Power struggle with MIL

[jxmummy]

Hi, I know in laws problems are endless. I just need to have an outlet to vent my frustration or perhaps mummies out there can give me some advice.

Staying with in laws had so far been ok till the baby arrives. Conflicts do arise but we give and take. Issue is I feel that I have little time with my child especially now that I am back to work. mother in law helps to take care during the day which I am very grateful and I appreciates her help. However, when I am home at night or during weekends, she will still be around playing with my baby. I dont't seem to have that 'alone' time to bond with my baby. She already spent 80% of the time with him alone and I only have that 2-3 hours with him before he goes to bed everyday. Similarly for weekends. She is always there to look at him, talk to him when I play with him and baby will be distracted away from me. I can't seem to be able to 'take care' of my baby the way I would like to without interference or comments from my in laws. I try to hide in the room with my baby alone. However, he tends to feel frustrated after some time in the room and cry to go outside and see things and my in laws will come and carry him away thinking that I do not have the ability to coax him.

I know there are pros and cons to staying with in laws. Household chores are taken care of most of the time. However, I still envy those couples that do not stay with their in laws when you can have your 'baby' time alone at night and after putting baby to bed still able to enjoy some 'couple' time alone. I have difficulty balancing this with in laws staying together. Any mummies out there can share their experiences with me?

As what some people say, mother in law is jealous of the daughter in law for 'snatching' their son away whereas daughter in law is jealous of mother in law for 'snatching' their child away. What an irony. :embarrassed:

Hi Mummy,

I think we are in the same boat, haha!!! But still, whenever my MIL or FIL carries my dd, I will just snatch her back from them, she's my daughter, not theirs =) I always bring my dd back to my mum's place for a short stay during weekends, maybe you can try it too?

 

[Triquetra]

i koe how you feel. currently my dear son is taken care of by my mother-inlaw. she and father in law speaks hokkien & chinese at home, worst, talk loudly too. we dont stay together but every morning my husband will bring my dear son up to her place & we will bring him home every night. last week when i went to bring dear son home, i saw that my dear son is sitting on a high chair with cushions & watching tv, mind you, the tv is on so loud & he is so near the tv. i was in shocked, but i did not say them. when i went home, i highlight to my husband, he said he will let his mum know.

My pil speak only hokkien to each other, they speak very loud as well and furthermore my fil is quite vulgar.

I show dh this link yesterday.

 

[Goldiemum]

too many dogs...hmz pardon my bluntness...issist coz you are afraid that it'll be of too much work for your mum or healthwise for your baby that you are not open to letting your mum care for your baby..?? if itz e latter...i believe it won't be an issue (assuming your baby is not allergic to fur, no asthma and that e dogs are kept clean)...

my 20 month old son "grew" up together w my dog...althou their interaction is only over e wkends at my mum's place...i noticed that my son rarely falls sick (only twice and recovered within a week and even when we adults are sick and he interacts w us..he's not affected at all)...also he tends to be very socialble and greets everyone and anyone walking on e street...!! not only that..i noticed my son and my dog have a special bond with each other...they tend to look out for each other as well....e bond is so special to e extent that even after 3wks of my dog's death...my son still 'shares' his food (by pinching a portion and dropping it onto e floor for my dog) with my dog...and still goes searching for my dog under e bed and in his house wanting to play with him.....on e day my dog died...my son even insisted on going into e room to sayang him..!!! which we allowed him to do so....it was very sweet and touching to see that my son had as much love as i had for my dog....

sorry for e long post...just wanted to share...

Before I am married, I have a dog in my mum's place whom is like my son. But I can't bring him with me to stay with my hubby and in laws cos my mother in law is a super clean person. She cannot tolerate dogs. So everytime I go back to my mum's place, my dog will be super noisy and when he barks, the rest of my sis's dogs will bark as well causing a nuisance.

I would love to have my dog to stay with me and I do agree that children interaction with animals are good for them as well. I have brought my son back my mum's place but we dont't usually stay for long. Perhaps I should try one day to stay longer and see how it goes...

 

[MomoMummy]

i know yr feeling dear.. me too was like that while doing confinement.. i didnt even know how to change diapers for my daughter until my mil left 2 months later..
i cried almost everyday cos i dunno how to take care her.. i rarely carried her.

guess onli 1 person can help u , and that is yr husband. if he dun help u, den realli susah.. my hubby everyday once cum back from work, he will carry DD. MIL will let him carry. and once in the room he will call me come in. den we stay for about 1h inside the room talking, playing with her, gu zi her, take all her toys and play.. mil wont cum in... if she cums in, my husband will scold her if she carry her away.. hubby even got beaten by her but she will go out after tt.

its gonna be a long road unless yr husband can start helping you. realli no choice cause have to work. unless yr finances can allow u to stop working for a while..

