Single mum that plan to remarry
- Thread starter vendi
- Start date
mag_huiling
Member
remarry also have to depends if we've got a good bf who can be a good husband & father to the child or not. hahaha! =P
What you mean by "accept your child but not the dad"? dad refers to the child's bio father??
For me, I'll let the guy know even before we get together a bf/gf, he and his family has to accept. if he/ his family cannot accept, dont waste time being together.
I'm hoping if i remarry, i can make do with the simple one, but but but....... i still wanna wear gown, for photo shoot only also better than nothing!
Amulet
Active Member
i think she meant the future FIL..
i won't think much especially if we are not living with the FIL in future.. what is most important to me is that my HB-to-be accept n love my child.. If my HB-to-be wans to go ahead with the wedding, we'll go ahead..
discussed with my BF before.. we'll have a small garden wedding, buffet style with less than 100 guests.. basically a western wedding w/o those chinese ceremony.. but i believe we will keep the tea ceremony..
if by then, my mom's siblings are still alive, we'll hold a nice simple dinner over in Malaysia then, for my mother's sake..
i won't think much especially if we are not living with the FIL in future.. what is most important to me is that my HB-to-be accept n love my child.. If my HB-to-be wans to go ahead with the wedding, we'll go ahead..
discussed with my BF before.. we'll have a small garden wedding, buffet style with less than 100 guests.. basically a western wedding w/o those chinese ceremony.. but i believe we will keep the tea ceremony..
if by then, my mom's siblings are still alive, we'll hold a nice simple dinner over in Malaysia then, for my mother's sake..
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Ya sorry sorry I mean my bf dad cos he is very old already can't accept this kind of things. My bf mum say no customary as I went through before I am agree with her decision.
Because I have a daughter I intend to stay with the in law which I will feel more 'safe' don't blame me for not trusting my bf hehe... read too many news already till I got too sensitive
My bf ask my gal if she can call him daddy so she has been calling him ever since n become very close to him also.
Because I have a daughter I intend to stay with the in law which I will feel more 'safe' don't blame me for not trusting my bf hehe... read too many news already till I got too sensitive
My bf ask my gal if she can call him daddy so she has been calling him ever since n become very close to him also.
Ting
Well-Known Member
hi vendi! welcome back.
keke, i guess its been abt 1 yr alr? glad to hear that things are going well for your girl and bf!
pin is doing well with my bf too, keke, she's been calling him daddy since god-knows-when and though he is not arnd very often, she still misses him (though she keeps saying she doesnt). his family accepts us readily, so i dont hv any issue with that. we are planning to marry in early feb 2012 and will be holding a wedding banquet dinner. his mum doesnt mind whatever wedding style we want, as long as we keep the tea ceremony traditions.
actually imo, since u hv decided to live with your future inlaws, it would be best that they can accept u readily too, if u n your bf insist to marry against his father's wishings, things might not be as easy n smooth in the future. when are u planning to marry? i think best is to get your bf and his mother to talk and persuade his dad over before u both gets married. it's better for both u n your girl too, esp since u want to live with them.
keke, i guess its been abt 1 yr alr? glad to hear that things are going well for your girl and bf!
pin is doing well with my bf too, keke, she's been calling him daddy since god-knows-when and though he is not arnd very often, she still misses him (though she keeps saying she doesnt). his family accepts us readily, so i dont hv any issue with that. we are planning to marry in early feb 2012 and will be holding a wedding banquet dinner. his mum doesnt mind whatever wedding style we want, as long as we keep the tea ceremony traditions.
actually imo, since u hv decided to live with your future inlaws, it would be best that they can accept u readily too, if u n your bf insist to marry against his father's wishings, things might not be as easy n smooth in the future. when are u planning to marry? i think best is to get your bf and his mother to talk and persuade his dad over before u both gets married. it's better for both u n your girl too, esp since u want to live with them.
