SAHMs-Face any disapproval from people?

B

baby_mittens

Member
Hi all,

I am a new stay at home mom. Hubs & I actually made this decision, for me to stay at home when I was pregnant. But facing quite a bit of disapproval from friends; both his & mine. Feeling really down, as there doesn't seem to be that support I need. Most, in fact all my close friends are single or married without kids, so nobody understands either. Does anyone face alot of disapproval too?
 
M

mamapenguin

Member
I'm a new SAHM too. Even worse, I quit my job on 1st March with intention to take a short break b4 finding new job after holiday in May. End March I found out I was pregnant. So I was unmarried, pregnant & jobless. After much trials & tribulations we finally registered in Sept. I know my hb doesn't like the idea of SAHM coz he feels we need to be a dual income family to have the standard of living he prefers. Whenever he talks to me about his problems, he will mention abt this. Sometimes it's demoralising to meet his female colleagues whom he constantly stress are working moms. But my dd is only 2mths. I don't like the idea of her being raised by the maid or the childcare centre. My hb holds a high position in his company & brings home a 5 figure salary. (I'm just guessing coz he never wants to tell me his income.) Why can't we make it work when other families survive on a lower budget? My biggest critic is my own hb.
 
Daddy D

Daddy D

Alpha Male
Sounds tough...I feel that it boils down to family planning... not just "U say I do" thingy... cos' it's going to be long journey ahead...

$$ plays a big part... alot of families quarrel and split over this.
Extravagant lifestyle and kids don't mix :p

Tougher if u dun have parents/MIL to help take care the kids... I see those maids bringing kids to sch.... dunno how much love the kid gets... but of cos' I dun think parents would want to leave the kids with the maid if they have a choice.
 
LoVeS

LoVeS

Well-Known Member
My dh n me is fine wif me been a SAHM but it is my MIL who isnt very happy tat i am a SAHM~ Mayb bcoz she dote on my dh alot so dun wan my dh b the only 1 earning $$ BUT wif my dh's salary it is more than enuff for us~

It is so sickening to hear sum "hint hint" ya to go back wrk every now n then WHEN i am actually preg now~ :embarrassed:
 
oblong

oblong

Member
baby_mittens said:
Hi all,

I am a new stay at home mom. Hubs & I actually made this decision, for me to stay at home when I was pregnant. But facing quite a bit of disapproval from friends; both his & mine. Feeling really down, as there doesn't seem to be that support I need. Most, in fact all my close friends are single or married without kids, so nobody understands either. Does anyone face alot of disapproval too?
Click to expand...
Hi baby_mittens,

I am a full time working mum. But not by choice though. DH wanted me to stay home and look after DS. My mum insisted I must work. After much deliberation, 'brainstorming' and lectures during my ML, I returned back to work.

There just isnt enuff $ if I do not work. Both my parents and his parents have retired and DH salary is enuff only to cover his own expenses....

I really admire ladies who are able to make it and stay at home with their kids. Jia You! :Dancing_wub:
 
babymoon

babymoon

Member
Hey all,

SAHM really have lots of pressures and some from own family and some from outsiders. Sometimes SAHM also think that no contribution to the family income and this is also kind of stress. The most important is to get support from hubby!

For me, the ideal is to become a Mompreneur! I call myself Mompreneur which I'm a mom that have own home business. Home biz is a good way to have our own income while have time with the kids..

I got a website about Mompreneur so that to share more with moms and if you like to know more about home biz, visit Mompreneur Asia

This is a free website and just for sharing ~~ =)
 
L

Lotus

Member
baby_mittens said:
Hi all,

I am a new stay at home mom. Hubs & I actually made this decision, for me to stay at home when I was pregnant. But facing quite a bit of disapproval from friends; both his & mine. Feeling really down, as there doesn't seem to be that support I need. Most, in fact all my close friends are single or married without kids, so nobody understands either. Does anyone face alot of disapproval too?
Click to expand...
Both hb and I decided I would be SAHM for our children. As we can live on his income we thought it best that one of us stay at home to rear and teach our children. Now 3.5 years later I do miss my career, the challenges and interactions at work; however I am still thankful that I've been able to spend this time with our children. Most of our friends with children do not have this option and envy my position. They know it's not one of lunching, sitting around and relaxing but they also know it's time with your child that you can never get back.

Remember that your friends have never been in your situation so it's difficult for them to understand your choices. Prior to being a mother I could never imagine not having a career, but motherhood really changed my priorities.
 
W

winxme

Member
Just not sure why this is so... When we are pregnant with first child and wanted to become a SAHM, ppls will not say , " ya , u should stay at home, relax and enjoy the pregnancy". But if your hubby approved and both of u had worked out that it will be best for you to stay at home then WHY NOT? Why worry abt what others got to say. On the other hand, i guess they envied you. Not everyone has this privilege to become a SAHM.
 
