Stay at home mom duty, allowance etc..

[suicul]

i am doing a research on the duties required for being a stay at home mom.. so would like to have feedback from stay at home mom on the followings:-

1) does hubby give monthly allowance for your personal expenses, for instance, for buying clothes, allowance for your mom, makeup, savings etc.?

2) if so, what is the amount of allowance given (can understand that this is rather sensitive to answer, can skip if you find it so.)?

3) does this monthly allowance includes household expenses like food, necessities, power bills etc.?

4) are you expected to cook for your hubby, everyday like those old generation of housewife?

5) full time looking after of children & house chores and not be expected that hubby will be helping lifting a single finger to help, is that the practise?

temporarily, these will be the questions which i can think of.. your answers, responds, replies are very precious to me as i will be using this as a guideline and also to weigh the pros and cons of me quiting my job to being a housewife.. i love the idea of looking after our baby son but not so for the chores and hubby doesn't really like the idea of engaging cleaner to do the chores i am in a dilemma right now..

 

[PinkDiamonds]

Yes I do get an allowance, around 1k which includes paying for all the bills except for power bill which is deducted from hubby's giro account. I also have to pay off an education loan, so what is left for me, I have to budget very well. Honestly by the end of the month there isn't much to save.

We will got to Giant about 1-2times a month, where hubby will pay for whatever I throw into the cart. Occasionally I go to the market, where whatever I buy will be from my allowance.

My hubby gives me the freedom of whether to cook or not. If I cook of course he will be very happy to eat, but it's not a must. However, I do try to cook my baby's meals everyday.

Since I am a housewife, of course I will be looking after my baby on my own. Once a week my parents will babysit for me, so that I can run errands or go out and relax. I do most of the chores, sometimes hubby will try to wash the dishes for me after I cook, or hang up the laundry.

We have a domestic cleaner once a week to thoroughly clean up the house. But throughout the week I do sweep/mop the floor whenever I think it's too dirty.

Other things like make-up, clothes, etc, I will try to budget and buy only what I need. Occasionally my hubby will buy some things for me.

I think whether you want to quit your job and be a housewife, is your personal decision as both also got pros & cons.

I am a fresh graduate and I do enjoy being at home with my baby girl. However, when I think about the future, when my girl is older, what will I do? I also don't intend to be a housewife the rest of my life, whether we can afford it or not. I do feel that I should find a job, and work. I also intend to further my studies when our child(ren) are older.

I personally feel that it depends on the situation of the family. Things like, are you intending to have another child in the near future? Can the family survive on 1 person's salary? How secure is your husband's job? Are you prepared to be a housewife long-term? Do note that the longer u are unemployed, the harder it is for u to be re-employed when u decide to join the workforce again.

I think quite obviously, you have to be prepared for lesser money to spend. means, u have to be prepared to cut down on eating out, shopping, etc.

 

[Laynee]

Since the day I stopped working, hubby gave me his ATM card & supped me a couple of credit cards.

He transfers 2K to my personal acc every month for my own expenses & savings.

This amt does not include expenses for household & food. I usually draw cash for those purchases. Bills are paid for via GIRO from his acc.

I usually decide what & when to cook at home. Hubby is easy-going. Only requirement : must have soup if we eat at home

He helps with our kids (4 & 2) as much as he can.. like feeding, bathing, putting to bed etc. (Even tho we have a maid)

Overall, I'm still 'in charge' of what the kids eat, planning outings, buying clothes, toys etc.

If u r planning to quit yr job to be a SAHM, u have to be sure that yr hubby will be 100% supportive - emotionally & financially. It's a BIG step for u & there'll be a lot of changes u'll have to adapt to.
He cannot expect u to be a 1-woman show doing housework, looking after the kid, doing household chores etc.
Just because we stay home instead of working does not suddenly make us 'wonderwoman'.

An article appeared in the papers during Mother's Day last year. It said that SAHMs should be paid around 34K a month for all the roles she will have to assume! (ie. nurse, cook, hairdresser, nanny, driver, tutor etc.)

