pls help. lost and hurtful

hurtfulgirl

New Member
this might be long winded.. but i need to pour out my feelings.. and seek advice...

i've been w my hb tgt for almost 8years. we had a 3yo daughter. he cheated me once when we were in our r/s 4 or 5 yrs back, i caught his msgs on phone and i confronted him. he insist that he didnt but there is proof. and he told me he wont do it again when i told him im leaving him. so i didnt suspect anything until few months ago, i was suspicious about him having an affair. as we didnt have much intimate moments (e.g. twice a month) which makes me feel very insecure. but i trusted him and i didnt ask him if he had an affair or so. but recently, my brother and his wife was having affair too, and i told my hb about it. he says to me that:" your brother is at no fault when he cheat on girl. maybe he just want to f and go, not like your sis-in-law having an affair for 3yrs outside. you shldn't blame your brother.." when i heard what he says... i started to get doubtful.. so on Sunday 27 Apr afternoon, when he is taking his nap , i secretly look at his phone. i saw this whatsapp msg from this girl msg him:"i'm home. going to slp now. nite!!" she send him the msg on 27 Apr morning 7.42am. the weird thing is that only this msg appears. and where is the rest of the msg? usually those junks msgs, he dont delete away in his whatsapp or messages. so i took a photo of it in case he delete away. and at night at 4am when he is asleep again. i took his phone and see if he really delete the msg. and yes he did! i keep telling myself, pls god dont let it be the truth that i want to know. and i try searching other social apps that he use. he was using this app call LINE. which most of the games that he play require this app to connect. and i was shock to see a msg from another girl:"Hey!. U r seriously for the fling with me? mean i am your fling? for currently. contact me if u back."

I breakdown and cry. i couldnt help. what she meant by that? Fling?!

he woke up and ask me what happened. i told him and he insist and say he didnt. he got upset and said that he didnt do anything. he dont know why she msg him. i ask him who is this girl? is it her colly? he say no. he say all these girls flew to him and want to fling with him but he didnt want to be w them or contact them. So i ask him den y is there a previous msg and only the girl send to him? he told me he doesnt want me to think too much so he delete the msg.. i breakdown and couldnt stop crying.. he told me and say what he wants me to do now. i told him to reply that girl:" what if im your fling" so i want to see what does the girl reply. but he didnt msg her what i said. he msg her:"i am not your fling" so he explain to me that he luvs me a lot and doesnt have anything do to with them. is all the girls wants to approach him. after the fight we back to sleep and i couldnt sleep at all.. i was going to work.. i couldnt trust him.. so i took his phone and see if the girls reply. and she did. she actually reply straight after my husband msg him that he is not her fling. i also check his call logs, they even chat on the phone when my hb is doing his night OT last week.

she reply:"hehe~ok. so we are friends only? can share more abt fling w me? i am curious. when u back? then i share my story with me. after i meet u, i have totally lose my voice until now. but see u want to share it or not. when next time we have chance to meet, will give u a good hug. that day really sorry, i am really not well, so no mood to hug and kiss"

wtf did i just saw?! so he did meet her and he even want to hug and kiss her? what if she was feeling well? that might in bed! i was very shock to death.. i got very weak heart.. my heart started to ache really painful and palpitation begin, i couldnt breathe. i woke him up and i told him im really disappointed w him what he have done to me. he say what happened. i show him the msg. he say y i go and look thru again? he told me he want to delete the Apps already. and say he shld have delete last night. i told him that this is not the problem now. problem is u had met w the girl and i really dont know what u have done. he keep says he did nothing wrong.. he didnt betrayed me.. i ask him if he have intention to hug and kiss her? he keep insist no! but the proof is there. he told me that he told me that doesnt know y the girl says these kind of things when the girl knows that he is married and got wife. i was like WTF, dont bullshit w me. in the end, he confess. he said he was playful. i ask him where he know this girl, he told me through LINE and i ask him how old, he say 20+. he say he loves me a lot and wont do things that betray me. and i told him, what if the girl she feeling well, you guys might in bed. and he told me that but he didnt do it! he keep saying he luvs me and my daughter a lot and wont such things.. he said im giving him stress now.. i told him stress? who is the fault now.. he ask me what he wants me to do. what can i say.. i told him pls dont do it again. i cant take such blow. i might just die. i told him pls for the sake of our daughter. i doesnt want her to have separated parents. he suddenly red eyes and rub his eyes. i could see his eyes fill with tears. he said to me that he of cos will think of our daughter and ask me dont talk about our daughter because he luv her a lot too.. he told me he is sorry and he promise he wont do it again.. he told me he just being playful and tts all.. i 4give him and i told him i will trust him again.. but in my heart it was really painful.. and i really dont know how to trust him again..

