Should I file or should I wait?

[kkme]

Hi All Mummies,
I am a stay at home mum with 2 kids who are P5 & P2 this year.
I need some advises for those who have gone through the path of divorce.
I know that my hubby is getting from bad to worse that he will not let me know anything about what he is doing now. We have not talk to each other for months. Even if we talk, he will talk in a very bad tone as if I am his enemy.
I did try to salvage this marriage cause of my kids but he seems not willing to.
In fact, I know that he has been very close to someone now.
Another problem is financial.
The household expenses that given by him is not enough at all and got to dip into my saving.
If I were to file, can I fight for the kids and flat?
Is this a bad timing as my kid will be having his PSLE next year, afraid that might affect his studies.
Can anyone please enlighten me?
Thanks.

 

[Asphere]

hi kkme, i think u should get a full time job 1st. as for now all you can do is to tahan.coz wo a job abit diff to get the kids unless the dad choose not to have them. well in a way yes this will affect your kid as he is having a 1st major exam next year. All i can suggest is that just take it as 2 strangers just happen to stay in the same flat.Alternative , try writing email or sms or talk to him on the exact issue.if you really need to file, guess u may get the kids if ur hb is caught cheating u outside (must have proof)However you may check with lawyers if you really need to file and get the kids.

 

[kkme]

Hi Ashere,
if were to get a job, the elder son will be left at home after school which I am afraid he might not be so discipline as there will be too much freedom for him. For the younger one, definitely will need to go to student care centre but he refuses to go when I sounded him out. I am quite dilemma that I have no financial security for future and on the other hand, I really wish to help my elder going through his PSLE smoothly for next year by preparing closely with him.
As for my husband, he is neutral about the child caring. But seem to me that, if he were to take care of the kids, it will be a disaster for the kids because there was times when I asked him to take care, he just bought the meals for them and out he go again. Letting the boys staying at home by themselves. Sometimes I was thinking, why am I pushing so hard on myself? If he can do that, why can't I? But who are the one suffer? In the end, the victims are the kids. I don't want to be an irresponsible mother but I also fear that I will have financial problem raising them by myself. Right now, how much is his income, I am clueless.
You mention that must have proof to show if he is cheating on me. What are the valid evidences that is needed besides hiring PI which I don't intended to hire?

 

[Asphere]

As in proof by talking it just won't work. As they will need concrete proof to show.. Hw abt your parents, are they able to help u with looking after the kids? Having a job is a plus pt as you can show tat u are able to support the kids. Without tat chances may reduce. How abt trying to explain to your kids? But seriously have a good talk with ur hb and ask exactly what he wants

 

[kkme]

My parents are working so not able to.
After several attempts trying to have a good talk with him but he is the one that doesn't want to.
So now, we are like transparent to each other. Even if I write a note to him, he just simply ignore it..

 

[rose77]

if u hv decided to end marriage, Step 1 maintenance for wife n children. Once maintenance is secured, u will b able to think much clearer as to u want to work or carry on e marriage. It will also b 100% true that u will b able to cope w kids much better when u secure ur maintenance

 

[kkme]

Hi rose77,
This is the area that I concern the most as he mentioned that now his biz has just started so the maintenance can't give at the moment. Therefore, how am I going to secure that?
From what I see, this marriage will end sooner or later. It is the matter of time..
If I were to get the kids, I will not be able to support them if he can't give the maintenance.

 

[kathtan]

Consolidate all your evidence now, ie take stock of costs to maintain kids and your life. Keep receipts, invoices, take pics of whatever infidelity that he has. Do it secretly though. If you can have evidence with you, the case will be stronger.I do not know what else to help you but I hope you can be strong. We do not really need to live off man. Like what another mommy has said, get yourself some part-time job, if full time is not viable. How about working from home for those online shops? It may not be alot of money but it is a source of income.