 

[bedrock]

I still envy those couples that do not stay with their in laws when you can have your 'baby' time alone at night and after putting baby to bed still able to enjoy some 'couple' time alone. I have difficulty balancing this with in laws staying together. Any mummies out there can share their experiences with me?

ha dun envy too much . Couples who do not stay with their parents/in-laws has their load of chores to do once they reach their own home. Speaking from my own experience, by the time we had dinner at PIL place and come back to our own place, it is almost 9pm or later. Then we need to put our baby on bed. By the bed the baby sleep, my wife and I are knocked out too. So in fact I envy you.

 

[lumpy]

Before I am married, I have a dog in my mum's place whom is like my son. But I can't bring him with me to stay with my hubby and in laws cos my mother in law is a super clean person. She cannot tolerate dogs. So everytime I go back to my mum's place, my dog will be super noisy and when he barks, the rest of my sis's dogs will bark as well causing a nuisance.

I would love to have my dog to stay with me and I do agree that children interaction with animals are good for them as well. I have brought my son back my mum's place but we dont't usually stay for long. Perhaps I should try one day to stay longer and see how it goes...

hiz goldiemum...same for me as well...i cldn't bring my dog over to stay w my PILs as they r clean ppl...even e stuff toys tt my hubby catches at those arcade shops r regularly 'bathed' w a damp cloth..!! :err:

anw...my dog tends to be very barky in e beginning when i brought my son over to stay for e wkends...tell e dogs n teach them...eventually they'll learn n be less barky when u bring ur bb over...

maybe u can try staying over for a nite to see how things go...?? *hugz*

 

[lumpy]

i know your feeling dear.. me too was like that while doing confinement.. i didnt even know how to change diapers for my daughter until my mother in law left 2 months later..
i cried almost everyday cos i dont know how to take care her.. i rarely carried her.

guess onli 1 person can help you , and that is your husband. if he dont help you, then really susah.. my hubby everyday once cum back from work, he will carry dear daughter. mother in law will let him carry. and once in the room he will call me come in. then we stay for about 1h inside the room talking, playing with her, gu zi her, take all her toys and play.. mother in law wont cum in... if she cums in, my husband will scold her if she carry her away.. hubby even got beaten by her but she will go out after that.

its gonna be a long road unless your husband can start helping you. really no choice cause have to work. unless your finances can allow you to stop working for a while..

totally agree w u momomummy....

e hubby really gotta do his part n get involved w e process of caring n taking care of e bb as well...if not it will definately be a lost battle for us wifey...n also e hubbies need to tell n show to their mums tt they as daddies want those precious bonding moments alone w wifey n bb....

 

[adoncia]

my in laws also those loud type... but, no choice.. just bear with it and accept it... and me is 2 adult and 2 kids squeeze on 1 bed, in 1 room.. mil rented out the other room... but flat not mine.. so no choice.. can't comment on anything...

sigh.. staying with in-laws is like that .. flat not under your name what can you do right.. just keep quiet and endure.. might sound offensive to you but this is the fact.. coz staying with them got to play by their rules.. :embarrassed:

by the way, you getting new flat? if it is just endure and count down for the day you get the house keys.. ancing_tongue:

Me also now waiting for my keys to come.. mine will be ready in 2012.. such a long wait.. :wong16:

where's ur flat? i also waiting.. hehe... ready in 2012 too...

 

[p00h84]

my in laws also those loud type... but, no choice.. just bear with it and accept it... and me is 2 adult and 2 kids squeeze on 1 bed, in 1 room.. mother in law rented out the other room... but flat not mine.. so no choice.. can't comment on anything...



where's your flat? i also waiting.. hehe... ready in 2012 too...

my flat is SengKang Fernvale ancing_wub: what abt you?

And you know what.. my PIL also moving lei.. theirs is Fernvale Crest.. feel like i can't get rid of them!! haiz...

 

[cobbie]

Be grateful that your MIL is helping you on weekdays and weekends too. Mine promised to take care before baby is born but back out last min. Promised to help us look for maid but didn't deliver either. I found maid during my last trimester. She promised to train for me but didn't delivered too. I trained myself in the last week before my delivery date.
When we have maid issues ( this is again because she always spoils the maid and I have to be the bad cop ) and son can't fit well in CCC, I have no choice but to quit my job to take care myself, forgoing my high-flying career I have built up painlessly over the years. Hence, it is important to be appreciative of your parents or in-laws who help to take care of our children full time cos this is not easy. Many rather value their own freedom/money and will not forgo their jobs to help you. The child is yours and thus it is your responsibility. Family can be selfish too.