Relationship with hubby...

[woofy55]

Ein, u are right.. there's no ge ye chou.. hubby listened to me and gave in just now, called up his mom and tell her we will bring louis over and let her try for 1wk and see how... well if she gave up, then - bring to my parents i also won't be feeling so bad. hehe.. thanks..

Hi woofy55...

These kinda things involving old folks is EXTREMELY sensitive.
If you have the time, get your parents & your inlaws to sit down together for a simple talk. Nicely explain things to them about what is the current situation, what will be the future situation and what are your concerns (esp your hubby's). dont't let any misunderstanding be left unresolved if not things will get even worse if you dont't clear the air. Then there'll be no room for regrets.

But ultimately, parents will be parents. There's no such thing as "ge ye chou". Give them some time to cool down before you have this talk with them. Hopefully things will get better

Hang in there girl!!!

 

[Ting]

hmmm i think its normal for your hubby to feel tt way.
cos im also like tt.
when pin is happy n having fun, i feel very proud of myself. but when she is upset or something, i will feel like im sucha lousy mother.

sometimes when im out with my frens n put pin at home, she will feel so sad n tell me, n i feel really bad..
but my parents will tell me, just go out n enjoy, cos after a while pin will forget abt it n contd to play her toys.

 

[woofy55]

aiyoh really very fan lei. I thought the conversation between hubby and mil has settled everything. But today hubby told me, louis is still going to my parents' place. i was like ... HUHHH.. simi?? i thot going there to test test 1 wk? haiz... human beings are so troublesome... and complicated. Already so many problems, why can't ppl be simplier.

My parents also not getting any younger, in fact they are older then my in laws. Last wk when I was recuperating at my parents home after my gall bladder removal opn.. I can see that althought my parents are very enthu.. their energy is really not there anymore lo. my mom feet pain, backache.. after bathing/changing louis, back also hard to straighten. my dad half retire.. so sometimes still need to run about.

Worst to worst, Louis will go infant care... but I just check out the rate, it's about $1.4k... additional expenses.

Haiz.. very fan..

 

[wildcherry80]

Woofy, no offence but y does your hubby have such double standards - his parents cant take care of your kid but is ok to let your parents take care?
Afterall louis 's surname follows your husband's and not yours right?

I m also v fed up with my husband ever since i gave birth 2 mths ago.

 

[woofy55]

Woofy, no offence but y does your hubby have such double standards - his parents cant take care of your kid but is ok to let your parents take care?
Afterall louis 's surname follows your husband's and not yours right?

I m also very fed up with my husband ever since i gave birth 2 mths ago.

oh, long story loh. Cos during the 1st month - Louis already got sleeping issues.. and since then without my knowledge then, hubby is already warning my MIL that she won't be able to handle one cos she got his 5yrs old niece to take care, cook, go market.. etc.. (hubby is like that one, he will see very far and the worst possible scenerio, while I always have hope for the best.. heee) ... and one day they were discussing abt engaging nanny after my maternity leave and stay there 24hrs!! and bring back only on fridays so we hv energy to work the next day.

I was like... HUHHH.. i thought u (MIL) going to take care one.. how come suddenly talking abt enaging nanny...! And deciding for me that Louis will stay there 24hrs until Fridays. Perhaps its well thought, but to me, is that time was too early to decide rite? Why discuss until really will happen. Louis sleep issue might improve one mah... why like that... then I buay song oredi loh.. so I discuss with my parents and they are willing to take care of Louis if bo bian no one take care. Though, my parents, esp my dad is very enthusiastic. But sometimes he need to work, although half retiring - so my mom will be left alone with him, but my mom leg is not very good now, so cannot walk or stand too long. And need to bath louis, walk louis to sleep... so, i think cannot loh... haiz... (last time my mom is a nanny - she is very experience, but now leg pain, backache.. how to take care of this high demanding kid of mine)

Then nvm... duno what happened again (son and mother talk when he send her home, MIL doing confinement for me, but only afternoon till evening) after that, MIL say willing to take care of louis.. everything was like settled, happy.... until few days ago loh... cos louis is in one of this mood again, and now he need to carry to zzz... cannot sit down and pat.. must walk around. So seeing this situation, hubby warn my MIL again.. then duno what he talk and how she listen la... then things become like that now. sianz..

 

[diymummy]

Hi woofy,

I think it is important for you and your hubby to make decisions together and to keep to them. If it was your hubby that changed his mind, you have to remind him to discuss it with you.