LoVeS

LoVeS

Well-Known Member
winxme said:
Just not sure why this is so... When we are pregnant with first child and wanted to become a SAHM, ppls will not say , " ya , u should stay at home, relax and enjoy the pregnancy". But if your hubby approved and both of u had worked out that it will be best for you to stay at home then WHY NOT? Why worry abt what others got to say. On the other hand, i guess they envied you. Not everyone has this privilege to become a SAHM.
Click to expand...
YES i agreed tat nt everyone has the privilege to bcome SAHM n aso i tink it is nt easy been a SAHM too~
 
mama N baobao

mama N baobao

Member
hi baby mittens,

I'm a SAHM too but fortunately our family, relatives and friends are very supportive so far.

Most important is that you & hubby have agreed and decided on this and you both have each other's support. What matters are the precious moments that only you can savour with your child, that joy will surpass any hurtful remarks.

Shut your ears to "cold water" from other people, maybe they're jealous or lack understanding of what it involves since most your friends are single or without kids (*thinking you've a good life, no need to work, just stay at home...).

If I were in your position, I would stay focus on why I want to be a SAHM, devote my energy to my child and enjoy my motherhood journey rather than fretting over the mindless remarks.

Befriend other SAHMs e.g. in this forum for support!

Best Wishes :302:
 
B

baby_mittens

Member
Thank you all for your replies...

I know it's all worth it. Whenever I see her smile at me, every trouble is forgotten. But it's really frustrating. I hate it when they keep saying stay at home will nuah & all that crap.Because I didn't do this to nuah. If anything, I feel so so tired sometimes. Clock runs around hers so hardly any time to do much, let alone rest. Other people gets off days, leave, I don't. Hell, I don't even get paid. Haha. I'm glad I have hubs support. But been having alot of problems with him too. Feel like we love each other but can't seem to communicate. & worse, I am feeling so insecure bout my looks & everything. Sigh...
 
B

baby_mittens

Member
mamapenguin said:
I'm a new SAHM too. Even worse, I quit my job on 1st March with intention to take a short break b4 finding new job after holiday in May. End March I found out I was pregnant. So I was unmarried, pregnant & jobless. After much trials & tribulations we finally registered in Sept. I know my hb doesn't like the idea of SAHM coz he feels we need to be a dual income family to have the standard of living he prefers. Whenever he talks to me about his problems, he will mention abt this. Sometimes it's demoralising to meet his female colleagues whom he constantly stress are working moms. But my dd is only 2mths. I don't like the idea of her being raised by the maid or the childcare centre. My hb holds a high position in his company & brings home a 5 figure salary. (I'm just guessing coz he never wants to tell me his income.) Why can't we make it work when other families survive on a lower budget? My biggest critic is my own hb.
Click to expand...
Guess that sucks even more than my scenario...It's very demoralising when your own hubby don't understand. though my hubs been supportive or trying to, there are issues which I feel that he doesn't show any support. & its hurting & frustrating.
 
B

baby_mittens

Member
mamapenguin said:
Why u insecure bout looks? SAHM looks the same as FTWM bah, minus the office clothes.
Click to expand...
I don't really know why...it's like I still look like before, just that I gained 5 kg. But somehow I feel unattractive, & I keep thinking hubs gonna have an affair, that he will no longer care bout me & will just treat me as the mother of his child. I don't really know how to explain this part of it either. =(
 
M

mamapenguin

Member
My hb in honesty told me if I ever let myself go & start looking like those fat sloppy aunties, don't blame him for losing his attraction for me. I told him if he starts to grow hair everywhere else but the top of his head, develop a gut the size of a 7mth old preggie & have a comb over hairdo, I'll have to find myself a younger man.

It can be quite lonely being a SAHM. Especially when bb still a hatchling.
 
S

serenelm

Member
some of my frens oso do not understand why i chose to be sahm (even thou a few of them are mums themselves)... to them, it was impt tat they had their own career... but to me, i rather spend time at home wif my kids than handle office politics/endless office work... so i choose to ignore them...
 
babymoon

babymoon

Member
serenelm said:
some of my frens oso do not understand why i chose to be sahm (even thou a few of them are mums themselves)... to them, it was impt tat they had their own career... but to me, i rather spend time at home wif my kids than handle office politics/endless office work... so i choose to ignore them...
Click to expand...
the family support is the most important, if family also don't support then will feel hard to be SAHM.. also must see the financial obligation..
so i guess you got support from your hubby right? :tlaugh:
 
B

baby_mittens

Member
mamapenguin said:
My hb in honesty told me if I ever let myself go & start looking like those fat sloppy aunties, don't blame him for losing his attraction for me. I told him if he starts to grow hair everywhere else but the top of his head, develop a gut the size of a 7mth old preggie & have a comb over hairdo, I'll have to find myself a younger man.

It can be quite lonely being a SAHM. Especially when bb still a hatchling.
Click to expand...
Yup. Agree. How old's your child? Mine is coming 3 months...born in NOv 08
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top