If u find that u hv no time to do major household chores, get a part-time cleaner to come in once a week to clean windows, fans, toilets etc. Other times, u can do simple cleaning yrself like sweeping, mopping, wiping.

If yr hubby isn't comfortable with cleaner being there when he's home, schedule for her to come when he's at work.

Hope this input helps with yr decision Good luck!

 

[suicul]

Yes I do get an allowance, around 1k which includes paying for all the bills except for power bill which is deducted from hubby's giro account. I also have to pay off an education loan, so what is left for me, I have to budget very well. Honestly by the end of the month there isn't much to save.

We will got to Giant about 1-2times a month, where hubby will pay for whatever I throw into the cart. Occasionally I go to the market, where whatever I buy will be from my allowance.

My hubby gives me the freedom of whether to cook or not. If I cook of course he will be very happy to eat, but it's not a must. However, I do try to cook my baby's meals everyday.

Since I am a housewife, of course I will be looking after my baby on my own. Once a week my parents will babysit for me, so that I can run errands or go out and relax. I do most of the chores, sometimes hubby will try to wash the dishes for me after I cook, or hang up the laundry.

We have a domestic cleaner once a week to thoroughly clean up the house. But throughout the week I do sweep/mop the floor whenever I think it's too dirty.

Other things like make-up, clothes, etc, I will try to budget and buy only what I need. Occasionally my hubby will buy some things for me.

I think whether you want to quit your job and be a housewife, is your personal decision as both also got pros & cons.

I am a fresh graduate and I do enjoy being at home with my baby girl. However, when I think about the future, when my girl is older, what will I do? I also dont't intend to be a housewife the rest of my life, whether we can afford it or not. I do feel that I should find a job, and work. I also intend to further my studies when our child(ren) are older.

I personally feel that it depends on the situation of the family. Things like, are you intending to have another child in the near future? Can the family survive on 1 person's salary? How secure is your husband's job? Are you prepared to be a housewife long-term? Do note that the longer you are unemployed, the harder it is for you to be re-employed when you decide to join the workforce again.

I think quite obviously, you have to be prepared for lesser money to spend. means, you have to be prepared to cut down on eating out, shopping, etc.

thanks for your respond, yes i am thinking of being housewife for long term as we are planning for more kids and it will be easier for me to look after them by myself rather than putting them up with my parents as they are getting old so no stamina to handle and somemore they have their own business to operate.. financial wise, hubby's income still not stable but he is striving for it..

i noted on the difficulties of returing to workforce after the unemployment gap period as this is partly why i am hestitating due to financial reason cause i have a spree spending habit, other than that i am more than happy to stay home looking after my kid (or kids), as i really getting 'son sick' (missing sickness) terribly till i can't get the mood to work..

once again, thanks for sharing with me your current experience..

 

[suicul]

Since the day I stopped working, hubby gave me his ATM card & supped me a couple of credit cards.

He transfers 2K to my personal acc every month for my own expenses & savings.

This amt does not include expenses for household & food. I usually draw cash for those purchases. Bills are paid for via GIRO from his acc.

I usually decide what & when to cook at home. Hubby is easy-going. Only requirement : must have soup if we eat at home

He helps with our kids (4 & 2) as much as he can.. like feeding, bathing, putting to bed etc. (Even tho we have a maid)

Overall, I'm still 'in charge' of what the kids eat, planning outings, buying clothes, toys etc.

If you are planning to quit your job to be a stay at home mum, you have to be sure that your hubby will be 100% supportive - emotionally & financially. It's a BIG step for you & there'll be a lot of changes you'll have to adapt to.
He cannot expect you to be a 1-woman show doing housework, looking after the kid, doing household chores etc.
Just because we stay home instead of working does not suddenly make us 'wonderwoman'.