As for your mil, you are the mother of your child. You make the decisions. Not your mil. Your hubby has to stand together with you for that.

If you opt for infant care in the end, you must also be prepared that baby might fall ill more often due to community spread of diseases. My baby is in infant care and is sick abt once every month ever since I stopped breastfeeding. So if he falls sick, you have to be prepared to take leave to stay home to look after him.

$1.4k is before subsidy. There's $600 govt subsidy for working mums.

Things do get tricky when a lot of people are invovled and emotions are involved. And it gets worse when people do not know how to contorl their emotions and want to force their way through things. Be objective and work through them. I face them too. Can't be helped. But the most important thing is for you and hubby to stand together, decide on things together. All decisions will have good side and bad. You've gotta accept that. So in the end, when things become difficult, don't play the blame game.

The best caretakers are always us, the parents. When we "outsource", be it to infant care, parents/in-laws, nannies or maids, there're always compromises we need to live with. You'll have to decide what is the compromise you are willing to accept.

Just my 2 cents worth of thoughts.

 

[woofy55]

i duno, i think MIL turned cold feet after hubby's constant warning lo. for my side, whenever my parents hear my hubby say "careful ah.. he will cry after xxxx"... my parents will disregard him.. hehe... and do whateverthey want.. and they know how to settle him.

His side more caution lo, MIL ytd didn't even dare to talk to him! I told her can talk to him and play with him one.. but she say she don't dare cos she scare will provoke him. =.="' And louis is bored cos no one talk to him and he cry.. then they lagi scare... faint... then after they listen to me, talk to him, he started cooing a them. haiz..

 

[diymummy]

Hi woofy,

LOL. Last time did your in-laws take care of their own children? If during their time they also let their parents take care then they will tend to feel a bit "scared".

I think since previously mentioned to let them try 1 week, maybe you can go along with that first? You still on maternity leave right? Maybe you can go over and "orientate" them for 1 week then they do it on their own for 1 week? See how they handle. If really cannot then you can consider other options.

What some of my friends did was for 4 days is one side take care 1 day is another side take care. Then the kid has exposure to both side and in case 1 side is not free, eg, go holiday, still got another side to fall back on.

If you work on that model, then your parents will also get a chance to take care but won't be so taxing on them because it's only 1 day. Then your in-laws can also get a break of 1 day if they feel that Louis is tough to handle.

 

[Stan]

Hi woofy,

LOL. Last time did your in-laws take care of their own children? If during their time they also let their parents take care then they will tend to feel a bit "scared".

I think since previously mentioned to let them try 1 week, maybe you can go along with that first? You still on maternity leave right? Maybe you can go over and "orientate" them for 1 week then they do it on their own for 1 week? See how they handle. If really cannot then you can consider other options.

What some of my friends did was for 4 days is one side take care 1 day is another side take care. Then the kid has exposure to both side and in case 1 side is not free, eg, go holiday, still got another side to fall back on.

If you work on that model, then your parents will also get a chance to take care but won't be so taxing on them because it's only 1 day. Then your in-laws can also get a break of 1 day if they feel that Louis is tough to handle.

Provided both sides will follow your instructions.... otherwise different patterns from both sides will be confusing for the kids.
Tat is what is happening to me...

 

[helenkong]

well ur husband have 2 sides
one side is good and another is bad
good is he caring his baby so much. none of the guys who really care about their babies...not really much.
Thus, bad is..he's worrying too much lar....
aiyooo....do u ever heard that babies are nature genius?
they will cry if they got something wrong, then parents go and settle it.

My son also like this. i was like ur husband years ago. but then everything is fine eventhough my son is with my mom now
take it easy...relax...kids wont die so easily one (touch wood).

 

[Mummy to Baby V]

My boy is a high-needs baby and stirs many times at night, co-sleeping with us. We put him to bed at about 9+pm, then chit-chat with each other for about 1hr to catch up on each other's lives.

My hubby knows that I'd be hungry after a long night of breastfeeding, so prepares breakfast for me and leave it in the fridge. This has been for the whole year!

We also try to show appreciation for things we do for each other. We enjoy outings with our boy and are fine with forgoing couple dates.

It is important to communicate regularly and openly with hubby on your adjusted expectations after having a child. I believe the addition of a child makes the family much happier. Enjoy time with your family while it lasts. Life is very short, so make every day happy and meaningful.