divorce, its takes ard 6mths if no contest, but for separation, unless u are lying to the court, if not u need to be separated for 3 years then u can divorce.
 
jaspzz

jaspzz

Active Member
Getting divorced is difficult what if hubby is Malaysian and no way u can find him? How to file for separation or divorce?
 
I

ivory

New Member
Thanks to all the replies.. i had gone to Family court to get Maintanance order.. was successful.. he has not come to visit or bring us (me and the 2 babies) out at all.. only for one time on 25th Aug.. and one day came to the house to collect his rest of belongings.. was so angry i threw his speakers out forcefully and slapped his f***ing face. I have absolute hatred for this person.. who can leave the home and his family only 2 and half months after i'd given birth to his 2nd baby. can think of lame reason/excuse say he dont like my parents (they are the ones taking care of the babies with me while he worked whole day outside nightlife) and just right after he changed job to a normal office hr/sales job he cant tahan the boredom of staying home at night to take care of his kids.. keep complaining next to me 'sian ah, boring ah' like come on taking care of newborn surely is not easy not fun all the time right..

Now its November already and he does not come to meet the children or msg or call at all.. which is fine with me because i do not want to associate with this mentally unsound person.. danger to my kids. with him around.. everyday quarrel shout over stupid things.. scare the babies so much. not gd for them at all.. so im glad his gone. now im taking care of them myself.. my 2yr old son could very likely be autistic as well.. its difficult.. he doesnt respond to his name and cant talk at all.. and very hyperactive..
Im just waiting for his next move.. to divorce when the 3 yrs are up.. and to cancel our BTO flat thats gonna be ready next yr. i dunno how his gonna pay for the cancellation of the flat because im not working man and im not gonna pay a single cent for the forfeiture.

Just want to add his nightlife job was a heavy drinking job (tiger beer) his job was to go to pubs every night and drink and support the pubs. they are given a budget/allowance to spend on the beer. It was a nightmare for me for 2 whole yrs.. i was alone everyday with the babies and worrying what he was doing in the pubs. Im so glad all this is over and i have zero feelings of him now. i used to be so anxious and jealous of him being in pubs with women etc.. so worried he went to hookers.. but now i dont give a s**t at all. Im filled with love and joy being with my 2 children.. life is meaningful and i have so much motivation for the future and for myself. Trying get myself back into shape.. am stil overweight (65kg) but i have faith i can lose it :D
 
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Maqisa

Maqisa

Member
hi Ivory, after reading what you hve written, my heart goes out to you... Indeed, which women doesn't want a blissful marriage in life? but if things have gotten to a point of no return, then yes, i think you shld let go. Coz if this man is so irresponsible towards his wife, his children, thinking his personal needs (aka enjoyment) comes first before his duties as a husband and a father, there is really no point in wasting your time for a reconciliation with such a selfish and childish person. And yes, dun fork out anything for the return of the BTO flat, let him deal with it! and also, make sure you gets monthly maintenance from him for your children. if he cant be a responsible man about the well being of his kids, let the Court deal with him.
 
Maqisa

Maqisa

Member
Also, I really admire your initial tolerance towards this person (2 yrs!) when he was working as some pub crawler... and to top it off, you had to take care of the babies while he's off working(?) or god knows what he's actually doing... to tahan for 2 years, oh man, u def got my utmost respect, coz i know i will never be that understanding or tolerant towards such things, maybe i am immature but if its my husband, he'll be a goner by now. And i'll personally see to that!
 
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NOEL88

New Member
Sure you can ! Im recently just chase out from MY that man house with my two young babie and maid now im going to apply maintenace fee from him ....can i check with you how you go apply need to wait how long to get him paid us monthly maintenace fee? AND HOW MUCH U GET FROM HIM FOR UR MAINTENACE
 
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I

ivory

New Member
Hi Noel88,

I went to the Family Court at chinatown area.. next to the Subordinate courts.. just go to the Information area to ask.. take a queue number.. then u will talk to the officer about what happened.. She will type down ur information and they will mail a summons to ur husband.. (u must give them the address his staying at)
The amount is decided on the day of the Mediation.. will not go to court straight.. first have a mediation session.. then see if u both can agree to an amount. It is based on how much he can pay u.. his salary.. only u will know the most how much he can afford to give u and kids..

My husband was such an asshole.. he wanted to give only $500. (for me and 2 babies) his list put down his expenses all including his CAR. make believe every month need spend so much on his car. only got $500 to give us. I stay indignant and say he got more.. so end up got $700.

The mediator also quite an ass. Said that the car is very impt. Because he do sales job.. if no car.. how to earn money she said. And she also said since u guys separated le.. den u gotta go to work.. why dont i leave my babies to my mom to take care? I almost exploded. At the time of the mediation.. i was only 4 months postpartum. My mom is 60+.. hearing is bad. and she still need to care/clean for her household. im intruding in her house with my family. how to handle a 6mth and 2yr autistic boy together??

Anyway once the amount is decided on.. i think he will start giving u the money the next month onwards.. Pls update if u can..

NOEL88 said:
Sure you can ! Im recently just chase out from MY that man house with my two young babie and maid now im going to apply maintenace fee from him ....can i check with you how you go apply need to wait how long to get him paid us monthly maintenace fee? AND HOW MUCH U GET FROM HIM FOR UR MAINTENACE
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