An article appeared in the papers during Mother's Day last year. It said that SAHMs should be paid around 34K a month for all the roles she will have to assume! (ie. nurse, cook, hairdresser, nanny, driver, tutor etc.)

If you find that you have no time to do major household chores, get a part-time cleaner to come in once a week to clean windows, fans, toilets etc. Other times, you can do simple cleaning yrself like sweeping, mopping, wiping.

If your hubby isn't comfortable with cleaner being there when he's home, schedule for her to come when he's at work.

Hope this input helps with your decision Good luck!

thanks, this is really helpful to me.. to be honest, i am quite piss off with my hubby as he is expecting me to be like those traditional kind of housewife in her mom's time, to be like a 'wonder woman' as you have put it.. he is comparing me to his mom, said his mom can do it and i should not have a problem

i totally agree with you that if i don't have 100% emotion support from him, my life will sure to be miserable, i don't want to be treated like those typical 'huang lian po' like his mom who don't have a say in the family and my father in law never help in housechores at all.. the same goes with my mom..

 

[PinkDiamonds]

I try to do most of the chores, but for those major ones like cleaning the ceiling fan, windows, etc I will leave it to my part-time cleaner. FYI right now the market rate is $10/hr. If you get a PT cleaner from agencies, you will have to pay them agent charges as well.

Although it looks like we are very free, it is not true. During the afternoon when my daughter is awake, I have to play with her and keep an eye on her activities (eg: make sure she dun pick something off the floor and swallow it, make sure she don't go and touch my electrical wiring, etc). So imagine in the afternoon I have to cook and do household chores?

I think if your hubby expects you to be "wonderwoman", he will have to wait until when your children are older, when they are mobile and understand that certain things cannot be touched in the house, can do some things independently like playing, bathing, going toilet, etc.

From what you say, your hubby is striving to be able to support the family with his 1 person salary. Until you see it become a reality, I don't think you should quit your job yet.

Who is looking after your baby right now? If your parents are, maybe you can consider switching to PT employment first? This way, you get to experiment with being a housewife & still have a income yourself.

For me, I am currently giving private tuition to supplement my spending. I also set a budget from this income. While I go to give tuition, my dad will babysit for a while. But it's not possible for him to babysit full day if I work FT because he's getting old and no energy to handle my daughter who seems to have endless amount of "battery" in her.

Also, if you are a SAHM, your social life is also restricted somewhat. No colleagues to go lunchtime/tea break and gossip. If you want to go out on weekdays have to bring baby along unless your parents can babysit for you.

Having said that, there is satisfaction when you get to witness each developmental milestones of your baby. This is something I believe that no amount of salary can replace. Also, whenever I see something cute my baby does, or a smile/laughter from her, I forget all about the challenges I have to face.

 

[Mummy to Baby V]

i am doing a research on the duties required for being a stay at home mom.. so would like to have feedback from stay at home mom on the followings:-

1) does hubby give monthly allowance for your personal expenses, for instance, for buying clothes, allowance for your mom, makeup, savings etc.?

2) if so, what is the amount of allowance given (can understand that this is rather sensitive to answer, can skip if you find it so.)?

3) does this monthly allowance includes household expenses like food, necessities, power bills etc.?

4) are you expected to cook for your hubby, everyday like those old generation of housewife?

5) full time looking after of children & house chores and not be expected that hubby will be helping lifting a single finger to help, is that the practise?

temporarily, these will be the questions which i can think of.. your answers, responds, replies are very precious to me as i will be using this as a guideline and also to weigh the pros and cons of me quiting my job to being a housewife.. i love the idea of looking after our baby son but not so for the chores and hubby doesn't really like the idea of engaging cleaner to do the chores i am in a dilemma right now..

Before quitting your job, work out a family budget assuming single income and see if it can be sustained with savings.

1) Monthly allowance: should cover all my committed and expected expenses (including allowance to parents, insurance)

3) Household expense should be under a separate household allowance

4) I only cook every day for my son. Home meals are taken care of by other family members, fortunately.

