Problem that can't work out!!

L

Lim2528

Member
Everythings go wrongs since my boy arrived to this world... it should be bundle of joy but i having bitterness in my relationship with HIM. My boy is coming to 3yrs on this coming Oct and it should be said that this few years, my hubby totally treated me very badly which i think he don't even notices it. If people were to ask me when is his last kiss, I would said that it is in the labour room after my boy arrived. The last sex is when my boy turn 3 months old and that is it.. no more... I been thinking, it could be he is busy with work, part time study or maybe learning to be a good father. But I doubth my thinking now..

At time i suspect he got mistress out there but i secretly peep his hp when he is keying msg.. mostly is his friend talking about sch-work. However it doesn't stop me doubting... cos i always hear ppl said that man cannot live without sex than how he relieve himself?

I always give in alot, like when my boy is sick in CC and I will be the 1st to pick him up and apply long leave from co look after my boy. Last time, he always nag about sending and picking me to work or home, made him rush to work. My working place is near to his work area, he feel rush and afraid that 1 day will accident due to rushing of time. He also remarked that he need to study, so he can't help out in housework or picking up my boy from CC after work. He also hope that I can provide home cook meal to our boy. With all these, I have tendered with my co which i worked for 7 years!!.. For the household and my boy expense we are sharing it.. i find i'm too stupid now, I should push all these expense to him..

Now, is school holiday which means no sch-work but of course he have to go work. At time, i was really body-aching due to all the household chore and my body is really weak. I wish he could help me during this month but he is not helping. Before we have our boy, we share our household chore. Like yesterday, he make a comment to me that doing housework should be happy cos I told him.. wah.. u so gd life, come home just sit on the armchair to rest after you back from your swimming with friend. What wrong on asking him for help? Even when my son wanna go urine and come to me while i was cutting pear at the kitchen half way.. i ask him to help out and in return, he said put down the pear and bring him to toilet. Oh Gosh!!.. i really feel mad at time!!.. he is really taking me for granted nowadays. I wanna give him chance but i feel that the more chances i give him, he will step on my head to shit!

Whenever I try to talk to him about the problem, it will end up fire fighting, he will pin-point all my fault out. Is it divorce will be a good idea to resolve all this problem? Now, I have send a msg to him that if he continue to be like that, he will regret. Immediate, he reponds me on what will I regret..

Think he really still dunno where is the problem is.
 
A

Alisa

Active Member
sorry to ask, how old are the both of u? maybe you will need a 3rd party to sit down with both of you and solve the problem...
 
L

Lim2528

Member
we are same age, 32. 3rd party? He is very high ego.. dun think if there is anyone that can help cos he very good in painting picture to others that we are loving family.
 
C

crystalpink

Member
Usually people will change when circumstances change.. it is normal. If you cannot cope with the household chores, why not ask him to get a partime helper to ease your burden? Since you are not working, then ask him pay for the expenses. It is the responsibilities of being a husband to take care of the family. Divorce will not solve your problem unless he got mistress. Perhaps give him a choice ie either he gets a partime helper to help out or he has to assist you in household chores. Let him know that he cannot have the best of both worlds..
 
J

Jouline

Member
Wa crystalpink, you are right. Her husband really cannot have the best of both worlds. My husband also don't help out in taking care of our child. Sometimes really want to breakdown and cry and file for divorce. But realize, first, divorce need lawyer and involve large expenses. Second, separate for 3 years. Third, and the most important part, your son will bear the consequences of your divorce. 小儿心灵上的伤害... Upon considering these factors, can you still bear to leave your husband? Mind asking how long have you been married? And how long was your in-a-relationship status was before you got married?
 
