To be a SAHM or not?

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smurferoos

Member
Hi,

My hubby and I feels that when we have a second child, most prob i will stay at home for 1-2 years till the second one is big enough to go playschool.

I am so worried about our finances, and also i have been financially independent for so so long, i can't imagine asking my hubby for money...how did you manage? Anyone care to share their experience?
 
mae

mae

Active Member
Hi partner:)

Like you i was also working and financially independent before I got married...at first i told dh that after I give birth I will go back to work...but then I changed my mind when i saw my girl...I was also hesitant & shy to ask money from dh to buy my personal stuffs but I have no choice...until now i still feel so shy but then dh told me to feel comfortable when asking as I am doing my part being a stay at home mom & wife. Sometimes I still feel inferior for not contributing financially but dh can really see that I am good in budgeting our money. Budget is budget for me and our expenses should not exceed what we earn. NO credits for us as much as possible.
 
LoVeS

LoVeS

Well-Known Member
b4 i married to dh i am aso earning n spending my own $$, to be SAHM is for ur own kid n for their sake n aso he is ur dh it ok to get $$ frm him. Dun need to worry or tink so much when things r quite simple.
 
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smurferoos

Member
hi hi partner and loves,

Thanx for sharing, yeah next time when we have a budget i will make sure i stick to you. Wow Mae, so lucky, sounds like your hubby very nice and understanding hor...

Initially my hubby doesn't understand why i want to quit and stay home should we have a second child, but now he sort of realise that having a mum at home is very different. he used to think that caregiving job can be done by the maid or someone else, but i don't think so, i feel that no one will do a better job then a mummy!! maybe i can a control freak!

Now i work part time, so most of the time i will be home by 3pm, so i get to spend more time with my dd. my mum helps me look after the baby when i go to work now, but she has make it clear that she can't look after the second one. So i am prepared to stay home if i have a second one! :001_302:
 
LoVeS

LoVeS

Well-Known Member
ur dh haf to understand tt having mummy always ard to be wif ur child's growing during his childhood is very diff frm w/o mummy ard. I myself since young i grow up very independent parents always not ard end up i dun like my childhood. In fact i even envy my cousin whereby my aunt is always wif them, taking care of them n listen to them. Having mom fetching frm skool is very diff, for me since k2 all the way i go skool n come hm frm skool all by myself which i dun deny i hate tis kind of feelings. For sure i dun wan my own kid going thru wat i went thru.

CHILDHOOD IS VERY IMPORTANT!!:tlaugh:
 
cendrine

cendrine

Member
LoVeS said:
ur dh haf to understand tt having mummy always ard to be wif ur child's growing during his childhood is very diff frm w/o mummy ard. I myself since young i grow up very independent parents always not ard end up i dun like my childhood. In fact i even envy my cousin whereby my aunt is always wif them, taking care of them n listen to them. Having mom fetching frm skool is very diff, for me since k2 all the way i go skool n come hm frm skool all by myself which i dun deny i hate tis kind of feelings. For sure i dun wan my own kid going thru wat i went thru.

CHILDHOOD IS VERY IMPORTANT!!:tlaugh:
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viki..same here... :)

I went thru almost the same as you.
I remembered when I was young, was often shifted ard those aunties' places (those were my mum's frens and colleagues at then). V often I wake up and find myself in different places ...but those aunties couldnt take care of me whole day, at times i was left alone to 'survive' .

my childhood was spent v differently without my parents around most of the time.
 
LoVeS

LoVeS

Well-Known Member
seriously if given a choice i wont wan my childhood to b w/o my parents ard wif me. For me my dh is a navy regular he need to go sailing which sumtimes can b couple of days not at hm n w/o him ard which if i go work who is there when my kid need us? It feel terrible w/o love growing up, although they buy things but $$ cannot replace the love n time child needed.
 
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smurferoos

Member
Hi Loves,

I know what you mean, my mum used to work when i was younger then when my sis was 3 years old and i am 8 years old, she quit her job. I was going badly in school till my mum quit her job and look after me and my sis! It was always so nice to go home with my mum around!

Unfortunately my hubby was brought up by maid and his grandma, so even when his little brother was born, his mum continue to work, so he feels that it's ok!