Hi Ting,hi vendi! welcome back.
keke, i guess its been about 1 yr already? glad to hear that things are going well for your girl and bf!
pin is doing well with my bf too, keke, she's been calling him daddy since god-knows-when and though he is not arnd very often, she still misses him (though she keeps saying she doesnt). his family accepts us readily, so i dont have any issue with that. we are planning to marry in early feb 2012 and will be holding a wedding banquet dinner. his mum doesnt mind whatever wedding style we want, as long as we keep the tea ceremony traditions.
actually imo, since you have decided to live with your future inlaws, it would be best that they can accept you readily too, if you n your bf insist to marry against his father's wishings, things might not be as easy n smooth in the future. when are you planning to marry? i think best is to get your bf and his mother to talk and persuade his dad over before you both gets married. it's better for both you n your girl too, esp since you want to live with them.
Nice to hear from you again :001_302:
Ya lo my gal will also ask when her 'daddy' never meet us n will ask daddy lei n whenever she do her drawing now she will draw her daddy also lol :001_302:
I wanted a simple banquet but his mum don't allow so no choice just ROM will do. Mine still a long way too cos my granny just pass on so maybe end of 2012 bah. The mum also don't know how to tell her husband about this haiz but since still got time I will let her mum help me on this :001_302:
Hungribunni
New Member
Hi!
I used to be a single mum. I had my kid out of wedlock in 2002 but did not stay with his biological dad because I felt he had issues about managing his anger.
I got married in 2008 to a very wonderful guy who loves my son, Kae, as his own and we are expecting a second child in Feb next year. =)
When we first started dating, my hubby made it clear that I had to trust him to know when to let his parents know. Because he is a real gentleman sort, not the sleazebag kind, he was always very proper. He took almost a week to think about getting together with me because he did not want to go into the relationship for fun. If he was going to date me, he was going into it with the thought of eventually marrying me and being a dad to my son. Also, we never had any intercourse during the time we dated which was really good because it gave us a better perspective about why we were in a relationship (not for sex), gave us the space to know each other well aside from the physical aspect, and he always made sure he sent me home no matter what (something my ex could not bother to do... gaming was more important to him). I was very patient and trusting about his taking time to let his folks know, and I never played any emotional blackmail game with him. I did ask him and explain to him my anxiety, but he always asked me to trust him. So I did. I know many girl friends who would have ranted, raved and demanded... but knowing my hubby as a man of his word, I never acted that way. Perhaps that level of trust gave him further encouragement then that we could really work out as a couple. =)
We dated for about 9-10 months before he suddenly decided before CNY to speak to his folks about Kae who was already around 3+ by then. Despite their age (70s), his parents lovingly embraced my boy with a lot of love. They straightaway asked Ian and I to take Kae to their place for CNY. My hubby's siblings, spouses & their kids have bonded very well with Kae over the years. His family was very upfront to all their relations about Kae from the beginning, which really moved me as my ex's family refused to see him for about 6-8mths after he was born & he remained a skeleton in the closet for quite a long while. It was hard during the 9-10 months of waiting because his second sister was expecting, his eldest sis had a girl one year younger than Kae..., and although they are older than I am, I had a kid first and had all these tips to share but couldn't share haha. Kae is the oldest amongst his cousins and the only boy. He has 4 female cousins and their age difference is pretty much a year apart from the other. =)
I made the decorations for our wedding (being a very hands-on person who loves doing crafts and stuff), our friends did our wedding photos (they are professional photographers for magazines, etc) for free, I did the Digital Imaging for them (I used to work in the graphic line) and got them printed, a friend made our montage for us (we are in the media industry so a lot of helpful friends with relevant abilities...lol), we rented most of our wedding outfits from a SOHO bridal shop in Punggol (her gowns are really lovely and reasonably priced for rental), booked the locations for our wedding dinners, attending Marriage Prep Workshop at our church, and we were finally ready for our big day. Because we DIY-ed a lot and we didn't engage wedding planners etc, our wedding was beautiful, memorable and didn't cost us an arm and a leg. (We even had a lot left over after ang bao collection and paying off the restaurant and caterer to go on a really nice Honeymoon to Korea... and still had enough left over to buy new furniture for our place!)
