Relationship of your ex-spouse with your child?

[youknowsue]

hi willows, i'm separated from him since last nov. during cny, he even brought tt woman (who is a single mum with a 4yr old boy) to his mum's place for reunion meal with my kids!!!! i'm so pissed as i don't ned my kids to be confused and touched by that filthy bitch.

so yes i totally understand your worry and me too, amm adjusting to my new lease of life.

 

[youknowsue]

why did you regret? he's seeing other woman isnt he?like mine, he can ask me to 'take my kids' and doesnt wanna salvage the mariage.... such a loser

 

[willows]

To be selfish I hope that he would leave my DD alone. But no, he did not. He came back everyday to play with her. There are times when we go out, he couldn't get to see DD he will make hell lot of noise and cause a commotion. I am very tired of him and his action. Hence, I really hope that he is one of those heartless fella that leave me any my DD alone.

 

[bluejustina75]

My husband now also like that, try to spend more time with my daughter but he will only "follow" us to infant care when he can, try to be around when she is at home... Just went to see the counselor with him on thur, that jerk thought I will give him another chance after tis join session of counseling, he is d one who misinterprete my SMS, however, I had show it to the counselor my SMS to him, it is very clear that I do not want to be with such a jerk for the rest of our life. Furthermore, you wldnt know whethe he will "touch" my gal in future or not since he is child porno freak. He keep begging for forgiveness and promised will treat n care for us yet he is still calling his "lovers", just tis wed I had found out he is still flirting with tos sluts, there is tis JB gal who claimed dont know him but they been chat during midnite for >1 hours ... She remain silence when I called her ... what kind if world is tis, such immorality thing ppls still dare to do. The best part as a men dare to do but dare not admit ... Then dont call yourself a men shld call as animal who never use d brain but use "p****" ....

 

[bluejustina75]

I can't file a divorce yet cos not yet 3 yrs now slp separate room since mid of Jan, I can foresee he wldnt sign for divorce paper de. I'm thinking of requesting custody, care n control of my gal, wldnt allow him or his "too protective" families to visit my gal, or limited their visit and must be wif d present of me cos u wldnt noe what tis animal will do to her, his family nvr think he is "mentally sick", they think he is perfectly normal. Anyone can advise if he refused to sign d paper, what shld I do next?

 

[willows]

Hi bluejustuna, go to consult a lawyer and seek their advice. Some lawyer's 1st consultation is free. There must be a way to work things out.

If he refuse to sign the divorce paper, and you have a good reason, the judge will dimiss the marriage. So no need to worry. Let the court decide.

For my case, my ex moved out to stay with his gf and keep saying want to get things done legally. But until now 2 months already I still have not smell his lawer letter. Don't know what is he up to.

 

[bluejustina75]

Perhaps he afraid after file de divorce he need to pay de maintainence fees... Cos he will hav another home to support... As my men keep saying tis hse he pay more, let do d calculation see who paid more... If he wan tis "hotel" he can have it, if not I'm d one maintains it well where he will hav such laxary "hotel" kind of hse....

Anyone can advise on which lawyer will be cheaper and sincere? His family are very supportive & protective, they will support him in financially if he wan to contest... I'm not scare of him n his familyjust I don hav much money....

 

[willows]

Perhaps he afraid after file de divorce he need to pay de maintainence fees... Cos he will hav another home to support... As my men keep saying tis hse he pay more, let do d calculation see who paid more... If he wan tis "hotel" he can have it, if not I'm d one maintains it well where he will hav such laxary "hotel" kind of hse....

Anyone can advise on which lawyer will be cheaper and sincere? His family are very supportive & protective, they will support him in financially if he wan to contest... I'm not scare of him n his familyjust I don hav much money....

Generally I don't encourage others to divorce. But for my situation is my husband has left me for another woman. So I left with no choice.
If you need a legal consultant, u can google and I think there is a lawyer associate or something that provide affordable legal aid. It's located at MND building.

 

[bluejustina75]

My husband basically don't care abt my bb n I.. He spend more times on his gal frens, wat he will always do is to ask his families to come n lecture me and even insulted me for been "bad wife" who can't compromised on watever he has does... "son bullied", "cold blooded"...etc. He tod ask them come and putting the pressure then I will keep quiet and tolerate it.. No such things, yes I do not hav any families here but doesnt mean they can just bully me like tat, each time they come n make a big fuss will make my will to leave him more stronger, cos I do not wan to be wif such "big liar", "child porno freak", "immorality men", "a men who hide behind his Aunty, mum & sister", "spoilt bread"...etc...

 

[alice47]

Hi Willows,

I just came across your post and felt compelled to share my story with you. I separated from my husband 6 years ago when he fell in love with a colleague and decided that we should separate. I was in shock and great depression for almost 2 years. My daughter was only 8 months old then.