But i can't take it, like you my hubby has to work shift, so about 6-7 times a month, he won't be home, so i feel that a mummy's pressence is very important!!
 
LoVeS

LoVeS

Well-Known Member
smurferoos said:
Hi Loves,

I know what you mean, my mum used to work when i was younger then when my sis was 3 years old and i am 8 years old, she quit her job. I was going badly in school till my mum quit her job and look after me and my sis! It was always so nice to go home with my mum around!

Unfortunately my hubby was brought up by maid and his grandma, so even when his little brother was born, his mum continue to work, so he feels that it's ok!

But i can't take it, like you my hubby has to work shift, so about 6-7 times a month, he won't be home, so i feel that a mummy's pressence is very important!!
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Yes i agree mummy's presence is very important n for those who went thru will knw the kind of feelings.
 
cendrine

cendrine

Member
It's a hard work but staying at home with your child can be a rewarding and fulfilling experience. Follow your heart. Do what you feel comfortable with.
 
Leanne

Leanne

Active Member
Yea, i feel shy asking my DH for money too. So most expenses are spent on the household & DS only.

Wanna go out & work becus i wanna gain more experience & have own money to spend on..
 
Carole

Carole

Member
DH and I quarrel at least once a month - issues of money. As I don't bring money home to support the family, he tends to get frustrated easily. Especially when I go shopping with the allowance money he gives me. Yes, I agree it's quite difficult to ask him for money. Moreover, as he's the sole breadwinner, he tends to become more MCP (Male [SIZE=-1]Chauvinist Pig)[/SIZE]. Which I DAMN cannot stand. I'm quite strong/stubborn in my thinking/ways and I cannot stand being bullied. Hence.. our quarrels.

Soooo... I'm going back to work next Monday. 5.5 hours per day... still have time to watch my kids when I come back at ard 3pm. :Dancing_tongue::Dancing_tongue:
 
mae

mae

Active Member
Tell you all, Dh & I go shopping on alternate months...while for alexx, she always has her share every month. hehehe...But before i go shopping I always think if it's necessary to buy that thing or will just be a waste of money.
 
V

vion

Member
I chose to be a SAHM simply bcos I trust no one other than myself to take care of my dds. Taking care doesn't oni comprised of making sure there's food, drinks, clothes....but a lot more. Like spending time with them, educate them, discipline them n still a lot more.

Yes, follow ur heart, caregiver shld oni be temporary while parents shld always b there when needed.
 
Carol

Carol

Member
It's rather difficult for me too . Cos I've always been so independant on myself . Now I cant even go ta bao lunch/dinner myself . Have to wait for Dh and I really hate this feeling . It's like Im restrained and cant do anything I wan .

But I chose it cos I simply cant miss the first one year of Ds's growing up .
The first day he starts to mumble , the first day he starts to smile , the first time he laughs , every morning waking up and see his sunshine smile , the veri first time he starts to eat solids , his first tooth , first time he learns to roll over , sit up , stand up then walk . The first time he calls you mummy . So many first times and once you miss it , that's it . So I rather sacrifice now then slowly get back to work/studies again when he's much older .
 
A

Agnes Josephine

Active Member
Carol said:
But I chose it cos I simply cant miss the first one year of Ds's growing up .
The first day he starts to mumble , the first day he starts to smile , the first time he laughs , every morning waking up and see his sunshine smile , the veri first time he starts to eat solids , his first tooth , first time he learns to roll over , sit up , stand up then walk . The first time he calls you mummy . So many first times and once you miss it , that's it . So I rather sacrifice now then slowly get back to work/studies again when he's much older .
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same same... I also wanted very much to work cuz I rather I earn my own $$$ & spend my own $$$... But I simply don't want to miss any part on ds's growing up process... Cuz it WILL be my BIGGEST regret if I miss any...
 
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EnFlor

Well-Known Member
Well, based on the earlier posts, one of the dilemma of wanting to SAHM is be financially dependent on our spouse and many find that difficult.

Yes, i felt that way too initially. Gone were the days when i could just go shopping spree on clothings, high-teas with gal pals, etc....etc.

But look it at this perspective, u gain some, u lose some. And i am willing to sacrifice my personal time or splurge just to look into the welfare of my kids.

Work and my own $$$....that one can wait.
 
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