Parent divorce!!

ClumsyMaMa...

ClumsyMaMa...

New Member
Hi mummies, my parents is having problem which affect me.. It a long stories but all I need to know is if my mum file for divorce my dad, how long will it take and what will happen to their flat? What if my dad doesnt agree on divorce what will happen next... My mum is the first owner, can she sell the flat without my dad agree?

My mum have plan to move in with me and my husband. But my dad have no place to go.. He is jobless for years and my mum is supporting him all the while.. my mum finance got problem which I can't manage to help her so she decide to sell the flat and we suggest her to move in with us but my dad find trouble.. He had problem with my husband and chase us out of the house.. And a lot of things happen so it impossible for him to stay tolerate and move in with us anyway my husband won't agree him to come over too... So he start to find trouble with my mum until my mum cannot tolerate him anymore!

At first my mum tok to him that she cannot afford to stay in this house anymore and wan to sell their house.. BTW my dad cpf is dry so my mum is paying for the 5rm flat alone, which her mthly cpf contribution is not enough to pay housing loan. So they both agreed and look for agent then things happened again.. Find fault with buyer and agent then my mum and everyone in the house.. Now my mum is stuck and don't know what to do... Whenever my mum wan to Tok to him about flat, he will say then where is he going to stay after sell...

Now my mum have no choice but to get divorce but she is afraid that my dad will get crazy again... I'm worry for my mum and don't know what to do to help her... I need advise... Please mummies... I believe every daughter loves their mum.. It make me so helpless when I saw my mum stuck in a situation like that.. Pls help... Thanks!!!
 
J

JessicaErin

Member
Hi ClumsyMama,
Sorry to hear what happened to your family. If your mum going to sell off the flat, though she is a first owner, as long the house has 2 owner, both need to sign. As for the contribution of the CPF, whatever amount both your parents contribute, after the flat sold, those amount will go back to their own cpf account.

Personally i felt you all need to settle everything with your dad first because if he kept finding fault with agent and buyer, your mum will not be able to sell the flat easily as these kind of info will spread one lo. I believe there must be a reason why your dad is acting that way. I do not know what actually happened but just put ourself in their shoe. If he has no job, no place to stay how on earth he is going to live the rest of his life? If your mum manage to sell the flat now, definitely will earn right. Then can give your dad some money to live on(Just a suggestion).

Sorry I cannot give much opinion, but if i were you, i would want them to settle down peacefully. Afterall, if they never ever love each other, how to have you right. Everyone has their reason being who they are now. is just we do not address what they want. I believe as long as you all can talk things out with your dad he will agree to settle down. Is there any reason why he has been jobless for many years? It must have been very tough for your mum. You can do it as long as you have to believe in yourself. God bless. Please take care okie.
 
ClumsyMaMa...

ClumsyMaMa...

New Member
Whenever we try to Tok to him about anything he will push all the blame on us.. I did try to offer him a job or ask him why he don't wan to go work, he will Juz avoid our question or shout at us for not understand him even if we try to Tok to him nicely... He always say at his age it time for him to retire and relax.. But my mum is working so hard to support the house and him and he say such things...

Theres once I offer him a driver job at my company, then he condemn that job... I get fed up and say at least u have a job to support urself and mum no need to work so hard so xin ku... And he say: "it all your fault for mum to work so hard, It time for us to retire and it time for you all (me and my bro) to look after us but you two useless earn money and never support the family..." At that period of time I have a 2 yrs old son, my husband is looking for a job (jobless) I'm Juz got myself admin clerk with basic about 1.3k per month, my bro in NS... Living in my parent house... How are we able to support my parent when we are so tight ourself.... Maybe that when two men from different family background (my husband and my dad) being jobless and living tgt under one roof had firework in the house (擦出火花)... That is when we plan to move out... Then when he know we plan to move out, he start to find fault and at last chase us out.. So we move out when our house in finally stage of Reno.. Then he move straight to my room after we left.. That is when they my parent sleep separately, my mum is very angry as she say she is supporting the house and him now the empty room she was think of renting out but he Juz move to that room without saying anything my mum get so fed up...