K

keefu

Member
I think that you need to have a heart to heart talk without heated argument... Before you tender your resignation, have you ever discuss on who will be paying the expenses after you became SAHM? Please let him know that if you are sharing the expenses like now, your financial will get strain and he as the father should help out in paying most of the expenses since he is the only working party now. You need to have some savings on your own and can't let him take advantage of you. As for him being the father, having to study and work can be challenging but he still need to know he has a family to look after no matter how busy he is, not just throw all the parenting duties to you just because you are the mother which I think based on his high ego, he may think that is natural for mum to take care of the kids, but he need to understand that it's not easy facing the kid all day! Tell him frankly the good things you have done for the family and the sacrifices you made and ask him if you deserve this treatment from him? Shouldn't he be appreciative of the things instead of pin pointing faults?
 
C

crystalpink

Member
Jouline said:
Wa crystalpink, you are right. Her husband really cannot have the best of both worlds. My husband also don't help out in taking care of our child. Sometimes really want to breakdown and cry and file for divorce. But realize, first, divorce need lawyer and involve large expenses. Second, separate for 3 years. Third, and the most important part, your son will bear the consequences of your divorce. 小儿心灵上的伤害... Upon considering these factors, can you still bear to leave your husband? Mind asking how long have you been married? And how long was your in-a-relationship status was before you got married?
Click to expand...
Yes absolutely rgt! In general, after years of marriage life, there would sure be some changes, we got to try to adapt to new changes. Usually guys would not know how to take care of bb and would leave it to the wife to do the job. That is life.. Luckily, I don't have such problem. :) Divorce is a very complicated process, if it is not something serious, don't think should go to that extent.
 
L

Lim2528

Member
tks all... ya, I know going extend of divource is very troublesome n my boy will get hurt too. Nowadays, I just do what I should do to fulfill as mom duty.. as for our relationship, I don't wish to talk much cos I know end of the day, he won't change. I just shut my mouth n keep quite..
 
C

crystalpink

Member
Hang on! We women should learn to live for the sake of ourselves not for guys, ok? Don't make our lives so miserable... Not worth it. Try to do things that can make you happier and divert your attention to other areas.. Rather than focusing on yr hubby.
 
N

nicepeople

Member
The birth of a baby in a marriage brings about the birth of a mother and father. Inevitably, imbalance occurs and marriage faces the task of redefining who they are and how they will work now that a child is in the picture. Yes, a child changes a marriage forever, but married couples can choose to make the change a good change.
What you and your husband are going through is like a timebomb ready to explode one day. As long as you are feeling like this and he is continuing doing that, things cannot go on as normal. I can empathize what its like. Hurt and anger are two of the most common emotions upon learning of your spouse undesired behaviours. These are deep and powerful emotions. They can push us to extreme. On the negative aspect of anger and hurt, it will make you go crazy and depress. Expressing verbally your hurt and anger to a friend is a healthy way of processing anger. I don't think divorce is the answer. Seek counseling may be helpful. Sometimes the erring spouse will not be willing to go for counseling. Then go alone. Start the process. If he is not willing to deal with the situation, you must deal with your own emotions. But I still believe that you need to have a good talk with him. Iron out the expectations and never give excuses such as work. Everyone is working like shit including housewife.
 
L

Lynn Kho

New Member
The best is to stay at your parent's place together with your boy for awhile and don't contact him. Then he will msg you why you move to you parent's place and that is the time you voice out all your problems to him. Let yourselve and him cool off for awhile. Soon eventually he will realise he cannot live witout you and your boy, he will nicely ask you to come back.
 
M

mo2xs

Member
talk nicely to him that you are running out of money, and ask him to pay all the expenses since you are not working and he is working.
if he said no, then you shld say that you need to get back to find a work in order to pay ur baby expenses share.
if he ask about household chores then, say that you guys can hire partime maid.
it will help you guys to solve the household problem, and reduce one problem that you guys have.
for initimacy issue, you should talk nicely to him how you feel, and if both of you keepdoing this, how to become a good example for your boy in the future.
a morning kiss or gud nite kiss are not that hard to do that. these simple gesture can help both of you to build your connection as husband and wife.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top