Fast forward to our current situation, I must say we have a great relationship now - a good divorce if there is such a thing.ancing_wub:My girl has a great relationship with her dad and the 3 of us have good times together as a family. He is still seeing his colleague and sometimes bring my girl to spend time with her as well. I'd remind my girl to be friendly and she has a great relationship with the girlfriend too. I know this sounds somewhat crazy but i assure you it is possible.

But it is only possible after my own struggles, after I stopped obsessing with what he is doing, after I stopped feeling indignant for what he had done to the family, after all the 'how dare he...!' had ended, after i stopped blaming the 'other woman'...

It all ended when I realised that my daughter needs to have a dad to look up to more than I needed vengeance or justice for whatever imagined hurt I perceived myself to be at the receiving end of. I let the pain go and believe it or not, I have a really great relationship with my ex now. He visits my daughter 2 to 3 times a week, we spend family time together. And most important of all, my daughter is incredibly well-adjusted.

Believe me, of course there was intense jealousy at first when I found out she had spent time with the girlfriend. But then, I had to learn to let it go and soon came to realise that the more jealous and demented I am, the more I will push my daughter away. Who wants to be around a crazy, jealous and paranoid person? My daughter needs to learn how to treat others well and I want her to learn it from me. I do not want her to be a crazy, jealous and paranoid person as well because a child does as we do, not as we say.

My ex and I have discussions on how we want to raise her and we are on the same page. Because he has such a loving relationship with her, he is also never late with his maintenance!:red:I always respect his views as well and this makes him feel valued as a dad too.

From my experience, I learnt it never ends well to cut the dad off from the child. Many of us would be tempted to do so when we are at our angriest or our most hurt. We'd feel that he has no right to do this or to do that with the children because he chose the other woman, etc. These are all understandable, painfully so. But from my perspective and experience, I feel that we should not deny our children's other parent from being close to them or bad-mouth him in front of them. If we express so much hatred towards him, the child may one day think that we are also capable of hating her this much as well since she shares his DNA.

And honestly, a dad who is loved is also more willing to pay for the child! :wong29: Save the trip to the court to ask for maintenance!

 

[willows]

Hi alice47,

Thanks for sharing. I am no sure can I be as wise as you.

I am thinking if your ex-spouse can be in such a good relationship with you and you still meet up together like a family why don't he come back and really give a complete family to the child. Don't you think he is selfish? I am not sure how could you face him.

My situation now is that my ex-spouse refuse to communicate with me and treated me like a stranger. He thinks I am a devil and the other woman is an angel. So whenever he came to visit my girl he just ignore me, open the door and bring the child to the study room. So how to be amicable with him. So far I have not said any bad things of him infront of my child. I guess everybody situation is different.

 

[willows]

Hi,
Very trouble here. Need to here advice from u all.
My ex wanted to bring our child out with his gf and I request for supervise access. Then he refuse and going to court to apply for unsupervised access. Our child is only 2. Her daily routine are mostly taken care by me and my helper. My ex has never bring our child out alone before.
Any the mummy here experience a fight for access here before can advice?
I am going to contest on his application for unsupervised access. But not sure how the court will judge.
So stressful now.

 

[youknowsue]

Hi seems like we are sharing the same scenario ie he has utterly no respect for me as a wife and wanted out as he's seing his colleague (who's a single mum with a young boy!)

I agree that I wanted my 2 kids to still see the dad, but I just can't foresee myself letting them go and stay overnight as he's staying with tt woman. Did you allow your daughter to stay over at your ex's place? I'm letting go gradually as i'm happier now and my boy who witness the tension we had also felt tt at least now mummy is no longer crying.

this makes him realise tt he needs to be more responsible and respect someone more , esp someone he loves in future... be kind to people as he knew tt his dad is so unkind to his mum. I dun have to tell him, he can sense and he can tell me that...

 

[youknowsue]

Hi,
Very trouble here. Need to here advice from u all.
My ex wanted to bring our child out with his gf and I request for supervise access. Then he refuse and going to court to apply for unsupervised access. Our child is only 2. Her daily routine are mostly taken care by me and my helper. My ex has never bring our child out alone before.
Any the mummy here experience a fight for access here before can advice?
I am going to contest on his application for unsupervised access. But not sure how the court will judge.
So stressful now.

you have to make it seems like you have the best interest for your kid. she's definitely young and needs to nap etc etc and unless you state where he can access your kid? mayb at your place and only he can come n play with her? then you can totally not let that woman come? check with your lawyer k?

 

[lismsoerensen]

Hi! I have been seperated for about 1 year, and my 2 year old boy has a great relationship to his father. I wish i could say the same... But it is simply not working when he doesn´t see his father for some time.