what should i do now, its really heartbreaking. although he delete his LINE app, but he still got her contact number. even if he delete everything, i got this feeling that the girl will msg him again.. I got this urge to look at his phone every now and then. and yesterday when he went to bathe, he carried his phone w him into the bathe room. and when we went out to at night, he put his phone at home to charge and he didnt bring out. and when he was asleep, he place his phone beside him even though his phone is low batt....
 

Pocoyo80

Member
I will not trust him again if I m in your shoes. He is not repentant and by deleting all the messages only say one thing about him "untrustworthy". It is very obvious that he finds it nothing wrong to have a fling. Since he csn be forgiven so easily, he will not hesitate to go on with his "flings".
 
sorry to say this. He hurt u again and if u forgive him, what is making him stopped betraying you.

The only thing is he will be come clever and more difficult to detect.
 
A lot of times, couple still stay on together even after betrayal happened and many times it's because of kids. If you had decided to really forgive him, why are you still wanting to check on him? If you sit down and look at the whole picture, it is because you had lost your trust in him. Every little thing he does, you will think a lot about it. So the relationship becomes a trust-less and suspicious of each other. Kids are very sensitive, they can sense that something is wrong. I am not saying that you are wrong to be checking, I am just trying to ask you to stop and think and look at the whole picture. If you really want to forgive him and continue this marriage, then it will be better to go for counseling. It is the best for the whole family. If not, whenever a quarrel arise, you will have a very high tendency to bring up this matter again and it not only opens up your wounds but may also hurt your husband if he is really very guilty for what he had done to you. Don't keep to yourself, let a professional steps in.
 

hurtfulgirl

New Member
i'm feeling very bad.. after last week. i told myself not to think about it. but its really hurtful. and my hands got the urge to look at his phone always... for the last whole week we try to stay happy tgt.. and do things like what we use to do during our dates.. but i keep sleep w a heavy heart.. and i break my rule.. i check on his phone logs and i found out he called 2 person in the night when im busy or when he is smoking.. and i save the number on my phone and i realize is 2 girls again.. next day i found the number is already gone.. the feeling is like he cheat on you.. and u don't know if he really betray u when he say he didn't cos of the proof msg and i don't even know hw many girls he have been meeting.. den when u see all these shits again.. u get to dig further and if u don't dig u feel uneasy but when u dig n found something worst. its really hurts as bad.. really terrible shit.. i know im wrong for doing all these.. but the trust.. im just keep wearing a mask everyday to keep myself happy...
 

Pocoyo80

Member
It is very tiring to continue a relationship in this manner. Frankly, if you can't bear to leave him, you really have to close two eyes. Otherwise, it will be very straining for your health. We can give you advices in this forum but I think in your heart, you already know that you can't bear to break up with him. It will hurt much more if you know he is still cheating on you. The best is not to know if you cannot face the truth. You should also protect yourself since you know he could be sleeping around.
 
Sorry to tell you that if I were you, I do not think I need to give him any more chances. He is totally not trustworthy. I cannot live with a man full of lies... If you want to save your marriage, perhaps both of you shall try to seek professional help, if not you will bound to suffer even further if you carry on with him, it is definitely not good for your physical health and mental torture as well. I feel that you should stand up for yourself and not keep silence just for the sake of your daughter.
He will keep bullying you further knowing that you still treasure this relationship.
 
Last edited:
Top