problems with in-laws?

chrissy

chrissy

New Member
when DH and i are dating, MIL treats me quite nice... but i'm a very "silence" person so except for calling her "aunty" (back then) i seldom talk to her... even FIL also coz i find that their family culture and the topic (working issue coz FIL owns a company) they talking is so much different and i can't understand what they are talking of...

When i got married and moved to stay with DH, things changes (bit by bit).. MIL treated me very nice when i'm preg... But don't know since when, we stop talking and she will not share the same dinning table with us (DH and I).. i suspect she dislike me but i don't know what i have done...

she's a very scary person like those emperor mother... she's the one who calls the shot at home...

wanted to move out but not financial afforable...

anyone have similiar encounter?
 
mae

mae

Active Member
Maybe if you have time you can talk to her and treat her to dinner...only 2 of you and have a bonding with each other. Why will you get scared if you haven't done something wrong at all...maybe you consult your ideas to her too so that she will feel important. No matter how terror the person is, always remember people always have a soft spot in there hearts. you just have to take effort to search and see how.
 
tommyBoi

tommyBoi

Alpha Male
chrissy said:
when DH and i are dating, MIL treats me quite nice... but i'm a very "silence" person so except for calling her "aunty" (back then) i seldom talk to her... even FIL also coz i find that their family culture and the topic (working issue coz FIL owns a company) they talking is so much different and i can't understand what they are talking of...

When i got married and moved to stay with DH, things changes (bit by bit).. MIL treated me very nice when i'm preg... But don't know since when, we stop talking and she will not share the same dinning table with us (DH and I).. i suspect she dislike me but i don't know what i have done...

she's a very scary person like those emperor mother... she's the one who calls the shot at home...

wanted to move out but not financial afforable...

anyone have similiar encounter?
Click to expand...

hmm.. I can see there is some misunderstanding betw ur MIL and u.. Staying wif ur dh is not only betw u 2 person, u must also try to mix wif his family members.

From my point of view, ur MIL is trying to get close to you in the beginning, but u seem quite cool to her.. even after married, she still trying to be nice to u. Can you imagine how will u feel if ur future DIL dont really talk to u even if u try to be nice to her. Of coz she will feel u r not that friendly after some time.

In order to gain back her confident in u again, u need to do ur part also. Change ur 'silence' attitude' and try to talk to her more and find opportunity to get close to her, eg initiate to go market wif her, strike a topic wif her which u can understand (since u dunno their topic), etc.

Treat her like ur mum. She will like u again once she feel the love from u. Remember one thing, married is not only betw u and ur dd, u must also show ur love to his parents. Cheers!!
 
LoVeS

LoVeS

Well-Known Member
chrissy said:
when DH and i are dating, MIL treats me quite nice... but i'm a very "silence" person so except for calling her "aunty" (back then) i seldom talk to her... even FIL also coz i find that their family culture and the topic (working issue coz FIL owns a company) they talking is so much different and i can't understand what they are talking of...

When i got married and moved to stay with DH, things changes (bit by bit).. MIL treated me very nice when i'm preg... But don't know since when, we stop talking and she will not share the same dinning table with us (DH and I).. i suspect she dislike me but i don't know what i have done...

she's a very scary person like those emperor mother... she's the one who calls the shot at home...

wanted to move out but not financial afforable...

anyone have similiar encounter?
Click to expand...
ger it not gd to assume things wor...juz bcoz she doesnt tok as much as last time doesnt mean she dislike u mah. If she doesnt start the tok u can start toking to her back like last time mah.
 
chrissy

chrissy

New Member
i find it hard to speak to her coz in Dh's family, all of us went back to our own room and watch tv and etc... the only person i speak most with is Dh's sis coz our room on the same level...

mae, treating her for dinner wouldn't work coz we always have dinner as a family... don't know is it my own thinking but somehow i feel that coz i'm just her son's wife and not really her own flesh blood daughter... can see that she treats her own daughter better than me... she will ask her daughter and son to go out and not me even i'm in the office with them or even i'm at home alone...

TB you code: "From my point of view, ur MIL is trying to get close to you in the beginning, but u seem quite cool to her.. even after married, she still trying to be nice to u. Can you imagine how will u feel if ur future DIL dont really talk to u even if u try to be nice to her. Of coz she will feel u r not that friendly after some time. "

in the beginning we do talk and sort of exchange our thoughts of hiring maids etc and i even treat her like my own mother but don't know since when when i call her, she ignored me and once, she doesn't want to share the same dinning table with me and Dh... Some time she don't even bother to have a better understanding to what i do and comment to her husb and younger son... well, i overheard their conversation.. =(

loves, yes, i did try to talk to her as often is there is a chance to... hopefully after some time it will get better... and i also realised it recently that wheneve she's in bad mood, she will flare up for no reason and pick on the smallest mistake..
 
tommyBoi

tommyBoi

Alpha Male
hmm.. mayb she has her pride or her hormones changes as she getting older.. haha

Anyway, just do ur best to get close to her, smile at her, etc. Mayb one day she will realise that u r not that bad after all..
 
mae

mae

Active Member
Chrissy how I wish to make you feel much even better...but can you recall something that made your MIL changed her treatment to you...maybe she wants things to be done her way simply because you arel iving with her...or your dh doesn't givemuch attention to her anymore...you know moms sometimes get jealous because she see's that your dh takes care of you much while not to her anymore...
 
chrissy

chrissy

New Member
maybe the way i handle things is different from her... she always suspect the maids and don't trust them with things... she changes alot of maids about 10 of them... the previous one, i admit is very lazy.. there is once the previous maid borrow needles from me coz she spoil 1 clothes and i gave her 1 needle and the string and asked her to return me... MIL found out that i gave her the needle and ask how many i gave her she told her the truth but MIL don't believe... althou' MIL didn't ask me directly, she just tell FIL and younger son that i anyhow gave maid needle and say wait the dog eats it etc.. i overheard her coz i didn't close my room door and at that moment i felt untrusted... many similiar even happens that why i think her mindset is so different that i don't know how to get along with her...

mae, i think she will not be jealous coz of my Dh as she dote more on her younger son and the only daughter...

TB, ya, i will try to smile more to her...
 
A

Agnes Josephine

Active Member
Chrissy, I really don't know what to say as I don't really experience what you going thru now...

Hugz~ to you... Hope everything will turn out fine for you & your mil...:)
 
Mrs Xie

Mrs Xie

Member
Like what I used to say after married..... "We can choose our own husband, but we can't choose our husband's family...." Haiz.......:nah:
 
E

eri_ik

New Member
Haizzzz I feel that in-laws are the most difficult to handle creatures in my life. No matter what you do, you are always an OUTSIDER. :thissyfit:
 
Pwiincess

Pwiincess

Member
Mrs Xie said:
Like what I used to say after married..... "We can choose our own husband, but we can't choose our husband's family...." Haiz.......:nah:
Click to expand...
That's exactly the same thing I said to my mum once!!

Before and after marriage, there bound to be differences in treatment. The only difference is whether BETTER or WORSE.
 
Mrs Xie

Mrs Xie

Member
Pwiincess said:
That's exactly the same thing I said to my mum once!!

Before and after marriage, there bound to be differences in treatment. The only difference is whether BETTER or WORSE.
Click to expand...
Well... u r such a pretty and sweet DIL, Im sure your PIL would treat u nice de :tlaugh:
 
Celina

Celina

Member
after marriage i dun have much to say to mil, mayb i dun like the way she tc of my son @ times, so wil say out. BUt over ok la.

its stil the old saying..
BEFORE N AFTER MARRIAGE is diff..
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top