Kae was our ring bearer at our wedding and we had 2 dinners (one just for family that was the typical Chinese dinner at Peony Jade Restaurant & another at NLB's The Pod where we catered Botak Jones with Beer on tap for our good friends to celebrate with us). We registered our marriage on the same day as we got married. We did not ROM beforehand as that was my hubby's preference... ^.^
Kae helped me choose my gown and was the happiest little boy around. Before we got hitched, hubby and I dated for about 5 years. During that period of time, he called my hubby "Papa Bear". He now calls him "Daddy". When I told him that my hubby had proposed, Kae was over the moon! He told everyone that called our place that Papa Bear had asked Mummy to marry him. Lol. I felt that after the proposal, Kae really let down all his guard and loved his Daddy a lot. Before that, he loved him too but I always felt like he was holding back that little bit because he wanted to be certain.
After our wedding, we processed the adoption of Kae by my hubby. I had to write to my ex to ask him to relinquish his parenting rights to my hubby. My ex had "sworn" that he was Kae's dad at Kae's birth so that his name could be in Kae's BC. Kae also took his surname initially. By relinquishing his parenting rights, it meant that my ex would no longer have any legal authority over Kae. He had his concerns (eg. he was worried if we had a kid of our own, that we would not love Kae anymore- which was really very extreme... super K-drama haha. Hubby and I love Kae too much to be such horrible parents), but he relented in the end.
The adoption was quite a long process. We had to engage lawyers to start the ball rolling, then MCYS had to conduct interviews with us, Kae, as well as receive written testimonials from those close to us. It went through wonderfully though and the govt reissued us a new BC with Ian's name in the cert as his Dad. =)
It has been almost 3 years since we got married and we have settled down very well as a family. So for the single moms out there who wonder if being happily married, having a stable family environment despite having had a child beforehand, and having both of you accepted by the in-laws is even possible, yes it is. =)
I used to be a single mum. I had my kid out of wedlock in 2002 but did not stay with his biological dad because I felt he had issues about managing his anger.
I got married in 2008 to a very wonderful guy who loves my son, Kae, as his own and we are expecting a second child in Feb next year. =)
When we first started dating, my hubby made it clear that I had to trust him to know when to let his parents know. Because he is a real gentleman sort, not the sleazebag kind, he was always very proper. He took almost a week to think about getting together with me because he did not want to go into the relationship for fun. If he was going to date me, he was going into it with the thought of eventually marrying me and being a dad to my son. Also, we never had any intercourse during the time we dated which was really good because it gave us a better perspective about why we were in a relationship (not for sex), gave us the space to know each other well aside from the physical aspect, and he always made sure he sent me home no matter what (something my ex could not bother to do... gaming was more important to him). I was very patient and trusting about his taking time to let his folks know, and I never played any emotional blackmail game with him. I did ask him and explain to him my anxiety, but he always asked me to trust him. So I did. I know many girl friends who would have ranted, raved and demanded... but knowing my hubby as a man of his word, I never acted that way. Perhaps that level of trust gave him further encouragement then that we could really work out as a couple. =)
We dated for about 9-10 months before he suddenly decided before CNY to speak to his folks about Kae who was already around 3+ by then. Despite their age (70s), his parents lovingly embraced my boy with a lot of love. They straightaway asked Ian and I to take Kae to their place for CNY. My hubby's siblings, spouses & their kids have bonded very well with Kae over the years. His family was very upfront to all their relations about Kae from the beginning, which really moved me as my ex's family refused to see him for about 6-8mths after he was born & he remained a skeleton in the closet for quite a long while. It was hard during the 9-10 months of waiting because his second sister was expecting, his eldest sis had a girl one year younger than Kae..., and although they are older than I am, I had a kid first and had all these tips to share but couldn't share haha. Kae is the oldest amongst his cousins and the only boy. He has 4 female cousins and their age difference is pretty much a year apart from the other. =)
I made the decorations for our wedding (being a very hands-on person who loves doing crafts and stuff), our friends did our wedding photos (they are professional photographers for magazines, etc) for free, I did the Digital Imaging for them (I used to work in the graphic line) and got them printed, a friend made our montage for us (we are in the media industry so a lot of helpful friends with relevant abilities...lol), we rented most of our wedding outfits from a SOHO bridal shop in Punggol (her gowns are really lovely and reasonably priced for rental), booked the locations for our wedding dinners, attending Marriage Prep Workshop at our church, and we were finally ready for our big day. Because we DIY-ed a lot and we didn't engage wedding planners etc, our wedding was beautiful, memorable and didn't cost us an arm and a leg. (We even had a lot left over after ang bao collection and paying off the restaurant and caterer to go on a really nice Honeymoon to Korea... and still had enough left over to buy new furniture for our place!)