5) Full-time looking after son because that is what I wished for, to be in charge of his child care. Husband naturally helps out when I let him know that I'm not feeling well or tired because he loves us. Men may not be able to sense that we are tired at times. Just let them know nicely that you need help and he'd do so. Don't grumble / nag / complain, it puts them off. Men likes to be heroic and save the damsel in distress!

A lot of time and effort is needed during the day to take care of an active baby and educate him well. Therefore I delegate the household cleaning work out to a helper. A weekly helper is a good idea. Once a year, e.g. before Lunar New Year, can engage professional cleaners to clean the house thoroughly.

It is also important to keep reminding hubby that you are aiming to be modern Mummy, not huang lian po. Therefore, I find it important to dress and behave like a modern Mummy, to upkeep the image. Men can be very visual -- when they see this modern woman at home managing a child well, he'd probably treat you with more respect.

Also, consider part-time work or working from home to create income for yourself and keep your mind active. For example, I'm creating income through writing on my blog and providing some services for businesses, working while baby naps. I feel that life is meaningful and am happy to be staying at home for my son.

Think about what you want in life and plan for it to happen. All the best!

 

[suicul]

thanks all for sharing with me your precious experiences and views.. now i will have a better idea and guide for our plans..

you gals have been so helpful

 

[cocraze]

Hi not sure if you still need any reference. Anyway here's mine...
when I decided to be a stay at home mum last year, i was only in my second trimester carrying our first child. At that time I think I was too fedup with my work situation and too desperate to get out of my job then. So I just decided to quit once my hubby agreed to it and I got his consent to support the family on his single income.
My mistakes, on hindsight:
-not Thinking thoroughly through the financial implications for the long term. We collected our keys for our own HDB flat in dec last year too and thankfully, we have enough savings to pay for the flat and Reno. We recently realised our Reno costs are more than budgeted(overspent and under budgeted) but hubby says he will pick up the bill for the difference cos he spent quite a lot on his high end audio and electrical stuff.
-not realsing the high emotional stress of being a first time mum, on my own. I was very burnt out being a stay at home mum with my girl in The initial mths. She was colicky n fussy n impatient. Plus we stay with inlaws n my mother in law is at home too. So I can't stand being facing her all day. Made worse by the fact that I was eager to make sure I would train myself and baby to a routine that I was comfortable taking care of her independently myself. This ideal meant that I wanted to live everyday at inlaws place as though I was home alone wih girl, no external help or influence. Thus, I snapped at them each time they hurried to her side whenever she made even the tiniest cry or fuss. I was sarcastically saying "girl, You won't have grandparents coming to carry you each time you cry, when we move to our new flat, you know"? They got the idea after some time.. My mistake on hindsight, was being too eager and stubborn to insist on being independent and not wanting to accept help.
-I wasn't prepared for the emotional changes in losing my financial independence, and my freedom. Even when I was heavily pregnant, I was going out everyday(did not want to face mother in law at home). Now, I have to stay at home everyday to take care of baby. I keep my sanity by going to my mum's house about 3-4 times a week in the day. She takes care of my girl giving me about 30min breaks to at least eat my lunch in peace. Somehow I would prefer letting my mum think I'm a lousy mother who can't take care of her baby herself, rather than let my mother in law think so. In any case, my mother in law suffers from bone Mass loss and has fractured both wrists and her ankle before, so I dont really dare to let her take care of baby anyway.

 

[cocraze]

Continuing reply in this post cos somehow can't type too much text in iPhone browser.
As for us so far, hubby transfers 1k to me every month. used towards: Some savings for me(he knows I'm worried about having enough to pay my ongoing personal bills such as insurance), baby's milk& clothes& other needs, our own little groceries that we consume (cos parents in law buy and cook dinner about 3 times a week). Hubby pays the bill if we eat out, go grocery shopping or brin baby to doctors together. Otherwise I pay in cash.