Now my mum next move is to get divorce with him i think theres no other choice liao... It time for him to leave the comfort zone...
 
J

JessicaErin

Member
hi Clumsymama, that is really too much of him to ask such a thing lo. how home he not even think of the daughter also have their own family to settle. I believe u are trying your very best. btw I guess your dad should be around 55 something ya? it must been hard for you all these while. well I really hope you are getting better pay now. your hubby found a job yet? it's really fireworks when 2 men stay under same roof jobless. unless both of them have similar mindset otherwise sure clash. howany kids you have? I will be straight forward okie, do u ever think of changing platform in order to earn more income as well as to plan your future?
 
ClumsyMaMa...

ClumsyMaMa...

New Member
All these thing happen about 2 years ago... We endure all the unhappiness and stay there to look over my mum cuz we afraid my dad will vent anger on my mum... But then after my husband got job and we start to look for Reno and start to work on our house which is last year... My dad ask us about our Reno once awhile and we thought he changed, then one day when 2 men is alone (hubby and dad), dad say when is ur house Reno complete? When u all wan to move out? If u all wan, faster move out urself don't make me go the difficult way... My hubby was stun by his words... Then he told me what my dad say and I thought my dad is joking or say say only izzit?

Few days later my mum come to us and say the same thing hubby told me.. My mum add: "dad wan to move to our room and ask when we moving out... He say want to go saperate way with me..." we all very fed up.. This is when we delay in moving back until my dad buay tahan... Find fault with us until i and dad had a big quarrel.. He was shouting very near me then my hubby scare he beat me so he stand Infront of me and push dad away... Dad get crazy and shout at hubby: how dare u push me and run to kitchen and take knife out... My bro jump out from his bed to snatch away the knife.. Hubby carry my son and pull me out to the doorway... Very drama... This is when I totally disappointed in him... And we move straight after the quarrel and he move straight to my room after we move... Fed up...

So we move back to our house last year may 2012... Although it hard to move to empty house with no saving cuz all dump in Reno, not much money to buy furniture but still with basic furniture... My mum is there to help us and we find Reno loan from bank so it monthly installment.. Time past fast, very thing is getting smooth and now my son is in k1, me and hubby income is able to cover everything and we are having 2nd baby on sep 2013 (12 weeks pregnant now)..

Everything has quiet down, now problem is my mum cpf is not enough to deducted full amt housing loan and she wanted to sell away the flat and move over with us but dad will chu pattern.. I don't know what to do to help my mum... Whenever my mum wan to Tok to him about the house, he will say don't Tok so much, where am I going to stay after that... My mum say: "That ur problem ald since the day u move to ah gal room, u choose to go separate way and now u ask me how?" then my mum go on and on but dad Juz keep quiet and pretend never heard.. That why my mum very angry and he know my mum bo bian with him... He will Juz stay there never say die and mum can't do anything with him...

So we had a family discussion without my dad and prepared to take the next move... Divorce.. But my mum is afraid cuz dont know how to go about with divorce.. So I am here asking for help...
 
J

JessicaErin

Member
Hi Clumsymama, Congratulation for the 2nd one:) very happy for you! Thanks you for sharing your story. seriously very drama. I think is better to seek help from the towncouncil lawyer or something. Usually every CC will have those volunteer lawyer to advice on family matter. Is really better to seek help from there. I believe they can give you all proper advice.Sorry seems like I can't really help much but I really hope things will be better and better. If reallyu no choice with your dad then need to seek legal action lo. Don't be too stress out okie not good for the little one.
 
K

kikotecho

New Member
A suggestion. Do apply protection order for ur mum to protect her against that fellow if he suddenly ki siao want to abuse or get rough.
 
N

Ninasky

Member
Divorce is always very messy... and nobody seems to be rational and give way. And then money suddenly becomes the biggest thing in the world.
 
J

jolinanntan

New Member
Apply protection scheme for ur mum. Try to move bit by bit of the furniture away from ur mum house. Best is to sell some off then of ur dad ki siao again, just tell ur dad sorry no money pay loan.. Then next is to ensure ur mum nv keep any cash at home else it will be gone..
 
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