Kae was our ring bearer at our wedding and we had 2 dinners (one just for family that was the typical Chinese dinner at Peony Jade Restaurant & another at NLB's The Pod where we catered Botak Jones with Beer on tap for our good friends to celebrate with us). We registered our marriage on the same day as we got married. We did not ROM beforehand as that was my hubby's preference... ^.^
Kae helped me choose my gown and was the happiest little boy around. Before we got hitched, hubby and I dated for about 5 years. During that period of time, he called my hubby "Papa Bear". He now calls him "Daddy". When I told him that my hubby had proposed, Kae was over the moon! He told everyone that called our place that Papa Bear had asked Mummy to marry him. Lol. I felt that after the proposal, Kae really let down all his guard and loved his Daddy a lot. Before that, he loved him too but I always felt like he was holding back that little bit because he wanted to be certain.
After our wedding, we processed the adoption of Kae by my hubby. I had to write to my ex to ask him to relinquish his parenting rights to my hubby. My ex had "sworn" that he was Kae's dad at Kae's birth so that his name could be in Kae's BC. Kae also took his surname initially. By relinquishing his parenting rights, it meant that my ex would no longer have any legal authority over Kae. He had his concerns (eg. he was worried if we had a kid of our own, that we would not love Kae anymore- which was really very extreme... super K-drama haha. Hubby and I love Kae too much to be such horrible parents), but he relented in the end.
The adoption was quite a long process. We had to engage lawyers to start the ball rolling, then MCYS had to conduct interviews with us, Kae, as well as receive written testimonials from those close to us. It went through wonderfully though and the govt reissued us a new BC with Ian's name in the cert as his Dad. =)
It has been almost 3 years since we got married and we have settled down very well as a family. So for the single moms out there who wonder if being happily married, having a stable family environment despite having had a child beforehand, and having both of you accepted by the in-laws is even possible, yes it is. =)
Hungribunni
New Member
Hi hi!
Give his Dad time. Am sure your girl will win over his heart. =)
How old are his folks? My hubby, as you can see from my earlier post, took 9-10 months before he told them. He wanted them to get to know me and like me as a person first. Kae, my son, is a very "dong shi" kid and won their hearts over when they met him. It took a while for Kae to totally feel comfy with them to really hug them and all though... ^.- But he really loves them lots.
Have his folks met your girl before? And how are your folks reacting to his mum's wishes?
Just give in to them first? Maybe next time, when they are more accepting, you can have renewal of vows celebration, and you can have a more memorable dinner/ lunch banquet then. =) That's what a friend of mine did. You can hold it with close friends & relatives which will make it more meaningful than the typical Chinese wedding dinner where you'll have to go around and say hi to even relations you have never really met before. ^.^ Hopefully some time would have passed and the relationship btw you all will be better by then. =)
Hihi,
My bf parents are over 70 already... his mum seen my gal before n dote her but his dad did not even know my gal at all. We been together for a year plus already but they dont't know how to tell the dad I guess is better to leave it to my bf and his mum to tell his dad on this.
Happy to hear that you are happily married now hopefully mine will turn out well too
As for my gal she is taking my surname but as she grow up I will slowly explain to her as for my ex hub he dont't need bother bout my gal cos I got the full custody of her n we have PPO against him. But but but mine is a gal afterall I will still worry for her moreover my bf is not his 'real' dad and I did told him my concern but got into a fight for not trusting him, hopefully one day he know how I feel and my worried.