I hope to cook once we move to our own place, but I'm worried wheher I will have time to, only if baby naps in late aftn.
Hubby helps with the night and morning feeds, washes her bottles, soothe a fussing baby, if he knows that I'm too exhaused to do so. Everthing else I do, wash/bathe/wipe down... We usually go in together when I feed her last (dream) feed at 11+pm, rather than him surfing or sleeping away in our own room. But he wakes up early to read papers so sometimes he plays wih girl if she wakes up early, and let's me sleep in til 7plus.

 

[jazz_sofia]

i am doing a research on the duties required for being a stay at home mom.. so would like to have feedback from stay at home mom on the followings:-

i became a stay at home mum 2007...no maid eversince.

1) does hubby give monthly allowance for your personal expenses, for instance, for buying clothes, allowance for your mom, makeup, savings etc.?

every month, hubby transfer money to my atm for hse expense...this include sch fee/sch service fee of my gal...my monthly fone bill...food for the month(includes grocery, milk, cooking gas budget etc)...and if i need something personal i get it from there (i still manage to give my mom allowance and save)

2) if so, what is the amount of allowance given (can understand that this is rather sensitive to answer, can skip if you find it so.)?
i dont shop often, i dont wear make up, i dont go out at night...so i just need a little amt for myself...usually when i need to buy book or when im meeting a friend then i need money...but this doesnt really happen every month

3) does this monthly allowance includes household expenses like food, necessities, power bills etc.?

he pays the bills (his fone, cable, water, electricity, internet etc)

4) are you expected to cook for your hubby, everyday like those old generation of housewife?

i am an old generation housewife (i guess)...i cook for him everyday, will wake up to cook breakfast...take care of his needs,...i give him a massage twice a month...btw im happy to do all of these things, i guess im spoiling my hubby a lot.

5) full time looking after of children & house chores and not be expected that hubby will be helping lifting a single finger to help, is that the practise?

my hubby helps me most of the time...he cooks during wkends (and hes a very good cook)...he washes the dishes when im occupied...he showers our gal and put her to bed when im occupied...he helps clean the hse...he even iron the clothes sometimes...without me asking him to...


temporarily, these will be the questions which i can think of.. your answers, responds, replies are very precious to me as i will be using this as a guideline and also to weigh the pros and cons of me quiting my job to being a housewife.. i love the idea of looking after our baby son but not so for the chores and hubby doesn't really like the idea of engaging cleaner to do the chores i am in a dilemma right now

 

[lis]

i am doing a research on the duties required for being a stay at home mom.. so would like to have feedback from stay at home mom on the followings:-

1) does hubby give monthly allowance for your personal expenses, for instance, for buying clothes, allowance for your mom, makeup, savings etc.?

yes.. he gives me money to buy my own wants.. but i dun usually shop.. only once in awhile den i'll shop till drop..

2) if so, what is the amount of allowance given (can understand that this is rather sensitive to answer, can skip if you find it so.)?

no exact amount.. it'll depend on his monthly pay.. if he get more, den he'll give me more.. if not, den the amt maintain..

3) does this monthly allowance includes household expenses like food, necessities, power bills etc.?

no.. monthly allowance does not include ol those.. he will pay them thru his a/c once ol the bills arrive.. usually we will pay our SSC or season parking bills in advance.. like pay for 3-6 months in advance.. so we won't b tight down soo much wen we are in emergencies..

4) are you expected to cook for your hubby, everyday like those old generation of housewife?

am not expected to.. but i tink i'm those typical old type of housewife.. which drives to coOk for hubby n kids everyday.. will wake up early morning to prepare breakfast n his lunch box.. at times wen i'm too tired afta long period of cooking, den i'll take a day or two off from kitchen duty.. usually it'll be on wknds.. we'll dine out, or hubby will help with the coOkings..