Elicia
Member
after reading all of your posts, i see your situations is alot better than mine. we have the same worries as a single mum when we have a daughter. worried that their parents cannot accept us etc. my bf is 6 years younger than me, his dad wants him to go out and 'look around' than choosing me. His dad knows about my kids but his mum doesn't and i dunno when he's going to let his mum knows. you may think that his thinkings are childish like those 22yrs old guys out there, not really, he's matured in his thinking, just the lack of further life experience we had been thru.
I was quite anxious about marrying to him at the starts, but then now, the feeling subsided. Not because i have no feelings wif him anymore but when i come to really sit down and think of it, there will be many problems if we got married as his parents cannot accept us and his age. i say about his age as in, wat if im in my 30s? i might look older than him by that time, although everyone said i look younger than him now, people thought im a poly student still. but hard to say, maybe i'll look much older in my 30s.
and my boy, he is so mischievious i dunno how long can my bf take it for my boy's behaviour. because of my past few years of stressful life wif my ex, my temper was damn bad and my boy takes after me, learnt from me already. i am trying to correct him now, he abit better now, i believe he will be alright in the coming future. i have no much worries for my ger cos he loves daughter and my ger quite well behaved.
he can accept my everything included i cannot bear him a baby and i dun wan to. but if we got married without his parents acceptance, i will not feel im belong to his family. i will feel akward. and he still has his dream to pursue, his degree, his pilot licence. i feel like a hinder to him. i have so many debts to settle and he help me, but i feel so bad. i dunno wat to do, really dun feel like getting married anymore, dun wanna faced his parents, dun wanna involve in so many problems after marriage. just hope to finish my cpt course and get a better career for myself and provide a better living for the kids.
sometimes i really feel that its not that i do not want to get married but i just got the phobia, scared abt the problems, and etc etc.. makes me really unhappy about it.
I was quite anxious about marrying to him at the starts, but then now, the feeling subsided. Not because i have no feelings wif him anymore but when i come to really sit down and think of it, there will be many problems if we got married as his parents cannot accept us and his age. i say about his age as in, wat if im in my 30s? i might look older than him by that time, although everyone said i look younger than him now, people thought im a poly student still. but hard to say, maybe i'll look much older in my 30s.
and my boy, he is so mischievious i dunno how long can my bf take it for my boy's behaviour. because of my past few years of stressful life wif my ex, my temper was damn bad and my boy takes after me, learnt from me already. i am trying to correct him now, he abit better now, i believe he will be alright in the coming future. i have no much worries for my ger cos he loves daughter and my ger quite well behaved.
he can accept my everything included i cannot bear him a baby and i dun wan to. but if we got married without his parents acceptance, i will not feel im belong to his family. i will feel akward. and he still has his dream to pursue, his degree, his pilot licence. i feel like a hinder to him. i have so many debts to settle and he help me, but i feel so bad. i dunno wat to do, really dun feel like getting married anymore, dun wanna faced his parents, dun wanna involve in so many problems after marriage. just hope to finish my cpt course and get a better career for myself and provide a better living for the kids.
sometimes i really feel that its not that i do not want to get married but i just got the phobia, scared abt the problems, and etc etc.. makes me really unhappy about it.
siling87
Member
Wow. I guess this is what every single mum is having. Being having to face our bf's family. I had thus pro too which I even thought of giving up. Me and my bf have been 2gether for bout 4 years. For the past few years, his family only knows about my presence and not my son. It was really hurtful for me and I feel guilty in a way facing my son. I told myself to trust my bf abd give him times. Finally, this year cny, he tool lot of courage to inform all his relatives and eventually we brought our son to his relatives's place to pai nian. Before that my heart was pumping hard imaging what will their reaction be. Thabk god every thing goes well and since they had seen us down the road for the past years( not very Long I know).
I believe time will prove every thing by telling them that we are
serious and our bf do loves our kids.
I believe time will prove every thing by telling them that we are
serious and our bf do loves our kids.