5) full time looking after of children & house chores and not be expected that hubby will be helping lifting a single finger to help, is that the practise?

we agree that wen he's not around, i'll look afta the child(ren).. but when he's around, he'll help me with the kids.. coz we want to have goOd parent-child bonding.. so that wen we go out or either of us have urgent matters to attend to, the kids won't feel awkward around each other..

overall, hubby have been a very good father n husband to us(child n me).. he's helpful in household chores.. n take over woteva that's needed to b done when i'm worn out..~ :wong19:

temporarily, these will be the questions which i can think of.. your answers, responds, replies are very precious to me as i will be using this as a guideline and also to weigh the pros and cons of me quiting my job to being a housewife.. i love the idea of looking after our baby son but not so for the chores and hubby doesn't really like the idea of engaging cleaner to do the chores i am in a dilemma right now..

 

[Mum2bee]

i am doing a research on the duties required for being a stay at home mom.. so would like to have feedback from stay at home mom on the followings:-

i became a stay at home mum 2007...no maid eversince.

1) does hubby give monthly allowance for your personal expenses, for instance, for buying clothes, allowance for your mom, makeup, savings etc.?

My husband dun give me a fix allowance to buy stuff,watever i need i just draw or sign.he will give me $ for personal saving

2) if so, what is the amount of allowance given (can understand that this is rather sensitive to answer, can skip if you find it so.)?

I tink is subjective la...cos depends on their salary mah

3) does this monthly allowance includes household expenses like food, necessities, power bills etc.?

my husband pays all the bills


4) are you expected to cook for your hubby, everyday like those old generation of housewife?

...i cook for my hubby when i feel like it hehe
but of cos washing clothes,mopping,cleaning,run errand,buying stuff all i do

5) full time looking after of children & house chores and not be expected that hubby will be helping lifting a single finger to help, is that the practise?

i am expecting my lst baby now...wont be planning to employ a maid unless i really cant cope then employ lo....
not expecting my hubby to help in the middle of the nite cos he hv to werk the nx day...i will feel bad...
but if he happen to be ard in the day i still can arrow him do some stuff haha

temporarily, these will be the questions which i can think of.. your answers, responds, replies are very precious to me as i will be using this as a guideline and also to weigh the pros and cons of me quiting my job to being a housewife.. i love the idea of looking after our baby son but not so for the chores and hubby doesn't really like the idea of engaging cleaner to do the chores i am in a dilemma right now

I think it all depends on ur hubby character also....cos nt all guys the same

But personally i love doing hsewerk

 

[stonston]

Actually, how the money issue is handled really varies from couple to couple.

For me, all along, I control the $$ in the family. Ask my hubs any question relating to expenses and he'll give you a blur look. All he can tell you is that every month, we pay for everything on time through GIRO and every month, we still save. Exact details, ask the Finance Minister - me.

I'm not really considered SAHM cos I still work from home. I still have a maid at home.

When we first married, I was on no-pay leave (to prepare for wedding and honeymoon). We did not have a maid then. I did all the housework and cooking everyday, even when I was pregnant. I am a cleanoholic. I love the house to be spick and span. I will pack pack pack and clean clean clean the whole morning, then rest and 'nua' the whole afternoon. I only went back to work in 2nd trimester. By then, hubs had gotten used to me doing all the work but I was too tired. So we decided to get a maid (anyway, maid has to help out with baby in future).

It has always been this way so my hubs does not lift a finger to help with housework (unless I ask him to do it). Even when my maid went back on home leave, he only took care of my boy, I did all the housework.

Now, my maid does all the housework. I get to spend quality time with my boy doing fun stuff like cooking and baking, art & craft, reading and colouring, etc etc.

The main thing we decided on keeping the maid is cos we don't wanna quarrel over small things like housework. Since we can still afford the maid, we will keep the maid. My friends who are SAHM can't cope with housework, they got PT maids to come in once or twice a week.

In terms of money, you really must budget well. And you must leave a buffer of additional 10% of total expenses (fixed and variable) for any increment/inflation. That is on top of liquid savings of at least 20% of hubs' pay. I counted everything very clearly and actually, we are saving alot more now compared to when I was working